Rainbow Dash shivered and crossed her forelegs in front of her chest. Her wings flapped reflexively, once – twice – as if beating back the cold. She might as well have tried to push it backwards with her hooves.

It was not supposed to be this cold. Not in September. Ponyville was always such a temperate place; there were exceptions, now and then, but at this time of year it should have still felt like an endless summer.

This was a heck of an exception.

A bead of water dripped onto her nose. Rainbow Dash flicked her head to the side, then reached up to squeeze her mane. Wet – what part of her wasn’t? Stupid rain.

At least the tree above where she buried her capsule offered a little bit of protection from the rain. Assuming, of course, that she didn’t electrocute herself first. All her familiarity with cloudkicking and stormbrewing and the general mechanics of lightning weren’t going to do her any good if she made the rookie mistake of standing underneath a tree in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“Where *is* she?” Rainbow dash muttered darkly, pulling her hoof over her body again and continuing to shiver. She, of course, had timed herself pretty much to the clock – well, she had left with two minutes to spare, but it took her how long to fly over to the Time Capsule spot? Thirty seconds?

There was no way that she was late. But Vanilla, or Tyke, or whoever it was…

How long had it been? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Twenty? Thirty? How much longer was she going to have to wait?

“This is stupid”, Rainbow dash said to herself, staring dejectedly at what normally was a divot in the ground ahead of her, now a steadily swelling puddle of rainwater.

Was she wrong? Was the mystery pony not going to show up after all?

How long would she have to wait in order to find out?

How long was she going to wait – now, that was the actual question. As much as anything else, she was hunched under shelter in the middle of the freezing rain because she wanted this fantasy to be true. Every huff of breath that, by any means, should have condensed in the air like midwinter mist – it was in expectation of fulfilling her mystery, finding what could be the beginning of solace.

The cold would make a warm hug feel that much better. Or a hoofshake, or whatever. Assuming, of course…

But if she wanted this fantasy – what, specifically, did she want? What was she hoping “Vanilla” would be? What did she NEED vanilla to be?

Punctual? It was just the bitterness of the cold talking. Still, reliability - that was somewhere between the two. Maybe punctuality would be nice to count on, but a stabilizing influence in this little mixed-up melodramatic horror show that she had unearthed in her life? That was half of what she was going for.

Some kind of honest face, then. Normal-looking. Not ostentatious. Not personality-less, but not somepony whose life so consumed them that they didn’t need her. But if they had been reading her letters in the first place…

Rainbow Dash smiled. So that was probably true, then. She was just a little bit late. That was all. Probably just the rain.

Shy, though. That was also a given. Probably not what she wanted, but maybe if she was just…timid? That would be better. Not terminally afraid of life, but just needing a little nudge to see things. And there were definitely worse ponies to ask about life then rainbow dash, really.

So that was probably also true. Was there anything else that was a given?

Strong. Or magically talented. Either way, enough so to carry her back, like, a mile or so without being seen. Possibly a Pegasus, then, if not a unicorn? An earth pony might be able to carry her, but they’d have to be really sneaky to dodge through afternoon crowds without being noticed. So not as cool as her, then, but sort of approaching that level. Good. Too big of a power gap would -

“Ugh. Bravado”, Rainbow Dash chastised herself. There wasn’t going to be any need for her to do that around the mystery pony. Though if mystery pony had put up with hers, then she could probably add “humble” to that list, which was also a good thing.

But that was all she knew. Now, as for what she needed…

Understanding. Comprehension. The difference between passively listening to her and understanding what she was really saying, what she needed to do next. Mind-reading? Naw. More like…Empathy? It’d have to do. But yes, that was absolutely necessary.

Which meant proximity. Closeness. So the ability to handle that, take it naturally.

A cuddler would be nice. Not that she was necessarily good with cuddling, but still. That would be something completely different from Gilda. Different was good.

Rainbow Dash giggled. Well, except for that thing with the tongue. She wouldn’t mind if the mystery pony did that.

A flash, followed by the loud CRACK of nearby thunder, interrupted her reverie. The storm was beginning to get dangerous. A smarter pony would have left a long time ago. Or for that matter, not come at all in the first place – what had she been thinking, making an ultimatum like that without even bothering to check the weather in the first place. Would it really have killed her to spend, like, ten minutes with the weather factory forepony?

