Nothing could have possibly prepared me for this.

“SURPRISE!”

“Jeeze Saint Jeezum!” I cried out as the sheer volume of what came from the door knocked me away, causing me to do a small roll backwards before laying on my back. I groaned and got up to my haunches. I saw a very happy Pinkie smiling widely at the door, along with Rainbow behind her and…is that…a whole town’s worth of ponies?!

Pinkie bounced happily towards me. “Were you surprised?”

She leaned her face towards mine, smiling even wider and obviously expecting an answer. Though due to what just happened, I couldn’t quite give her what she wanted.

“What is this?!” My voice nearly cracked at the shock of it all. It was clear why the town was so quiet now but the sheer absurdity of it all was just too much.

The pink blob stopped hopping, almost suspending in mid-air before landing on the ground and shoving her face into mine until all I saw was her blue eyes.

“It’s your party, silly.”

“Party? For what?”

She backed up and nodded enthusiastically. “Yup, your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party.” She started hopping again. “Please tell me you were surprised. Are you surprised because I'm surprised that you were surprised since I never heard that expression before so I've never been so surprised, well, except for the time that I saw you walking into our shop and I went,” she made a loud gasping sound not unlike when she first met me, “but I mean really, who could top that kind of reaction?” She finished with just staring at me and blinking twice.

I barely caught anything she said. She was talking so fast and my head was still spinning slightly from my tumble. “What?” I said stupidly. I’m starting to think that “what?” is going to be my favorite word, at least around this pony.

“C’mon, you’re missing your own party!” Pinkie pulled me up and picked me up over her head before throwing me through the door. All the ponies inside just stepped aside from the missile that is myself.

“What the-!” My sentence was cut off as I slammed face-first into what I actually believe to be a bounce-house of some kind. I felt my body bent a little over my head before landing on the floor like limp noodles. My head was quite imbedded into the soft, leathery, and rubbery texture. How did this even get inside? I struggled a little to pull my head out of my party-based prison, but it wasn’t serious enough that I needed help. As I yanked my head back, my vision was once again somewhat dizzy.

As I started to reorient myself, I took in what was inside. So many ponies are around, all smiling and talking with each other, some even waving to me. I waved back sheepishly. Looks like the party officially started with my less-than-grateful reaction and entry. The decorations to the somewhat vacant home were quite extravagant. Streamers of all colors trailed the ceiling. Yellow, blue, pink, red, green, orange, and purple strings all over the place. That’s not counting the draped tables adorned with food and colorful balloons. The opposing red and blue bounce-house being used by the foals was in the middle of the room, making use of the tall space, since the stairs leading upstairs hugged the walls. For something as sudden as a new resident moving in, this was prepared very quickly. Pinkie only saw me this morning and I don’t believe I told her I was planning to stay. Only ones I can remember telling are Rainbow and the mayor. Maybe Rainbow told the excitable pony when I was talking to the mayor? Even then, there wasn’t much time between then and now to set up all of this. I just sat there and staring at everything and everypony.

Then…I just smiled. I smiled and laughed. It didn’t matter if it was possible, because everypony here only meant good. It’s a party after all. I truly never felt so welcomed and so accepted, despite my appearance. I kept laughing as Pinkie walked towards me. She started laughing with me as well, draping her foreleg over my back. I did the same to her with my wing. It was infectious and only served to cause us to laugh that much harder. As I tried to catch my breath, I saw Rainbow joined us along with four other mares. I recognized one of them, the white unicorn from town hall. The other three I don’t think I’ve seen. There was a light orange pony with a very noticeable hat and a blonde mane, having apples on her flank that reminded me of Sweet Apple Acres’ brand. One other was a light purple unicorn mare with dark blue, almost black, mane with pink and purple highlights. She seemed to have some sort of…pink star to represent her talent. As she walked towards us, I noticed that it was surrounded by smaller white stars.

