Jewel of the Jungle

Chapter 9

Barnyard Bargains, Ponyville

Never before had I realized the sheer power of Equestrian capitalism until today. Granted, in my travels I often traded with many of the surrounding villages in my homeland and perused various stalls. However, the colossal building had far more in common with a royal palace than a mere shop. I suppose that is why Pinkie called it a “Mega Mart”. An apt name if there ever was one.

Despite the desire to browse at my own pace, I quickly realized that without Pinkie’s guidance, I was doomed to become lost in this veritable labyrinth of manufactured goods. That was why I endured her incessant ramblings on various subjects which seemed to have no logical progression whatsoever.

At one point, I believe the conversation began with our favorite type of candy and ended with…toys designed to entertain felines? After a while I simply stayed silent, allowed her to talk, and nodded when appropriate. I would have gotten a headache had I done otherwise. And while I agreed with Applejack that she was a kind and helpful woman, it was extremely difficult to deal with her on a personal level.

After what seemed like an eternity, we finally arrived at the area of the store that sold shoes. Having gone barefoot most of my life, the soles of my feet were hardened to the point where I could practically walk on pebbles and feel little discomfort.

But I had to agree that constantly walking around town on hard pavement without footwear was an open invitation for possible injury. It also seemed that many of the shops had a “no shirt, no shoes, no service policy” in place. How odd. What of clothing that covered the groin?

Pinkie nodded emphatically. “Oh I know what you mean, sister. I tried to walk into Rose’s flower shop without pants one time and she kicked me out in like ten seconds flat!”

“How did you know what I was thinking?”

“It was the look on your face, silly! And a little bit of a lucky guess.”

“While we are on the subject, do you know why such signs are posted?”

Pinkie smiled. “Yeppers! It’s because society doesn’t want people coming into stores butt naked or spreading around their icky toe fungus and stuff. Hmm. Twilight had a word for it. I think it’s called…Public Decency. Yeah, that’s it!”

“Is that why you provided me with these…flip flops, as you called them?”

“Mhmm. I know they aren’t exactly super comfy but that’s why I brought you with me to shop for some shoes. And don’t worry about the cost. Think of them as my welcome to Ponyville present!”

I frowned. “Thank you, Pinkie. You have been nothing but a kind and generous friend. However, I am uncertain as to how I can repay your kindness…”

“No worries. You’ll think of something eventually.”

Despite her reassurance, I was still a bit leery concerning the cost of my new footwear. I did not want to pick out a pair of shoes that cost too much, but at the same time I was not familiar enough with the Equestrian currency system to make an informed decision. That is to say, I understood that fifty bits was more than thirty bits...yet what did the price difference mean exactly?

Upon taking a closer look, I found that the price of shoes depended heavily upon what brand was printed on the box. With that in mind, I tried to find brands that were lower in price but not necessarily lower in quality.

After about fifteen minutes, I settled on a pair of shoes that were similar to what Rainbow Dash had been wearing. I figured that if they were good enough for an athlete of her caliber, they were good enough for my daily travels.

When I tried them on, I was astonished by how comfortable they were. It was as if my feet were being cushioned by clouds! Another bonus was the fact that they conformed to my every movement without awkwardly hindering my gait like the flip-flops did. The only thing I did not like about them was that the material inside chaffed against my feet. But that was a small price to pay, in my opinion.

Pinkie furrowed her brow. “Are you really gonna get a pair of boring old tennis shoes?”

“I find them quite comfortable and reasonably priced. Do you not approve of my choice?”

“Weeell I guess it’s not a problem if you like them. Personally, I’d get something snazzier but they are a heck of a lot cheaper than some of the shoes around here.”

“What do you mean by snazzier?”

Pinkie rubbed her chin. “You know, like with more style! Black and white is just so…blah. Kinda reminds me of what it’s like to shop with Dashie. She doesn’t really care too much about style either, BUT it does match your hair.”

“I…see. Again, I apologize for my ignorance. Apparel has never been something I paid much attention to.”

“Ooooh. I get it. You’re a tomboy! And that’s totally cool ‘cause not all of us can love fashion as much as Rarity does.”

I shook my head. “The reason I never concerned myself with clothing was because I did not desire to wear any, as it was an integral part of my beliefs. Furthermore, Zebrica’s climate tends to be warm all year around, so I was quite comfortable going about my daily life in the nude.”

