That One Time When Stuff Died

Once upon a time, in the magical land of HELL!!!

“I don’t trust you.” The red stallion glared across the tunnel at the ominous silhouette of a diamond dog. The dog’s dark fur made him nearly invisible against the cave wall.

“Good, you might live longer that way.” Replied the dog.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Asked the stallion with concern. Even under his cloth wrapped armor, a chill drove down his spine. He could have sworn the dog’s reflective irises looked hungry.

“It means you’re smarter than most of your kind.” Explained the dog. “If I was a different dog I would have killed both of you.”

“That’s reassuring.” Said the stallion sarcastically. He placed more wood on the small fire that sat between him and the diamond dog. The flames grew, and he was briefly able to make out the unsettling canid face.

The dog chuckled and laid down on the stone floor. “Sleep pony. You’ll need your strength.”

The stallion adjusted his position against the wall. “I’m good, thanks.” He looked down at the mare sleeping beside him. No way was he going to doze off and let this creep slit their throats. He’d probably eat them too.

Steady breathing was the dog’s only response.

The pony sighed. He had no idea of the time except that it was night, if the lack of light refracting from the cave entrance was anything to go by. Some time passed. With nothing else to do, the stallion began softly humming a tune. The stone tunnel created a slight echoing effect. The dog’s ears twitched.

“Oh, were you asleep already?” asked the stallion.

“Not yet.” Said the dog without opening his eyes.

“I was wondering, what is this place? This cave is not a natural formation.”  The stone tunnel was uniformly straight, angled downward in tiers, almost like giant elongated stairs.

“Long time ago it was a den.”

The stallion raised an eyebrow. “A den, as in a diamond dog den? This seems like awfully nice architecture compared to most dens I’ve seen.”

“A very powerful alpha lived here.”

“Which alpha?”

“Don’t remember. Was before the griffons came.”

“Oh, one of the pre-colonization clans?” Asked the stallion.

The dog let out a snort of amusement. “That’s what you call it?”

The pony was mildly confused. “Well, that’s kind of what happened.”

“If you say so.” The dog shifted “No more talking now. “Your humming is nice though.”

“Umm… thanks?” The pony was not expecting a complement.

“Quietly.”

“Oh.”

The tunnel was once again silent, save for the occasional crackle of the fire or the distant echo of the wind. The stallion began humming again, albeit as quietly as possible. His eyes began to droop. He caught himself once or twice, but ultimately exhaustion won the battle. The humming stopped and was replaced by slow steady breathing.

Thunder Stone awoke to a burnt out campfire. The only visible light was dim and grey. She raised her head from the stone floor.

“Red.” She called quietly, as she prodded the not so vigilant sentry. The crimson pony inhaled slowly before letting out a long breath. He relaxed again, so thunder poked him once more. This time he jumped up with a start.

“Wasn’t sleeping!” He declared. Thunder watched as Red looked around the gloomy tunnel. “Oh no.”

“What?” Asked Thunder nervously.

“He’s gone!”

“Who?” She asked. Then it dawned on her. “Where’s the diamond dog?”

“The bastard waited for me to fall asleep. We’re lucky to be alive.”

Thunder fought down the urge to panic. They were here for a reason after all, and she wasn’t about to let some mangy dog get in the way. “It doesn’t matter. The mission goes on.”

Red looked at her with a dumbfounded expression. “Ma’am, I appreciate your commitment but I would rather get out of here than go spelunking into some pitch black Tartarus pit, and potentially face some screwed up, predator diamond dog.”

Thunder glared back. “Then I’ll be needing the lantern.”

“What?” Demanded Red.

“You don’t have to come, but I didn’t spend two weeks trekking here just to turn around because a diamond dog didn’t show up for breakfast.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Now give me that lantern or get in front of me and carry it, because we are not leaving until we finish this.” Ordered Thunder.

“But that dog could be waiting to ambush us!” Pleaded the stallion.

Thunder considered the very real possibility of being attacked by the dog, but her commitment to her mission overruled her fears. “Objection noted.” She said calmly. “But I’m not going back with empty saddlebags.”

Red shook his head in rejection. He knew the futility of arguing with a female. “Alright, fine.” He groaned. “Can we at least eat first?”

“Of course.” Thunder said with a grin. She reached into one of her saddlebags she left on the floor. The limited light made it hard to find the items, but she

eventually retrieved two packages and a canteen. “How’s dry oatcakes and water sound?” She said cheerfully. Red groaned again.

