Lie Chord

Lyra stepped onto the stage, and up to the podium, a speech levitating in her magic. Clearing her throat, she looked down at the audience, mostly containing curious and hungry stares. Lyra situated those ones with glares, before looking to the form beside her. A tall Draconequus, a pleasant smile on his face. He was even in a suit.

“Attention everyone. No it is not everypony, Discord is not a pony, so screw you.” Lyra paused, noticing the confused stares only grow. A feral smirk fell on her face.

“Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, we have an announcement. It is fairly simple, even you should be able to understand it. The message is as follows; fuck you.” Lyra paused, and put her notes away, stepping off the podium and giving everyone a bow. After a moment, she frowned, and her eyes widened.

“Oh, right right, almost forgot.” Lyra quickly stepped onto the podium, giving the giggling Discord a glare.

“Ahem, right. If you are here to see tentacle, xxx, smut, and other cup related activities, please leave now.” Lyra waved goodbye, and waited.

“Alright, good, that solves that problem.” Lyra turned to Discord, and both stepped off the stage, walking together down the road.

“So what should we do when we get home, ball gag and saddle?” Lyra smirked, levitating the items up as they walked into their house. Discord nodded, and Lyra nodded once in affirmation. Putting the saddle over her mouth, she strapped the ball gag around her waist.

“Oh you do know me so well don’t you.” Discord chuckled, flicking Lyra on the nose.

“But there is one problem,” Discord smiled, and pointed to any audience that was still watching them.

“Oh Fudge, there’s so many left. Darnit, now we’ll have to actually explain the story.” Lyra spat out the saddle and removed the ball gag, pulling over a large jug off pre made coffee and gulping down the jug. Tossing the coffee in the bin, she rubbed her face.

“Must we tell them the truth? I much prefer it if things were a little more chaotic.” Discord pouted, and Lyra chuckled, flicking her tail to hit him in the face.

“You know as well as I that it’s already chaotic enough Disc. But I shall allow you to mix up what chaos you caused. But not more, we have to keep it somewhat honest. And no, we’re not doing a bee gag.” Lyra looked down at herself as Discord painted her yellow and black. Pouting, he turned into a bee. Lyra slapped him with a flycatcher, and raised an eyebrow as she looked to his squashed remains.

“Are you done?” Lyra waited as Discord pulled himself together, and rolled his eyes, giving a grumble as he sat down, folding his arms. Lyra rolled her eyes, closing the door and pulling out another jug to make more coffee.

“So, let us start your tale, dear Lyra. Let us start it with a little sprinkle of chaos, would you say?” Discord crossed his fingers together, and leaned forward on the table. Lyra smirked, sitting down and sipping her jug.

“A little chaos by your standards is Ponyville in ruins.” Lyra raised an eyebrow, and Discord shrugged.

“I did my part, I stopped it from consuming most of the infrastructure.” Discord shrugged, letting his arms fall off and fall to the floor. They pulled out a tophat and cane and began to dance.

“Drawing a moustache on Celestia is not ‘protecting infrastructure’.” Lyra rolled her eyes, and dropped the issue.

“It all began I believe, with a bottle of full cream milk.”