Hopefully, it wouldn’t kill her that she didn’t.

“Sensible, Rainbow Dash. Really sensible.” Dash muttered. Yeah, she hoped vanilla was that. Or at least something to counterbalance her own flying-off-the-handle-formerly-sleep-deprived-overthinking-rainbow-dash.

Then again, a sensible pony wouldn’t come out in this weather. Or would she? Risk of electrocution or hypothermia on one hoof, dejection of the object of a crush on the other.

The wind howled louder, sending the rain at an angle to the ground. A sudden spray of rain hit Rainbow Dash in the face, and with a surprised yelp she skittered to the side, wiping water out of her eyes.

Should she even be out here?, Rainbow Dash wondered.

Should *I* even be out here?

What kind of pony would come out in this weather?

And then a horrific suspicion bubbled back to the surface.

What if there isn’t any pony at all?

It’d require some serious lying on Twilight’s part. A heck of a prank, if a particularly mean-spirited one. She’d have to be confiscating all of the notes, feigning smugness, keeping it from Applejack – which, honestly, wouldn’t be easy. But possible? Definitely possible. Improbable, but possible.

But then, what’s the point?

Thunder boomed, underscoring the word point with the sort of dramatic poignancy that might have been better appreciated by somepony less wet and significantly less cold. Certain eggheads, Rainbow Dash thought.

What had changed about her, if anything?

Rainbow Dash snickered. Well, okay, that was easy – way, way too much, both over the last four years and over the last month and a half. But what was important? Was there something to be learned from this? Some sort of lesson? Never mind that if the whole thing was a ruse, she was going to have a nice, hot shower, and then a very vigorous introduction between her forehoof and Twilight’s face. But…

“I get that there’s probably a point, but I don’t know what it is. That I can’t escape my fears? That inactivity brings pain? That life sucks?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Well, okay. Maybe not the last one.” Talking to herself. She was talking to herself. Thinking about talking to herself. Thinking about thinking about…

Nope. Nipping that train of thought in the bud, she decided.

But there was no way to know whether or not Vanilla was going to show up. And there was no way to know if Vanilla existed at all. Or whether staying would be fruitless, or if walking away would miss one last chance. In retrospect, the whole “tomorrow or never” sentiment might have been strong, but…

A bolt of lightning fractured the sky into shards with incandescent edges. Unbidden but not irrationally, the word “danger” popped into her head. If she was going to leave, it probably would be for the best if she left soon.

So what did she have to gain? And what did she have to lose?

If she stayed, and Vanilla really existed, then…uncertainty. Probably good uncertainly, but there was no way to know what she was getting into. Of course, she could always turn her (him)? Down in short order, but what if she didn’t immediately refuse? It was likely to be good. For the best.

So why was she thinking about leaving?

Resolve. Conviction. Her secrets, likely, would be buried like a box in mud, taken with her to the grave. But she’d already known that part of her life – twice. If nothing else, she had enabled herself to talk about things nopony should have heard, ever.

So left with nothing, in other words? There had to be some reason it seemed tempting to leave right now, rain aside.

Stay for love. Stay for a new life. Stay for what could be the first steps to a new rainbow dash, just like before. Leave to…

Leave to never change. Leave to keep being who I was, fighting for the same goals, finally succeeding without distraction or the hesitation of heartbreak.

A friend, or a dream? Love or glory? Fulfillment, or…fulfillment?

It was true, though. She could be happy without somepony else, really. She wanted this, of course – wanted it more badly then she would have assumed, a bone-ache and the raising of gooseflesh, attraction magnetic to the unknown.

But that was just it: placing hope in the unknown. In a promise that had tempted, teased at resolution, but never brought itself to resolution. A faith where a miracle was promised, hinted at even, but ultimately a godless faith. But…

“But there will always be others.” Rainbow Dash whispered to herself.

And the revelation lit up the back of her mind like a firework. She *didn’t* need this. If she really wanted love, she could do it the way everypony else did – making an effort and actually asking other ponies her own freaking self. Reliable, honest, timid, talented, empathetic, close, sensible, a cuddler. Tall order, honestly, but not impossible. And it didn’t have to be a perfect find, either, not the first time.