Breakfast was basic for the two travelers. The longevity of their trip reduced them to nonperishable foods. But they crunched and slurped with great vigor. Even bland foods can seem a delicacy to the very hungry.

“I hate caves.” Said Red with a mouthful of oatcake. Very unprofessional for an Equestrian soldier, but he wasn't in the business of caring.

“Ah, the truth comes out.” Cheered Thunder softly. “So what is it, the dark? Bats? Pointy-eared diamond dogs?”

Red’s expression fell at the last item. “Don’t act like he doesn't scare you too. And no, it’s actually the tight spaces.”

“Claustrophobia?” Asked Thunder.

“No.” Said Red. “The Shirt family has never had a good history with enclosed spaces. Some kind of curse.”

“You can’t be serious.” Thunder tried not to laugh. “Don’t worry. I’ll be right there with you the whole time.” She tried to reassure him.

“Thank you ma’am.” Red was not comforted, not one bit.

“You can call me ma’am when were back in Canterlot. Let’s get moving.”

The two ponies collected their gear and, one more reluctantly than the other, set off deeper into the den. The tunnel fell once again silent. No sound came from the remains of the fire, nor from the black shape that followed the two ponies.

Red ensured the lantern was still secured to the front of his saddlebags. The light only pushed back a small area of darkness. The pair had since reached the end of the great stairs on which they had camped. The den opened up into an area of finely cut corridors and rooms, all built around what appeared to be a great hall. Red looked around wide-eyed at the remains of what appeared to be ornate decorations. The stallion gave a low whistle.

“That diamond dog said this was a den, but this is beyond any den I’ve ever seen.” Said Red. He looked at Thunder. “Did you know about this ma’am?”

“Yes.” Replied the mare.

“Why didn’t you mention this?”

Thunder stopped, pointed a hoof at a dust covered symbol on the wall. Red stepped closer. It was well worn but Red could just make out a silver circle with a crimson paw print in the center. A large black sword was engraved vertically through the center of the paw.

Red gasped. “Is that…”

“Deepstone.” Stated Thunder.

Red wheeled around at the smaller mare. “You were hiding this from me?”

“Yes.” Said thunder, unflinching. “My employers felt it best for me not to tell you until we were already here. Your commanding officer knows too.”

Red was fuming. “Mission aborted. We’re leaving.”

Thunder didn’t move. “I was told to tell you that you’ll receive a substantial pay raise upon completion of the mission.”

“It’ll take more than a few bits to make me stay here. Place is bloody haunted.” Red spat against the wall and turned to leave.

“Wait a second.” Called Thunder. “You can’t possibly believe in those ponytales.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m afraid I do.”

The mare stamped a hoof. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Red was still plodding away.

“This mission concerns the fate of Equestria.” Red stopped walking.

“How so?” Asked the disheartened soldier.

Thunder paused. Should she tell him? She figured he would find out anyway. “There is rumored to be a large deposit of black steel in the den.”

Red didn’t respond at first. “Well that’s different then, isn't it? Do the princesses know?”

“No, just my department. They feel it best that the griffons don’t have it.”

Red drew in a long breath. He nodded with understanding. “So how does this affect us?”

“We’re scouting. If there’s nothing here, we can go home and never speak of this again.”

“And if we do find something?”

“Then our job gets more complicated.”

Two shiny yellow eyes tracked the herbivores’ progress. Once the ponies had rounded another corner, the eyes and their owner padded after the fading torchlight. A pointy grin spread on his muzzle.

He was at first concerned when the two had started bickering. The larger red one clearly feared the dark tunnels, albeit for the wrong reasons. The emerald green female was harder to read. She was obviously valuable to the red male, but not in the way one values a mate. The male acted like a soldier, if perhaps a mediocre one, so perhaps the female outranked him. The male clearly respected her, but not like an officer.

The diamond dog paused at the corner to let the ponies gain some distance.

If the female wasn't an officer then why was the red one being led by her? Maybe the female was wealthy and had hired the large male for protection. But why was she wandering an abandoned den? It couldn't have been greed that drove her; there were no riches to be had in the place. She did mention black-steel however. An odd thing for ponies to search for. The horned ones hated it. Maybe the two no-horns wanted to kill a magic user. That wouldn't make sense though. The overly peaceful ponies abhorred killing.