Then there was…I felt my jaw dropped. She was a cream-colored pegasus with a long and light pink mane. Her mane covered one of her cerulean eyes, giving her a very shy and cute look. My shoulders and wings sagged as I couldn’t help but stare at her. Her Cutie Mark looked to be three blue butterflies with wings the same shade of pink as her mane. She lagged a little bit behind the other mares, almost hiding behind them. As our eyes locked for a millisecond, I blinked and shook myself from my thoughts to compose myself. I managed to pull myself together and take complete control of my body as the leading purple mare approached me.

She smiled at me, giggling a little. “I would apologize for Pinkie’s behavior but it seems that you don’t mind at all.”

I shake my head. “Not at all. I’m glad things happened the way they did.” I looked to Pinkie, who had a very satisfied grin on her face. I turned back towards the one who addressed me.

She put a hoof on her mouth, clearing her throat. “Hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle, in charge of Golden Oaks Library.”

Very interesting. “Hello, Twilight. Name’s Shadow Heart. Just call me Heart, everypony does.”

“Very well, Heart. You’re already familiar with Pinkie and Rainbow so I’ll just introduced you to the rest of my friends. This is Applejack.”

The orange mare moved her right foreleg over her left, lifting her head and nose upwards before tipping her hat. “Greetings, pardner. Main head of Sweet Apple Acres, most of the time.”

I imagined so. Most of the time? I wonder if it’s a conjoined effort or something. “Greetings, Applejack.”

“And Rarity, owner of Carousel Boutique,” continued Twilight.

My eyes widened a little as the white unicorn I saw before tossed her well-kept mane a bit with her hoof before speaking up. “Forgive me for not introducing myself when we first met, Heart.”

“It’s fine, Rarity. You were quite busy with the preparations for the Summer Harvest event. Really, it’s understandable,” I responded. Rarity thanked me with a small smile. This Twilight really seems to have connections.

“And last but not least, Fluttershy.” Twilight motioned behind her, the rest of the girls moving aside to reveal the seemingly timid pegasus.

I clammed up as I saw the yellow mare again. She made a small squeak as all of our eyes turned to her. Shivering slightly, body low to the ground, she spoke with a quiet voice. “Um…hello, Heart. I mean, if that’s how you want me to call you. I’m sorry; I can call you by your full name if you like.”

“No, no, no, it’s fine. ‘Heart’ is fine, hehe. Um, hi, Fluttershy.” Oh Celestia, that angelic voice…I felt my cheeks heat up as I get more and more flustered by just being in her presence.

The somewhat awkward silence was cut short when I felt a weight hit the back of my neck. I tip forward before I reared back as to not slam my face on the floor. I caught sight of a cyan hoof to be the blame from my left side.

“So how’s the party, Shadow?” asked Rainbow, her guilty foreleg around the back of my neck.

“Dash, really?!” That outburst came from Twilight.

Rainbow looked at Twilight, genuinely confused. “What?”

I waved my hoof. “It’s ok. I’m ok. Just a little warning next time, Rainbow. I almost ate the floor.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Rainbow rubbed the back of her head sheepishly with her other hoof.

“As for the party, it’s great.” I took another look around, recognizing a few familiar colors I saw this morning, even spotting the mayor and the workers from before. It really does look like the whole town is here.

I heard Rainbow whistled. “This is a nice place you snagged.”

“Yeah, I had a feeling I was going to like it when I first saw it. Plus, I needed a place to stay. So I thought I might as well buy it.”

Rainbow was biting her tongue a little as if to hold back a question, at least until the end of my statement, where her jaw dropped. “Hold up, you straight up BOUGHT this place?”

I nodded. “I had quite a few bits saved up. I wasn’t really going to use them for their original purpose so I just decided on the spot to start over. So I chose here.”

“That’s a bit rash, darling,” piped up Rarity.

“Perhaps, but it’s not like…I could go back to my old home…” I nervously shifted in place, trying to control it. I wasn’t doing a very good job and Rainbow noticed my slight shuffling.

