Friendship Faceoff

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“…Just 4 easy payments of 25 bits and…”

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“…the best muffins in all of Equestria…”

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“…don’t forget there is a rain shower scheduled for…”

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“…all this and more on tonight’s episode of ‘All My Parasprites’…”

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“UGH!  There’s NOTHING ON!!!” Rainbow Dash groaned as she slammed the remote down to the table.  Her five fellow friends seemed to be equally disheartened as the fourth hour of their very first ‘TV Viewing Party Night’ was going nowhere.

“So… what was the purpose of this invention again” Applejack asked, trying her hardest to stay awake.  Twilight only shrugged.  “Well, Princess Celestia said that ‘television’ was supposed to provide everypony with information and entertainment right from their own living rooms.”

“Yeah, if you call hitting a button on this remote thing ‘entertainment’” Rainbow snorted.  “I mean you’d think with all these channels, that there would be at least SOMETHING interesting to watch!”

“Yes, it does seem that this whole venture is simply a waste of time.” Rarity noted as she sipped her lemon tea she had prepared earlier.  “This television has nothing to offer a pony with such sophisticated tastes such as myself.  By the way, you never told us why you invited us all here Pinkie?”

Pinkie Pie shrugged.  “Ever since the Cakes got this TV, I saw some really neat shows on it!  So I thought we could have a TV Party while we watch them together!”

“Too bad all these shows are a ‘might boring”.  Applejack stated, trying to suppress a yawn.

“I’m just shocked at the lack of educational programming” Twilight added. “You’d think with such a powerful invention that it would be used to broadcast programs to expand the minds of ponies everywhere!”

“What kind of shows did you have in mind, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight placed a hoof on her chin. “Hmm...  Maybe something like ‘This Week in Astrological Theory’ or maybe ‘The Royal Canterlot Archives: The Early Years’.   Oh!  How about ‘The Wonderful World of Checklists’!  Wouldn’t that make a great show?”  Twilight grinned at her friends, awaiting a response.  Her expression softened a bit, however, as she was met with a mixture of sighs, groans, facehoofs, and giggles.

“Uh, Twilight,” Applejack replied “They ain’t gonna make shows that nopony’s gonna watch, sugarcube.”

“Unless they make an all-egghead channel!” Rainbow chuckled.

Twilight frowned “Well, it’s certainly better than ‘Equestrian Gladiators’.”

Rainbow backed off a bit and raised her front hooves, defending herself.  “Hey, that was a very deep show!  It’s about how one pony can overcome all challenges and obstacles before them in order to become a stronger pony!  It’s about the sacrifices, the blood, sweat, and tears that must be taken in order to achieve everlasting glory!”  She got up onto a nearby table and stood in a dramatic pose to emphasize the grandness of her speech.

“You were just head over hoof over that pegasus stallion contestant, weren’t you Dashie?” Pinkie Pie giggled.

Rainbow’s face turned a shade red, “Well… you gotta admit he was pretty attractive.”

Rarity nodded, taking another sip from her tea cup. “He was certainly well built for a stallion.  But did they really have to dress him up in that ridiculous excuse of an outfit?” She frowned as she remembered the outfit that nearly broke her will to live.

Twilight tried to reassure her fellow unicorn companion.  “It IS practical for an athletic competition, Rarity”.

“Yes, I know that, but the color scheme was just so ghastly!” Rarity shouted, nearly spilling her tea onto the floor. “And was that cape REALLY necessary?  He’s not a comic book character, after all.  They should have laws against wearing such travesties in public!”

“Well… um…” Fluttershy spoke up “I liked that fantasy show.”

Twilight’s eyes twitched at the mention of one of the shows the group had viewed earlier that evening.  It was the cartoon that featured those… creatures.  Actually, Twilight was sure the term ‘creatures’ was a misnomer.  She would probably use the phrase ‘scientific abominations’ instead.  Granted she only saw half of the show before they voted to change the channel, but it was a good 7 minutes of images that no amount of brain bleach could ever hope to get out.

“The Adventures of the Seaponies?” Twilight asked, as if uttering the name itself was forbidden.

“Yes!  Oh they were so cute!!!”  Fluttershy was gushing, much like she had when she first met Spike.