Ultimately it was of little consequence to the dog. His prize was calling to him.

Once the two had made it some way down the corridor, the diamond dog moved from his spot. He was careful to lift his claws as any sound could give him away. Darkened archways appeared on either side of the tunnel. The dog’s sensitive vision used what little light the ponies’ torch made to see into the rooms. He saw the remains of sleeping areas in one. In another, he could see an immense kitchen. Diamond dogs eat more than minerals, contrary to popular belief. A larger gap appeared on his left. He shied away when he realized what it lead to. His hackles rose, and he refused to give even a passing glimpse at what lurked inside. Instead, he quickened his pace to get passed the dark maw. He just had to focus on the ponies and he’d be fine.

‘Oh.’ He froze.

The ponies had stopped only meters in front of him. If they turned around, there would be nowhere for him to go, except into the room he had desperately tried to avoid. The dog began to creep backwards. He just had to get to any other room and he could hide. The ponies were talking. Maybe it was enough for him to risk moving a little faster.

*Tick*

A claw grazed the smooth stone floor. The male’s ears twitched.

“What was that?”

The diamond dog shut his eyes. His coat blended enough to buy him a few milliseconds but his reflective eyes would give him away instantly. There was no choice. He lunged through the arch directly to his left and quickly backed himself into the corner beside the entrance.

“What was what?” Asked the female.

“Thought I saw something go into that room.”

The dog heard the ponies’ slowly approaching, but he refused to open his eyes. The hoof steps stopped in the middle of the archway.

“Anything?”

“There’s some kind of mound in the center of the room.” Replied the male. “Wait, are those bones?”

The dog tried pressed further into the corner, unsuccessfully attempting to escape the ponies and the room’s contents.

“There must be dozens. What happened?” The mare whispered in surprise.

“Not sure. Do you see how they’re all blackened?”

“They were burned? Was it some kind of mass funeral?”

“I don’t think so. Look at that one.” There was a silence.

“They burned the young.” The mare declared with disbelief.

“So was it worth coming to here?” Asked Red sarcastically.

The female took a deep breath. “Let’s finish this and get out.”

The hoof steps faded down the tunnel. The diamond dog was left alone in the stone room. He didn’t move until he was sure the ponies were far enough. Very hesitantly his eyes opened.

They were staring at him. All of them.

The dog fled the room with his tail tucked. He collapsed in the tunnel. Terror had pushed the air out of his lungs and he drew in ragged breaths. For several moments, he stayed there, with tears running down his muzzle. He wordlessly prayed that he was anywhere else. He’d even take a griffon mine over this tomb. His sensitive hearing could still make out the ponies’ voices.

“I don’t like this.” The male. “Look at these claw marks. No diamond dog has claws that big.” There was a faint sniffing sound. “And it stinks like something died in there.”

“And that’s where we need to go.”

The dog inhaled sharply. The ponies weren’t the only ones with a mission to accomplish.

He rose up on all fours.

They were close now.

The two ponies hesitantly descended a narrow staircase.  This lower pathway spawned feelings of unease in both of them. The stone walls were scored with massive gashes as if some great beast had clawed its way down the tunnel. The air was also thick with the pungency of rotting organs.

Thunder looked closely at one of the marks. Whatever made the incision had dug nearly two centimeters into the solid rock. “What could have done this?” She whispered.

“Nothing good.” Replied Red quietly.

The torchlight barely revealed dark stains on the stone stairs. Red eyed the dried splotches with sudden dread. He met Thunder’s nervous gaze. She had seen them too.

“I really think we should turn back ma’am.” Murmured Red.

Thunder considered the option for a moment. “No. If my information is correct, then this leads to where the black steel is stored.”

“I can somewhat grasp the importance of the mission, ma’am, but I feel that if we go down there we’ll get mauled by… something.”

“We have to at least check it out.” Pleaded Thunder.

Red looked at the mare with a serious expression. “Fine, but you keep quiet, stay behind me, and do exactly as I say.” He made sure that the short spear secured on his pack was readily accessible.

The mare nodded in understanding. “Thank you Red.”

Several moments later, the ponies reached the bottom of the staircase. They stood in a space to wide for the lantern light to fill. The stench of rot was now stronger.

“Which way?” Mumbled Red in a barely audible whisper.

Thunder, as silently as she could, pulled a sketched map from her saddlebags. She studied it briefly before pointing with a hoof towards their destination. After she returned the map, the two softly plodded in the direction Thunder had indicated. They had to skirt around several workbenches and piles of scrap metal that cluttered the floor.