“Yer not like…‘on the run,’ right?” asked Applejack.

“What? No! I just…don’t want to talk about it.” It seems like despite me literally running away from my past, it finds its way to intrude the present no matter what.

Applejack just stared at me for a moment before I cast my eyes to the floor. I quickly glanced up to see Applejack simply nodding to her friends, almost as if saying “it’s fine” for…whatever reason. Was she suspecting me of lying? The air of tension was relieved in the wake of Applejack’s nod. Then Twilight decided to speak up.

“Well, I hope you enjoy your time in Ponyville. If there’s anything you would like to know, just ask me. The same goes for the rest of my friends.” She then turned to everypony else. “Right, girls?”

There were words of agreement and it brightened up my somber mood somewhat, making me smile. “Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind. Now if you excuse me, I’m feeling a little hungry.”

Rainbow lifted her foreleg off of me as I made my way towards the tables.

It’s actually surprising how much food there is that I can eat and drink. I was always a bit of a picky eater. I was thinking of asking Pinkie if this was all a coincidence or if she knew what I would like, but something made me think twice before doing that. But seriously, quesadillas? And with the super-specific kind of ranchero cheese too? I only even saw my mom make these. As curious as I was, I felt that asking would be a very bad idea, mostly for my sanity.

As much as I appreciate what Pinkie did for me, I can’t help but feel guilty about it as well. All the effort she did in such a short time, I just wished I can make the most of it too. I always was just a wallflower, even when it was my own birthday. Always silent in gatherings and celebrations, by my lonesome. Curse my shyness. It’s not like I don’t want to socialize. I just feel I never really have anything to talk about. Anything interesting, at least. I just feel fake or ignorant whenever I try. I’m a good listener, but a conversation is a two-way system. As I was finishing my plate, I looked up to see the six mares I met earlier come towards me. I can’t help but feel a little threatened.

Rainbow looked a little taken aback. “Whoa, calm down, dude.”

I blinked before noticing what my wings were doing. They were slightly spread, in a defensive posture. I fold them back more and turned my head down, muttering an apology.

Rainbow bumped my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. My friends just wanted to ask you something.” What is this sense of foreboding?

“Sorry, darling. We were just wondering what you were doing before coming to Ponyville,” said Rarity. Oh…that.

I grimaced slightly, before quickly wiping that emotion off my face. Hopefully nopony noticed. I turned my head to Rainbow. “You couldn’t tell them?”

Rainbow flew a bit off the ground, putting both her forehooves behind her head. “Well, I just felt you should be the one to tell them.” I wonder if she’s trying to help me make new friends here. Might as well try.

I took a deep breath. “Cloudsdale,” I said curtly before taking a swig of my orange soda.

“Cloudsdale?” asked everypony.

“Cloudsdale,” I repeated.

“Oh wow, did you knew Dashie when you were little?” asked Pinkie.

“Rainbow?” I faced Rainbow. “You were from Clousdale?”

She simply shrugged. “Yeah, I was.” Weird…I wonder why she moved to Ponyville or why she didn’t tell me before…

“Wait a sec…” I studied Rainbow. She shifted her eyes left and right, probably a little unnerved from how I’m inspecting her.

Then it clicked.

“You did the Sonic Rainboom back then.” Now seeing her in the Wonderbolts wasn’t as crazy as it first seemed.

“Uh yeah, I did,” Rainbow responded…nervously? Wait, was she being…bashful? She must have noticed my incredulous look because she then added, “Yup, and I can totally do it again. Just not…now. Need to warm up first, you know? And I’m kinda tired.” Ah, now I understand.

“It’s fine. I believe you,” I stated.

As I finished my orange soda, Pinkie voiced a small “whoop!” and ran off somewhere into the crowd. I turned to everypony and they all simply shrugged. I wonder if she forgotten something. No sooner had I thought that, Pinkie came bouncing back, with a large cake on her head complete with candles. Everypony inside was following Pinkie as well, knowing what was to come.

