You are Anonymous, and you made your way to Equestria through the competitive sport of bleach guzzling. On account of you having died, it was obvious you lost to whoever you were facing off against. You had arrived in Canterlot, and though you were feared at first, you were eventually accepted into pony society. Afterwards, you got to meet several celebrities, on account of you being somewhat of one yourself, being a human and all. Said celebrities included the Canterlot Royalty. Luna had actually met you in your dreams, but noted that she was interested in talking to you in real life. Celestia was interested in interviewing a member of a newly discovered species, asking about customs and whatnot. Your invitation to meet Sunbutt was sent in the form of a letter to your mailbox. She wished to meet you for lunch in her castle, and noted that she had informed her guards ahead of time to let you through.
Eventually, the time came to go, and you made your way to Sunbutt's residence. When you arrived, there was an escort waiting to take you to the dining room.
"Mr. Anonymous, I presume? Right this way." He led you through several hallways and corridors, with tons of rooms on either side of you. After what seemed like hours, you reached the dining room. It was large and ornate, with huge windows that had a good view of the entirety of Canterlot. "Her majesty will be with you shortly," the escort told you before scooting away.
Food was set everywhere on the table, and you picked out your fill and ate, all the while there was no sign of Celestia. As you continued eating, you wondered where she could've been. Time passed, and eventually, the food was taken off of the table to places unknown. You had been here about an hour, and there was no sign of Princess Celestia. There was no way that bitch would stand you up, was there?
The escort from earlier arrived in the dining room. "Her majesty would like to apologize for her absence. She was hit with an unexpected bout of extra paperwork. However, she would still like to speak with you. So, I shall take you to her chambers."
Her chambers? Your mind couldn't help forming a dirty thought or two. Nonetheless, you were taken to Celestia's room, and after the escort bid you farewell, you opened the door. Inside was Celestia, sitting at her desk and writing on several sheets of paper. She was extremely focused on her work, not even noticing you come in.
"Um...hello?"
She looked up and turned her head to you. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't notice you, Anonymous!" She moved away from her desk to greet you. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you!" She held her hoof out to you.
You took her hoof in your hand and shook it. "The feeling's mutual."
She motioned to a cushioned seat next to her desk, having apparently had it set up for you. "Please, take a seat." You sat down in the chair as Celestia grabbed a clean sheet of paper and the inkwell and quill she was using moments ago. She sat in front of you, quill at the ready to write down anything she found of interest. "Now, before we begin, I feel I should properly introduce myself. I am Princess Celestia of Equestria. I raise and lower the sun every day and co-rule this nation alongside my sister Princess Luna."
"And I'm Anonymous the uh...human..."
Smooth.
She smiled at you. "Very well. Let's begin the interview shall we?" She cleared her throat, but before she could speak, she was interrupted by her stomach growling loudly. Her cheeks slightly reddened, and she gave you a sheepish grin. "Oops, was that me?" She chuckles lightly.
"You hungry?" Of course she was. She didn't show up to lunch.
"Absolutely. Unfortunately, I'm sure the lunch period is over by now."
"But what about leftovers? Couldn't you go and take some?"
"Leftovers are never saved. My subjects don't like the idea of me eating old food, so they always throw away anything that's left."
There was a shit-ton of food left at lunch time. Jesus, what a waste. "Well, can't you just call for someone to make you something?"
"I wish, but the chefs stick to a tight schedule to have all dishes washed to be used for the next meal, and by the time they finish, they're already preparing dinner. They simply have no time."
"Don't they get breaks?"
"They're on one right now. After all the food from a meal is taken back, they get one hour before they come back to wash dishes."
That left the kitchen empty right now. An idea went through your head. "Princess, I can go and cook something up for you."
She had a look of mild surprise. "Oh, you don't have to do that for me, Anonymous. I can wait for dinner." Her stomach growled again, so she put a hoof to her stomach and began to pat it in an attempt to quiet the beast.
You get up from your chair. "I insist. Could you show me where the kitchen is?"
Celestia looked like she wanted to argue, but her stomach didn't. She sighed and got up, giving in to her hunger. "Very well. If you'll follow me..." She led you back to the dining room you ate in before pointing you towards the kitchen. "I honestly don't know what you might find in there to use for ingredients, but I guarantee the selection will be varied."
You nod. "Alright Princess, wait out here at the table. I'll be back out with something delicious." You enter the kitchen as you realize something: you're not exactly a Gordon Ramsay-tier chef, who were no doubt the kinds of ponies that made the Princess' food.
The kitchen had marble tile and shiny, silver counters and ovens for cooking on, which was about what you expected. You look through the various food storages and find an almost limitless amount of ingredients and foods. What should you make her? You thought about it, then decided that a pony of her class deserved a dish that was just as classy, so you decided on steak. Except...did ponies eat meat? Maybe there was some kind of pony version...or maybe there was a recipe book somewhere? A thought came to your mind as you wondered what to cook: Celestia shouldn't eat oriental food (whatever qualified as oriental in Equestria, you weren't sure). It'd just make her hungry again in about 30 minutes, so any Asian food is ruled out. Then, you immediately got an idea: Pizza.