Pinkie, who had not stopped talking since I met her, stared at me in abject bewilderment. In all honesty, I thought it was rather rude that she opened her mouth as wide as she did. It made me feel so…alienated. Was my lifestyle truly so off-putting that Equestrians believed me to be some sort of deranged deviant?

Moments felt like eons as the painfully awkward silence continued to stretch between us. Despite my best efforts to curb the vortex of emotions inside me, my eyes welled up with tears of frustration along with a deepening blush of embarrassment. I came to Equestria to live how I pleased, not to be judged by others!

Pinkie gasped. “Oh my gosh! I’m soooo sorry! I totally didn’t mean to upset you! It’s fine with me if you wanna live like that. You just surprised me a bit. I mean, it’s not every day you get to meet a real, live nudist! Except for Tree Hugger. But I guess she isn’t technically a nudist. More of a hippie really. In fact, there was this one time we she got SUPER baked and decided to take a bath in town hall foun—”

“It is alright. And I apologize for my outburst as well. I am just so very tired of everyone judging me for how I choose to live.”

Pinkie rubbed her neck. “Yeah, the people here in Ponyville can be super conservative about stuff sometimes. NOT that it’s an excuse for them to judge you or anything. Zecora, I really am sorry. Would a hug would make you feel better?”

“I suppose so…”

I barely had a second to compose myself before the bubbly woman crushed me in a terrific bear hug. Seriously, just how strong was she? I swear I heard my rib cage creak slightly. In any case, I hugged her back with all the intensity I could muster. It felt oddly…cathartic. I feel that I should mention that her body was, in fact, quite soft. Therefore, very pleasant to hug.

“Sooo do you feel any better?”

I chuckled. “Yes, I do. Thank you.”

“Told ya! And if anybody is mean or judgmental about your lifestyle tell me about it. I’ll set ‘em straight Pinkie Pie style~”

“What, pray tell, does that involve?”

Pinkie cracked her knuckles. “Beating the crap out of ‘em, mostly. But don’t worry! I won’t hurt them bad enough so they have to go to the hospital. I promise!”

“But I can handle my—”

“Nuh uh. None of that, missy! They need to feel my PINK FISTS OF FURY!”

Normally, I would have simply dismissed the woman’s claim as nothing more than bravado. But…having experienced firsthand how strong she was, I had to consider the very real possibility that she possessed the strength to back her words. It made me all the more grateful that she was my friend rather than my foe.

With my intended purchase in hand, the two of us made our way towards the front of the “Mega Mart”. Of course, I allowed Pinkie to guide me since I had no idea where I was supposed to exchange currency for goods I procured. This was yet another instance I needed to learn about in order to adjust to my new life in Equestria.

Unfortunately, Pinkie indicated that she needed to stop by the section of the store that contained remedies and various toiletries. From what I could tell, she told me that she needed to purchase a brand of toothpaste called Tutti Frutti Fluoride Freshness©. By the sprits, I swear this woman was utterly obsessed with childish things!

Whilst she made her selection, I took the opportunity to browse the area. Never in my entire life had I seen so much medicine in one place! It was unlike any of the apothecaries I visited during my travels.

For one thing, all of the medicines were contained in colorful boxes or bottles and lined up in sections according to their use. In my experience, the purveyor of the shop generally placed the remedies in glass jars or in burlap sacks, so his or her potential customer could view them directly.

This was certainly not the case. In fact, if one did not properly read the label printed upon the medicine, it was not immediately clear as to what the medicine treated or indicative of its quality. I was also rather off put by the price labels placed directly upon the shelves. It was important to make a living, plying your wears…but this just smacked of profiteering to me.

I firmly believed that prices should be negotiable in order to best service the customer’s needs. Otherwise, the emphasis would be placed on whether or not a person had the coin to pay for a remedy, rather than aiding someone in need.

It was yet another bizarre facet of Equestria’s culture that I had trouble grasping. But at least I could run my herbal shop in a more traditional manner. That is, if and when it became more established.

So caught up was I, in my own thoughts, that I managed to collide into a fellow shopper. It was profoundly embarrassing for me because I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings instead of thinking about business practices.

The poor woman I ran into managed to drop all of her purchases upon the floor. But after a quick inspection, I determined that she appeared to be uninjured and her personal effects undamaged. After scrambling to my feet, I made my way over and helped her off the floor.

