A Way Home

Sundays were days of great importance to Fluttershy. Not only did she get to spend the entire day in repose if she so wished; all of her animal friends seemed to acknowledge that she liked to be to herself on this particular day and more or less kept out of her hair.

“Isn’t this wonderful, Angel?” The white bunny in question nodded in approval from the couch as he gingerly sipped on a glass of ice water. Fluttershy sighed as she leaned back in her lounge chair. “Don’t tell the other animals, but I’ve been kind of looking forward to having a day to myself.”

Angel zipped his muzzle with a free paw. Fluttershy commended the little rabbit’s fealty with an easy smile. “Thanks, Angel. I knew I could trust you.”

A mighty crash sounded somewhere off in the distance, shaking the house to its very foundation and making the china Fluttershy kept for special occasions clatter loudly in their cabinets.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy squeaked in shock as she and Angel were thrown from their perches. Immediately, she scurried to the window and threw the curtain aside noticing a looming cloud of inky black smoke in the distance.

“Oh my goodness, Angel, come on. We'd better go make sure nopony was hurt!” Fluttershy raced out the door of her cottage and took off into the air, Angel holding desperately onto her mane as the windshear threatened to rip him off and send him hurtling to the forest below.

Fluttershy came to rest beside a large crater producing an acrid black smoke that irritated her eyes and nose. Tentatively, she inched forward, peeking around the rim and into the steaming crater.

“Hello, is anypony in there?” she asked as she glided down into the hole, still wary on account of being able to see nothing but smoke. A hard fit of coughing rang out in the midst of the miasma and the following moments found Fluttershy planted resolutely behind a tree, wrapped in her mane and tail as though she were concealed from whatever eldritch abomination was present.

A hard minute came and went before Fluttershy felt confident enough to come out from from behind the tree, but even then she remained on high alert. With the wariness of a wild animal, Fluttershy crept forward again, her ears like satellites atop her head. As they neared the smoldering pit, Angel pulled and tugged on his master’s ears, baying her to retreat. She ignored him however and pressed on, both curiosity and concern getting the better of her.

Fluttershy planted a hoof firmly on the lip of the massive indentation and leaned forward, the suffocating black haze having died down enough for her to make out the silhouette of something bipedal through the stifling smog. She watched with bated breath as the the silhouette grew sharper and more clear, until suddenly it stumbled it’s way out into the open, coughing and staggering before it eventually fell forward and stopped moving altogether.

All pretense of care and caution Fluttershy had was immediately abandoned as she noticed how much the strange bipedal creature resembled one of the woodland creatures she was so fond of. She immediately leapt down into the hole and came to the creature’s side, her voice thick with worry.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Fluttershy gently prodded the foreign creature with a hoof, hoping to elicit some kind of response, however, the creature stayed perfectly still. Fluttershy regarded the creature with a grave shimmer in her eyes before picking it up and hoisting it onto her back.

“C’mon Angel, we have to help the poor thing.” Without so much as a second thought, Fluttershy lifted herself and the creature into the air and made her way back toward her cottage as fast as her wings could carry her.

A few feet away from the crater where Fluttershy had rescued the animal, a collection of sticks, branches and foliage began to stir.

The silence that had draped itself over the inside of Fluttershy’s cottage was broken as the raccoon like creature she’d rescued from the smoldering pit finally began to stir.

“Oh my goodness,” Fluttershy was at his side immediately, dancing anxiously on her hooves. “Angel, he’s waking up. Quick, bring him a glass of water!”

Angel dutifully obliged, hopping into the kitchen with a glass precariously perched on his head as he went. By the time he made it to the couch and handed the glass to Fluttershy, the creature’s eyes were just beginning to open.

“Ugh, my flarkin head is killin’ me.”

“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked, holding the glass out to him. The furry mammal’s fur bristled and it jumped up off the couch and scurried into the corner of the room, its hackles raised and its teeth barred.

“Who the hell are you? Where am I?” The creature’s eyes darted to every corner of the room, trying to get a quick bearing of his surroundings.

“Oh...um, this is my cottage. I found in a crater outside and I was worried so I brought you here.”

The creature’s posture relaxed the slightest of bits, but his eyes remained slitted.