Who didn't like pizza after all? You grab what ingredients you need for it and set them on the counter. While you set up and prepare the dough, there was something you remembered from back home: You were a man of action who cooked food the same way those wrestling superstars fought. You get the dough mixture all in the same bowl and dump it on yourself. Satisfied at your complete uncooked dough coat, you slam to the ground and roll around in it, the mixture becoming more doughy as you kept moving. A large bubble formed in the dough, so you wrapped an arm around it and put it in a headlock. You also grabbed another piece of the dough with your free hand and pulled on it, like it was one of those leg pulling moves. To top it off, you got off of the dough, on top of the counter, pointed both of your arms upwards and did an elbow slam onto the dough. After all that, you put the dough in a pan and back on the counter.
Next was the sauce. You open up the jar of tomato sauce and stick your fingers deep inside. You were always the artistic type when it came to finger painting. Hell, you're sure your mom still has that one painting you made her last year on her fridge. You paint on the dough with the sauce, creating a beautiful mural of Celestia herself. Once the painting is done, you strip yourself naked, get on the floor, and belly slide on the mess of dough and tomato sauce you made on the ground, flapping your arms as you did so.
Hey, you needed a break. Preparing pizza's a bitch.
After your sliding tour around the kitchen, you got up, clothed yourself, and got back to work. Next was the cheese. As you contemplate what cheese should go onto the pizza, you stare deeply at your sauce mural. The image of Celestia actually gets you hard, and you can't help it. You take off your pants and unleash your massive cock, rubbing it all over the pizza, pretending to insert it inside Celestia's mare vag. There's not one inch of the pizza your manhood hasn't touched, and the thought of even taming her causes you to cum all over the pizza.
Oh, hey, maybe that could count as cheese, and as a bonus, your seed would technically be inside her. You put your pants back on and decide your next move. That was enough cheese, so you looked upon your creation. The dough was splotchy, the sauce was in the shape of a mural of Sunbutt, and your seed was spread on it. As you looked upon it, you got the perfect idea: you didn't even need to cook it. You would just give it to Celestia raw, and rub her face as she ate.
She would love it. If she didn't you would bullshit her and say it's human custom to do so. Win-win.
You grab the pan and exit the kitchen, walking through the dining room. Celestia eyes the pan in your hands, licking her lips. You approach her, your next actions being some you may regret.
"And what did you make me, Anonymous?"
"Pizza." You set the pan on the table in front of her.
She eyes it warily. "This is uncooked."
"But that makes it better, right? It's like eating raw cookie dough."
She contemplates for a moment. "Can't argue with that." Either she was that hungry or she really agreed with you, and she began eating, unaware of what was truly on the food. You took your hand and moved it across her face while she ate. "Anonymous, what are you doing?" She sounds a bit annoyed.
"This is human custom. You rub the face of the one you cook for back where I come from."
She looks at you. "Oh, then by all means, continue. Don't want to tread on tradition's hooves." This face massage meal continues for a couple minutes in silence, save for Celestia's chewing, until she speaks up again. "Anonymous?"
"Yes Princess?"
"This is your creation. Wouldn't you like any?" She magics the pan over to you as an offer. Deciding it would be rude to refuse a Princess (and the fact that you were a bit peckish yourself), you grab half of the doughy creation in your hands. You sit at a chair next to Celestia and slam the raw food onto the table.
"Bottom's up." Taking a piece of dough off, you bite into it. It tasted...odd. Uncooked dough, ripe tomato sauce, and your cum mix into a flavor that isn't actually half-bad. You should remember this recipe. "So, do you like it, Princess?"
She's close to finishing her portion. "It's got a mixed flavor of tomato and salt, and the dough is chewy and bland. It tastes pleasant." She likes your abomination. Holy shit. "In fact, I think I'll recommend this to the nobles at the next Gala, provided you teach me the recipe." She winks at you.
If she knew she was eating cum, would she be mad, you wonder?
Should you share the recipe, stretch the truth of how it's made if you do so, or tell her it's a secret? Your dirty mind might fuck you over, but now was your chance to really mess with her.
"The recipe? Well, it's a family secret, actually. My father taught it to me as I came of age." She nods, and waits for you to continue. "But I can let you in on a couple things. Mainly, the dough is rolled with a huge, hard rolling pin." She raises an eyebrow. "The spices we use cum directly from our produce. My mom usually helped my dad on this part."
"What did your mother do?"
"She helped make the spice. What I can say is that it's laced with love and effort." You can't help but start to chuckle. "Once mom did her part, dad would spread the love all over the dough, and would finish satisfied." Celestia looks like she's getting the idea. "Afterwards, mom would taste-test it. She always loved it and swallowed it every time." You're so close to bursting out laughing. She, however, is not. "Mom would always beg for more, too. Dad obliged her, and made a ton more, both for the pizza and her. He could only produce more after waiting for a while though, y'know, to wait for the stuff to ripen."