“I am terribly sorry, miss. I was not paying attention to where I was going. Are you alright?”

“Oui, I shall be fine.”

Immediately, I noticed that she spoke with a cultured, if somewhat guttural accent. It was obvious that she was not a native of Equestria, but from where exactly she hailed from I did not know. It sounded familiar; like I had heard it once before but…for the life of me, I could not place it.

She was quite beautiful in my opinion. Olive complexion, silky pink hair with frosty highlights, long legs, and perky bosoms made her look like she came straight from the canvas of a famous painting. Her choice of attire seemed a bit odd, though.

She wore a dark blue bandana on top of her head and a pair of sunglasses, despite being indoors. Considering that I chose to forego clothing most of the time, it was not my place to judge. But the more concerning issue regarding our encounter was the fact that her movements were skittish and cautionary. It made her seem more like a hunted animal than a person. What possessed her to act this way?

“Please allow me to help you retrieve your things. It is the least I can do to make up for my blunder.”

The woman waved her hand. “Wait! Those items are per—”

Whatever she was going to say lost all meaning. It was mainly because I happened to notice the nature of her purchases while picking them up. They all seemed to be sexual aids of one kind or another. In particular, I saw a bottle of fruit scented lubricant and wondered if Macintosh would enjoy such a thing…

“Ah. I did not realize you were purchasing…intimate products.”

The woman blushed fiercely. “It’s a little too late for that now. But at least you are woman. I don’t know what I would’ve done had you been a man.”

“Again, I apologize for causing you any discomfort or embarrassment.”

“I know you didn’t mean to. Accidents happen. C'est la vie, non?”

I offered her my hand. “My name is Zecora and I came here with my friend to do some shopping. I take it that you are doing the same?”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Zecora. Call me…Fleur, if you please. And yes, I came to purchase some items of a—more personal nature.”

I cleared my throat. “Am I correct in assuming that you have a lover to ermm—share those with? I-I mean, if you do not wish to answer, I completely understand! I am merely curious.”

“He’s actually my husband. This year marks our fifth wedding anniversary, in fact!”

“Congratulations! I hope that the both of you continue to find happiness with one another for many years to come.”

“Merci. Do you happen to have a special someone in your life as well?”

I nodded. “I do but he is not my husband…yet.”

“Marriage is a very big step in the wheel of life, ma belle amie. It takes some people a bit more time to come to terms with such a life-altering decision. Trust me. If he loves you, he will ask you to become his wife. All you need to do is be patient.”

I sighed. “I know. Waiting is always the hardest part. I—ah—could not help but notice that you have quite a variety of sexual aids in your possession. Do you, perhaps, have trouble engaging in acts of intimacy?”

“I should have known that you would ask that. To answer your question: yes and no.”

“What do you mean?”

Fleur bit her lip. “Well, it’s complicated. Don’t get me wrong! My husband and I love each other very much and we try to be intimate often as we can. But it’s difficult for me to…climax more often than not.”

“And you believe that these products will help you?”

“That I do not know. I’ve tried everything! Medicine and doctors alike never seem to do me any good. I’m not sure what to do anymore…”

I cocked my head. “Perhaps I could help.”

“I appreciate the sentiment but I’m sure how you could.”

“Let us just say that I am quite knowledgeable when it comes to herbal medicine. I might have a remedy in my possession that could help you with your issue.”

Fleur’s expression brightened. “Really? You’ve dealt with this sort of thing before?”

“When I was as an apprentice under my teacher, there were many women who came to us seeking aid with sexual issues similar to your own. I assure you that there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is simply a matter of finding the correct treatment for your body’s particular needs.”

Fleur grabbed my shoulders. “How much will this treatment cost and where can I get it?”

“We can discuss cost later. I am more concerned about fixing your issue first. Come visit my cabin near the edge of the Everfree Forest later today and I shall prepare a remedy for you.”

“Very well. I have nothing left to lose at this point. I’ll see you again this afternoon.”

I nodded. “Good. Enjoy the rest of your shopping, Ms. Fleur.”

The rest of the shopping trip was a success. After Pinkie and I purchased our items, we had a quick lunch at the same diner that I met Macintosh in earlier. The fare was by no means extravagant, but enjoyable none the less. Pinkie settled for what she called a “hamburger” and I ate a turkey club sandwich.