Rarity, however, shook her head in disagreement.  “I think the word creepy is more appropriate here, darling.  I can appreciate a nice fantasy just like any other mare, but the idea of ponies that live in the sea seems a bit… unnatural.”

“A BIT unnatural?”  Twilight laughed at Rarity’s understatement.  “It violates virtually every known sense of biology laws in existence!  The scientific ramifications of ‘seaponies’ are just too horrifying to even begin to comprehend!”

“And they sing!!!” Rainbow added, “I mean, what sort of sense does that make?  All they do is laugh and sing!  Can you guys imagine a world where everypony just laughs and sings all day?”

Pinkie Pie suddenly jerked forward as she remembered something.  “That reminds me.  I have to write to Starsong and Toola-Roola.  I haven’t heard from them since the generation leap.”

Twilight glanced at Pinkie.  “What are you talking about?”

Pinkie just shrugged.  “Oh nothing.  I’ll tell you when you’re older!”  She patted Twilight on the head, leaving the bookworm extremely annoyed.

“Well… seaponies are just make believe, and they DID make that show for little foals, anyway.” Fluttershy added in defense of the cute show.

“Which makes me wonder why we actually watched it in the first place!” Rainbow Dash shouted in frustration.  “We’re grown mares for crying out loud!  Ponies like us watching a show like that is just way too silly, right Applejack?”  Rainbow turned to her cowpony friend for a response, but was instead greeted by the sound of snoring.

“Applejack?”

She turned her head and found that somewhere in the middle of the group conversation, Applejack had fallen asleep.

~~~

Darkness.  Nothing but darkness.  No matter how hard she tried, all she could see was the never-ending darkness.  In fact, it was also getting increasingly harder to breath in this mysterious environment.  She didn’t know how she got here or why she was here in the first place, but all she knew that if something didn’t change within the next few seconds, the darkness would consume her forever.  There was a considerable amount of panic in her mind as she not only tried to process her situation, but also reached out for somepony, anypony to save her.

It was then when she was able to make out a faint sound, a… giggling sound?  A tiny speck of light began to peak its way out from the darkness, growing slowly as the giggling sound grew stronger as well, with several more giggling sounds joining in as well.  The sound surrounded her, overwhelming her mind.  But there was a certain air of calmness to the sound, a reassurance to her panicked mind.  Almost as if she had experienced this before.  In fact, she was SURE she had experienced this before, but where?

Before she could make any connections, a strange creature appeared before her.  What was this thing?  She wasn’t sure what it was, but all she knew was that it wasn’t a pony.  Well, it looked like a pony.  It had a pony head and a mane, but its body was small, its tail was curvy, and instead of hooves, it had… flippers?  The strange creature smiled at her.

“Welcome back Applejack.  We’ve been waiting for you.”

Before she knew it, her world lit up as she noticed the creature was now joined by several more of its kind.  Dozens more.  No, hundreds! No, THOUSANDS!!! They all stared back at her for a moment before they all shouted in harmony.

“SHOO BE DO!  SHO SHOO BE DO!!!”

~~~

“C’mon AJ!!!  WAKE UP!!!”

Rainbow Dash’s initial efforts to wake Applejack up had been met with resistance from the farmer, so Rainbow was now forced to shake the heavy sleeper awake.

“We forgot to invite Megan!!!” Applejack shouted as she quickly regained consciousness.  She looked around as it dawned on her where she was, and that everypony was staring right at her “Heh.  Sorry.  Must have dozed off back there.”

Twilight smiled “It’s OK Applejack.  It is getting a little late.”

“Ah know.” Applejack yawned again as she got up and began to make her way to the door.  “I gotta get back to the Acres.  Me and Big Macintosh have a long day of bucking ahead of us tomorrow.”

“WAIT!!!!”  Pinkie Pie ran over and dragged Applejack back to the TV room.  “You can’t leave yet.  ‘Friendship Faceoff’ is about to start!!!”

“Friendship Faceoff?” asked Rainbow Dash.

Twilight knew she heard the name of the show before, and she was sure that name had some very negative stigmas attached to it. “Isn’t that the game show where two supposedly best friends humiliate themselves for bits and prizes?”