“What planet is this?” The mammal demanded, a claw extended in Fluttershy’s direction. Fluttershy blinked and tilted her head.

“What?”

The mammal groaned trailed a paw done his face. “WHAT….PLANET….IS….THIS?”

“Umm...Equis.”

“Equis? Damn, that trans-spacial generator musta sent me pretty far. I ain’t never heard of Equis before.”

“Umm...excuse me,” the diminutive voice of his captor and savior eked out just loud enough to stop the mammal's train of thought. “You’re not hurt or anything, are you?”

The mammal gave himself a thorough once over, checking each of his limbs to make sure that he didn’t have any gaping holes or gashes he didn’t know about.

“I’m fine. Just get me a ship so I can get outta here.”

“A ship?” Fluttershy questioned. “You mean like a sailboat?” The raccoon groaned loudly again.

“No, not a sailboat. A SPACE ship. You know, wings, an engine, goes into space?” Fluttershy’s head canted to the side.

“Oh for-” The mammal stuck a paw into one of the pockets of his pants and pulled out a tiny metal ball. He tapped a ring in the center and a flood of emphatic blue lines exploded from the little device, bathing the room a ethereal shade of blue.

“THIS is what I need,” the mammal stated, gesturing pointedly to the object suspended in the middle of the room. Fluttershy poked her head out from behind the couch, yelping and ducking down again as some of the light streaking her face hummed and fizzled. The mammal huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, it ain’t gonna hurt ya.” After a quick wave of her hoof through the light to confirm, Fluttershy eased out from behind the back of the couch completely and settled down into the bevy of angular beams.

“What is all this?” she questioned, still looking transfixed at the light show that was now streaked across the inside of her cottage. The raccoon breathed an unbelieving scoff through his nose.

“C’mon, you’re seriously gonna tell me you’ve never seen a holographic projection before?”

“No, never.” Fluttershy responded, her eyes still mystified by the display. The raccoon pressed the balls of his paws to his eyes and rubbed them slightly before running them down the length of his face and pulling his jaw nearly halfway to the floor.

What kind of backwater planet did that thing drop me on? He wondered, letting out a hot and heavy breath before snapping his paws in the equine’s direction.

“Listen up,” he commanded. Fluttershy’s eyes turned away from the crackling beams of light and snapped to him. “If you can’t get me a ship, can you at least get me to a space-port?” His voice held out faint inklings of hope, space-ports being a common thing on nearly every planet in the galaxy. But when he was met with the same sort of bewildered, empty stare he’d come to expect from the yellow horse, he let out another frustrated noise that wasn’t too far from a growl.

“Un-freakin’ believable! You seriously don’t have a single space-port on this entire planet?” Fluttershy blinked owlishly at him.

“What’s a space-port?”

“I don’t flarkin believe this!” The raccoon half growled, half shouted, dispersing the grid of light with an angry press of his thumb and roughly shoving the metal sphere back into his pocket. “Outta all the uncivilized, backwards planets I coulda got stuck on, I get probably the ONE planet in the entire flarkin’ galaxy that doesn’t have a space-port!”

Obviously irritated that his supposed savior was not giving him the answers he desired, the little mammal scoffed and went to scurrying about the room, lifting up couch cushions, peeking under furniture and rifling through cabinets. Fluttershy followed him as he scampered about, partly curious to see what he was looking for and partly to make sure he didn’t break anything.

“Where’d you put my stuff?” He asked, his nose halfway inside a kitchen cabinet.

“You mean that little brown bag you had slung around your shoulder?” Fluttershy queried, squeaking in panic as she raced to catch a hoof-full of cups the little mammal had carelessly pushed out of the way.

“Yeah, that. I kinda need it back if you don’t mind.” Fluttershy’s eyes widened as the raccoon curiously twisted a plate in his claws before shrugging and nonchalantly throwing it over his shoulder. She slid to catch the ceramic cylinder, snagging it in her teeth moments before it shattered.

“If you’ll please be patient and wait out in the living room, I can go and get it  for you.” The little mammal did as he was instructed, hopping down from the kitchen counter and walking out into the living room.

