DMX and Applejack, the Annotated Series!

The front of Ponyville city hall was filled shoulder to shoulder with the many citizens of the town, on yet another occasion to observe/protest some matter or other. This time, however, their meeting is of a greater importance than anything they have ever discussed before.

“Thank you all for gathering here today to help stop the evil menace that has been wrecking havoc. For anyone who knows where it may be hiding, please alert us immediately. While we’re on the subject,” Said Mayor Mare. “To present ourselves on the monster, we have Fluttershy to give us a rousing speech before we go out to hunt for this monster.” She then shuffled off to the side with a pitchfork in tow.

Fluttershy took the spot in front of a podium and addressed the crowd. Though not one to favor events such as this, and certainly not a fan of taking center stage, Fluttershy mustered the courage needed to assume this much needed duty. “Thank you Mayor Mare. Now, I’m not saying we should do anything violent.”

“Yeah, we shouldn’t do anything violent. We should do everything violent!” Shouted a member of the crowd, followed by much rabble rousing.

Pressing on, Fluttershy continued. “Anyways, he might not know what he’s doing. Nobody even taught him how to read. He’s more like a bear or a hydra or a chimera.”

“You hear that? He’s like a monster. He’s going to kill us all!”

“No, no! That’s not what I mean! He may look scary and he may be darker than the Everfree Forest and he may drink all the cider we have in town and he may have committed a lot of crimes against us all,”

The crowd began to murmur amongst themselves, having apparently not been aware of the cider draught.

“Also, I know he probably confused a lot of ponies and made them uncomfortable and have strange feelings for one of your friends that you can’t share because you’re afraid of what would happen if you told them and you’re afraid they’ll reject you and then things will never be the same again between you two and so you’re left to spend the rest of your days, lonely and always wondering of what could have been, and, um,” Fluttershy looked down at her notes. “Oh, sorry everypony, please don’t hate me but I think I got sidetracked. Ah, here we are. Anyways, it’s not a good idea to burn down where he lives.”

The crowd’s discussion began to dim as they conceded to this. “Yeah, besides, it’s not like we even know where he lives.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy perked up. “He lives over with Applejack at Sweet Apple Acres just down the road.”

Immediately the crowd raised up their farm tools and torches and began to shout. “Let’s get him!” And with that the crowd marched towards Sweet Apple Acres, all thanks to that flying yellow racist.

At the farm, DMX was sitting on the porch and looked up at the star filled sky. He wasn’t even being profound, he was just staring up as he is known to do, on account that there’s pretty much jack all to do on this crazy place filled with a bunch of gay horses.

His peace, however, was cut short as he saw a whole bunch of pitchforks and torches. He stood up on the porch of the farmhouse and waited until they were practically on his step to see that the crowd holding these were the same bunch of gay horses he was thinking about before.

“Ayo, ya’ll niggas forget the white hoods and shit?”

“We’ve come to slay you, monster!” Said at least one pony from the crowd, or at least that was the general sentiment.

“Sleigh? Shit, you cats know about Christmas?”

Before an argument over semantics could be had, the entire group was startled by a stumbling across dried grass that approached.

Lumbering with surprising speed was a dreadful husk of a creature neared. It’s skin was a pale mess which matched up to its still rotting mouth from which it spoke. It was disgusting, it was sickening, it reached into the deep chasm of the soul and stunk it with the rank odor of effluvial gri- Oh good god, it was Applejack.

“Howdy folks, anybody got some crack?”

Everypony turned to see the shambling, once proud Apple Farmer. Silence enveloped the crowd before one of the more wise members of the mob shouted “He turned Applejack into a zombie! Get them both before they kill us all!”

The mass of hooved assailants charged forth as DMX swiftly ran at Applejack and picked her up, using all the power of a forty-year old black man, which surprisingly was enough to race ahead of the crowd. With Applejack in tow, DMX hurried to the barn and mounted his secret pitbull-motorbike and sped away into the distance.