Her eyes shoot open, signaling that she's caught on. "A-anonymous...did you...?"
You sigh. "I did, Princess."
She looks at the rest of the uncooked pizza in horror and realizes that this whole time, she has been eating your seed. "H-how could you...?"
You give her your best innocent face. "OH PRINCESS! I'M SORRY! I didn't know you would take offense! In my homeland, that's how we show affection to each other!"
She looks like she isn't buying your bullshit. "You aren't serious, are you?"
"I'm not lying at all Princess!"
"You have never heard of kissing?"
"Ye- No. Not at all, Princess."
"Hugging? Cuddling? Holding hooves?"
How was that last one even possible? "No, Princess. I have never heard of any of those."
She continues to give you the evil eye, and you realize you may have dug yourself into a hole you can't escape. But there might have a chance to save yourself. There was only one thing you could do to convince her of your innocence.
Cry like a bitch.
Quick, what images usually made you cry? A disfigured face of Rainbow Dash, of course! She was your waifu after all, and you hated to see her so ugly. The tears begin flowing from your eyes. "P-princess, truly, I'm sorry," you sob profusely, rubbing your nose. She looks at you skeptically, wondering if she should forgive your "ignorance". You only increase your waterworks, getting on your knees and clasping your hands together. "I beg you, Princess Celestia! I truly didn't know! Please, forgive me!"
While you're not sure she's really buying this, her expression nonetheless softens. "I...suppose we can forget this happened..." Her tone is unsure. You immediately get up and lunge at the Princess, hugging her, and she responds with a quick "oof!"
"Thank you so much, your majesty!"
She pats your back with her hoof. "There is no need for formality, Anonymous. As long as both of us never mention this again, I forgive you." As you embrace the Sun Princess, you decide to stroke your hand across her body softly. She gasps at first, but then gives herself up to the feeling, relaxing her muscles in your arms. You have successfully calmed her down, and have been completely forgiven for your actions.
Good job.
You let go, and you hear her quietly groan that the petting stopped. She looks to you, saying, "Now, where were we before we were rudely interrupted?" She eyed her stomach with a playful grin, magicking the same paper, quill, and inkwell from earlier. She began by asking simple questions, such as government, social class, etc. Your interview is cut short however, by a group of angry chefs bursting from the kitchen.
"WHY IS THE KITCHEN SUCH A MESS?" The burly pegasus looks around the room before seeing you. You are still covered in some sauce and dough. Considering that was what was all over the kitchen, he added 2 and 2 together.
You think for a moment. The Princess was on your side at the moment, having just received royal pettings. The plan forming in your head just might work.
"Princess, that pegasus is offending me!"
Both respond with a "Huh?"
"He is triggering me! 'Mess' is one of my trigger words! That makes me angry!" For once, you thanked the existence of SJWs.
"But Anonymous, it's just a word. How could it offend you?"
You figured you'd use SJW logic here. "Because it just does! He is offending me, Princess!"
"You offended me when you made a mess of the kitchen!"
"Pfft, of course you would accuse the human and no one else in the room! Check your privilege you racist pony!"
The Princess gives you a worried look. "But Anonymous, it was y-"
At this point, the chef can no longer contain his anger and lunges at you. You dodge, and turn to face him. He went face-first into the wall behind you. After a moment, the chef gets up off the ground and turns to you. The two of you eye each other silently. Suddenly, he charges at you, ready to headbutt you.
"MORTAL KOMBAAAT!!!" You grab the chef the moment his head is inches away from you, and Judo flip him to the ground. He gets up again, groggy, but you give him no time to come back to his senses and uppercut him. This sends him back a couple feet, hitting the ground with a large "THUD!" Despite his size, this guy was a bitch. You were about to charge him when you felt a tugging on your shirt.
Celestia was holding your shirt in her magic. "Anonymous, stop this at once." Her glare is enough to pierce your soul. The chef gets up, rubbing his head as he does so. There would be no fatality this time. Celestia trots over to the chef and helps him move around. She addresses the other chefs in the room. "Please take him to the infirmary. And take your time. Don't worry about getting dinner ready." The chefs obey and escort the head chef out, while Celestia looks to you. "Anonymous, are you just a natural born trouble-maker?"
"But of course." You grinned smoothly.
Celestia gives you a deadpan look. "Anonymous...please behave yourself. I almost feel like I'm babysitting right now." She looks like she didn't want to say that, but it came out anyways.
"How could you say that?" Your mind goes back to the deformed Rainbow Dash yet again as you try to get tears to flow.
She rolls her eyes, clearly getting tired of your shit. "Anonymous, my patience is wearing thin. All I'm asking is for you to act like a normal pony."
"But I'm not a pony!" You cry some more to emphasize your pain. She groans at your spectacle, but then looks at you for a moment. She grins evilly, which is a bit unnatural for her, actually.
"Yes. Yes you are a pony! And...I felt like I've been babysitting you this whole time!"