“Oh Pinkie, you shouldn’t have.”

“No ‘buts,’” Pinkie giggled a bit before adding, “Nothing quite says ‘party’ like having cake.”

I smiled as Pinkie placed the pastry on an empty table. It certainly was big enough for everypony to have a slice. I just hope at least some can stomach the sweetness. It was my favorite, triple chocolate. Everything was chocolate, the filling, the frosting and icing, even the layers. My mouth almost watered. On top of the cake, I saw that red letters (probably strawberry gel or something) formed the phrase “Welcome to Ponyville, Heart!” Under that, was a very cute picture depicting me and Pinkie hoof-bumping.

Pinkie turned to the crowd behind her. “C’mon, everypony! On three! 1, 2-”

“WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!”

I was almost tearing up when I blew the candles. It warmed my heart to see such…friendliness. As the candles went off, everypony cheered. Then the candles came back again. I tried blowing them again only for the flames to come back up. Then everypony laughed, including myself. That’s the first I seen trick candles in effect. So Pinkie is a prankster. As I helped Pinkie take off and turn off the candles, Twilight and Rarity began cutting pieces and serving them. Perhaps staying here was a lucky move on my part.

I managed to get my piece and oh Luna was it delicious. I had cake this tasty before. It was certainly something else, a tier all on its own. The girls were mostly finished with their slices and were talking amongst themselves.

Then Applejack turned to me. “Didn’t take you for one that craves sweets.”

I smiled back. “I get that a lot, surprisingly. Is it so weird that I have a bit of a sweet tooth?”

“Ah reckon it isn’t. But nopony quite likes sweet stuffs like Pinkie does.”

“Somepony say my name?!” In a pink flash, Pinkie was in front of us.

“That’ll be me. Was just telling Heart here that he might be a worthy rival for ya.”

The smile Pinkie had morphed into a slight frown as she glared at me. It felt a little uneasy, seeing her like that, staring at me. But as quickly as it came, it went and she was smiling again. “It’s nice to see somepony else appreciate sugary goodness as much as I do.”

“Hehe, yeah. Hope it’s not too much for everypony else here, though.”

Pinkie waved her hood dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, Shadey. I made sure everypony can enjoy it no matter what.”

I twitched and started choking a bit. Rainbow and the rest of her friends trotted over to me to see if I was fine. I felt Rainbow thump my back to ease up my coughing. As I managed to get the cake dislodged from my windpipe, I looked up to Pinkie, still coughing a bit. “What…did you say?”

Pinkie looked at me innocently. “All I said was to not worry about it, Shadey.”

My ears flicked at the last word. I barely noticed I was shaking. “Nopony…called me that…nopony except…”

I started to take a couple of steps back. I can feel myself becoming overwhelmed by my emotion. Anger, grief, sadness, despair, all piling themselves on me. I started breathing rapidly.

“Heart?” I heard Twilight say.

“Darling, are you alright?” asked Rarity.

“You’re shivering, Mr. Heart-I mean Heart. Are you cold?” whispered Fluttershy.

I was barely paying attention to what everypony was saying, even though my eyes were wide open. I wanted to cry, scream, and destroy all at once. Yet, all I can do was try to keep those feelings at bay. It was a lost cause. I needed to get out of here, away from everypony, lest I hurt them like I hurt…

I’m pretty sure I was hyperventilating. I did the only thing I can think of.

I ran.

As I rocketed towards the sky, I thought I heard a faint “Wait here” from a familiar voice.

I couldn’t stop the tears even if I wanted to. It was just like last night. I was foolish to think it would be so easy. To think it would be fine over a day’s time. Just like last night, I was without destination. All I knew was to be far away from that place, at least for now.

As my vision started to clear, I saw a reflection below me.

Water.