“Well, it isn’t really humiliating.  They just try to guess how their friend would answer a question, that all.  It’s a giant party game!  I was hoping you guys would enjoy it too!”

Twilight rolled her eyes.  “Forget it Pinkie.  Those types of shows exploit poor ponies into making fools of themselves in the name of cheap entertainment.”

“Aww… come on Twilight.  It’s all in good fun.” Pinkie pouted.

Rarity pondered the concept of the game.  “Well, it certainly does sound like fun.  I wouldn’t be opposed to watching an episode.”

Rainbow shrugged.  “Meh, I’ll watch.  It’s not like there’s nothing else this TV thing has to offer”

“Well, if everypony’s staying….I guess I’ll stay and watch too.” Fluttershy smiled.

Twilight sighed in defeat.  “Fine.  I’ll give it a shot.”

Pinkie shot a puppy dog look over to Applejack.

“Pleeease Applejackie?”

“Ugh, OK!  But don’t call me Applejackie, all right?”

The six mares gathered around the TV once again as Pinkie changed the channel.

~~~

“You are watching EBC, the Equestria Broadcasting Company!”

The station’s logo faded out and the picture soon changed to a darkened studio, lit only by waving spotlights and the flashing lightbulbs that decorate the set.  A loud catchy tune began to play as the voice of an announcer began his opening spiel.

“Live from Manehatten… It’s time for Equestria’s favorite game show… FRIENDSHIP FACEOFF!!!  And now, here is your host, Dollar Sign!!!”

The main studio lights came up and the studio audience all cheered and stomped their hooves as a sleek looking green Earth Pony decked out in a snazzy brown suit trotted onto the stage and took a bow.  His yellow mane was combed back and glimmered brilliantly in the studio lights.  The theme music faded out as the host took a bow to the audience and began talking to the camera.

“Thank you Announcer Mike!  Welcome to Freindship Faceoff everypony!  This is the show that puts friendship through the ultimate test as we find out how well does the average pony REALLY know about their best friend.  Well, we’ll try to answer that question today with three sets of best friends from all over Equestria!  So let’s not waste any more time, let’s meet today’s contestants!  Announcer Mike?”

“With pleasure!  Our first team of friends are musical roommates from Canterlot.  Please welcome Octavia and Vinyl ‘DJ-Pon3’ Scratch!”  The earth pony simply waved while the glasses-wearing unicorn grinned and nodded, raising her right front hoof in the air.

“Our second team is joining us in the middle of their vacation from their hometown, Ponyville.  Say hello to Berry Punch and Romana ‘Colgate’ Minuette!” The two ponies threw their arms around the other’s necks and grinned, as if posing for a photo.

“Finally, our third team are Equestrian newcomers who now live right here in Manehatten.  Please put your hooves together for Thistle Whistle and Minty!” A light green pony waved her front hooves to the crowd while a light blue pegasus simply looked away nervously, slightly embarrassed at her friend’s enthusiasm.

“Welcome to all our contestants and good luck to everypony!  We’ll get our game going right after this important message.  Don’t go away!”

~~~~

The six friends found themselves more engaged than they previously had thought in the game.  The gameplay was surprisingly simple.  The three groups friends try to match as many questions as possible.  But the funniest moments in the show thus far came about after wrong answers; specifically, the arguments that arose as to why the friend got the question wrong in the first place.  As was the case when Thistle Whistle and Minty nearly punched each other out over a question about last week’s breakfast.  The show had just finished the question portion of the second round when it cut back to commercial, giving everypony at Sugarcube Corner a chance to take a breather.

“You know, this show isn’t that half bad” noticed Rainbow Dash.

“Indeed.  I hadn’t realized that these ‘game shows’ could be this fun.” Rarity nodded, taking another sip of her tea.

“Yeah!  Isn’t it great?” Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing in excitement.

“I don’t think so.” Fluttershy spoke up.  She was still rather shaken at how quickly a simple question over breakfast nearly launched an all-out brawl.  “I mean, what if Minty and Thistle Whistle stop being friends because of that fight?”

“Fluttershy, the host did manage to get Minty and Thistle Whistle to make up right there, and the audience did encourage them to hug” Rarity pointed out.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, lighten up Fluttershy!  It’s all in good fun.”