You stop sobbing. She's trying to turn the other cheek. She's found out that you're just messing with her, and now she's trying to do the same to you. Her behavior had actually struck a nerve in you, and not a bad one. Seeing her trying to act like you was just funny to you, and you start laughing. Celestia's grin fades, and she looks at you, puzzled.
"Alright, alright, I'll be good." You giggle a bit more before walking over to her.
"Anonymous...are you okay?"
"Totally fine. Come on, let's get some food that doesn't have my semen in it." She glares at you, having agreed to not speak of that again. You notice the look. "Uh...whatever, let's just go grab something to eat. All that drama made me hungry." Her expression softens and she nods.
The two of you prepare to exit the room, but then she stops. "All of the chefs are at the infirmary. Where are we going to get food?"
"Do they have fast food here?"
"Fast...food?"
"Yeah, it's something we had back on my world. If you were in a hurry, you could get some really unhealthy food cheap and fast.."
"I don't think I've heard of that."
"Oh, well I didn't think so. Equestria doesn't look like it has the technology for it. Besides, I doubt many mares actually eat that much meat around here." Your crude joke flew over her head, leaving her staring at you.
It was worth a shot.
The two of you walk out of the room as you ponder where to go. "Donut Joe's!" Celestia says.
"Who?"
"We can go to Donut Joe's. He has the best pastries in Canterlot." Donuts did sound pretty good right now, and caffeine would boost your power level to do things that could make Celestia mad. Again. Regardless, there was no questioning it.
"Sounds good. Let's go." You and her go through the castle, and get to her chariot. Two guards quickly arrive and strap themselves on before turning back to Celestia to hear their destination.
"To Donut Joe's, gentleman." The guards nod and take off. Soon enough, you are high in the Canterlot skies, flying to your destination. You sit next to the sun goddess, who stares straight ahead. You decide to make this a little more romantic, slowly snaking your arm around her shoulders. Then, when you think your arm's in the perfect position, you lay it down on her.
She flinches to your touch, then turns to you with a grin. "Oh, were you going to stroke me again?" She has bedroom eyes, though somehow you know she isn't trying to be sultry. Her tone sounded hopeful though.
"Kinda, yeah."
She smiles. "Go right ahead. It felt relaxing last time." With her blessing, you placed your hand across her back and moved it in an up and down motion. She sighed contentedly and relaxed her muscles. This might come in handy. Every time you do this, she's putty in your hands. Her eyes were closed and a grin was present across her face. As a bonus, you scratched behind her ears. She loved every minute of it.
Eventually, you reached Donut Joe's. You stopped your petting assault, and she quietly groaned in disappointment again. The two of you get off of the chariot as Celestia turns to the guards. "You may return to the Castle. I'll make it back on hoof." The guards nodded and flew away.
You and Celestia entered the donut shop. Donut Joe was at his counter, back to the door, cleaning mugs. "'Ey, welcome ta Donut Joe's. What can I get ya?" He turned around and nearly dropped his mug. "P-p-puh-Princess Celestia!"
"Hello, Donut Joe." The stallion worked quickly, grabbing whatever clean mugs he had and filling them with coffee. He went so fast that he had a torrent of hot coffee almost pour all over his hooves. He set down the mugs, then looked to the two of you.
"W-what c-c-c-can I getcha?" It was interesting to see how calm Celestia was compared to Joe, who was practically shitting himself.
"I'll just take a regular glazed donut, thank you." The donut was given to her at such a speed that it looked like it could have been thrown at her. When he took your order, he calmed down a bit.
"A-and Anon. Uh, hey bud. What can I getcha?"
"I'll take a chocolate glazed donut with no filling. Black coffee."
"Comin' right up." He grabs the donut from the display case and sets it in front of you with a napkin. Then, he gets one of the mugs he filled in his panic and hands it to you. Both you and the princess pay your bits and begin eating.
Celestia eyes you as you drink your coffee. "Hm, I've always preferred a sweet tea. How do you drink something so bitter?"
"You learn to get used to it. Believe me, I used to pour tons of creamer into this stuff."
"Hm, I see." She pulls out the inkwell, quill, and paper from earlier. "Now that we're alone, we can finally continue our interview. Please, tell me anything about your culture.
Your mind comes up with nothing but dirty images. Dirty movies. Dirty words. Dirty everything. "Well, we have something back on my world called 'Pornography'. Ever heard of it?" She shakes her head. Was it just her, or was everyone innocent as fuck? "Well, pornography, first and foremost, is something us humans derive extreme pleasure from." She writes as you speak. "Pornography can be images, film, or writing, and can be found only in stores for adults."
She stopped at that. "I beg your pardon?"
"I'll explain why. Pornography, or 'porn', as it's commonly called, is basically a kind of media that focuses on sex. And nothing but."
The Princess' (and Joe's) face(s) go red. "O-oh, um..."
