An Hour With Apathy

"A... gift?" I said, nearly out of breath from her close proximity, seeing the peaceful yet eradic smile staring directly into my little black soul.

She nodded furiously, "A gift." Grabbing my shirt collar with her teeth, dragging me along as Pinkie all but swooned at our interaction, bouncing bubbly beside us.

"Maud and Joel, sitting in a tree!" She began singing. " K I S S-" She was caught off guard with my foot stuffing itself directly into her mouth.

"Please for the love of all that is my last few brain cells, don't. Just please no, Pinks."

And together we were dragged along with Maud, yanking us closer towards the back room, over and deftly through piles of rubble, contorting over wonderfully sharp and spiked fragments, coming to a climax of...

Oh God she's singing

"Beeeeeeuuuutiful~ gorgeous, phenomenal, gemms~!! Green, blue, red and turquoise! All my favorites, one after the nexxxxt~!" Rarity screeched in her horribly shrill voice.

"Boulder was indeed quite special, Joel." Maud broke into my ears as she slumped me down, standing heroically on a pile of stones and gems, a large mound of conglomerate rocks; colors of all types having been hidden in the pale grey boulder.

"Uh. I don't wanna sound insensitive- I mean I definitely do.. But... Holy fuck, Maud." I stood there astounded in the now basking music of Rarity possibly quite literally losing her mind at the collection of new precious stones. "Did you kill Raritys boyfriend?"

At this the white unicorn screeched to a stop, glaring at me with twisting eyes, pointing all directions at once as she cocked her head like a ticking clock.

.exe/runyoustupidman

"SHE FREED HIM. THEM! ALL THE CHILDREN ARE FREE~" She cackled and dove into a mound of gemstones.

"I simply used the bucking technique Pinkie informed me of the Apples catering the use of." Maud now, completely tossing aside the formality of Pinkamena, still allowing her monotone voice to stay the same.

"You kicked a boulder apart... With your fuckin LEGS?" I sat on my knees, staring at my hands in utter wonder, remembering the amount of times I even touched Maud- came close to her body...

She could break your sternum with a tap, kiss her! PLEAD YOUR FEALTY, MARRY HER IF YOU MUST. LIVE FOR SPITE IF ANYTHING.

"From your point of view, dear Joel, I assume this is another unnatural ability we pie sisters have acquired?" She smirked at my ernest fear.

"Trees? Sure. Apple jack once stomped the ground and I saw twelve trees empty with apples..." I began recollecting. "Thousands of pounds of baked goods? SURE. Pinks has her unknown chaos powering that."

"I'M NORMAL!!!!" Pinkie screamed, insulted.

"There there, that's what all totally normal people and mentally stable ponies scream, Pinks." I patted her mane with a limp arm as I stared blankly at Mauds hooves, narrowing my eyes to the rubble behind them... "So Maud." She looked at me for what I could say might have been brightly? Still difficult with this one. "Are those spiked hoovelets part of the grand 'unnatural abilities' orrrr?"

She quickly went sheepish and wiggled her nose, glaring at me plainly, "YES. NO. I MEAN... I WAS HAVING A MOMENT." She stammered, jumping directly at me with the full force of her truly natural abilities.

"YoU LiTTLe.. MASSIVE... FuCKInG..." we wrestled on the floor, her clearly winning with a dominant smiling scowl before I touched her sides/haunches and she squeaked-

SHE SQUEAKED!!!!!!!

Her face was a mixture of terror and apathy... more so the terror but what I'm saying is she nearly has no facial features. "Please let me go... Joel..." She whispered and looked at me pleading with worried eyes, not a single flat tone left in her voice.

I grinned, knowing NOW the great stone face's secrets.. I picked her up, Maud now only weighing but a feather like the rest of the ponies I'd met.

Gearing up with her in my palms, I quite manically held her above me and spun in a grand circle, picking up speed as I created a tornado in Raritys small shoppe. "HEY MAUD!!!" I yelled at her joyus and fearful face.

"Do what you must..." She flatly told me, fully expcepting her fate at this point in time. "Just be gentle... Friend..."

You. Are. A. Monster... Now tickle her sides.

I began deftly and viciously tickling her sides and haunches, delighting in the somehow even more higher pitched squeals than Pinks' and sweet little continuous giggles I was awarded with from Maud.

"FINGERS CANNOT BE CONTESTED!" I belted.

"WHAT THE BUCK ARE FINGERS?!?!" Maud screamed through her laughter in abject confusion and hilarity.

She slowly began slipping from my grip as I chuckled at her concept of what in the fuck fingers could even be and let her collapse on top of me; myself finally content with winning against the boulder that is Maud Pie.

Pinks stood there with her jaw on the floor, not moving as her eyes rolled into the back of her head, completely shook to her CORE as her mane went white.

I. Did. It. I BROKE THE WALL BREAKER. THATS TWO PIE SISTERS NOW BITCHES!

Maud giggled herself to a halt and stared at me with those empty yet entirely meaningful eyes yet again, "You... You made me giggle." She blushed and rolled over my body a few times, standing up after a moment. "I didn't know I could sound like that!!" She explained happily, a momentary full laugh letting out her fuzzy face. "I never thought.. I could sound like that.. Like Pinkie..

She looked right at my face and grinned beyond ear to ear as I laid flat on the ground staring right back at her, nearly trading breaths.

"All in the fingers~" I smugly stated, holding an arm up as she did when we first *AHEM* 'flirted'.

She fainted innocence and simply... kept smiling. Directly at me. It looked and everything I've ever been told from her, seemed like she hadn't in years. Precisely 5 years apart from today to be exact.

"I haven't given you the gift yet, dear Joel."

I realized we were looking at each other a TAD too long and shook the cupid arrows out of my thoughts. "Oh yeah?" I asked while grasped my thoughts and I stood next to her at last.

"You questioned of pebble before did you not?"

I nodded.

"You proclaimed you wished to know more of Equestrian geology correct?"

I nodded again, matching her pace towards the full pile of stones from the mass that was once Rarity's lover she led me to.

"I did, yeah??" I asked slightly confused.

Her cheeks puffed and that wonderful little grey nose wiggled again, following her mouth delicately plucking up one of the small stones that was shook from the clutter of rocks and gems boulder was made of.

"'Ebble is a 'Estern Aurgernaut if you 'emember?" She spoke through the small stone in her maw.

"Special lil rock boi-"

"Yesh yesh, spec-al 'ock boi." She repeated mockingly.

Still got her to say it!!

She looked at me and closed her eyes as she began opening her mouth, my hands instinctively opening my palms to catch it.

"Boulder was Eastern." She said with some kind of purpose behind it.

I blinked a few times grasping what she just told me and subsequently gave me...

"Different from Pebble?" I asked as I gripped the small grey stone in my hand tightly and smiled warmly at her.

"Yet the same." She said to me with the same smile, nuzzling my hand onto her mane for a small pat. "I enjoy having Friends, dear Joel."

I was still almost realing from her being so affectionate and downright heart mutilatingly adorable in every way imaginable but she stared through my pats passed her half furrowed mane and spoke up again.

"As my sister would say, dear Joel... I think I found my bffffff..."