Cutie, Cheesy Problems

Dear Diary,

After finally mustering up the strength to do so, I had asked permission from my parents to travel to Ponyville.  In all honesty, I'm very glad that they didn't ask why, but sent me off with a wallet full of bits and the casual blessing before departure.  I wouldn't be surprised if they knew about Cheese Sandwich's current location, but then again, I wouldn't be overly surprised if they thought that this had to do with my quest towards my cutie mark.

Don't get me wrong: I already have my cutie mark, but even until now, there are parts about it that are still vague.  Until I can figure out more, I hold a job in the family business: making cheeses primarily for the higher class ponies.  We make our living off of the profits primarily from Canterlot, but we do get business from other places.  Baby Belle, my sophisticated cousin, seems to understand the ways of Canterlot, and thus keeps business there afloat very well.  I remember admitting to her once about how I thought there was something so rarity about her, and she just laughed, talking about how she met a unicorn whom had the same name as I described her.  Exactly why I still remember that remains oblivious to me.

One of the only things in life that is almost as weird as Baby Belle is the history of my cutie mark.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about it, but seeing as how I have a long trip before actually reaching Ponyville, I figured I might as well write about it since I consider it to be very important to me.  Odd: I don't think Cheese Sandwich knows about my cutie mark, seeing as how he left before I got mine.

Yes, dare I say, I was a very late bloomer, and to think: it all started with a party.

Princess Celestia had given Manehatttan the pleasure of gracing us with her presence.  Princess Luna, whom I found out later, was still banished in the moon, so I never had the honor of seeing her until later in time.  I was only at this party because I was convinced by Baby Belle that I needed to get out.  I didn't have my cutie mark at the time, and only Baby Belle's optimistic nature brought me out of my shell time and time again to go to these silly parties.  If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that Baby Belle reminded me of a rather unusual pink pony that I remember seeing a long time ago, but I suppose that doesn't matter.

While I had the honor of seeing Princess Celestia, I never got the chance to actually talk to her: I let Baby Belle do most of the talking for both of us.  I'm not sure how exactly it hit me, but the only time that I actually talked to the princess won me a curious look from my cousin.  Yes, I asked the princess about her faith.

What amazed me was that the closest thing she had to faith was in her magic: the whole "believing in yourself" sort of thing.  Being a unicorn myself, I was partly forced to know this already.  As a unicorn myself, I understand that concept, yet at the same time, I didn't understand.  Baby Belle and the princess were also talking at the time, so I decided to completely drop the matter.

How, then, could I have obtained my cutie mark from a silenced conversation?

To tell you the truth, it wasn't really silenced: at least for me.  Yes, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more stressed I was about the affair.  Believing in yourself ever since you were born was almost god-like, and there was no way I could acknowledge within myself that Princess Celestia was a god in any form of manner.

After all, if Princess Celestia was a god, you would think that she would have been able to prevent the turn of events concerning Princess Luna.  Perhaps not so many would have forgotten her royal name instead of being reminded of her alternative name: Nightmare Moon.  I even remember asking my fellow classmates during school about what they knew about Princess Luna: the most common thing I heard was Nightmare Moon, and only a few pointed out to the Canterlot archives, and only until now did I have the approval of my parents to go often on the account of my cutie mark, since they agreed that I couldn't be denied my destiny.

It was this thought about trying to find what started it concerning faith and hope (heck, maybe even the origins of magic itself!) all that burned into a desire I still hadn't been able to wipe out.  This fire, this burning flame, won me my cutie mark.  I do admit that from time to time I have been discouraged from my work, but something was always there to bring about a comeback and encourage me that I didn't get his mark on my flank for nothing.  True, I still work within the cheese industry with my relatives, as long as I have time to be left to my books, I suppose there is an agreement between myself and my family.

Most ponies do not understand how I can be content with my destiny, but then again, it's not like I always understand their contentment with their destiny, such as the unusual destiny of my brother.  If our names were not the names of cheeses, and if we didn't carry a coat color that was awfully similar, perhaps no one would have known that he and I were related, let alone that I was elder one.

Thinking about my brother again might bring me tears tonight: I'm not sure if I can face him, but I know that I have to.  Oh, what a long night!

Sincerely,

Brie Cheese of Manehattan