Author's Note

Well. Insomnia's a bitch, and ponies are cute. Here's another one I guess.

Rocks. Many, many, rocks.

Rocketing towards Raritys boutique, arms twisting and flailing in unorganized chaos being tossed like dandelion seeds in the wind, we came to a screeching halt with my body for the first time since the tour began somehow actually skidding beside Maud and the pink fluff ball without a single injury.

This will change soon I feel it.

"WELCOME!" Pinkie shouted to the heavens... Simultaneously myself and Maud, who just happened to be plucking out-

"EAR PLUGS, GOD DAMMIT ALL!!!" I exploded with my natural reverence.

Maud smirked slightly, "I have many pairs, if you require, dear Joel?"

I truly may marry her

Pinkie, now quite peeved at our constant intrusions of ways to deal with her various 'Pinkie-things' as Maud had so carefully put it, had grown tired of us.

"I saaaaaiiiiid~!!!" Pinkie inhaled deeply, "WELCOMMME-" Her face became indented quickly from Raritys front door slamming into her rubbery yet still very physically real face, white hooves trotting onto the ground to meet us as it did.

"Please, please inform me why such a horrid scream has now been doubled outside my... My..."

The white unicorn was slowly losing her words as she stared upon me and Maud, chuckling lightly as the grey lady nodded rapidly at my lengthy explanation of how delicious rock candy can be used to create swords and random weapons- weapons that you can EAT! She kept starring at us intently, chewing her lip whilst turning her head before she chose her words just as well as the others had.

"Does my young gentlemanly rogue Joel, have a new marefriend?" She smiled happily and hopefully at us.

I frowned with a deep squint at the glasses clad unicorn and tried my hardest to pick Maud up in my arms, feeling her tense body nearly weigh hundreds of pounds, (truly expected of the living mountain) instead simply drooping and dragging her in front of Rarity with a gigantic sigh, collapsing at her legs exhausted. "He... He... He does not.. " I laid there punching my chest to receive oxygen. "Maud.. Pie... ROCKS."

Maud giggled and bent down to let me know an important detail about herself and subsequent powers. "Are you aware of such a body technique, known as... Dead weight?" Nearly beaming at Rarity in her own way as she introduced herself.

"Good day, miss..." She seemed as puzzled as a cliff-face possibly could, before tapping my head with her granite crushing hooves to inquire further.

"Rarity... Miss Rarity... She. Makes. Clothes." I managed to get out before slipping into the childhood trauma that is my unconscious mind.

"Miss Rarity, who makes clothing for Joel, it is pleasant to make your acquaintance. As Joel stated, I am Maud. And this is pebble." She let her know with her best incredibly monotone smile, cradling pebble in her hooves like a miniture baby, new as she was to expressing them so often to others.

Rarity blinked as slowly as Maud for a moment, not out of boredom or apathy, but shock and bewilderment as she truly had no idea what was happening anymore.

My body gasping for breath, mind fogged and in an empty state, some random grey mare that treated me with such understanding care yet completely indifferent attitude who seemed to have no reason to be at her front porch.

"Pie? Maud pie? Are you truly our dear Pinkies family, darling?" She examined the grey statuesque creature, seeing no other features giving away that she was the giant pastel pink snowball-snack of a ponies family member.

Just then, Pinkie shot towards Rarity in one vast swarming motion to glomp the living shit out her shouting, "RARITYTHISISMAUDIBROUGHTHERHEREHOPINGYOUCOULDSAYNICEPRETTYWORDSABOUTHERCAUSESHESINCREDIBLEANDYOU'RESOIMPRESSIVE."

Unconscious mind rates that intro 5 stars out of 9 ducks

"My goodness Pinkie!" Rarity nearly fainted, her small couch almost being brought out for the affair, "Really now... You almost scared the very inspiration out of me!!" She chastised the bundle of pink curls.

Maud, used to her sisters sporadic behavior choosing to move not an inch but explain once more, "indeed I am Pinkamena's sister. I have come for a tour. She wishes for me to meet her friends, and I have to say.." She stared down at my limp body and gave a faint smirk, "I enjoy you all very much."

Rarity, still beyond words could only nod and whisk Pinkie off her with a small whisp of magic. "Well. An introduction like our Joel here passing out in a huff is fairly routine, but a new pony around! Not as often as we care to admit in our small town. Come in, come in, you absolutely MUST!" She gestured the two sisters, opting to drag my poor body into her boutique via blue magic and a small snicker as I bumped along like a ragdoll inducing a concussion.

I knew it wouldn't last

Inside the fabulous mares home and storefront, the three of them began talking about the better ideas Lady Rarity had lately for her designs, as well as Maud's vast knowledge of rocks and precious stones, of which Rarity was glad to have such a gem-scholar in her midst to assist in finding fakes amongst her artworks, explaining they may have a beneficial situation.

