I don't think anyone will believe this, but it's true. Discord must have wanted me to tell my story, or else he wouldn't have--wait, let's start from the beginning.

I'd say something about my life before, if it weren't completely boring. All you need to know is I was looking at pony pictures online. Totally safe for work, I swear! I got a message from a user I didn't recognize: dIsCoRd69. "Wouldn't you like to live in Equestria?" Duh. "Of course I would," I replied. Then my computer screen went all wonky, and some force pushed me toward the screen. But instead of hitting my head on it, I went through it. "Ooof!" I landed with my face on a stone floor in what appeared to be a dimly lit dungeon, only to hear mocking laughter echoing from above. I looked up, and saw...something unbelievable.

"Welcome to Equestria," the creature bowed, extending a clawed hand to indicate my surroundings. Iron bars walled off small cells, and a single candelabra lit the room with dim, flickering orange. I was too stunned to move, let alone speak.

He chuckled at my confused look. "What's the matter, pony got your tongue?" He transformed into a pony and waggled a tongue in my face. I reached into my mouth to discover my tongue was no longer there. In a flash, he transformed again and my tongue returned to its rightful place.

"I suppose you're wondering why I've brought you here," he paced, arms behind his back. "In a word, twobirdswithonestone."

I found my voice, "That's not one word."

"Try to keep up, won't you?" He examined me closely. "I suppose you know already know who I am."

"You're Discord, but..." I trailed off.

"You've been watching our little program. I'll have you know I am the reason it exists in your world. Just a part of my duty as agent of chaos."

"O-kay," I stammered.

"You have been watching the show for quite some time now, and doing a little bit of, shall we say, extra-curricular activities." He made a stupid face and shook his hoof up and down in a jerking-off motion, a clip-clop sound and whinnying coming from seemingly nowhere. And then he kept at it. For much longer than I was comfortable with. Just, jacking the air, and jacking it, his face getting stupider and stupider until, after a ridiculous length of time, his hoof moved too fast to see. He let out a cry and turned into an exploding puddle of white goo.

Okay, so maybe the pictures I was looking at weren't safe for work. Whatever.

He flashed back to normal and put a clawed arm around my shoulder, raising me to my feet. "The point is, I've decided you're perfect. You can bring joy and comfort to my dear friend Fluttershy. But I know you can also sow the seeds of chaos throughout Equestria. Twobirdswithonestone. And this might help with your mission." He pointed at my pocket, and my phone vibrated. "I've ensured that your little device will never run out of power, and you'll always have a connection back to your home. Not that anyone back home will believe you."

In a flash, he stood in front of me. "Just one more thing." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Don't tell anyone how you got here. I'm supposed to be reformed." And with another flash, I was no longer in the dungeon, but among trees.

Author's Note

11/19/2015: I changed a few things here to add humor, and to recognize the fact Discord doesn't need any magical mirrors for interdimensional travel.