CODE ORCHID

I stood on the beach with my tools laid out on a hard pelican case. Orchid was laying on her belly with her hooves extended towards me. She sighed heavily and churled. "...I wanna make a sandcastle."

I picked up my sickle and pick and looked them over. "Orchid, just let me do this and you can do what you want." I turned to her and looked at the plates on her upper hooves. "This doesn't hurt you, right?" I held up the blades. "Orchid?"

She shook her head gently and laid down to look at me close. "Feels like sharp scratchers. It hurts a little...like a bad itchy spot."

I walked up to her nose and reached up. I dug my hand into her nose and felt a heavy rush of air as I climbed up. She snorted loudly as I stood on the top of her muzzle and ducked down to look at the new plate. "So that didn't hurt when I pulled it free?" I rubbed the brand new unscarred plate, the organic material bulletproof and utterly impervious to almost everything. Another plate was coming free behind the one I'd pulled free. "Orchid?"

"Hmm?"

I pulled the pick from my side. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" I crawled along her nose and found the edge of the second plate.

Orchid growled as I sat on her nose and dug my boot under the new plate. "Ah--there, there, there right there." She lifted a hoof up and tried to scratch. "More--"

I swung my sickle up and dug it into her hoof. It stuck a bit into the numb armor plates just enough to get the message across. "Orchid, you can't pick!"

She growled loudly at me and bared her teeth. "I wanna!"

I sat on her last plate and started to leverage my feet up under the plate. It cracked loudly as I caused it to bump up and start to peel at the sides. "You can't! You'll just push it down. Let me peel it up then you can scratch."

Orchid dug her hooves into the sand as I sat upright and stood. I hooked my tools onto my side and pulled up at the edge of her plate. The smell of rotten fish came from the new plate sitting just under her old parasite infested one. It looked like if fingernails were replaced by a completely new nail rising up under the old one.

The underside of her plate was damp and had the texture of rotten pumpkin. I held it up with my left and started slashing away the dying flesh holding it in place with my right. Orchid grunted and moaned as I sliced at her body. The sickle dug in deep with each swing and tore through the old fibrous skin with ease.

She opened her mouth and growled loudly as I reached the end of her second plate and cut away the last of the dying skin. I lifted it hard like a trunk top and sent it swinging against the other side of her nose. I turned and watched as her eyes watered. She was staring at me like I was food. She slammed her hoof into the sand and closed her eyes to stop the tears. "Itchy itchy itchy!"

I ran my hand over her new plate and scratched it. Orchid's panting cut out to a loud purr as I dug my nails against the joining between her nose and the plate. Hunks of rotten skin and muscle came off in my hands as I scratched her. She smiled wide as could be and pressed her hoof right next to my hand. "Aaaah fuck--"

"Orchid!" I stomped my foot against her nose. "What the heck!?"

Orchid's eyes shot wide and slammed towards me. She grew a bit blue around her cheeks as her hoof tore at the dying skin on her nose, ripping it clean and making new room for the next fresh and lively skin to breathe. "...Sorry. You said it so I th--"

I glared at her. "Orchid...that's not a good word to say, maybe for me and this stuff. But you're a good filly, and good fillies don't talk like that." I sat down as she cleaned her nose off, spreading slight trails of blue blood over her as she scratched. I shook my head and looked at the underside of her old plate. It was covered in muscles and a rather small clam. I wanted to swear and smash the damned things, but I couldn't rebound on my scolding that quickly.

I slid down and chopped at the soggy flesh holding the plate in place. Her eyes watched with awe as I cut away the plate and sent it crashing into the sand. She cringed hard and dug her hoof into the sand as the plate dropped into the sand. "Ooooooh dear Celestia! It itches! It just raugh." She beat up the sand as I wobbled towards her last plate.

I swung the pick between her last plate and her face. I pulled hard with my left and chopped with my right. She purred and growled as I pulled at her plate until it ripped up and off to the side. She clenched her teeth as I kicked the plate to the side and went to work cutting it free. The skin tried to hold on, but the rotten state of it all didn't hold up well against a blade.

I sliced through the last of the holding and slid down her nose. I dropped onto the plate and crushed a crab with my boot. I stepped back and looked at my filly as she tried to keep from scratching. "Alright, done. Go ahead."

Orchid let out a sharp yell and dug both her hooves into the top of her muzzle. She let out a long laugh and rolling growl as she stripped away the old in small heaps. It landed on the sides of her muzzle and cleaned up to a tidy set of new plates pulled tight and parasite free with brand new skin and muscle holding them in place. She held her muzzle down into the sand with the dumbest tiny smile on her lips. "Uuuuuuuuuggh yeah...."

I swung the pick into one of her abandoned plates and dragged it away from her. "Oi!" A sharp voice came from the hills on the beach. Eureka walked down with her ass still on fire. "What happened?" She reached back and rubbed her flank out.

I stopped dragging the plate and looked down at the slimy bit of armor. "Uh, skin problems." I put my hands on my hips. "You know how it is."

The fire mare hummed. "Right...." She walked up to the plate and poked it. "Eugh. Your filly's damned disgusting."

I sighed heavily. "Yeah...I know. The ocean is a hell of a place." I watched a lamprey wiggle its way over her plate. "...Hell...of...a place." I walked over and chopped the eel with the back end of the sickle.

Eureka watched me work. "...Hmm, so your kind strong?"

I wiped the blade off on my pants. "I mean, I have to work with this filly, I don't think I'm really the best for a study of humanity."

Eureka grunted. "Eh, I'm looking for somepony to take care of me. Somepony to fuck. You know, a husband."

I couldn't help but think of reverse fifties wife logic. I looked up at the sky. "Uh, not me."

Eureka started laughing loudly. "Oh Celestia no! Oh no...no." She shook her head. "That-" she pointed to Orchid, "-that mess isn't worth whatever you're offering. I'm just asking about your kind."

I shrugged. "Why not a pony?"

Eureka grunted. "I'm five-hundred years old...I'd like to try something new...but if not, I just want somepony nice. If I want a pony, a whatever you are, a griffon, a dragon, I'll take it for myself." She stomped her hoof. "I'm the mare, I decide. I just asked how your kind was."

I shrugged. "Hands are pretty cool." I reached out and scratched Eureka's back. She bumped her hip up as I dug my fingers into her coat.

She cooed softly and stretched her back leg. "Oi...." She shook her body and huffed. "Right...give it a whirl." She nodded. "Good luck with your monster there." She turned back to the hill.

I waved at her with the bloody sickle. "Later." I looked up at the dripping sickle. "Huh...probably put that down."