“Pardon, pardon pardon pardon.” Applejack whispered into DMX’s ear. “Ya’ll got any crack? Ah need crack.”

DMX shook his head to himself. “Nah dog, you don’t need no crack. You need to get yourself fixed, a’ight? You’re slipping hard, and I ain’t gonna let that happen.”

“Well where we goin, and does it have any crack?”

“We’re going to the one place where there’s more clinics than puddles of bum puke,” DMX sped up the bike and headed to the nearest train station. “We’re going to San Andreas.”

"San who what?" Asked AJ in confusion.

Pinkie Pie stared at the sleek counter-top, sighing in boredom and tapping it's surface slowly in a dead-paced decent into that feeling you get when you have nothing to do and Mr. and Mrs. Cake are away while the Cake twins won't stop playing with your tail and Gummy is attempting to nom you. It's infuriatingly depressing.

She was all alone. Everypony else had left for some ton meeting or something, and Sugarcube Corner was practically empty. She sighed a deep, sorrowfully boring sigh. Everything was so grey.

"What to do..." She heard a rather sudden hum of a motor fly by outside. It sounded kinda like... pitbulls?! Pinkie shot out of the door, wanting to see what made the noise, and if it might be interesting or not. She saw a cloud of dust, followed by what looked like a mob of her angry neighbors.

"Wait for me!" She was about to run, when she felt cold metal slam into her at high speed. Before she knew it, her face was stuck to the bullet proof glass windshield of the Batmobile, staring straight at Trixie, Sunset Shimmer perched on her shoulder.

"Why are you upside down?!" She asked confused. Trixie looked at the pink mass now flattened against her windshield, with a dumbly shocked expression on her face. She dismissed this with a simple press of a button on the dash board, which activated the window wipers that swept Pinkie aside like the splattered carcass of a bug. Then, Trixie went petal to the metal. The chase was on...

Pinkie ran after the bike, managing to catch up by simply bounding in her usual way. She looked over to see one of her best friends and the dark one riding on a motorcycle made of what seemed to be pitbulls. Applejack looked over at Pinkie and opened her mouth to say something.

“CRAAAAAAACK.”

DMX looked over at the surprisingly speedy Pinkie “Yo pink cat, we gon’ outta this place. Meet us in San Andreas if you can make it.”

"Wait! Let me come." Pinkie hopped onto the back of the Pitbike optimistically. AJ looked at her with those bloodshot eyes, twitching a little.

And like that Applejack, Pinkie Pie, the Pitbike, and a very black man were all gone from Ponyville.

They pulled over in the Pitbike, next to the train station.

It wasn’t too long before they, plus Pinkie, all arrived at the local train station, only to find the last train out of Ponyville was already leaving and was far ahead of the group, and the mob of perturbed Ponyville citizens were closing in.

“Shit, train’s outta this bitch!”

“We can still make it, silly. Follow the train, CJ! Whoopsie, I mean, DMX.”

And DMX did indeed follow the train, yet the Pitbike could only go so fast. They managed to lose the mob, for a moment, but if they didn’t get this train then surely they’d run out of fuel and be in big trouble.

Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo were gathered near the train tracks near Ponyville, yet again. Never would it dawn on them that, maybe, being near a place where tons of steel pass by going at fast speeds might be a bad idea. But then again, they were also fiddling around with a makeshift ramp near the tracks so bad ideas seem to come naturally to them.

“Alright, now this time let’s try and not make the train fly off the tracks. Got it everyone?” Sweetie reminded her two companions, who nodded.

“Totally, now let’s hurry up. Time is, uh, whatever cutie marks are made of!” Scootaloo tapped her hoof eagerly on the handle of her namesake scooter.

“Hey, do ya’ll hear something?” The two little fillies looked at Apple Bloom for a minute before their ears perked up.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What is it?”

“I think it’s barking, or one of those fancy, smancy engine thingamajigs.”

