“Thanks again for letting us stay the night on such short notice,” Cadance told Twilight over a late breakfast.

“Oh it was no problem. I was up late researching anyway,” Twilight responded, “Though you still haven’t told me why you and Shining rushed over to Ponyville so late.”

“I assume Pinkie Pie has told you of her new status?” Cadance asked Twilight.

“We’re talking about Pinkie Pie, I know way more about it than I want to,” Twilight assured Cadance with a wave of her hoof, “But the basics are that she’s become your student and you’re helping her feel more comfortable talking about sex.”

“More or less,” Cadance nodded, “Last night I received one of Pinkie Pie’s progress letters… And let’s just say that she needs to work on her phrasing.”

“I know Pinkie Pie sometimes words things in odd ways, but I don’t see how that turned into an emergency visit,” Twilight commented, taking another bite of toast.

Cadance pulled a scroll to her with a flash of magic and levitated it to Twilight. Twilight raised an eyebrow and unfurled the scroll. Cadance watched as Twilight’s mouth fell open. She then looked away from the half chewed toast that fell out of it.

“Did… Did Pinky really…?” Twilight struggled to ask.

“No. Thank goodness,” Cadance sighed, “Freaked your brother and me out just as much though.”

"I can understand why,” Twilight nodded, cleaning up the food that had spilled out of her mouth with her magic. After a moment of silence, Twilight spoke up again, “So how did Pinkie wind up being your student anyway?”

“It’s a long boring story that I’m sure you don’t want to hear,” Cadance looked out the window and shoved another spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

“You tried that ‘I need advice on my sex-life’ thing with her didn’t you,” Twilight glared across the table at her sister in law. For her part Cadance lifted her bowl in front of her face and acted as if she was drinking the last of the milk. Twilight slammed her hooves on the table, “Really Cadance! It would be one thing if you were just asking her straight out, but manipulating her?”

“I have a very good reason for that,” Candace rebuked.

“And?” Twilight asked, waving a hoof in a circle.

“It keep rumors from starting,” Cadence stated with a nod.

“Rumors?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow, “That’s the best you can come up with?”

“Twilight, ponies love to hear about the eccentricities of the famous and powerful, and you don’t get much more famous and powerful then the princesses themselves. If said eccentricities are made up, so what? If they're interesting enough nothing will stop them from spreading,” Cadance explained.

“But everypony respects Celestia and Luna,” Twilight argued flabbergastedly, “And, you know, you and me of course.”

“You mean none of your friends have ever told you?” Cadence asked.

“Told me what?”

“Any of the rumors about you,” Candence responded.

“There are no rumors about me,” Twilight declared before she scrunched up her face and frowned, “Well, except for that one about me being unable to dance.”

"Twilight, you read a lot. Like, almost more than in healthy. Surely you’ve read at least one erotic novel that gives an alicorn princess a dick?” Cadance asked.

“W-well yeah,” Twilight blushed, “but those are just stories. No one believes those.”

“No one believes what?” asked Shining Armor, strolling into the kitchen and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Twilight doesn’t believe me that there are rumors about her,” Cadance answered, getting up and nuzzling her husband as he walked to the fridge.

“Oh, you mean like the one about her being the princess of ‘friendship with benefits’?” he asked.

“Friendship with benefits? You mean… Ponies think I have sex with my friends? Why? What could possibly make them think that?!” Twilight yelled.

“Sleepovers, those one-on-one trips you all have with each other, a bigass castle with waaay too many rooms to hide a sex dungeon in,” Shining listed as he looked over the contents of his sister’s fridge.

“Speaking of which,” Cadance chimed in, “If you ever need to furnish a sex dungeon, I know this great place in Las Pegasus.”

“Don’t you two have royal duties you need to attend to in the Crystal Empire?” Twilight asked.

“We can work on making a royal heir anywhere,” Cadance shrugged before adding with a wiggle of her eyebrows, “Including your guest bedroom.”

“Okay! That’s it. I’m out. If either of you need me I’ll be in my lab,” Twilight declared levitating her dishes into the sink as she marched out of the room.

Even after Cadance and Shining Armor had left, Twilight couldn’t get the thought of her being the “Princess of friendship with benefits” out of her head. She had never had sexual relations with any of her friends. She hadn’t even considered the notion until her brother had brought it up.

Sure, the girls sometimes talked about their sex lives; well, everyone except for Pinkie. But Twilight had never contributed much. After all, she was still a virgin. Twilight had considered dating a waste of time before she came to Ponyville. Then before her life had settled down enough for her to consider dating, she became an alicorn. After that Twilight had considered herself off the table, though she wasn’t sure why. Cadance had been dating her brother for years before that, plus the two were married now.