The issue was taking a step for the first time. Placing trust in the unknown. Of COURSE she wasn’t going to show up, all along. It was a completely crummy, awful test for anypony to pull on her, and she’d find a way to get revenge, but it certainly was useful. Stepping away now was no different from staying here, rain aside; all she was doing was not punishing herself for the sake of attachment.

“Just gotta be brave.” Rainbow Dash whispered. Her wings flared, flapped as she stretched, limb by limb. She blinks her eyes, hard, expression furrowing into resolve as she stepped one slightly shaking hoof out into the rain.

“Isn’t this rather an odd day to be outside, Rainbow Dash?”

The bottom fell out of Rainbow Dash’s stomach. With a sharp gasp of surprise and trepidation, Rainbow Dash turned her head to the terrifyingly familiar voice.

Princess Celestia stood no more than ten feet away from the tree. A large, pastel-colored umbrella hovered over her head, shielding her from the pouring rain. Her head was cocked slightly to the side as she stared at Rainbow Dash with quizzical, strangely patronizing mirth.

“I, uh – yeah! Yes it is, uh, Princess Celestia. Aheh.”

“It is quite all right”, Celestia giggled. “Should I assume there is some sort of rational explanation for this?”

“Uh…I guess you could say that, yeah.” Rainbow Dash blinked. “What about you?”

“I quite enjoy a stroll in the rain, from time to time. The world looks rather different under cloud cover. Subdued. Muted. Quieter.”

Lightning exploded in the sky like a flashbulb, and was immediately succeeded by the roaring of thunder.

“Mostly, anyway.” Celestia chuckled. “If nothing else, I hardly run into anypony else during these walks.”

“So you like being alone?”

“I value the company of others, of course. *But* there are times when one seeks to be alone with her thoughts.”

She knows, Rainbow Dash realized. The most logical explanation was, of course, that Twilight told her. Reasonable. Upsetting, but livable. Compared to the theoretical alternative, preferred, even.

“Aheh. I know what you mean, um. I-I mean, I’ve been reading more over the past, um, month, and spending more time with Tank, just…by myself, right? So there’s that whole thing, yeah.”

Princess Celestia hovered the umbrella a little closer to Rainbow Dash, cocking it at an inviting angle. It was an invitation there was no point in refusing; demi-pavilion that it was, it would almost certainly be dryer than the tree.

“Oh? And what do you enjoy reading?” The princess followed her statement with a subtle tilt of her head, almost like a brief wave, the invitation subtle but also unmistakable.

“Daring-Do novels. Excitement is awesome. Horror stories, especially ghost stories. Definitely intense, um, especially if you’re telling it to ponies, y’know, scared of that sort of thing. Which isn’t me. Um.” Every hoof-step towards Celestia felt ponderous, as if time had extended painfully in front of her. A sudden shift in the wind sent another spray of cold rainwater into Rainbow Dash’s face, soaking her mane once more.

“Anything else?”

“Tell-your-own-tales books. Especially, um, big ones, like When the Parasprites Cry, except I’m not sure whether or not that counts. It’s like, y’know, that there’s so much on the line when you’re the main character, and all. But…”

Rainbow Dash was almost certain that her body was moving as slow as it possibly could, consciously or not. The dry shelter of the parasol was only a few feet away, now, but the walk felt like an eternity, and rainwater soaked every inch of her that slipped out from underneath the tree.

“But?”

“But if you make a mistake, you can always go back and try again, until you get it right.

“Do you dislike making mistakes, Rainbow Dash?”

“Doesn’t everypony?” Dash responded, shivering. The tip of her snout poked out under the umbrella.

“I find that my mistakes teach me better than anything else. I’ve learned rather a lot, in that respect.” Celestia chuckled. “When one lives forever, one has to come to terms with one’s mistakes. I’ve really got no choice to accept them for what they were and try to not repeat them.”

“So you don’t regret them?”

“I regret them always. Pride almost led to the overthrowing of my kingdom. Willing ignorance kept me from noticing my sister’s plight until she metamorphosed into Nightmare Moon. Placing trust in a former enemy without seeking to reconcile with him almost led to the destruction of all life in Equestria and the rise of lord Tirek. Fatal mistakes, stupid mistakes, thoughtless and heedless mistakes that might have cost those I loved dearly. But I’ve learned. I’ve learned to take my most precious student more seriously, to take care of my sister’s emotions, and to reconcile with…him.” Princess Celestia concluded, wincing.