Twilight decided to interject on Rainbow Dash’s last point.  “But Fluttershy brings up a great point.  There’s a fine line between good fun and public humiliation.  I don’t know about you guys, but this whole setup just doesn’t feel honest to me.”

“Ah hear ya!”  Applejack nodded emphatically.  “Ah still don’t get why ponies would even agree to be on a show like this, anyhow.  It just seems silly to me that some ponies might want to risk their friendship over a show like this.  Ah’ve seen enough.” She got up.  “At any rate, Ah really need ta’ get back to the farm.  Sorry Pinkie”.  Applejack looked towards Pinkie apologetically.

Pinkie was a bit disappointed that her friend was leaving so suddenly, but she understood that Applejack was needed on her farm.  “Ok, I guess we can just make up the rest of the party next time.”

“Thanks Pinkie.  Goodnight everypony!”  Applejack smiled and waved as she headed out of Sugarcube Corner.  A few short moments later, Twilight and Fluttershy both decided to call it a night as well and left the party.  Rarity and Rainbow Dash, however, stayed behind.

“Hey Pinkie,” Rainbow asked “would you mind if I stayed and watch the rest of the show with you?”

Pinkie giggled “Sure Dashie!  So do you like ‘Friendship Faceoff’?”

Rainbow Dash could barely contain her excitement “Like it?  THIS SHOW’S AWESOME!!!  It’s laugh out loud hilarious and this Dollar Sign guy is real hoot too!”

Rarity nodded.  “He certainly is a charmer isn’t he?  And the game itself a fantastic way to get to know more about your friend!”

“Yeah, it is!  Isn’t it?” Pinkie Pie beamed.  “It’s like the ultimate party game!  And it also helps that it has a great grand prize.”

Rarity’s ears perked at the mention of those last two words.  “Grand…prize?”

Rainbow Dash suddenly pointed at the screen “Hey you guys!  It’s back!”

The three remaining friends turned their attention to the TV as Dollar Sign reappeared on the screen.

~~~

“Welcome back to ‘Friendship Faceoff’ everypony!  Now, in case you were worried about that argument earlier, I’m happy to report that there are no hard feelings between Thistle Whistle and Minty, so everything’s a-OK!”  The audience cheered as Minty and Thistle Whistle shared an apology hug, a few tears watering in their eyes as they embraced.

“Now let’s recap our scores.  Vinyl and Octavia are leading with 15 points, followed by Thistle Whistle and Minty with 5 points, and Berry Punch and Colgate have yet to score, but each correct answer in this round is worth 10 points, so anything can still happen.  With that out of the way, here’s the first question of round 2!”

Dollar Sign reached under his podium and pulled out a small index card.  “‘What is your friend’s most prized possession?’  We’re going to start with Vinyl and Octavia.  So Octavia, what is Vinyl’s most prized possession?”

Octavia pondered the question for a few seconds.  “Well, I would say that it would be her bass cannon.  She loves anything that ‘wubs’ after all.”  Vinyl Scratch’s expression changed suddenly as she looked shocked at Octavia’s answer.

Dollar Sign chuckled.  “She does, doesn’t she?  Well, let’s see if you’re right.  As it turns out, Vinyl’s most prized possession is…”

Vinyl slowly displayed the white poster card sitting on her lap.  It read ‘Octy’s Sandwich’.

“…your sandwich.”  Dollar Sign stated matter of factly, trying to downplay the ridiculous nature of the answer.  “Sorry, that’s not a match.”

Octavia looked stunned.  “Vinyl, what sandwich are you talking about?”

The DJ looked back at her, tearing up behind her signature glasses.  “Remember that sandwich you offered me at breakfast a few months ago?”

Realization dawned quickly on Octavia.  “You actually KEPT the sandwich?!?”

“I learned so much about friendship that day that I kept it as a symbol of friendship, Octy.”

“Err… thanks Vinyl.  I think?”

“All right, let’s move on.”  Dollar Sign turned his attention to Berry Punch and Colgate.  “Colgate, what did Berry Punch say was her favorite possession?”

“Her cider mug collection” Colgate responded without missing a beat, surprising the game show host.

“You answered that so quickly.  What makes you so sure, Colgate?”

“Let’s just say that Berry Punch is an aficionado of all things cider.”

“All right, let’s see if you’re right.  She said her most prized possession is…”

Berry Punch smiled as she lifted her answer card up.  It read ‘My Cider Mug Collection’.

“…Cider Mug Collection!  That’s 10 points for Berry and Colgate!”  Dollar Sign shouted as the two friends high-fived each other.

“Just out of curiosity, Berry.  How many mugs do you have in your collection?”

Berry Punch lost herself in thought for a few seconds.  “I don’t know.  I think I’m up to 900 now.  I lost track after I opened up the warehouse.”

Dollar Sign’s jaw dropped.  “You have a whole warehouse of cider mugs?”  Berry Punch nodded proudly.

“Welcome to my life.”  Colgate placed her head in between her hooves as she let out a sigh.

“Um… on that note” Dollar Sign said as he regained his composure “Thistle Whistle!   What’s Minty’s most prized possession?”

Thistle Whistle looked embarrassed as she was unsure she wanted to even bring the topic up.  However, for the sake of the game, she went ahead and brought it up.

“Well Mr. Dollar Sign, Minty’s most prized possession is her… *sigh* sock collection.”

The host arched his eyebrow.  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“You don’t understand.  Minty loves socks.  I mean she really, REALLY loves socks.”

All attention turned towards the mint colored pony.  “Is that true, Minty?”

Minty nodded emphatically.  “Yessiree!!!  I absolutely ADORE socks!  White socks, red socks, blue socks, polka dots, stripes, long socks, short socks.  I even have these things called toe socks, but I don’t even know what they even are!  Isn’t that the silliest thing?”  Minty laughed.

Now more than slightly disturbed, the M.C. tried to move the show along as best he could.  “Um, so I’m assuming you got the answer right then.”

Minty nodded as she lifted up her answer card.  It simply read ‘SOCKS!!!’

“All right then.  10 points for Minty and Thistle Whistle.  Let’s move on two question number two before I get completely freaked out.”