“Be quick about it, wouldja? The sooner I get the rest of my stuff back, the sooner I can get offa this godforsaken sinkhole.” Fluttershy carefully returned the carelessly misplaced dinnerware to its proper place in the cupboard before making her way up the stairs to fetch her guest’s things.

By the time she returned to the living room with the satchel, her guest was hard at work, picking the stuffing out of her favorite couch cushions. Fluttershy set the bag down with a huff, her brow knit with worry and anxiousness as she watched her favorite couch be torn to shreds before her eyes.

“Oh, could you maybe please not do that?” Fluttershy tried, squeezing every bit of supplication from her voice. The mammal only laughed, tossing what used to be a perfectly intact couch cushion aside in favor of nipping at the carrot he’d pilfered from a clearly fed up looking Angel. Fluttershy grabbed the bag in her teeth again and hauled it over to the foot of the couch.

“Thank you,” the raccoon said in an unctuous tone of voice that made Fluttershy frown slightly.

“My, that bag is awfully heavy for someone of your size to carry. What could you possibly have in there?” The way the raccoon smirked was unnerving to Fluttershy in a way she couldn’t quite place.

“My babies.” The raccoon’s grin stretched wider

“Your...babies?!” Fluttershy’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

“Yup,” the he said, hopping down from his perch on the couch and unzipping the bag. “My little bundles of joy.”

Fluttershy watched with rapt attention and slight pangs of horror as the little mammal went to digging around in the stachel, expecting him to pull out some sort of baby adorable baby raccoons. Instead, what he pulled from the bag looked far less furry and cuddly than she was expecting, and far more like something Twilight would go absolutely gaga over for reasons unknown to anyone who wasn’t as eggheaded as she was.

“What is that?” Fluttershy questioned innocently, staring at the odd looking piece of metal with her usual brand of quiet confusion. The raccoon propped the piece of metal up on his arm and with a practiced flex, the alien piece of technology extended outward.

“Oh, this?" The raccoon smiled toothily at the hulking piece of machinery in his arms. “This here’s Jezebel; best gun this side of the cosmos. This baby can fire off eighty rounds in less than ten seconds, and she’s also got a pretty nice grenade launcher for when things get really hairy.” Fluttershy could only stare in bewilderment. Her guest seemed too excited to notice.

“Plus, it’s got one helluva muzzle flash. Doesn’t really do anything to add to the overall stopping power, but it does give punchin’ holes in things a sort of stylish flare. You know what I mean?” Fluttershy hid her perplexed expression behind her hair.

“Erm...no…not really.” The raccoon ignored her and went back to digging around in his satchel again.

“And this-,” he said, drawing out the word with a strained groan as he hefted an even bigger piece of metal from the contents of the bag. “-is a little somethin’ I like to call ‘The Hadron Enforcer’. This baby ain’t much for makin’ holes in people as it is makin’ holes in ships, buildings, and really big, really angry animals.”

“That’s awful!” Fluttershy gasped.

“Not when they’re trying to take chunks outta your face it ain’t.” He stated before depositing the massive weapon back into the bag. “But, I only really like to use it for those special occasions. Other than that, I’ve got a few hand grenades, a singularity grenade, two hand pistols, and a pair of rocket skates. So even if you did have something like, say, class three wildlife running around, me and Jezebelle’d be able to take em’ out no problem.” The raccoon put all of his equipment away and zipped up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and turning toward the door.

“Just to clarify, you don’t actually have any class three wildlife runnin’ around out there, do ya?”

“Umm…” Fluttershy started, unable to hide how utterly lost she was at the moment. “I don’t um…”

“Man, you really are totally clueless.” The raccoon sighed, retracting Jezebelle and attaching it to the back of his suit where it belonged. “Please, tell me the rest of...whatever else lives on this planet is more intelligent than you.”

Fluttershy reared back, the expression on her face one of disbelief and surprise. She scrunched up her eyebrows and set her jaw, trying to look as menacing as she could muster. “Now, I’ve had just about enough of you, mister!” Fluttershy advanced on the mammal’s position, jabbing a hoof to his chest. “I’m all for helping you find your way home and everything, but not until you stop being so mean and rude and inconsiderate.”