“Is that why he’s less of a troublemaking jerk these days?”

Celestia sighed. “Bearing witness to teatime with him and Fluttershy is a small sacrifice to be made for encouraging his better half. Not an insignificant one, though. His table manners are, frankly, atrocious.”

“I figured.” Gooseflesh began to prickle over Rainbow Dash’s legs as she stepped fully under the umbrella. “I guess mine probably aren’t that better, though.”

“Indeed?” Celestia mused, a playful smile flitting across her face.

“Well…and I guess I don’t eat all that well, either. I guess I can’t really imagine that I’d be cut out for the whole Princess lifestyle, or the whole Living in a Castle lifestyle, either”.

“We tend to surprise ourselves in regards to our capabilities and preferences, Rainbow Dash. Didn’t you say that you discovered a love of reading, recently?” Princess Celestia began to walk forward, and with a lurch Rainbow Dash trotted alongside her, doing her best to catch up with the princess’ long stride.

“Well, yeah, but I mean…”

“And wouldn’t you have assumed that Discord was incapable of redemption, merely months ago?”

“I mean…” Rainbow Dash faltered. “But what if I don’t want to change?”

“Don’t you?”

“I want to get better. That kind of change is fine. But I don’t want to get mixed up any more from the pony that I am. I did a lot of thinking over…I guess you could say a month, or a month and a half, I don’t know. But I felt like the more I thought about things, the less happy I was. And I want to move on from that.”

“Thinking, or not being happy?” Celestia chuckled

“Both.”

The dirt beneath her hooves squelched more firmly, steadily. It wasn’t a steep incline, as far as hills went, but it wasn’t in the direction of ponyville. She had seen the topography of the town enough times to know that.

“But what about your love of reading? Isn’t that a change for the better?”

“I mean, I guess so, but…”

“Is it not that you don’t want to change, but that you’re scared of change?”

“There’s a difference?”

“Yes, Rainbow Dash. Looking back may often appear to be as painful and haunting as looking forward. But while the past can lead to a painful future, it ultimately can not hurt us anymore than it already has. It should be accepted, embraced, learned from. And so long as you have the support of your friends, there is nothing – past or future – that cannot inevitably be overcome.”

There was something about Princess Celestia’s words, her tone, her stride and direction; it was uncanny, jarring in a nonviolent way, duplicitous, bifurcated. The most logical explanation was, of course, that Twilight told her. Reasonable. But, more and more, it was beginning to feel like – sound like – the wrong explanation. Learn from this, Rainbow Dash thought to herself. Accept things as they were. Move on. Don’t be beholden to a figment, an ideal, you can be stronger than-

Abruptly, a shiver raced through her spine. Gooseflesh rose over her legs, trying in vain to ward off the chill of the rain that had soaked through her coat, lingered on her skin.

“Cold?” Princess Celestia asked, slowing to a stop.

“…Yes?” Rainbow Dash replied. She knows. She knows about the letters, she knows about the letters, Twilight Sparkle knew about the letters and Princess Celestia knows about the letters because…

The princess shifted, turning to face Rainbow Dash, head craning down towards Rainbow dash’s face as she stepped forward, bodies almost touching. Rainbow Dash shivered, took a breath, inhaled as slowly and as steadily as she could.

“You smell like vanilla”, Rainbow Dash whispered.

“Yes”, Princess Celestia replied, something horrifyingly recognizable shimmering in her eyes, her smile, the sound of her breathing.

“No.” Rainbow Dash whispered, closing her eyes.

“Yes”, Celestia whispered into her ear.

And then her lips were gently touching Rainbow Dash’s: soft, warm, a delicate flutter of contact, tracing her lower lip, then her upper lip, pressed against her mouth, held for a second that lapsed into eternity, and with a thunk the umbrella fell away from them, and her closed eyes saw nothing and her body felt only the wind and the kiss and the rain.

Author's Note

New Chapter; part 1.5 of the story, if you're looking for some closure.