Loathing Courtship Aftermath

For most people, Saturday mornings are a time to sleep in, relax, and rest up to get ready for the upcoming week. For Pandora Sparkle and Bruce Carcharodon, it was a time to wake up and come to terms with reality. What had started as a lost bet and a joke had turned into a test of dominance and ended with both of them panting, moaning, and resting on a comfy bed in a Las Pegasus hotel room, completely spent and exhausted.

"That.... wow..." Bruce muttered as his rival sat up and stretched, giving him a magnificent view of her slender back and the tattoo she had. In the heat of the night's activities, he had barely noticed the pink, six-pointed star emblem of the Sparkle Royal Family between her shoulder blades flanked by stylized bat wings that covered her shoulder blades entirely. If he didn't know any better, he could have sworn he saw the wings stretching as well.

"I know, I'm amazing." Pandora replied, smirking back at him over her shoulder teasingly before throwing her legs over the bed and continuing her stretch as she stood up.

"Startin' bright an' early with the jabs, then?" he quipped, rolling his shoulders a little and running his fingers along his back to feel for cuts. "You scratched me somethin' fierce."

"Figured you'd enjoy it, since the last time anyone kissed you, it was a shark."

"Well, as much as I love scars..." Bruce muttered as he stood up and spanked her, "I'm gonna have a hard time explainin' these to the crew."

"Watch the hands there, Aussie." Pandora growled, stifling whatever pleasured noise she accidentally made when his hand met her rear. "And don't take too long in the shower."

"I'll take as long as I want, if you want a shower you'll just have to choose between waitin' and joinin'." he teased back, heading towards the shower. A few minutes later, Pandora heard the water start and steam start to flow out from the top of the door. Barely a few seconds after that, she snapped and teleported into the shower, taking him up on his offer and letting both moans and magic run freely as they once again fought for dominance.

The night before, Pandora had been barely able to contain her magic as her and her childhood rival had destroyed two beds, a recliner, a desk, three walls, and plenty of perfectly good sheets. Now with her attentions focused on the man in front of her and her senses overloaded with both him and the water, there was no chance of her chaotic energies being contained. Because of this, it was no surprise that Pandora discovered that her clothes and Bruce's had been turned into puddles on the floor.

"Ah, crap..." she murmured.

"Can't you teleport us back to your house or somethin'?"

"No, mom has detection wards set up on certain nights like this and if she's not already up waiting for me with a lecture about punctuality, curfew, and schedules, she'll have the PowerPoint ready before I could get dressed and figure out some wardrobe options for you."

"Then what do we do?" Bruce asked as he tightened the towel around his waist and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We call in a favor." Pandora replied, conjuring up a wardrobe out of nowhere and throwing on the first things she found. Once she was somewhat dressed, not really caring about pants at the moment, she started digging around in the bottom of the large, floating wardrobe. Bruce, distracted by the view, got smacked on the side of the head with a large rubber chicken before he noticed that there was a small mountain of random junk flying out of the wardrobe as Pandora continued to dig.

A rubber chicken, two kitchen sinks, a copy of the Equestrian Constitution, a signed picture of Leonard Neighmoy, a fake diary, an airplane seat, two pillows shaped like donuts, a long list of names simply named 'THE LIST', and five bottles of dish soap later, Pandora managed to find a small handheld mirror and laid it gently on the bed. Once the mirror was placed safely she snapped and the rest of the items, her melted dress and Bruce's melted suit included, flew back into the wardrobe, which then got sucked into itself until it imploded with a tiny pop and a small burst of confetti.

"I'm gonna have to get used to that, aren't I?" Bruce deadpanned.

"If this becomes more than one night, yeah." Pandora retorted with a canine bearing grin, then she focused her attentions on the mirror again. "Pandora to Scootaloo, I say again, Pandora to Scootaloo."

"Scoot here." the mirror replied as Scootaloo's face appeared. It was obvious she'd already been up for quite some time but Pandora had expected that, given how Saturday was when she got up early for her morning flight exercises. "What can I do for ya, Panny?"

"You know the Carcharodons, right? Bruce's parents?"