"They normally have some kind of plot that nobody gives a shit about, usually to make way for sex. And man, they do it in a lot of ways. Sometimes, it's man on woman, or stallion on mare in your case, or even man on man or woman on woman." Celestia's face gets redder, and she starts to slightly sweat. Nonetheless, she keeps writing. "I've seen tons of it, too. So much that it gets kinda boring. It's just shit dialogue, then sexy tiem, and climaxing." You think for a moment. "Oh, but there are some ways to spice the pron bowl up."
You pause for dramatic effect. Celestia leans towards you, waiting for an answer. "You ever heard of fetishes?"
"No."
Perfect. "Fetishes are things that are normal to most, but get some people horny for no reason. For example...you ever seen a pony want to fuck an animal before?"
"U-uh..."
"Bestiality. Oh man, do people go crazy for animals. A cat on the street? They'll find it hot. Might want to get up inside it. Guy at a dog show? He'll be rating that shit on a 1-10 scale. He'll judge 'em based on attractiveness, and-"
"Anonymous?" Celestia is looking at you, her face as red as a tomato. "Don't you think there's something more appropriate to talk about?
"How about the public sex fetish?"
"Maybe something that doesn't involve sex?" Damn, that limited your options. Still, you could tell her anything you wanted about humans, and she'd believe it. You could still cause some mischief...after all, sex wasn't the only thing you could talk about, right?
"Uh...oh, I know! Computers.
"Computers?"
"Yeah. Humans have computational machines, called computers. Basically, they do math, but you can use this math for both important research and recreation. It also allows communication at great range." Celestia writes this down. She looks impressed. "Which is mostly used for porn, but also more casual communication."
She gives you a deadpan look again. "Is there anything you know that doesn't involve sex?"
"Alright, something that doesn't involve sex...mythology."
"Oh, old cultural tales from history?" She sure is a smart pony.
"Yes, actually. One in particular I'm sure you'll like is Apollo. He's the god of the sun."
"Fascinating." Her scribbling continued.
"One of Apollo's signatures was his Golden Sun Chariot, which he used to ride around places. Sounds kinda like yours, huh? Hell, you'd probably make a good horse for it. No offense." Celestia stopped writing, blushed a little, then continued. What was that about? "Uh, Celestia?"
"Yes Anonymous?"
"Why'd you stop for a second?" She paused again.
"Um...well..."
"I saw you blushing. What're you hiding?"
She sighed. "That word you used. 'Fetish'? I think...I realize now what might be wrong with me..."
"Wrong with you?"
"Not exactly wrong, but...I think I have a fetish."
"This coming from Miss 'I don't wanna talk about sex'! Spill it. What's your fetish?"
She blushes. "I-I think I have a fetish for...for being the lead horse in a chariot."
Wut. "Elaborate."
She sighs. "I mean, I just like being controlled and told where to go sometimes. It's odd...but I think it connects with the chariot. Being told which direction to go by the rider just...excites me. Finally being the one who isn't in control...it seems to be all about the control..."
The two of you sit in silence for a moment. "So...does this mean I can talk about sex again?"
"I suppose that's only fair."
She has just revealed her fetish to you. This is the perfect opportunity. "I don't think I'll talk about sex, Princess." She smiles. "Instead, I'll talk about horses back on my world. You might find this weird, but back on my world, horses and ponies don't talk at all."
"Hmm..." She scribbles more.
"Instead, we keep horses on farms. Humans used to ride them all the time, y'know, told them where to go and all, but that stopped once technology improved." You can see her blushing again. "Some of the stuff we used included saddles, which we used to sit on the horse and ride them, bits, which we would put in the horse's mouth to direct it, blinders, which completely gave control of the horse to the rider, the works." Her face is red again. Donut Joe is behind the counter, looking like he's trying to hide a boner. Nice to know the Princess isn't the only one getting turned on. "Basically, the human would assert his dominance over the horse and control it's movements."
Celestia puts a hoof to your mouth. "Please, stop. I can't take it. Please change the subject!"
You grin. "You say you want me to change the subject, but maybe I don't wanna."
She gives you a glare. "Why not? It's not that difficult."
You decide to ignore that. "Why don't we continue this somewhere more private? It must be weird talking about this in public."
She thinks for a moment. "Actually, I'm not sure why I didn't think of that before. Should we go back to my castle?"
"Yep, let's go." The two of you finish your food and exit the store.
"Alright Anonymous, get on my back and we'll fly to the castle." You try not to laugh at that. Funny how she says the same thing as the toys. You hop up onto her back, her wings unfurling before she begins flapping them to take off. In a matter of seconds you're in the air, riding the back of Sunbutt. Your dream couldn't possibly have come true sooner. You could exploit her fetish and boss her around as you fly. Or you could enjoy the ride and have some small talk with her. Or anything else that comes to mind.
You lean in close to Celestia's ear. "Hey, Princess."
"Yes Anonymous?"
"You do realize I'm riding on you, right? Like the horses back home."
She blushes. "I didn't actually think of it like that..."
"Hey, it's okay. Better yet, we're all alone up here. You wanna try some of that out?" She was silent. "Come on. I'll be gentle if you want."