Maybe it was time for her to consider dating. Ponies weren’t freaking out about her being a princess anymore. Things had settled down quite a bit. Plus her new castle could get pretty lonely at night when Spike was away… But her friends? It wasn’t that they weren’t attractive. Rarity fit the definition of beauty almost perfectly. Fluttershy had been a model, and you don’t get to be a model if you don’t look good. Rainbow was in incredible shape. Applejack had thighs for days. And Pinkie Pie...

Twilight was pulled out of her thoughts by a knock. Turning away from the equation filled chalkboard, Twilight noted that Pinkie Pie had managed to get into her lab and was knocking on the inside of the door.

“Hey Pinkie Pie, what’s up?” Twilight asked.

“I was, um… hoping you’d be able to help me with something,” Pinkie Pie said in a surprisingly subdued style.

“Sure, what can I help you with?” Twilight asked.

Pinkie fidgeted, scraping a hoof across the floor, “This is kind of embarrassing to ask…Especially at my age, but you know, growing up on a rock farm didn’t give me much of a chance to practice.”

Twilight paused. Pinkie was nervous, the only time Pinkie was nervous was when sex was involved. Was Pinkie asking her to have sex with her? Twilight swallowed, “Pinkie, a-are you asking me to…to.”

“Well, I mean, if you don’t mind. You have been doing it for a lot longer than I have,” Pinkie sheepishly grinned.

Twilight stared at her friend in shock. Pinkie Pie had heard the rumors and thought they were true.

“I’m honored you’re asking me, but I, uh… may not be quite as... proficient in it as you’re assuming I am,” Twilight blushed.

“Don’t be so modest, everypony knows you’ve been doing it since you became Celestia’s student,” Pinkie claimed, “It’s not like you hide it or anything. Heck I know Spike helps you with it all the time.”

Spike, her best assistant and little brother, ponies thought Twilight had sex with Spike? Twilight blushed, “Pinkie, I’m not sure where, you’re getting your information, but I can safely say your source was false.”

“Oh, come on Twilight, it’s in your title," Pinkie said letting her title hang in the air, "The Princess of Friendship…”

With Benefits Twilight filled in mentally. Was this really so expected of her? Should she do it? Would anypony she dated expect her to put out? Would they break up with her when they found out she wasn’t any good? Pinkie’s lack of any prior experience would allow Twilight to practice without giving away her inexperience...

Twilight took a deep breath, calming herself before asking “Well shall we head to my bedroom then?”

As Twilight and Pinkie cuddled in bed, Twilight reflected upon the experience. I hadn’t gone nearly as poorly as she had assumed it would. In the end she had enjoyed herself tremendously and it seemed like Pinkie did too.

“Wow,” muttered Pinkie Pie into Twilight’s barrel, “If this is how you write a letter, I’ve been going about it completely wrong!”

Dear Princess Cadance,

Today I learned that in order to get what you want you have to clearly ask for it. After a miscommunication between me and Twilight Twilight and me resulted in unforeseen, but not unwanted, bit of bonding. We both now understand that unless someone directly asks you, don’t assume that they want to butter the bread together.

On a related note, I’m not a virgin anymore.

On another related note, I took your advice and asked Twilight to proof-read my letters for me.

You’re Faithful Student,
Pinkamena Diane Pie

“That bitch just stole Pinkie from us,” Cadance muttered glaring at the letter, “Of course you realize, this means war.”

Author's Note

Okay, so to start with, any formatting errors here can be blamed on the Gdocs import tool being messed up. All of the other mistakes are my fault.

Next we some thoughts on the chapter. When I wrote the original chapter of Rock Farms Have Terrible Sex-Ed, I imagined that Cadance was trying to trick Pinkie into a three-way with her and Shining. Those lines about her not being the princess of any of the kinky kinds of love was bullshit. At that point it was a one shot and I didn't care if I got that point across or not as it didn't add anything to the story. Now that this has become a multi-chapter thing, I've brought that idea back.

Last we have good news, bad news, and worse news. The good news: I have several ideas for future chapters. Now the bad news: none of them will contain clop. If someone else wants to write those parts, go for it and let me know so I can direct the people that want that to it. Finally the worse news: I have no idea how long it will be until the next chapter is out.
-Calm

How many potential plot lines can you spot in the last two chapters? How many do you think will actually be written? Did you guess 'too many' and 'none'? Congratulations! You win nothing.
-Insane