"Yeah, why?" Scootaloo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Could you maybe, stop by and pick up a set of his casual clothes?" Pandora asked, getting a shocked expression from her sister-in-law.

"... you didn't."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Say it! I know you did! Admit it or I won't go get that stuff." Scoots threatened. Pandora could only sigh and look over at her date for a moment before letting out an exasperated groan.

"Bruce and I hooked up last night and now his clothes are melted so please please please go get him some clothes."

"Done. Where are you?"

"Las Pegasus, the Sisters Royal Hotel, room 627."

"I'll get Sweetie to teleport me there; should only be an hour." Scootaloo stated before grinning at Pandora again, "More than enough time for you two lovebirds to have another go, ri-"

"We're not lovebirds!" Pandora interrupted before waving the mirror 'off' and throwing it into her hammer-space with another exasperated groan.

"You ok there, freak show?" Bruce asked, sitting next to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. At first, she wanted to smack him for the insult but the way it was said spoke volumes on his true intentions. She lowered her fist, then rested her hands in her lap. She nodded and laid down with her head on his lap.

"Yeah, I'm fine, shark bait. Auntie 'Loo is bringing you some clothes and we'll be poofing back to Ponyville within the hour..."

"Then why do you sound like you just lost another bet?"

"When was the last time you had to admit you just spent the night having wild, crazy, angry sex with someone to a sibling?" she asked, frowning up at him as he started to lay back against the headboard.

"Point taken." he muttered, but before he could lean back and relax, there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Pandora called.

"Pandora Eris Sparkle, you know exactly who it is!"

"Oh, horse-apples." the young sorceress cursed. She shifted into a spring and sprang to her feet before running to the door and opening it.

Standing in the doorway was the Princess of Friendship, Headmistress of the Equestrian Academy of Magic, Bearer of the Element of Magic, Wife of Lord Discord, and all around fuming mother of the Princess of Chaos, Twilight Sparkle. Bruce instantly turned red in the face for two reasons. One was his state of undress, which he tried to address by wrapping one of the ruined sheets around his torso. The second was because Princess Sparkle was, despite her reputation of being a woman who cared more for her intellect than her looks, as opposed to her sister-in-law in the Crystal Empire, still a stunningly beautiful woman even in regular, casual clothing.

While nowhere near her daughter’s height, Twilight's royal violet hair, matching eyes that burned with the fury that only a worried-sick mother could have, the pendant around her neck that told those of her status in a tastefully subtle way, and the way she carried herself gave her a commanding presence that would make even Gryphon Seraphs shake in their shoes.

"Sit." Twilight commanded, pointing to the bed. Pandora obeyed quietly, her movements tentative under her mother’s wrathful glare.

"Uh... where shoul-" Bruce started before all three heard an extremely predatory growl.

"You didn't!" Pandora squawked, her face having literally gone as white as snow before a man with a green mohawk, a purple jacket, and matching purple and green dragon wings flared wide open, burst into the room behind his surrogate mother.

"Where is he?!" Spike growled, his eyes having already turned into reptilian slits.

"The boy in the toga, don't damage him or eat him, Spike." Twilight ordered, patting his shoulder and making him look her in the eyes when he growled a reply, "I'm serious, calm yourself and be nice, dear."

Spike began to growl back before his foster mother kissed his forehead and snapped him out of it. In true 'macho' fashion, the Dragon-Seraph gagged and started rubbing his forehead to try and 'wipe off' the kiss.

"Mooooooooooooooooooom..." he whined, before getting a single gesture towards Bruce as his reply. Before Spike could protest, Twilight turned back around to Pandora. The look on her face was enough to scare both men out of the room and into the hallway.

"Uh... hey, Mom." Pandora said, desperately trying to fake a smile and avoid looking her mother in the eye.

"No call, no message, no scroll, nothing! Just your Aunt Fluttershy saying she saw you tackle Bruce and then disappear in a teleport flash! And now I find out from Scootaloo that you not only disappeared to Las Pegasus with Bruce, but slept with him?! What were you thinking?!" Twilight hissed.

"That he was a good lay?"

