The Teufort Nine's Wizard-Fueled Adventure

A little while earlier.

"Soldier?" asked the Demoman as he gripped the griffin's feathers.

"YES?"

"Why've we been flying in circles fer the past half hour?"

"I AM BECOMING ONE WITH MY EAGLE-KIN! YOUR ZEBRA BRAIN CANNOT COMPREHEND MY MAJESTIC THOUGHTS!"

"That doesnae make sense at all."

"EAGLES HAVE NO NEED OF COMMON SENSE."

The three ponies and sole minotaur stared in puzzlement at the gently steaming body of Medic that was currently occupying a section of the floor. Judging from the stunned looks on Twilight's face, Medic's reaction to the beam of light that had emanated from her horn had been somewhat unexpected. Heavy himself had certainly not felt anything when Twilight performed the procedure on him.

"Uh..." muttered Applejack, "Was that that meant to happen, Twi?"

"No, that wasn't what I was expecting. Is he alright?" Heavy smiled at the purple unicorn in a reassuring manner.

"Do not worry about Doktor, friend Twilight. Is good learning experience! Will build character."

Pinkie Pie bounced in her seat, cupcake crumbs and icing encrusted around her mouth. "While we're waiting for Mr. Doctor here to wake up, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself!"

"And why exactly y'all were scaring a couple'a foals back there," interjected Applejack.

Just as he was about to speak, Heavy paused. Medic had told him not to speak too freely about their jobs at RED, hadn't he? And he would get angry if Heavy had deliberately disobeyed an important instruction. Heavy's mind was suddenly filled with the image of a cute and cuddly Medic-shaped pony squeaking in frustration.

He could at least talk to his new friends, surely.

"I am Heavy Weap- I am Heavy," said Heavy, catching himself just in time. "Heavy. Da. I work for RED team, with Doktor and other comrades."

"Interesting," said Twilight. "Does Red mean anything, or are there lots of different coloured teams?"

"There is other team, da. BLU team. We... do not get along."

"So, where exactly do you work?" Heavy laughed.

"Hot places! Dry, dusty, hot places. The Badlands mostly." At this, Applejack and Twilight looked noticeably taken aback, although Heavy wasn't sure why. Pinkie Pie was simply staring with her head tilted to one side. "RED team works in dustbowls and gravel pits. Is difficult job - pushing carts, pushing carts back, making sure BLU team does not get too close to Doktor."

Heavy was beginning to get the feeling that, should he continue talking, he might let something slip. Better to change the subject to something more suitable.

"But maybe Doktor himself should explain it better. When he wakes up, ask then. And, uh... about the scaring of the children..."

"Foals," cut in Applejack.

"Foals, da. I am sorry for this. Doktor is brave, but is also scared easily by leetle things. You see, Doktor is leader of team. If he says something is dangerous, I must protect him - he say that foal is dangerous, I scare them away." Heavy sighed. "Doktor is smart. Otherwise, he would not be Doktor! But sometimes... sometimes he is stupid. Sometimes he is scared. I apologise."

Applejack's stern expression melted.

"That's okay, mister. It was an honest misunderstandin', that's all. Just don't go round scarin' foals no more, okay?"

"Da." Heavy spotted motion out of the corner of his eye.

"Aha, Doktor is waking up!"

For the second time that day, Medic awoke with a splitting yet rapidly fading pain in the temples. A faint purple haze shimmered in front of his eyes for a few seconds, before it was shooed away by three rapid blinks. As his vision cleared, he noticed that he was staring up on the ceiling. How could this have happened? Medic squirmed, trying to right himself, and felt his face redden slightly as a high-pitched giggle emanated from somewhere outside his line of sight.

"Ach... Heavy?" asked the unicorn, with a slight twitch of his legs. "Vould you kindly help me up?"

"Da," came Heavy's response. Medic's stomach suddenly lurched as he was hoisted into the air, before being placed back down on all four hooves. "Next time maybe Doktor should make more effort to get up, instead of acting like helpless leetle turtle."

"Hmmph. Chatter aside, might you be so kind as to ask our hosts vhat just happened to me?"

"Oh, that was a translation spell," piped up a high-pitched voice. "I'm not sure why the side-effects were so extreme, though. Are you alright?"

"Ja, ja. It is not zhe vorse I encounter on a daily basis." It was then that Medic realised who had spoken to him. "Vait... Tvilight Sparkle? Vas zhat your name?" The purple unicorn smiled.

"That's right. This is Applejack," she said, indicating the Angry Hat-Wearing Pony of Death, "and this is Pinkie Pie."

"Pleased to meetcha! Is your name really Doktor? What's your cutie mark mean? Why didn't you eat your cupcake? What's an ÜberCharge? How do you-"

"Please excuse Pinkie Pie, she's not very good with guests," said Twilight as she clamped a hoof over the hornless pony's mouth. "Pinkie, why don't you run along for a bit? I'm not too sure whether it would be a good idea to bombard Mr. Doktor here with questions."

"Oh, okay," said Pinkie Pie, her face falling a little. Then she perked up. "I know! Heavy, I can show you around town!"