She turns her head around to look at you. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that, but..." Her eyes shift back and forth. "I suppose I wouldn't mind a little bit of it."
You immediately smack her ass at her answer.
She yelps in surprise and flies faster. You take off your overshirt and tie it into a makeshift bit, putting it in front of her mouth. She gets what you want, and bites into it. The two of you could see the castle, but you decided to have a little fun as to where you landed. You directed her to move upwards, and she obeyed. You found this whole submissive fetish thing kind of kinky.
"Come on! Faster!" She increased her pace as the two of you flew towards the castle. You smacked her flank as she flew, which increased the speed of her flapping wings. You saw where you wanted to land: the top of the castle, right inside what you assumed was Celestia's room. As you flew, you noticed you were too high and directed her to move lower. The distance between you and the castle shortened by the minute. You slowed her down as you got closer, eventually going through the window and into the room.
"Slowly...slowly..." Her wings stopped flapping, and she landed with ease.
You noticed her face was red. "T-that was...pleasant."
You have officially pleased her. Calm down, boner.
There is stirring within the room, and it's coming from the bed next to you and Celestia. A dark blue horse arises from the bed, groggy.
"Sister, what are you doing in here?" There was Princess Luna, awake from her slumber. She was staring at you, trying to recognize you. You were the only fucking human here, how could she not recognize you? "Anonymous...?"
Now, even though you had no problems with Luna, right now was Celestia time. You hid behind Celestia's large sunbutt, hoping Luna thought you were a mirage.
"Anonymous, what are you doing?"
"Hide me from your sister with your giant ass," you whisper. She shoots you a dirty look. Instead of hiding you, she moves to the side so Luna can get a clear look at you.
Traitorous bitch.
Moonbutt rubs her eyes. "Anonymous, it is you! How wonderful!" The lunar princess gets out of her bed and approaches you.
"We've been spending the day talking." Celestia informs her. "Maybe you'd like to join us?"
"Absolutely."
The two sisters look at you, waiting for your input. "Sure, whatever," you answer the two royals.
"Magnificent! So, may I start by asking what you two have done this day?" She just gave you an opportunity. Don't fuck up.
"Well, Celestia here actually gave me a ride on her back to this castle."
Luna smiles. "Really? You haven't done that since you gave me back rides when we were fillies, Celestia!" The sun princess brushes one hoof against the other.
"And I can say with certainty that she's good at taking orders." Celestia's eyes widen. She knows where this is going.
"A-and we stopped at Donut Joe's!" She's not gonna get away that easily.
"In fact, Luna, do you want me to show you how I rode your sister?"
The lunar princess puts a hoof to her chin. Celestia is shaking her head furiously, trying to convey her message to her sister. "I don't see why not." Mission accomplished. Bonus for getting that innuendo past Moonbutt.
You begin climbing back on top of Celestia, whose knees (or whatever the pony equivalent is) are shaking. Having not untied your overshirt yet, you insert it back into her mouth. "Now when I pulled upwards like this," you pulled up on the bit, "She listened immediately and flew up." Celestia can't help but unfurl her wings again. It is her fetish, after all.
"Fascinating. Sister, you are surprisingly obedient for a ruler of a country."
Celestia spit out the bit and threw you off her back. You get up and dust yourself off. "Nevermind that, do you feel like playing a game?" Sunbutt nudges her sister.
"A game? This sounds magnificent!"
"Anonymous knows plenty of games we could play, I'm sure." Celestia looks over at you. "Don't you?"
"You ever heard of Truth or Dare?" The sisters look at each other confused. "Obviously not. Basically, you take turns asking one another to tell a secret or take a dare. If you refuse to tell a truth, you have to take a dare instead. You in?"
"Well-"
"It sounds engaging! I accept!"
"Alright then." You decide to sit on the floor, and the royal sisters follow your lead. "I'll start. Celestia, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Okay. Celestia, why do you like being ridd-"
"Did I say truth? Sorry, I meant dare." She was just handing these to you.
"Your dare is to let Luna ride on your back. Y'know, like you used to when you were fillies and all." Celestia facehoofs. She was really starting to regret telling you her dirty secret.
"I enjoy this dare. Come, sister. Stand up." Celestia reluctantly does as she's told. She invited her sister to spend time with you; she's just getting her wish. Luna hopped up onto her sister's back, and the humiliation could be seen on Sunbutt's face. She was receiving sexual pleasure from her oblivious sister, even if Luna wasn't all that demanding. "Mm, I'd forgotten how much fun this was!" Luna certainly was enjoying this too. After about a minute of back-riding, the moon princess hopped off her sister's back and onto the ground. "Is it my turn?"
"Go ahead, Luna."
"Very well. Anonymous, truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"I dare you, Anonymous, to challenge a royal guard to a duel." Wait, wut. Celestia stifles her laughter, but she's grinning widely.
"You aren't serious, are you?"
"Why would I not be? Shall you take the dare, or be labeled a coward?"