The only thing I was slightly confused about was why Pinkie called her sandwich a “hamburger”. From what I could tell, the main ingredient was actually beef and did not contain any meat from a pig. Well, save for a few strips of bacon. But that still was not ham!

My confusion was only multiplied when Pinkie ordered dessert. The dish she ordered was something called “cheesecake” and it was covered in what appeared to be partially gelatinous cherries. She offered me a bite, and I found it delicious.

But why was it called a cake? Clearly, it was not a cake or a pie for that matter. It more closely resembled a tart, in both texture and taste. So why call it a cake? Ugh! I am uncertain if I will ever come to understand these strange conventions when naming dishes.

Disregarding any further culinary mysteries, I made my way back to the cabin after lunch. As soon as I walked in the door, I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me. After I thought about it for a moment, it dawned on me as to why I felt so tired. The combination of digesting a large meal and dealing with my hyperactive friend had put a strain on my endurance.

Rather than feel guilty about it, I relished the idea of taking a quick nap. In fact, it was quite common in my homeland for people to rest in the middle of the day. It gave farmers and laborers time to recharge themselves for the evening, as well as…an opportunity to make love to their wives, if they wanted to. Coincidentally, my people happen to have a proverb for such a situation: Those who lay ‘neath noon-day’s light are given into passion’s flight.

Perhaps at some point in the future I would consider doing such a thing for Macintosh as a surprise. Passion was, after all, a difficult feeling to suppress. Especially when you wanted nothing more than to feel the soft touch of a lover’s embrace. However, it was unwise to allow passion to completely dictate every facet of one’s life.

After contemplating a rather divergent line of thought, I stripped out of the clothes Pinkie gave me and nestled into my bed. While I was not overly fond of clothing in general, I enjoyed the feeling of the silky soft sheets as they pressed against my skin. Why you ask? Well, I suppose it was simply because it felt good and to a lesser extent the warmth made me feel safe.

I was uncertain exactly how long I had been asleep. The only thing I did know was that someone was knocking at my door. In my half-conscious state, I jumped out of bed and ran towards my door without really thinking about anything else.

“May I help you?”

Much to my dismay, Ms. Fleur was the person on the other side of my doorway. To be fair, I did tell her it was alright to visit me later in the day…but I had neglected to remember that while napping. I hoped that she would forgive me for my negligence.

Fleur cleared her throat. “Ça alors—umm—did I come at a bad time?”

“My hair must look like quite a mess! Forgive me; I was taking a nap just a few moments ago. If you give me a moment, I will try my best to straighten it out.”

“No, that’s not really what—”

“Please come in and make yourself comfortable. I will return in a few moments after I comb my hair. In the meantime, there is tea in the fridge if you feel thirsty.”

I must have looked like a complete fool! Upon viewing my refection in the bathroom mirror, I noticed that my hair was askew and single bead of drool was still present on my lower lip. Luckily, I tended to keep my hair somewhat short so combing it back was not too difficult. After doing that, I washed my face and quickly dried off.

When I walked back into the living room, I noticed that Ms. Fleur had decided to take a seat on the couch while she enjoyed a glass of iced tea. I was not particularly thirsty, so I did not partake of any tea myself. Instead, I chose to sit next to her and get straight to business. It was the least I could do to make up for my earlier blunder.

“My deepest apologies, Ms. Fleur. I lost track of time while I slept. Do you still want me to help you find a remedy?”

Fleur rubbed her neck. “Yes, I’m still interested. But…do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“I suppose I do not mind.”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re naked, mon chéri. Do you mind telling me why?”

I blushed. “I forgot to put anything on in my haste to answer the door. But this is usually how I go about in my own home. I am more comfortable in the nude. If that makes you uncomfortable, I can go put something on…”

“No, no. I’m not bothered by it. Please, stay as you are. I would do much the same as you if I were at home.”

“You…would?”

Fleur nodded. “Oui. You see, I’m originally from Prance. And in my home country we have a— what’s the word?—more liberal attitude concerning nudity than Equestria. In fact, I have been a naturiste my entire life. So, I’m quite used to it.”

“Oh how wonderful! You have no idea what this means to me to finally find someone who shares my lifestyle!”

Fleur smiled. “I’m always happy to meet a fellow naturiste. Although, I would ask that you keep quiet about it. If the media found out, it would cause my husband and I an endless amount of grief and hassle. We already have enough on our plate to deal with as is.”

