A Tiger in Equestria

My recollection of what happened after that was fuzzy, since my brain had all but shut down during the oxygen-starved run, and I sincerely hoped that my brain did not lose brain cells in the process of suffocating it. Mostly it felt like I had gone drinking a lot, with the same sort of hangover that greeted me as I woke up. I found myself in the tank, in a sitting position while my head was looking at my legs. My neck decided that a world of hurt was necessary and sent it to my brain, along with my everything screaming the same message. I groaned and straightened up, hoping that the pinpricks of pain and the numbness would wear off. I placed a hand of my forehead, hoping that I could out-pain the headache.

"What happened, did we have a giant party or something?" Gerhard heard my voice and turned around to speak to me from his usual driver seat.

"Well, after you decided to go dashingly save the princess from danger, you walked back here like a zombie, got in and fell asleep like a sack of bricks for a day."

"Ha ha very funny. So wait, I've essentially missed a day?"

"Yep, nice going there hero in shining armor."

"Oh enough with the darned knight jokes, what did I miss?"

He shrugged, "Ever since you've threatened them, they've been very reluctant to approach us, and even if they do they run off when we spot them. So essentially, what happened was that we lost all of our money to Dietrich. Again. No idea how he's that good at poker."

"I sometimes think he cheats. You guys never learn do you?" Shaking my head in disapproval of their lack of sense not to continue playing with someone who clearly is able to take all of their money.

"Nothing interesting enough happens without you running around, saving damsels in distress, and literally not a single pony wanted anything to with us. So, we didn't have many options."

"Firstly, enough with the knight jokes, they're getting old at this point. Secondly, do you have some painkillers?" He nodded and tossed me a small box. It read 'Asprin' on the cover, proclaiming in German that it would "Cure all your fevers, migraines and inflammatory diseases!"

"Any water?"

He pointed towards a water canteen placed nearby on the engine. "That one's yours anyway."

I unscrewed the cap and put the pill in my mouth. I used a generous amount of water to wash it down, and to get rid of the bitter aftertaste.

"What now?" I asked

"We wait for our mighty Hauptmann to go off on an insane adventure again."

I climbed out of the tank, hoping a nice walk would relax my mind. Only to be stopped by Twilight.

"Excuse me, Mister Schmidt? Could I stop for just for a second?"

I stopped my walk and sighed.

"If it's another question session, No I am not giving up my technological secrets even if they would benefit you greatly."

"Oh, sorry, it's not that, though I do have a few—" She stopped herself from going of on a random tangent.

"—Never mind, On Behalf of Princess Celestia, we invite you to the wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

"I have never heard of whoever Cadenza is." She scrunched up her face and looked like she was trying to figure out who she was too, after a while she gave up.

"I honestly have no clue either. She better be nice, I wonder why my BBBFF didn't tell me earlier?"BBBFF? Big Ballistic Balls For Friends? Whatever.

She appeared to have gone into her own world again, and I would have left it at that, except for one thing.

"How will we get there?"

She snapped out of her reverie and looked at me. Her ears pressing themselves on her head and blushed.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for doing that, as for your question, your transportation has been arranged by Princess Celestia, a chariot will be here to pick you up."

"Can the chariot carry seventy tons?"

"Uh no, you'll have to leave your tank behind."

"Nope."

"But it'll be—"

"Nope."

"But—"

"Nope! Without my tank we are going nowhere!"

"I guess you could use the train.However, you'll have to start travelling today, the wedding is set for tomorrow. I'll tell Princess Celestia of your decision."

"As long as I don't have to part from my tank, I am fine with it."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" She passed me a small purse of their local currency. "The Princess told me to give this to you, for any miscellaneous spending."

"Thank you, now if you'll excuse me, I have to buy me some tickets."

I walked back to the tank, and finding that only Gerhard was still inside, hollered,

"Bernhard! Dietrich! Albrecht! Assemble in front of me. Now!"

Bernhard and Albrecht came running from the marketplace and Dietrich came from a random side street.

"We have been invited by the ruler of Equestria to attend a wedding. It will be horribly boring but we must do so as to represent our species and the Fatherland. Any questions?"

Dietrich raised up his hand. "Do we need anything to wear?"

"Nein, I believe our military outfits will be enough. Clip as many medals on them as possible though."

They mostly seemed satisfied, before Gerhard asked the important question from inside the tank.

"What time are we moving out then?"

I'm going to love their reactions.

"Right now!"

Their jaws all dropped, and I suspected that Gerhard's did too if I could see him right now.

"With all due respect sir, isn't this—"

"It's either you leave the tank behind, or we go now."

They slowly agreed that leaving the tank was a horribly bad idea.

"Excellent. Gerhard, start the tank up, everyone else get in. We're going to the train station." Hopefully all turns out well.

"Why can't you carry my damn tank up there? You have trains for god's sake!"

The conductor shook his head. "We cannot possibly carry a seventy ton machine all the way to Canterlot. Our trains do not have the horsepower."

"Alright, how much does the rest of the train weigh, full of passengers?"

"About 10 tons for the 3 mail carriages, 20 for the 2 passenger coaches. Why?"

"Unhook your locomotive."

"Wait what?! No no no no! What are you trying to do?!"

"I'll drag this sorry load all the way to Canterlot with my tank. I'm not paying for this."

"What? No no no!" I pulled out my Luger again, and pointed at his face.This seems to be a common thing now.

"Wasn't a suggestion."

He unhooked the locomotive, and slowly switched it to another track, while Gerhard drove the tank onto the tracks. I chose a few more train cars, those filled with assorted things like Iron Ore, Coal

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"Nope! But I'm not leaving the tank behind!"

I attached the first carriage to the tank with a chain, and jumped into the tank.

"Let's get this show on the road!"

The Tiger's Maybach engine groaned and started to move. All 12 pistons beginning their wonderful symphony. The Tiger stopped for a while when the chain pulled taut, and it proceeded to move on just fine, the train carriages barely providing resistance to the powerful engine, designed to power a 70 ton tank. The weird convoy slowly pulled out of the station, slowly picking up speed. I stood in the cupola, going to admire the scenery, to explore a new area. I was in high spirits, and everything seemed it was going to go well. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Right?