Then they all turned around and saw the train followed closely by Apple Bloom’s sister, Pinkie Pie, and that strange black guy who hung around Apple Bloom’s house all riding on some strange machine. They wigged out. Hard.

“Yo, fitty, hit that ramp!” Shouted Pinkie Pie into DMX’s ear.

The three fillies dove aside as the motorcycle ran up the ramp, launched off, and landed right onto the train. They heard a loud crash and crushing of metal and wood, and by the time they looked at where the group landed the saw nothing.

“Did you guys see that?” Scootaloo asked to the two nodding companions. “That was”

“Dangerous?”

“Weird?”

“AWESOME! Let’s all copy that!”

Oh yeah, kids, don’t try that at home.

DMX brushed off bits and pieces of smashed debris of metal and wood covering him and he took a seat in the isle, much to the chagrin of about a dozen passengers on the train. Going through the roof wasn’t necessarily his first plan, but it worked out just fine.

Pinkie and Applejack recuperated fast enough, and Applejack soon joined DMX in a neighboring seat and went on to dream the dreams of methamphetamines. She would not sleep well.

Pinkie Pie on the other hand was bouncing up and down. “That was great, let’s go again!”

So all in all, everything seemed to go off just fine. They were away from the mob, they were on a train that was leaving out of town and headed to San Andreas, and Applejack would finally get the help she needs. Nothing could possibly go wrong at this point in their lives.

The Batmobile in all-terrain mode was a sight to behold, but not a sound to hear. It's silent engine was so stealthy that it could not be heard over the rattling of the train. Trixie turned her masked head to the little Sunset Shimmer, who nodded, and without another word, began to climb to the roof of the Batmobile. Trixie pressed a blue button on the interface, which launched a cable with a rather tiny tactical harpoon at the end from the top of the Batmoble. It hit the metal surface of the train with a clank, Sunset tugged on it to make sure it was secure. Upon discovering it was, she slipped on her hood and radioed in to Trixie with the nearly microscopic ear peace lodged to her hood.

"Testing, testing, this is agent Shimmer, code name 'Rad Dawn', do you repeat Show Stopper?"

"Loud and clear, Red Dawn. Over." Replied Trixie, confirming that the connection was functional.

"Show Stopper, this is Red Dawn. Initiating reconnaissance sortie in 1300 hours, mid-western time." Sunset Shimmer spoke into ear piece, slipping the rest of her mask over her mouth and putting on her holographic eye piece, checking through the thermal and infrared visions to make sure they were working.

"Copy that, Red Dawn. You may begin sortie." With that statement, Sunset climbed onto the cable, running along it like a tight rope. She jumped off, landing on the metal surface of the roof of the train, silent as the wind.

The cable disconnected from the Batmobile, flailing in the wind created by the speed of the train. The Batmobile slowed to a stop, the train passing it by nearly a mile.

Sunset climbed through one of the open windows of the cabin, sliding down the curtains gracefully. She landed on the window sill, making not even a sound. She looked up to see that nopony in the cabin had noticed her yet, so she quickly dashed behind the curtains to keep it that way. She peaked out from behind, panning across the cabin of numerous passengers, and, sure enough, there was her target.

"Show Stopper, come in."

"Loud and clear, Red Dawn."

"I have confirmed that the target is on board the train, and he has two aliases, I'm taking pictures now." She snapped photos with her holographic display head gear, sending them to Trixie.

"I ran them through the system, one is Pinkamena Diane Pie, the other AJ Smith. Both Elements of Harmony." As she said that, Sunset took a mental note that the orange one seemed intoxicated.

"Copy that. I will see you soon, master Bruce. Radio silence until I report otherwise, over?"

"Over." Sunset shut off her ear piece, climbing down to the floor and stealthily approaching what appeared to be the target's luggage. She climbed inside, getting cozy in the sports bag. She remained silent. This was going to be a long ride...