Clue: The Fanfiction

Everyone walks across the hall into the dining room. Green is still trying to clean the remainders of her spill on Peacock’s dress.

“You’ve all been assigned a seat. There’s a name card for each of you.” Wadsworth says as everypony shuffles in. They all look around the table for their names.

Mustard notices one seat that has no name. “Is this seat for you, sir?” she asks.

Wadsworth finds the statement to be ridiculous. “Goodness, no. I’m a humble butler, and nothing more.”

“What is it that you do?”

“Buttle, ma’am. I buttle.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“The butler is the head of the kitchen, dining room, and wine cellar. I just keep everything tidy.”

“So is this seat for our host?” Peacock asks.

“Actually, it’s for Mr. Boddy, our seventh guest for this evening.”

“I thought Mr. Boddy was our host.” White asks, confused. Everyone else verbally agrees, equally confused. “Well, then who is our host, Mr. Wadsworth?”

Wadsworth decidedly ignores the question as he pours everyone new drinks.

Yvette comes out of the kitchen carrying bowls. “Shark’s fin soup, madam,” she says as she sets them in front of everypony.

After being served, Plum speaks up. “Well, I’d like to start while the soup is still hot.”

“Don’t you think we ought to wait for our other guest?” Peacock inquires.

“I will keep something warm for him. Don’t worry.” Yvette replies.

“What did you have in mind, dear?” Scarlet laughs inwardly at her rather lewd joke.

Plum picks up her spoon and quite audibly sips the warm broth. White looks disgusted at her, but inadvertently does the same. Everypony else soon follows as an awkward tension arises, mostly affecting Peacock.

“Well,” she begins awkwardly, “I suppose somepony should break the ice, and I’m perfectly fine doing that. I’m use to being a hostess myself; it’s an essential part of my husband’s profession. So, I’m perfectly fine with starting conversation and getting the ball rolling. I mean, I have no idea what we’re all doing here, or why I’m involved in this, but I just know that I’m going to enjoy myself. You know, this whole situation intrigues me, and my, this is really good soup, isn’t it?”

She tried twice to eat more of her soup, but just COULDN’T STOP TALKING. Everypony was watching her with rapt attention; they had no idea that any pony anywhere was capable of such a continuous string of conversation about starting conversations. White is the first to speak afterwards.

“You are used to being a hostess as part of your HUSBAND’S work?”

“Oh, yes. Very essential to be a hostess when your husband’s a-” She realised where she was going and stopped herself. “Right, I forgot. We’re not supposed to say who we REALLY are, though I still don’t know why.”

“You don’t, do you?” Mustard asks sarcastically. Peacock looks offended.

“I know who you are.” Green says. Peacock looks surprised.

“Well, why don’t you tell us?” Sometimes Scarlet has a kind of cynical sense of humor.

Peacock removes her glasses in surprise. “How do you know who I am?”

“You work in Hoofington, just like I do.” Green says with a small smile.

“Hoofington. So you’re a politician’s wife?” Plum asks in confirmation.

“Uh, y-yes. Yes, I am.” Peacock says as she awkwardly replaces her glasses.

“Well, come on. Who’s your husband, then?” Mustard asks expectantly.

Wadsworth opens the door, immediately silencing that topic of conversation. Peacock continues with another topic. “So, what does your husband do?”

“Nothing!” White says, very nearly cutting her off.

“Nothing?”

“Well... he just... lies around, on his back all day.”

There’s a slight chuckle from Scarlet. “Sounds like hard work to me.”

It is at that moment that Yvette opens the window in the kitchen connected to the dining room. Lightning strikes at that same moment. This startles Green into hitting her spoon and spilling soup broth on Scarlet’s outfit. She pulls out another hoofkerchief.

“Sorry, I’m afraid I’m a little accident prone.”

“Ah, ah, watch it.” She exclaims as she tries to wipe up the spill from her lap.

Wadsworth and Yvette come out of the kitchen to replace the soup bowls with the main course. Peacock is the first to receive it, so she begins eating. She makes it audibly clear that she is enjoying it.

“Mmm, this is one of my favorite recipes,” she proclaims to Wadsworth.

“I know, Madame,” he replies as he exits back into the kitchen. As they continues serving, Peacock tries to continue the conversation.
“So what do you do in Hoofington, D. C., Mrs. Green?” She sit there, holding back the urge to answer. “Come on, what do you do? I mean, we can’t exactly get acquainted if nopony says anything at all.”

Scarlet is quick to interject. “Maybe, she just doesn’t want to get acquainted with the likes of you.”

“Well, I’m sure I don’t know, but if I weren’t trying to keep the conversation going, we’d all still be sitting here in embarrassed silence.”

As Peacock was talking, Yvette was serving Plum, who was seated next to her. Because of her short skirt, she got a pretty good look at her flank and a glimpse of the surface area beneath her tail.

“Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?” Plum asks.

“Of course I’m- WHAT? No! Why would you think that?”

“Well, from my standpoint, you seem to suffer from, what we call, ‘pressure of speech.’”

“We?” Scarlet looks up. “Who’s ‘we’? Are you a shrink?”

“Well, I do have a certain level of knowledge about psychological medicine.”

“Oh, so you’re a doctor?” White says.

“Technically, yes, but I don’t practice.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Here comes another lewd comment from Scarlet. “I think most stallions need a little practice. Don’t you agree, Mrs. Peacock?” Peacock choose to not dignify that with a response.

“So, what do you do, Professor?” White asks, changing the subject.

“I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.”

“Another politician? Sweet Celestia!” Mustard says jokingly.

“No, I work for a branch of UNO. EHO, the Equestria Health Organization.”

Peacock is intrigued by this. “Well, what is your area of special concern?”

“Family planning. What about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel?”

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Mustard says.

“A colonel that also, by sheer coincidence, lives in Hoofington.” Scarlet adds.

“How did you know that? Have we met before?”

“You may not have seen me, but I’ve seen more of you than anypony would care to admit.”

Green needs to clarify. “So, Ms. Scarlet, does this mean that you also live in Hoofington?”

“That’s right!”

“Well, does anypony here NOT live in Hoofington, D. C.?” Peacock’s a little suspicious.

“I don’t.” Plum says.

Green replies with “Yes, but you work for the United Nations, which is a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town. Is no one here affiliated with the government, one way or another?”

Mustard slams her napkin on the table in an act of rage. “Wadsworth! Where’s our host, and why have we been brought here?!”

The doorbell rings. Naturally, Wadsworth leaves the question unanswered as he goes to answer the door.