~~~

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were on the floor laughing her heart out over the last round of answers.

“Oh man, this show’s a riot!” Rainbow wheezed out, wiping a few tears from her eyes.

Rarity was stifling a few giggles as well, being careful not to spill her tea cup.  “I never would have imagined that ponies would open themselves up like this so willingly.  Is it really because of that prize, Pinkie?”

“Yeah!  Every game show has a grand prize silly!  And this one has probably the most super, duper, most amazingest prize ever!!!”

Rarity’s curiosity was now peaked at its maximum level.  “Really, now?”

The buildup of the prize as Pinkie put it got the best of Rainbow Dash as turned to the earth pony.  “Hey, Pinkie? What exactly does the winning team get anyway?”

“50,000 bits.”

Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped.  Rarity nearly choked on her drink “WHAT?!?!”

“50,000 bits!  Oh, and a roundtrip friendship vacation to Las Pegasus, too!”

Rainbow’s mind was racing “All that… just for winning this game?”

“Yeah.  Isn’t that cool?!?”

“Yeah.  Very.”  Rarity too stunned to give a full response.  She found herself deep in thought.  Oh, the fabulous dresses I could make with 50,000 bits.  I could even open a shop in Canterlot!  Rarity let out a small sigh as dreams of Canterlot fame began dancing in her head.

Rainbow Dash was also shocked into silence.  I’ve got the closest friends in all of Equestria.  If I was on that show, I’d clean up!  A small devilish grin creeped on Rainbow’s face as a plan formed in her mind.

“It’s too bad that the show is taped all the way in Manehatten.  It looks like it would have been a lot of fun!” Pinkie sighed.  Any plans that Rarity and Rainbow were planning in their heads were suddenly crushed upon hearing that reality.  Feeling slightly dejected, the three friends turned their attention back to the show as the second round had come to an end.

~~~

“We’ll be right back with our final round in just a minute but first, we have a special announcement.  Isn’t that right Announcer Mike?”

“Yes indeed, Dollar Sign!  Friendship Faceoff will be taping a series of specials in Ponyville in three weeks!  If you are in the Ponyville area and would like to be on our show, please use a self-addressed stamped envelope and….”