I dove down and landed on the shores of what seems to be a very large lake. I looked at the ever expanding waters. I can see the sun starting to set. That party was going on for a while. That party…

I closed my eyes to force out my tears. I sniffled and wiped my face. As I did, I peered into the water’s edge. It was only disturbed by my tears falling into it but quickly stilled. Such clarity.

I saw two green orbs with black slits looking back at me. I can make out a somewhat unkempt mane on its head…my head. Black with a bright red stripe along the middle, my highlight and just like my tail. I spread my wings, as did my reflection. Large, leathery, almost black, bat-like wings that go along with my coat. At a quick glance, my coat was black, but one can see a reddish tinge on it upon closer inspection, making it have a carmine shade.

Is this what a failure looks like in pony form? A bat pony?

I stared into the lake’s edge some more, before angrily stomping the water, dispelling the clear image. I snorted, my nostrils flaring. Why does this always happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? All I wanted was to find happiness. That’s all I wanted.

I opened my mouth to scream, only for a lump in my throat to block it. Then my wings and shoulders sagged, my head dropping low in shame. How would my parents feel, seeing me throw a tantrum like some foal? My pegasus father and my bat pony mother…what about my little pegasus brother? He would probably be the angriest, seeing me act this way.

I stared into the water again, the water still recovering from my fit and distorting my image. Am I really so weak? Or am I vulnerable? How much was I exposed to…my dearly beloved?

I looked up and spot a small rock formation that acts almost like a dock for this lake. I walked up towards it and went towards the edge. I can feel the soft fresh breeze hit my body and face. It’s so…tranquil here. I just sat there for a while, watching the sun set. Only my breaths and the sounds of the lake’s waters hitting the shores disturbed the silence. I can’t believe my outburst was caused by a simple word, an old nickname…a nickname that was only given to me by one pony, who is no longer mine.

The calmness was broken by the sound of hoofsteps. “Shadow?”

My ears flicked at the sound of my name and I turned around. “Rainbow?”

She was walking towards me, with concern etched across her face. “You going to be ok?”

I turned back towards the setting sun, contemplating my answer. I decided to be honest. “I will be. But am I ok right now? No…I am not.”

I sense her shuffling her hooves, cautious and probably uncomfortable. “Everypony’s worried and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to do something stupid. If you want me to leave, I-”

“No,” I interrupted, “it’s…fine. Thanks for finding me. Let’s go back.”

“Oh.” Rainbow seemed a little surprised.

“I haven’t gotten over it yet, but I feel a little better. I don’t want to pretend what happened didn’t happen. But I don’t want to talk about it.” I turned back around and walked towards her.

“Ok.” She was biting her bottom lip, lost in her thoughts most likely. She didn’t even move when I passed her.

“You coming?”

“Yeah…” Rainbow responded slowly. I can’t really tell how she feels, but I’m not going to keep everpony waiting.

I spread my wings as did Rainbow and we took off. As we did, I looked back to the lake. I have a feeling I will return here many times.

I didn’t really measured the time it took to get to the lake, but it was quite far. It felt longer going back. I passed by even the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. I even spotted the small cottage that was bravely situated next to it. I wanted to ask Rainbow about it but I suppose there will be a better time. Nary a word was uttered in our trip back.

As we come closer and closer to home, I was getting more and more nervous. I never really liked having the spotlight on me and no doubt my little episode will bring up questions. Rainbow turned her head towards me and saw the worry in my face.

She backed up a bit to calm me down. “It’s alright, big guy. I’ll take care of it.”

I just gulped and nodded.

As we alighted at the door, I saw a bunch of ponies look up. Five particular mares ran up to us. Well, four actually did. Fluttershy stayed back and crawled at a quick pace.

I shivered and laid my body close to the ground but then Rainbow stood in front of me with her wings spread, blocking them from getting closer. Her friends paused and looked at her, but Rainbow stood firm.

“Not now,” Rainbow stated sternly.

I smiled in thanks and began to stand upright. “It’s fine. You can tell them what I told you but I need to talk with Pinkie.” I saw a pink pair of ears twitch.