"Da! Is good."

"Nein! Vait..." said Medic to the closing door. "Ach... vell, he can't go far in a small town like zhis, anyvay."

Applejack stood up from her seat.

"Well, if Pinkie's keepin' an eye on the minotaur, an' you're lookin' after Doktor here, then Ah'd best be off home. Farm don't keep for nopony."

Questions ran through Medic's head as the pony known as Applejack departed, and he was quite certain that his hosts would have a fair few of their own. At least with Heavy and Pinkie Pie occupied, there wouldn't be any distractions of snack food or the like. But - and this was important - there was one thing Medic did not quite understand: how, exactly, had Twilight Sparkle allowed him to understand her language? She had mentioned very briefly what sounded like 'translation spell', but whether that was in fact what she had used remained to be seen.

Up until very recently, Medic would have dismissed the unicorn's explanation of 'magic' as a primitive way of looking at technology beyond her understanding. Of course, the presence of what had looked very much like a wizard in a drastically altered Lakeside had somewhat swayed his confidence in such matters. There was a saying, he thought, that ran something like this:

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

It was a nice saying. It made so many things so very convenient. While working for RED, and indeed during his own experiments, he had encountered many pieces of technology that were rather difficult to distinguish from magic. Australium certainly went a way towards explaining it, but there was still a certain sensation of unnatural (or even, one might say, supernatural) power that came with a successful ÜberCharge.

Despite his frequent attempts to overcome the natural order of things via the powers of science and a scalpel, Medic took a certain level of comfort from a world that could be categorised into nice and easily-managed piles that could, and this was important, be tipped over and mixed with each other. His colleagues in medicine would call it a tautology of sorts. If he had colleagues. Or legally practiced medicine.

And to make these piles of information, research must be obtained.

"Frau Sparkle, I expect zhat you are vondering how my... associate... and I arrived in zhis place. Perhaps I can explain."

"Of course! But please, call me Twilight."

"Duly noted." Medic coughed. "Tvilight, did you mention a translation spell?" A nod from the unicorn. "So you do practise magic, zhen?" Another nod, albeit slightly puzzled. "Zhat is good. Zhat vill make zhis next bit much easier for zhe both of us. Herr Heavy may have already told you zhat ve both work for zhe Reliable Excavation Demolition company. Ve arrived a short while ago in zhis town after being separated from our comrades. Zhe problem lies viz zhe nature of our separation...

"During a routine operation in a town named Lakeside, our work vas disturbed by zhe presence of an avakened vizard. An easily-angered vizard, as it turned out. To make a long story short, vun of mein team-mates annoyed zhe vizard, und now ve are ending up here. Vould situations like ours be somezhing you have heard of?"

There was a brief silence, punctuated with the sound of a pencil scribbling words at a surprisingly fast speed. Equally surprising was the fact that it was not actually being held by anything - instead, both pencil and notepad were suspended in the air, shrouded by a purplish light.

"Ahem. Tvilight?"

"Oh! Right!" said the unicorn, who had seemed to be lost in thought. "So this wizard teleported you and the rest of your team-mates away from Lakeside and placed you down here?"

"Vell, here and zhere. Zhere vere nine of us, and I am sure the ozher seven are rather close."

"Something like that, Mr. Doktor - is that your name?" Medic smiled strangely.

"Nein, just a term of endearment from Herr Heavy. Call me Medic, bitte. Alzough, to be fair, zhat is also not my real name. I vould prefer to keep zhat secret... secret."

"Right." But the purple pony didn't look entirely satisfied. "Please don't think me intrusive, Medic, but something about your story seems a little simplified to me."

Ah. Hmm. What to tell her? thought Medic. The whole mercenary thing could stay a secret for now, it wasn't at all relevant. But if she was going to provide the necessary help, she would certainly have to know more than just the basics. This 'magic' could certainly become a useful tool.

"You are very perceptive, Tvilight. But zhere is a qvestion I must ask. Vhen you say you "practise magic", vhat exactly does zhis entail? How experienced are you viz such things?" A look somewhat akin to pride came over Twilight's equine face.

"Well, now that you ask, and not that I'm trying to brag, but I am the personal student in magic of Princess Celestia herself!" Frankly, Medic had no idea who this 'Princess Celestia' was, but they were obviously skilled in magic. "I've been gifted in magic from an early age. In fact, when I took the entrance exam for the School for Gifted Unicorns, the Princess made me her personal protégé! She sent me to Ponyville to study the magic of Friendship, and while I've been here I've had my abilities tested by a number of powerful foes - King Sombra, Lord Tirek, and Discord himself! I'm also the bearer of one of the six Elements of Harmony. And then there was..."

Medic was beginning to regret asking the question. In fact, he was finding it hard to remember what he'd asked in the first place. Luckily, though, Twilight seemed to have ran out of steam. Medic spoke.

"I see."

"I'm not usually that talkative," Twilight said, "but I hope that provides an answer." Her voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. "I didn't come across too... unfriendly... did I?"

"Nein, nein."

"Great! So, what exactly were you going to tell me?"