~~~

“Hey!  They’re coming here after all!  You know, isn’t it funny that these things always seem to come to Ponyville anyway?  I mean, out of all the cities and all the towns here in Equestria, everything seems to come here.  They could have gone to Canterlot instead, or Fillydelphia, Cloudsdale, Baltimare, Las Pegasus, or even Hooveston! But nope, they chose to come here!  Wait.  Hooveston?  Hey did you guys ever stop to think that the way we name our cities is a tad bit weird?  I mean does it always have to be a pony pun?  Ponyville is one thing, but, why don’t we have a Griffonville?  Or a Minotoria?  We have those too in Equestria.  Hold on, was this place always called ‘Equestria’?  Was it always called that or did Celestia change the name from something else?  What would the paperwork for renaming an entire country even look like?  I bet they probably….”

The rest of Pinkie’s rant was lost on the ears of Rainbow and Rarity.

YES!  This is it!  You’ve got this Rainbow!  Wait… who do I want as my partner?  I don’t want to leave anything to chance.  I want to be 120% I’ll win.  Hmm… I’m not gonna get anywhere if I have to try to guess what Pinkie Pie might say. Rarity… we’re too different to try to guess each other’s answers.  Twilight’s too much of an egghead for this and Fluttershy would hate to be on TV, so they’re out too.  APPLEJACK!!!  Of course!  We’ve been through a bunch together.  I know how she thinks and I’m sure she knows how I think! Heh, that 50,000 bits is as good as yours Rainbow Dash.

Oh Rarity, today’s your lucky day after all!  Now all I have to do is find somepony to be my partner.  Pinkie Pie knows this game, but… I’m afraid that my predicting what she would say will end up in catastrophe.  I guess Applejack and Rainbow Dash are out too.  I mean they’re great friends, but they wouldn’t know the innermost thoughts and desires of a fashionista.  We would get every single answer wrong. Twilight… perhaps, but she would just reject the notion of being on a show like this.  I-DEEEEE-AAAAA! I’ll ask Fluttershy!  I know the darling might be shy for television, but with a little friendly encouragement, she would do her best to help me fulfill my dreams!  Oh, I can just see that Canterlot boutique now!

“…and how are you supposed to ponify a city like Honolulu anyway?  I mean a city like Moscow is already kinda ponified already, so they could use that I guess.”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“Yeah Dashie?”

“Um… I’m gonna go home now.  Got lots of Wonderbolt practicing ahead!”

“I think I’ll retire as well.  Don’t want to let my orders back up at Canterl… err… I mean… Carousel Boutique.”

“Okie Dokie Loki!  Good night girls!”

“Night Pikie!”

“Goodnight Pinkie Pie.”

Both Rarity and Rainbow Dash leave, their minds already racked with ways to try to convince their potential partners to participate in the show, leaving Pinkie alone in her inter-dimensional thoughts.

“I mean, it’s ‘Earth’ ponies, not ‘Equestrian’ ponies.  How did ‘Earth’ come into this whole mess anyway?  Maybe Lyra was right after all.  Maybe they DO exist” She paused in horror “Maybe there’s a whole race them watching every single moment of our lives!  I GOTTA WARN TWILIGHT!!!”  She began to race out of Sugarcube Corner, before pausing for a moment. “Right after I ask her to be my partner on Friendship Faceoff!”

~~~

Author’s Note

Well, this is my first FIM fanfic, and the first fanfic I’ve written in a long time.  Any type of comments are appreciated, but please be gentle *puppy dog eyes*.  At any rate, I simply had this fic idea floating in my head for a few weeks, so I bit the bullet and started writing.  I guess I should explain a couple things quickly.

1. The concept of ‘Friendship Faceoff’ is essentially that of the classic game show ‘The Newlywed Game’.

2. For the purposes of the fanfic, 1 bit = 1 US Dollar.  Unless it’s been proven otherwise, that’s the standard I’m going with.  If I’m wrong about this, please let me know.

3. I think it goes without saying that I don’t own anything related to My Little Pony, this or any previous generations.  The Dollar Sign character is somepony I did make up, but that’s about it.

With that out of the way, I really hope this story goes over well.  Even though I just discovered the show not too long ago, I fell in love this show, and with this fandom.  So I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!