The mammal laughed. “No offence doll, but if you’re trying to intimidate me, you ain’t doin’ a very good job. I’ve met about a hundred different things that still cry and piss themselves that look more menacing than you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go find someone  who knows their ups from their downs.”

The raccoon adjusted the bag on his shoulder and took a few steps toward the door. Fluttershy stepped in front of him, still doing her best to look as big and authoritative as possible. The raccoon sighed, dropping his satchel and unhooking his gun from the back of his suit.

“C’mon, you don’t really wanna do this,” the mammal warned, the extending barrel of his gun just barely missing the tip of Fluttershy’s snout. “Just get outta the way and let me get on with my business before things get messy.” Fluttershy stayed perfectly grounded, hardening her gaze to a nearly stone-like consistency.

“Suit yourself.” The mammal shrugged, his gun whirring to life with a high-pitched whine. However, before he could even think of pulling the trigger, a last look into the wide, aquamarine eyes-that somehow looked leagues more threatening than they had a moment ago-stopped him dead in his tracks.

The mare’s once passive sea-blue eyes had gained the intensity of white hot embers. She watched the pugnacity and hostility in the raccoon’s eyes slowly bleed out and be replaced with a stark and wild fear, his gun falling limply at his side.

“Stop it!” he yelled, shaking his head, raising his gun back up so that it was in line with her muzzle again. “Quit starin’ at me like that before I fill ya full of holes!” Fluttershy stood steadfast, her eyes becoming impossibly sharp. The raccoon steadied his gun, trying one last time to pull the trigger, but once again falling victim to Fluttershy’s patented stare.

“For cryin’ out loud, what do ya want from me?” her captor cried, his gun falling to the floor again. Fluttershy puffed out her chest, her hawkish gaze not slipping for an instant.

“I want to help you.”

“And how are you plannin’ on doing that, huh? You’ve already proven that you don’t know where to find any ships. You can’t tell me where to find a spaceport, and as far as I know, you know absolutely diddly squat about any technology that’s come out in the past, I dunno, hundred years!” Fluttershy sucked in a breath, obviously working to bear the insults that were so carelessly thrown her way.

“Well, I may not be very smart or helpful, but I know somepony who is.”

“Somepony…?” the mammal questioned, but was cowed into silence by the unwavering hardness of his savior’s eyes.

“So, will you let me help you?” Rocket took one last look into the steely, solid look of his equine captor before sighing and re-holstering his gun.

“Fine,” the mammal growled under his breath. “But I swear on my life, if you end up getting me lost, captured or anything in between, you’re gonna be at the top of my list until judgment day.”

“Woohoo!” the animal on Fluttershy’s back cheered as they soared through the bright afternoon sky toward Ponyville. “This is awesome. Why didn’t you tell me you could fly?” Fluttershy didn’t bother responding on account of the deafening wind, but her cheeks flushed with appreciation all the same.

Fluttershy banked hard to the right and swooped down in between two buildings, squatting down just in time for her companion to leap off her back, practically dancing from foot to foot.

“That was awesome! You gotta promise me I can do that one more time before I leave,” the raccoon said, a wide sloppy grin on his face. Fluttershy smiled as well.

“Well, if you really liked it that much, then I don’t see why not.”

“I’m seriously gonna hold you to that.” Fluttershy smiled at her animal companion’s excitement.

“It’s a promise, then.” Rocket smirked in assent, arching backward with his paws to the small of his back and letting out a large groan.

“Definitely does a number on your back, though.” The smile on Fluttershy’s face gave way to concern.

“Gosh, maybe I should have just flown us right to the castle.”

“It’s fine,” Rocket assured her with the dismissive way of a paw. “I kinda wanted to get a look around anyway. Just tell me that friend of yours doesn’t live too far.”

Not at all,” Fluttershy assured. “In fact, you can see her house from here.” Fluttershy pointed a hoof to a massive building sitting atop a tree nestled just on the outskirts of the town. The raccoon’s jaw unscrewed and fell open as his eyes trailed up the gangly purple branches to the opulent looking building atop them.