"Hell yeah, I accept the dare." Luna clops her hooves together excitedly. Celesita has an amused expression. You'd show them both the power of humans. "Call for a guard. Let's settle this." Luna gets up and moves to her bedroom door.
She opens it, and shouts, "SECOND WIND! I REQUEST YOUR PRESENCE TO MY CHAMBERS IMMEDIATELY!"
In a flash there's a batpony guard. "Yes, my princess?" He looks tough, but you can take him.
"Anonymous here has challenged you to a duel. Do you accept his challenge?"
"In the honor of my princess, I do."
"Then let us take this to the courtyard." The four of you move around the castle and make it to the courtyard within a few minutes. Several other guards are out here, training. You and Second Wind face each other.
"Wait, before we start this..." You reach into your pocket and grab your lucky luchadore mask. Knowing it would bring you good fortune during this battle, you put it on your head. "Ready."
The guard zips to you and tackles you in the gut. You fall to the ground, the wind knocked out of you. "Get up."
As you push yourself off the ground, you trip Second Wind, and he falls to the ground. Seeing this as your chance, you quickly leap high into the air, your elbow pointed outwards towards his stomach. Time moves slowly. The reflections of the sun's light from the other guards' armor makes it look like pictures are being taken of this high flying moment. It is a good day to die. Your elbow collides with Second Wind's abdomen, causing the wind to be knocked out of him. He doesn't have time to react as you pin him.
1!
2!
3!
You did it. You have won. "I win!" you shout as you leap into the air. The Royal Sisters are dumbfounded.
"Anonymous..."
You wake up, and are met with the faces of Sunbutt and Moonbutt. Your head is killing you, and you feel nauseous.
"What happened?" you ask as you slowly get up.
"Second Wind's tackle knocked you out cold. You've been laying there for 10 minutes."
You groan. "Dammit, and here I thought I won."
Second Wind approaches from behind Luna. "If my princess gives me a command, I will not fail it."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, asskisser."
Luna nudges her sister. "I suppose now that we have assured Anonymous is fine, I believe it is your turn."
Celestia smirks at you. "Truth or dare, Anonymous?"
Luna interjects. "Aren't you supposed to ask me that question?"
"I think Anonymous should get extra questions. He is our guest after all." Luna only nods.
"Dare, of course."
She chuckles. "Okay Anonymous. You must let me ride your back." That didn't seem too bad. "Around the entire castle." Oh fuck. "And you'll tell me your fetish." Oh shit.
You puff out your chest. "Bring it on!"
The solar princess smirked. "I thought you might say that." Preparing yourself to take on her weight, you knelt down and waited for her to get on your back. She circled behind you and put her front hooves on your shoulders. Her weight was already getting to you. She must be fat. She set the lower-half of her body on your back, and got comfortable.
"Now, before we go, what is your fetish?"
Luna looked perplexed. "Fetish? What is a feh-ticsh?"
Celestia calmly smiled at her sister. "I'll explain later, Luna."
You thought about your fetish for a moment. What REALLY got you hard? Your mind naturally went to the first thing you found sexy. Celestia and Luna making out. So your fetish was...
"Sisters making out. That's my fetish, Celestia."
"Oh, uh...interesting choice, Anonymous." You couldn't see her expression as she spoke. You stood up, feeling the full force of Celestia on your back. Bitch be heavy.
"What counts as 'the whole castle' anyways?"
"A full lap around the outer perimeter. Pace yourself, Anonymous." You groaned. This was gonna be hard on you.
You began your trek with Luna close behind you both. "Sister, what is a fetish?" Celestia craned her neck towards Luna, and whispered into her ear, and Luna' face went red. "Oh. Fascinating." Your pace was slow, but you managed with Sunbutt's fat ass riding you. It was gonna be a long dare.
--
After a long, harrowing journey, you made it back to the courtyard. The entire time it was silent, save for your footsteps and the occasional small talk between the sisters.
Your breaths were labored, and your body ached. "There. I'm done." Celestia got off of your back.
"Thank you, Anonymous. The ride was pleasant."
Bitch.
"Who's turn is it, sister?"
"Anonymous'."
Perfect. You were gonna get back at Celestia good with your next dare. It was then that Luna's stomach growled.
Goddammit.
"Hungry, Luna?"
"Considering I've not eaten since I awoke...yes."
Celestia looked at you. "Well Anonymous, would you like to join us for dinner?" You ran down your list of things you were going to do today. No plans. Regardless, you could still say no, but that would be stupid.
"Sure, I can stay for some grub."
"Very well. The chefs are surely at work as I speak. Even if they've lost their head." Ah, memories.
"I, for one, cannot wait to see what they'll prepare tonight!" Luna was excited.
"Let's make our way to the dining room, shall we?" The three of you left the courtyard and entered the castle. After walking through the halls for a while, you made it to the huge dining room you'd been in twice already. The table was bare, but you could hear food being prepared through the kitchen's double doors. You wondered if the chefs were still mad at you.
Or fearful of you.