Rainbow turned her head to make sure. I nodded and she closed her wings. She motioned her friends to the side. All except for Pinkie.

Pinkie…she…she didn’t all that good. Terrible even. Her coat seemed darker, gloomier. Her normally crazy and curly mane was flattened out, seemingly unnatural despite it being straight. When she lifted her head, I hesitated only for a moment. Her eyes…had such sadness within them. I didn’t expect her to take it so hard, so personally.

“Pinkie…”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Pinkie.”

“If I only knew…”

“Pinkie.”

“I was being so st-”

“Pinkie!”

Pinkie jerked up and stared at me. I let out a deep breath and gave her my most reassuring smile. “It’s fine, Pinkie.”

“But-”

I stopped her before she can continue. “Shh, it’s ok. There are some things even you don’t know about.”

I hugged her head with my wings, trying to soothe her. She rubbed against my wings, feeling them get slightly wet, but I don’t mind.

“Please forgive me…”

“I already did. I just have…bad memories from that name. I’m sure you can come up with a different nickname though.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Of course not. I can’t blame you. I’m here now, right? Something like that isn't going to make us not friends anymore. C'mon, cheer up for me. Is there still any cake left? It's a party, isn't it? Nothing says 'party' quite like cake.”

I saw her smile a little, her naturally bright color coming back. Then suddenly her mane blew up like a balloon for a split second before going back to how I recognized it. “Yeah, there is. I’ll go get you some!”

I shake my head with a smile on my face as Pinkie hopped away. She means well. A little eccentric, but with a good heart. Just like everypony here. I turned back to see that Rainbow finished talking to her friends.

She caught my eye and started coming towards me. “You alright, Shadow?” The rest of her friends also started coming up to me, although respectfully slow.

I nodded. “Yeah. Still a little shaken, but I think I’ll be fine for tonight.”

“Just know that ya can always count on us for anything, especially me. Most dependable pony around. Even got a trophy to prove it,” assured Applejack.

I chuckled. A trophy for being dependable? “Thanks everypony. It means a lot to me, truly.” I smiled at my new-found friends as Pinkie appeared at my side with a slice of cake on her head.

The party didn’t last long after the cake was served. It was getting kind of late and there was still much to do for the upcoming Summer Harvest event. As the guest quickly trickled down to just the main six ponies I recently met, I started to get ready for bed. It was surprising how quickly everything was cleaned up. I didn’t even notice when the bounce-house was taken down.

“We’ll see each other soon, Heart,” said Twilight.

“I look forward to it.”

We bid our farewells and g’nights for today. I then closed the door and yawned. It’s funny how exhaustion has a habit of catching up to you after everything is over. Luna’s moon is already in the sky. Time flies whenever you don’t expect it to. I turn to face the living room. It feels empty. Not strange since I barely bought this place. I need to send a letter to my family to help me send my belongings. First thing tomorrow.

I groggily made my way upstairs. When I managed to find the bedroom, I saw a large mattress where I will be sleeping. I need to do some shopping for furniture as well. It’ll do for now. As I clamored my way on top of my bed, I began to notice something. This house is too big. Like this bed. I sighed. It was built for more than a single pony in mind.

I laid myself down and eyed the empty space next to me. I wonder…can I really move on? I have to try. No, I have to succeed. Maybe not overnight, but day by day, I’ll climb out of this pit I dug for myself. If not for me, then for…

Then I feel asleep, with loneliness in my heart.

Author's Note

It's pronounced "Sha-dee".

Fuck procrastination. Fuck parties. Fuck pizza. Fuck the "Read Later" list. Fuck the "Watch Later" list on youtube. Fuck all of this because it was what was preventing me from finishing this chapter and posting it 2 days ago.

I'm curious about adding the "Sad" tag here. I mean it's about depression, sure, but it's more along the lines of overcoming that depression. So I'm not sure. Let me know what you guys think.