“Your friend lives in THAT thing?!” Fluttershy nodded. The small mammal’s head swiveled from Twilight’s castle to the more modest-looking homes that surrounded him and then back to Twilight’s castle. “Why’s it so much...bigger than all the other houses around here?”

“Twilight’s one of the princesses in charge of ruling over Equestria.” The raccoon stopped dead in his tracks, turning to his escort with a bug eyed incredulity.

“Did you say princess?” Fluttershy flinched slightly at the raccoon’s sudden enthusiasm.

“Yes...” In a movement too fast for Fluttershy to react to, the small mammal grabbed either side of her face, their eyes meeting for an uncomfortable, elongated moment.

“You’re friends with a flarkin’ princess?!” By this point, Fluttershy was so taken aback, she nearly doubled in on herself.

“Um...yes.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” The raccoon released his hold on Fluttershy’s face and started off toward the glimmering tree, thoughts of the mounds of treasure that must have been present in such a lavish looking stronghold spurring him on with greater fervor. Fluttershy followed awkwardly behind him, still slightly addled from her companion’s suddenness.

As the pair stepped out from the side street they’d landed on and into the main thoroughfare, the raccoon took a stricken half step back as the scene of a myriad of ponies, all of different sizes and colors, went about their morning business.

“Holy flarkin’ hell,” he breathed, mezmerized by the scene before him. “Is everyone here a freaky talkin’ horse?” Fluttershy came up beside him, the hustle and bustle of the morning market rush a familiar sight.

“Ponies do make up a large part of Equestria, but there are lots of different species all over Equis.”

“What, you got kree crawlin’ around here or somethin’’?” Fluttershy’s brow knit in confusion.

“Er, I don’t know if we have any of those. But  we do have griffons. Oh, and centaurs, and satyrs, and dragons and-”

“Criminey, I may as well be in some snot nosed brat’s bedtime story.” Fluttershy smiled brightly at her companion.

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it. Everypony here is super nice and really friendly.”

“Then it’s a damn good thing I don’t plan on staying that long.” The raccoon started off down the road toward the giant shimmering tree, Fluttershy bringing up the rear of their company. “Places like this make my trigger finger itch somethin’ fierce.”

As the admittedly mismatched pair traversed the busy marketplace, they were greeted with a slew of sideways stares and hushed whispers. The raccoon noticed a pair of ponies gawking at him in open, unbridled wonder, and he privately reveled in the way the two quickly whipped their heads away as he growled at them.

“Geez, you’d think talking horses would be a bit more empathetic.” Fluttershy gave her companion her most encouraging smile.

“They’ll come around. They’re probably just not used to seeing…”

“Something like me,” the raccoon sighed. “Yeah, I get it.” Fluttershy’s ears splayed against her head as she searched for some way to rectify the egregious misstep she’d just taken. “Let’s just get going. The sooner we get to this friend of yours, the sooner I can be out of this multi-colored nightmare.”

The raccoon moved to take a step, but the presence of a wide eyed, beaming foal staring up at him with unrestrained, childlike wonder stopped him dead in his tracks. Their eyes met, and the corner of the raccoon’s mouth twitched up in an annoyed sneer.

“Get outta the way ya little imp,” the mammal growled, but the child remained transfixed. The raccoon took a quick step to the right, and the child mirrored him. Another attempt, from the left this time, was met with similar results. Finally, having become fed up with the walking obstruction blocking his path, the raccoon raised his hackles and bared his teeth in a picturesque display of anger.

The show of unfiltered animal instinct had the desired effect, breaking the young foal’s trance-like infatuation with the strange creature before him and sending the youngling scurrying away with tears in his eyes. The raccoon gave a triumphant scoff as he watched the frightened stripling scamper off.

“Serves em’ right.” However, the mammal’s victory didn’t last long, as a much larger and clearly angry unicorn charged toward him and Fluttershy, the frightened foal from earlier hiding behind one of her rear legs. She shot a disgusted look toward the offending woodland creature before turning her laser-like stare toward Fluttershy.

“How can you let that thing just run around scaring ponies like that? Aren’t you supposed to have your pets on a leash or something?” Fluttershy opened her mouth to respond, but an incredulous shout from her companion cut her off.

