Cutie, Cheesy Problems

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure if I'm going to write in you again for a long time.  From what I understand, Ponyville isn't too far away now.  Who knows, I might actually get there tonight.

Looking at the invitation again, I have made another mental note to consult the one Cheese Sandwich told me in another note to seek out once I reached Ponyville.  I'm not sure yet if it's the same pony, but do you remember when I mentioned how Baby Belle reminded me of a pink pony I remember seeing once?  Yes, I believe I might see her again: there is a small window that Pinkie Pie wouldn't be pink.

To be honest, I have never seen Ponyville for myself before, but I am counting on the simplicity of the town in relation to Manehattan and Canterlot.  Perhaps all of the open air and the country will do me good since all I have known was the city.  I have had the pleasure of hearing many times about the reputation of Ponyville, but never had the honor of actually visiting this sector of Equestria until now.  I have also seen pictures of this location, but always had this notion that it was not the same as actually being there.

Well, this particular event was special, so why not make a memory?

I'm worried of making a bad memory.  I am concerned that when I actually see my brother face to face for the first time in almost forever, I will say something stupid, or maybe do something stupid.  So many emotions are boiling on the inside of me that I'm not even sure if I'll get my feelings across to him without screwing up or letting them out in a manner that my brother wouldn't understand.  After all, he's not only my brother that I haven't seen in a long time, but also my only brother.  The idea that I can't do what I'm supposed to as a sister only accumulates the tears that haven't fallen from my face yet.

Will I yell at him on the account of my anger?

Most likely.

Will I weep and cry my eyes out knowing that I have seen with the same eyes that he is alright?

Most likely.

Will I regret knowing that my introduction to him will more than likely be a burst of negative feelings?

Most likely.

No, it isn't most likely, but most definitely.  I know that I will yell in at least some manner (even if he doesn't understand) and demand his motives, cry my eyes out knowing that he is okay, and later regret that after so long, I approached him this way.  Then again, there is always that stupid hope running through my veins that Cheese Sandwich would understand, or he wouldn't have sent the invitation.

Everything is so uncertain, and I haven't felt this way in a long time.  For the record, I think I've grown to distaste uncertainty, and perhaps is a great weakness of mine.  Normally, I would be able to figure out where to solve my questions, and I think I know the answer, but maybe I do not feel comfortable with the idea of what my answer would be.  The closer I come to Ponyville, the harder it is for me to breath without some mixture of so many feelings making my hooves shakey and my chest tighten to a point where I'm unsure of my current breathing state.

To all that is holy: please help me confront my brother, I hope he understands despite the outburst that is sure to come.  I lost my brother once, and I don't want to lose him again, especially if the blood is on my hooves.  I may have uncertain feelings, but one thing is certain: I'm really tired of not facing them.

Sincerely,

Brie Cheese of Manehattan

P.S. The sun looks exceptionally beautiful this morning, but that wasn't the only reason why I couldn't sleep.