“I am afraid that I do not understand. Why would the media cause you grief?”

“I’m terribly sorry, Zecora! I assumed you knew who my husband was. I guess that makes a certain amount of sense considering that you haven’t been in Equestria very long. My husband is Chancellor Fancy Pants.”

“WHAT?! You mean to tell me that the leader of Equestria is your husband? P-please forgive me! I feel even worse for making such an important person wai—”

Fleur put her finger on my lips. “Stop that. I came here as Fleur, not the chancellor’s wife. So just treat me as you would any other person. That’s all I ask.”

“O-ok. If that is what you wish, then I shall comply. So…what kind of issues are you experiencing during intimacy?”

Fleur looked down at her feet. “When Fancy and I make love, my…orgasms just don’t seem to be as intense as they used to be. Believe me, I’ve tried all sorts of drugs and aids but nothing seems to work!”

“I am not certain that any of those drugs would help you.”

“What do you mean? Are you saying that you can’t help me?!”

I shook my head. “That is not what I meant. From what I can tell, the stress you accumulate in your mind during the day causes physical symptoms in your body. Hence, why you do not enjoy making love as much as you used to.”

“But I’ve been to several of the best specialists in Canterlot! They all said I was healthy. How can they be wrong?”

“Were you experiencing the same type of stress when visiting said specialists? Because it seems to me that you would not, simply due to the timing of your symptoms.”

Fleur gasped. “Now that I think about it, you’re right! The tests they administered were something I knew about far in advance, thus they wouldn’t have accurately gauged my daily stress levels. How could I not have noticed this before?”

“Sometimes, all it takes is an outsider’s perspective.”

“True. So, do you have anything in particular that might help me?”

“I just might. Wait here while I go fetch it.”

The mind is always a tricky creature to deal with. One must never discount the fact that a problem based there can often lead to physical consequences, whether intended or not. For example: If I happened to hurt my leg during a hunt, I could choose to ignore the pain and continue on. My mind, in that instance, would be overriding my physical response to address the injury.

In Ms. Fleur’s case, the stress she experienced from her lifestyle made her tense, thus she would not be as relaxed as she could be to enjoy making love. It was simply the byproduct of an overactive mind that resulted in a physical reaction. Luckily, I happened to have an herbal remedy that might help her.

My remedy came in the form of a tea. More specifically, a tea made from the ground fronds of the Blood Fern. No, it was not called the Blood Fern because it was harmful in any way or caused bleeding. The name is derived from the dark crimson color of the plant itself, which resembles blood.

The fern, ironically enough, does happen to have an effect on the blood flow of the person who ingests it. In layman terms, it heightens the sensitivity of the skin by increasing the speed which blood circulates through the body. Both women and men alike tend to experience more intense arousal and orgasms upon consumption of the tea.

I figured that the Blood Fern tea would likely solve most of Ms. Fleur’s issues. Just to be sure, I also included a vial of mild muscle relaxant derived from the sap of the Tongo Tree. It has been a tried and true remedy for countless generations amongst my people and is non-addictive, so long as it is consumed in small doses. Hopefully, that would help.

I handed Fleur her remedies. “This is Blood Fern tea. Brew a pot and drink at least two cups, but do not consume any more than a few drops of the liquid inside this vial within a day’s time.”

“What’s in the vial?”

“A mild muscle relaxant. But do not worry. You will not become addicted to it, if you use it in moderation. It will help to loosen the tension in your muscles a bit.”

Fleur kissed both of my cheeks. “Thank you! How much do I owe you?”

“For now, just give me thirty bits. I think that is a fair price for a first-time customer.”

“That’s…all? I usually pay two to three times that price for on the market drugs. Are you sure you don’t want more?”

I shook my head. “I am more concerned about helping you than making a hefty profit. Go and enjoy making love to your husband.”

“O-of course! And thank you again, Zecora. If your medicine works, I’ll spread the word around Canterlot that you’re the woman to see. Au revoir!”

After I waved goodbye to Fleur, I smiled to myself in satisfaction. This why I wanted to become an herbalist. Helping others just gave me a sense of pride and happiness that I could not possibly quantify or explain. Of course, I still wanted to earn a living. But that was merely a means to an end. Now, all I needed was for Macintosh to make me his wife…