“WHAT?! Oh, that’s it!” the mammal snarled as he detached his gun from the back of his suit and extended the barrel. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your life as a glue stick!” The raccoon’s gun whirred to life with a high pitched, pneumatic whine, but before he could even think to pull the trigger, he found himself being collared and led away by his yellow compatriot.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, ma'am,” Fluttershy offered as she led the still fuming woodland creature as far away from the two ponies as possible. “And I’m sure my friend feels just awful about scaring your little one.” The mammal scoffed.

“Yeah right,” the raccoon pointed a claw dangerously in the scowling mother’s direction. “You better believe if she wasn’t here to stop me, you’d be nothin’ but a red streak in the dirt!” Fluttershy blanched white, the woodland creature’s statement causing her to push him all the more urgently.

“Let’s just focus on getting to Twilight’s house for now, okay?” Fluttershy pleaded. The mammal growled low and guttural as he was escorted toward the towering spire in the distance.

Wreathed in the translucent glow of the sun shining through the window panes, Princess Celestia sat and waited. The sound of chains clinking and hooves against tile caught the princess’s attention, and she straightened herself on her throne as the door to her throne room cracked open.

Her hawkish, imperial gaze never left the three lanky, bipedal creatures for a second as their chained forms ambled into the throne room. The prisoners were shoved into line by the royal guard, who came to surround them on all sides, spears at the ready. Celestia took a brief moment to let her aged stare linger on them before she addressed the potential threat to Equestria’s safety.

“Why have you come here?” Her voice had taken on the authoritative, serious tone she adopted whenever she needed to sound intimidating. The rattling of chains was the only sound offered to her.

“What business do you have here in Equestria?” She tried again, sounding no less imposing. However, her show of power didn’t seem to have any effect.

“Answer me!” she ground out, stomping a hoof. One of the gangly creatures shuffled forward, a blithesome smirk on his face.

“We ain’t here to cause no one any trouble,” he started, his accent thick. “We jus’ came here lookin’ for one of our boys.”

“There are more of you?”

“Jus’ a lil guy-what looks like a raccoon, and his buddy-big sunuvabitch, looks kinda like a walking tree.”

“A walking tree?”

“Yeah, strange as all git out, ain’t it? But anyway, them two broke an important rule of our little outfit here and we was lookin’ to take em back with us and teach em’ a lesson.” Celestia raised a brow at him.

“Back where?”

“To our ship.”

“So you’ve come here by sea?”

“Not exactly.”

“What then?” the princess demanded. “How did you get past Equestrian borders undetected?” The prisoner cracked a wicked grin, Celestia remained unamused.

“I’d tell ya, but you probably wouldn’t understand a lick ah what I was sayin’, anyway.” Celestia’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“Try me.” The snake like grin on her captive’s face stretched wider as she said this. On the outside, Celestia remained unphased.

“Have you ever heard of a little thing called a trans-spacial generator?” It was obvious from the distinct lack of a response that Celestia had no idea what the prisoner was talking about. However, she kept her stone-faced guise firmly attached, not wanting to betray even the slightest hint of bewilderment to these new and potentially dangerous creatures.

“Thought so,” the creature breathed. “I think it would be in your best interest ta let us deal with those traitors of ours. They’ll undoubtedly be using tech that’s far beyond anything you’ve seen here so far, and they are known throughout the galaxy as some of the most ruthless bounty hunters around.”

The wiry creature gave Celestia a grin worthy of fangs and horns. “I’d hate for one of these pretty little horsies to get hurt messin’ with tech they don’t understand.” Celestia’s eyes widened at the brazen show of disrespect that was being shown in her presence. She slammed a hoof down, her voice deadly serious.

“Enough. Guards, take these prisoners to the dungeons and increase the frequency of patrols over all of Equestria. I will not have the peace that has persisted in Equestria for thousands of years broken by the squabbles of such foul, ill-mannered creatures.”

“Yes, ma’m!” the guards saluted in unison, shoving the prisoners into line again and escorting them out of the throne room. The gaunt specimen that had addressed Celestia gave the princess one last devilish grin before the doors creaked shut and Celestia was left to ponder the appropriate measures she should take.

“I must notify the elements of harmony at once.”