While Red had scanned for danger, he failed to notice a small wooden bucket directly in his path. He kicked it with a smack.

They both froze.

The bucket rolled away, into the decayed leg of a workbench. The legs that supported the stone table were rotted to the point of near collapse. Contact with the bucket was all it needed to give way. The stone bench fell with a boom. This table, obviously a table for constructing more buckets, released its contents onto the floor. The plethora of wooden buckets rattled off into the darkness.

When the noise died away, the ponies released the breaths they were clenching, only to hear the crash of a bucket knocking over a pile of scrap metal. This was followed by the sound of a bucket breaking a pane of glass, which was followed by the splash of a bucket falling into a pool of water, which was followed by the boom of a bucket knocking over another workbench, which was followed by the unknown sound of a bucket breaking a bucket, which was followed by the crunch of a bucket being run over by a semi, which was followed by the scream of a terrified bucket falling down a well, which was followed by the explosion of a jihadist bucket. And then there was silence.

They waited. The buckets had finally stopped.

Thunder sighed. “And you said I had to be quiet.”

The ponies moved on with the hope that they were the only ones who had heard the noise.

They soon reached the edge of the room. The torch cast it’s glow on a larger version of the Deepstone insignia.

“I don’t understand.” Thunder retrieved her map. “There’s supposed to be a room here.” She glared angrily at the symbol on the wall.

“What if it’s a false wall?” Suggested Red.

Thunder looked at him dumbfounded. “That’s silly. You honestly think that diamond dogs could make a false wall?” She knocked on the wall with a hoof.

“Ma’am, it was just a suggestion.”

She began walking along the wall. “Maybe the map was off a bit.” Red followed behind.

The smell was growing again, stronger this time. They soon found the source. Thunder gasped. Splayed on the floor in front of them were the deteriorating remains of a deer, more specifically the ass end. Red stepped closer while Thunder just stared wide eyed.

“Torn right in half…” Red mused. He looked at Thunder. “Only a few subterranean creatures can do that.”

“C-Cave bear.” Stammered the mare.

“I don’t know.” Said Red doubtfully. “It’d have to be an awfully big cave bear.”

Hot reeking air wafted from behind the stallion. His eyes pin-pricked as he realized his predicament.

“Of course.”

For a split second, Red saw a dark shape enter his vision. Next thing he knew, he was moving very quickly, too quickly in fact. He braced himself for the inevitable impact with the floor or the wall, whichever came first, possibly both at the same time. It turns out he hit neither of these things. His fall was cushioned by a convenient pile of wooden buckets. Many buckets gave their lives to protect the armored stallion. Lest we forget.

Red struggled to free himself from the tangle of splinters and buckets. When he righted himself, he was amazed to find that his lantern had come with him, intact too. He then noticed that he could not see Thunder or the cave bear.

A loud female shriek came from across the room, so did the sounds of some great thing moving. The stallion had to act fast, or the mare would be no better off than the deer carcass.

He screamed into the darkness. “GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!”

Two red irises turned to face the light. An earthshaking roar assaulted Red’s ears. The sound was amplified by the natural acoustics of the room, and caused the stallion to wince.

Then it charged, crashing through the room’s contents as if they were nonexistent. The two-thousand pound animal was in full sprint. The stallion readied his weapon, not that he expected to do much damage.

“Stupid family curse.” He muttered in defeat. At least the bear was distracted from Thunder. Maybe she would get away.

Red’s whole body shook from the sheer mass of the approaching beast. The thing became visible in the lantern light. Its head was bigger than the pony’s whole torso. Immense jaws of yellow teeth bore down on the stallion. He reared and used both forelegs to thrust the spear. The small steel tip found purchase in the back of the giant reeking maw. For a blink of time, Red rejoiced in his small victory. Then the mouth snapped shut.

‘Stupid ponies.’

They had seen the blood and claw marks. Still they had gone on to their doom. And they did perfectly. The bear would be too distracted by the ponies to notice him until it was too late.

The den's forge had been dominated by that beast of a cave bear for months. No matter how quiet he was, or how much he dampened his scent with mud, the bear always detected him. This was his first real opportunity to get past.