Before that is, when Maud had convinced Pinkie to at least take a look at my hopefully not completely brain dead body, at this point resembling a vegetable more than a helpful tour-attendee.

"Pinkamena, you know I very seldom worry but I fear Joel may not respond to anything more than a swift boulder to the stomach."

This chocked a memory and secret for Rarity, as her eyes widened and a scarily and insane happy look crossed her face.

"UGH!" Pinkie threw her hooves in the air and chuckled in false upset, "Anything for a pie sister!" Rarity tapped her shoulder with a raised brow, letting her know it should include my life in this as well, "Oh p-llllleaaase! You silly billys, you know it just takes a couple tools and a LOT of sugar!"

Maud began worrying more but tempted to see where this could go before the pale unicorn closely whispered into her ear, "I may have just what you're looking for, Maud... Its a bit gauche, but if you wouldn't mind following me into the back room I can absolutely help you out. Anything for a friend, darling." She ended with a sweet tone. "Pinkies done worse to our friend, here, truly."

Pinkie on the other hoof, laughing to herself while flopping my body right side up, stabbing a funnel into my throat while shaking multiple cans of soda and snapping them open to give me a fountain of high powered sweet calories.

Maud, truly wishing to stay and watch my body continue to be mare-handled, and corpse abused, followed Rarity to the back room, smiled alone to her own thoughts and faintly took a parting glance towards me again.

"Friends..." Maud whispered to herself as she reached Raritys hoofsteps ending nearly at the back walls. They came face to face with a large item covered in a beautiful linen.

"Hm, what was that, my love?" Rarity cocked her head in Mauds whisper.

"I... I wish to ask you a question, Rarity." Maud fumbled with her leg, tapping the floor of the boutique to draw out time.

"Well, darling? Elaborate." She assured her.

Maud, unknowing of how best to go about this, blurted out fairly loud, "DOES JOEL CARE FOR PONIES?" With the faintest of blushes, not embarrassed, just quite unsure of herself.

Rarity, for all her grace, couldn't help but laugh at the young mares outburst and tapped Mauds shoulder. "Does... Oh, how do I put this delicately dear.. Does Joel make you happy? In ways, well, you haven't felt before..?" She tried to coax her.

Maud nodded and looked down, not making eye contact with the unicorn in her face. "I am unaware of what feelings these are. I love my sister. My family. Friends... Friends are an unknown and I am not sure what they are to feel."

The delicate lady she was, hoped to assist her new friend as best she could, but this may very well be something she finds on her own.

"Friends are always different, Maud. Close, passing, best, bfffffs-" She giggled quietly, "And some friends... Are so close, whether it be through likeness or understanding, that you care for them deeply."

Maud nodded her head, raising it to look her friend in the face, "Do friends make you feel as though there might be more to life than rocks and your whole world?" She asked hopefully.

"They do, darling." Rarity hugged her tightly, embracing the now, not so stoic mare. "Sometimes it might be more. But let's you find that out on your own, shall we?" She ended with a polite conclusion.

Shuffling her hooves and standing sturdy once more, Maud agreed and told her, "I think I may have missed many years without friends. Pinkamena.. Pinkie, is very lucky to have you."

"Oh my dear Maud, you can always be sure of that. Life isn't over til we let it. I have something here I'm positive will help you see that." She said as she unfurled the linen, Mauds nose sniffing the air before it was even fully removed, eyes glowing and shining with love and wonder as under the sheet was revealed to be...

A Boulder.

For a second time, Maud made me more content than I'd been in a long time. With one look.

I awoke from my effort-induced coma with a torrent of sugary carbonated hate filled liquid, erupting through every face orifice I had.

Please kill me now, I may like it.

"PINKS YOU SOOOOON OF A BITCH!!" I echoed, feeling soda pouring out my nose and ears, into the store I somehow came to be inside of. Just noticing now, I was tied up so I couldn't resist. "Wait. Did you tie me up with licorice?" I sounded dumbfounded. I was.

"Its all I had left!" Pinkie informed me with a shrug.

"You uh.. You do realise I can just eat my way out of this one, right?"

"Black licorice." She told me flatly.

I laid there, finally bested for good, in this cartoon world full of impossibility. Real magic. Bullshit physics. LITERAL UNICORN PEGASUS, CELESTIAL, GODDESSES... Using my own logic against me. And hate of black licorice. Well played. "God damm-"

BOOM

An explosion of rock fragments sent me launching a few feet away from the doorway, Pinkie with her unknown abilities, never moving an inch as rubble went launching through the shoppe, missing her like Neo himself.

Oh God I take it back I don't wanna die tied up in licorice like a candy bdsm doll

I couldn't open my eyes for a moment, clouds of rock dust coating my vision. As I opened them, all I saw was grey and purple... and the sweetest smile I'd ever seen on anyone or anypony. Staring directly above my face.

"Hello, my dear Joel." She continued her smile and giggled furiously while getting dangerously close to my face. "I have a gift for you, my friend."