If the latter was the case, maybe you could sneak in and make a few arrangements in the food...yes...your mind was on a roll today when it came to hatching evil plans. You would go in and rap to the chefs, and your awesome lyrics would persuade them to let you change up the food. You started to walk towards the kitchen.
"Where do you think you're going?" Celestia was giving you a mean look. She remembered what crime against food you made her eat earlier. You wanted to go in and rap really bad, so your only chance was a distraction. You were prepared for this. You had novelty smoke balls still in your pocket that you brought from home.
You took one out. "Alright, I won't go into the kitchen. But hey, do you wanna see a neat trick with this ball?" Celestia lightened up. Luna didn't know why Sunbutt was skeptical in the first place.
"Certainly, Anonymous." Now was your chance. You tossed the ball to the ground, releasing smoke into the room. The sisters coughed as you bolted to the kitchen. You slammed through the doors, scaring some of the chefs. They all stared at you for a moment.
"1-2, 1-2-1-2-3 I'm the Emcee called Ice-T,
That's DJ Evil E, Islam creates the beats.
You girls look so sexy."
The chefs all stared at you blankly, and the ones that were female had even blanker expressions.
"I wish you all were up here with me
You drive me crazy with them big ole butts
Girls, let's get butt naked and fuck."
At this point, they all cowered beneath you. Putty in your hands. "Please sir, we'll let you do whatever if you just stop that horrible song!" one of the chefs, a male unicorn, pleads with you. That went well.
"Let me do whatever, huh? Alright, for dinner, you guys are gonna make spaghetti with cheese sauce."
"But, it was going to be a fine selection of chopped vegetable salads with spiced hay and cooked fruits!" a female pegasus tries to argue.
"I can start rapping again."
"NO!" The outburst was louder then you expected. You smiled through it, though.
The chefs hustled and grabbed dry spaghetti noodles and several cheeses. They cooked quickly, now behind schedule.
You decided to add another condition. "Also, the only drink to be served will be Ice-T."
"You mean 'Iced Tea?'"
"That's what I said: Ice-T." The chef obviously didn't feel like arguing with you, if his silence was any indication. You stayed to make sure your order was prepared. The food was cooked, the tea was made, and eventually, it was ready. The butlers took the trays the food and drinks were served on and left the room. You looked out one of the windows to see that the smoke had just cleared.
Were the sisters sitting there coughing the whole time? You darted out of the kitchen and into a seat before they could notice you were gone.
"Anonymous, was that really supposed to be the trick?" Luna was curious.
"Yes, Luna. That was the trick. But who needs that when the food's ready?" The sisters, agreeing with you, took their seats and licked their lips. Even if spaghetti with cheese sauce was a bit casual for them, it was still food. "Let me pour you guys a drink." You grabbed two cups and poured Ice-T in each of them, then set the cups in front of them, filled with the drink.
"Anonymous, you didn't have anything to do with this meal, did you?" Celestia asks.
You pasted a shit-eating grin on your face. "Nope." Her eyes narrowed at you as she used her magic to lift her fork. She dug into the noodles and took a bite, likely trying to remember the taste of semen to see if it applied here.
Her face went from suspicious to cheery. "Mmm, this tastes marvelous!"
Luna was already half-way through her plate, probably hungrier then her sister. "I second this! The noodles and cheese go well together!" You grab a plate and serve yourself. Luna was right, this shit was good. "So Anonymous, will you be leaving for home soon?" Luna asks after she swallows her food.
That was a good question. "Actually, Celestia, I had a question for you."
"Yes Anonymous?"
"You think I could stay a night in the castle?"
She pondered for a moment. "Hm, well, we do have several guest rooms in the castle." Score. "But you've been a bit of trouble today. If I let you stay, you've got to shape up." She's a tough cookie.
"Yeah, yeah, I can get my act together."
She smiled at you. "Perfect. I suppose after dinner I'll guide you to a guest room."
The dinner that followed was quaint, and involved a bit of chatter bewteen you and the princesses. Luna was asking a ton of questions about you. Celestia was calm and drank her Ice-T. All was good. The meal ended, and you pushed your seat back as you got up. Celestia personally thanked the second-in-command head chef for the delicious dinner. Luna headed to the throne room for her lunar business.
"Come now, Anonymous. I'll lead you to your room." You followed Celestia out of the dining room and through a couple hallways. Exploring the castle was on your list of shit to do tomorrow. The two of you made it to your guest bedroom. "Here we are Anonymous." You opened the door, and the room was ornate and immaculate, though not very royal. It was a guest bedroom, what'd you expect?
You turned back to Sunbutt. "Thanks for letting me stay a night."
She smiled warmly. "It's not a problem, Anonymous. Good night." She left you on your own, likely heading off to bed herself. You took off your shoes, socks, and any extra clothing, leaving you in your underwear and undershirt, and got on the bed and under the sheets.
Nice and cozy.
As you started to drift off, you wondered what crazy things might happen tomorrow. Deciding to come here wasn't such a bad idea.