He watched from the entrance of the dome shaped room. The ponies couldn’t see it with their weak eyes, but the diamond dog could just make out the breathing mountain that rested in the center. He began edging around the perimeter, keeping the ponies between him and the bear. Halfway across, the ponies had knocked over some buckets. In the resulting ruckus, the dog saw the bears ears twitch. Only after the ponies moved on, did the small hill move. It didn’t look at the ponies. Instead locked eyes with the barely visible diamond dog before quietly lumbering after the two equines.

A shiver passed through the dog, as he understood the bear’s message: ‘M8, I’ll fuck you.’

Seizing his shrinking time, the dog darted for his objective as fast as his paws could push him. Several moments later, he entered a small corridor. The ambient light from the torch could not reach this smaller passage, so the dog felt his way along. Feeling a gap in the wall, he entered into another smaller room.

It was in there. He could feel its call. Soon it would be his again.

He felt past empty weapon racks, occasionally coming across a rotting spear or shield.

A scream from the female quickened his pace.

‘Where is it?’

“GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!” The male shouted.

Was the idiot actually challenging the thing? Apparently he was, as the bear answered with a roar that made the dog double over and grab his ears.

He recovered and frantically felt around the floor. He froze when his paw brushed against something. He grabbed the oblong object. The shape was correct, but he couldn’t be sure. He stood up and swung the thing with both paws. The unmistakable balance of a tool crafted by a master.

A comforting warmth welled up in the dog. It was his again.

He slung the tool across his back.

When he returned to the forge room, the lantern had gone out, and the room was encased in sheer black. Fortunately the bear was telegraphing her location via cries of frustration and pain. Hearing that it was preoccupied, the diamond dog padded out into the forge. He had to move slowly to avoid bumping into anything.

The bear continued to grunt and snarl. Had the ponies managed to hurt it?

The dog’s thoughts were interrupted when he nearly stumbled over a pile on the floor. The mound was breathing. He sniffed. It was the female. She smelled of blood. He prodded the mare with a paw. Unconscious.

He raised his head to listen. The bear was now making coughing noises. The dog returned his attention to the pony.

There was no time for this. The ponies had served their purpose. She would only weigh him down.

His hackles began to erect.

He could feel them watching him again. Boring holes into his very being with their empty eyes. Closing in with their bony claws.

‘Leave her.’

‘No.’

They tried to stop him, but he barged through. The dog felt their frigid paws desperately groping him and shook them off. Then he ran.

He was nearly at the exit, but the buckets came. They were always subtle, but deadly nonetheless. They appeared in the form of a small stack. A stack that was abruptly toppled as the galloping diamond dog plowed through them. The buckets made a great clatter as they fell.

For a second, all was still. Across the room, their came one final coughing sound before some small metal object tumbled to the floor with a clang. Then a sniff. Not a teensy little dainty sniff, but the great whooshing of air entering a massive hypersensitive orifice.

The dog’s eyes went wide. At first he thought he felt an earthquake, but the rumble materialized into the growl of an oversized animal.

In a final act of evil, one last precariously positioned bucket fell to the ground.

The bear roared as it locked onto the sound, aided by the stench of pony and dog.

The dog made a beeline for the exit. The thundering bearpocalypse was gaining quickly. One misstep and he would be trampled. The bear roared again. The dog wanted to cover his ears in pain, but couldn’t. He could feel the rancid heat of the bear’s breath blowing moisture into his coat. Then he was in the tunnel. His paws caught on the stairs, dropping him and his passenger onto the steps. The dog’s ears popped as the bear rammed into the wall and plugged the tunnel entrance.

He sat in the darkness, panting heavily. He’d actually done it. He had what he came for, and had managed to save one of the ponies. Shame about the other one, he had such nice humming.

The bear noisily recoiled from the door. The dog’s mood instantly fell. For a moment, the bear seemed to have given up. The dog’s ears popped again as the hole was filled. The tunnel was gifted with the decadent aroma of the bear’s breath. (I lied. It smelled worse than shit.) Scraping was heard as a clawed paw was forced into the stairway. The dog grabbed the pony and dragged her up the steps. He could hear the grind of claws on stone. The bear had somehow stuffed itself into the stairway. It pulled closer, as the diamond dog retreated.

Then the diamond dog kicked the bear in the eyeball, because swag, and also plot progression. He hefted the dank memes pony onto his back and ran out of the cave all like WEHEEEEEEHEHHEHEHEEEEE! But he didn’t look in the spooky room because 2spoopy4doge.