"Pandora, this is exactly the sort of risky behavior that makes me worry! What if you got pregnant? What if you get hurt emotionally? Isn't this the same boy that you've been butting heads with since kindergarten? And now he's your boyfriend?!"

"MOM! He's not my boyfriend! I can barely stand that that little fish-faced prick!"

"And yet you had sex with him."

"I.. he... it.... Mom, it's complicated... but please, just trust me on this one... what we have or don't have, it kinda works... sorta, maybe... I think." Pandora sighed, finally looking back up at her mother still scowling face. "It's weird. I can't stand him, yet he's cute and I kinda want to keep him here all week long. I want to smack his tiny brain out of his big head, yet I also want to kiss him til he suffocates. I.. I can't put it into words."

With a scoff, Twilight began to pace in front of the bed. Her steps landed in rhythm with how she was tapping her chin while thinking over everything so far and also keeping an ear out for any possible trouble outside. For what seemed like a thousand years, Twilight simply mulled over everything silently. Pandora waited with patience bred from years of her mother doing her best to make sure at least some of her traits came forward in the Princess of Chaos. A few minutes later, Twilight let out a small sigh and looked her daughter over before sitting down next to her.

"If you're going to do this... and you're going to be serious about it... I need to give you a talk about safe sex and proper dating procedure." Twilight finally said.

"Mother!"

"What? I need to make sure my only daughter doesn't make a mistake and end up with a happy accident like your brother. You are not having a child, even by accident, before you graduate secondary school."

"Mom, I already know how to.. ugh, just saying it front of you makes it sound so much dirtier...I know how to have sex safely. I used a contraceptive spell after each time we... y'know." Pandora replied, her face turning as red as a tomato before she actually shapeshifted her head into one with her features.

"Very well...if you say so. But I'm still leaving some books in your room for you to skim."

"Deal." Pandora said with a small smile as her head transformed back to normal, "You're not still completely outraged at me, are you...?"

"Mild simmer, dear." Twilight replied, before opening her arms and embracing her daughter gently. Pandora eagerly hugged her mother, her father's cuddly nature surfacing in her once more as she held her mom close.

"Thanks for understanding, Mom." Pandora sighed, a relaxed smile gracing her slender face.

"Do something like this again and I'll have your Granny Tia banish you to the moon." Twilight stated in a deceptively sweet tone, causing Pandora's eyes to go wide. "Now, let's go make sure that Spike hasn't eaten your boyfriend."

"MOTHER!"
_____________________________________________

While Pandora was busy getting a talk from her mother, Bruce was busy getting a much less gentle talking to by a very overprotective brother. Once he was dressed, Bruce found himself pinned against the wall by an angry Dragon-Seraph, the only one who lived outside of their territory in the far south.

"I want to make something perfectly clear, kid... you hurt my sister, I break you." Spike spat, twin plumes of smoke curling from his nostrils.

"I'm not goin' to hurt her."

"Well, you'll have to understand if I don't exactly trust you. I've heard nothing but about how much of a hard time you give my sister every chance you get, and now I find out that you slept with her."

"She tackled me, Spike, not the other way around. One minute we're tradin' insults, the next I'm tackled onto a bed in Las Pegasus with her dress hittin' the flo...shuttin' up now." Bruce said, stopping mid-word when Spike's pupils reverted to slits again.

"I'll warn you only one time, Bruce; if you hurt my sister, I will shift and eat you."

"Come now, Spikey Wikey, let's not scare away our darling Pandora's first boyfriend!" another voice interjected. "After all, he doesn't seem to be the orderly type, so I'll definitely give him a chance."

Before Spike could protest at the use of his old nickname, and before Bruce could figure out just where the voice was coming from, the man who held the world in his hands on two separate occasions walked through the wall dressed like a grandmother and pinched Spike's cheek.

"Discord, please stop ruining the moment when I'm trying to keep Panny safe." Spike groaned. Discord replied by snapping himself back to normal, his clothes and overly long ponytail flowing back into existence as if they were water running over him.

"Now, Spike, I’m sure dear Bruce here won't be any trouble, now will he?" Discord replied, leering down at the significantly shorter boy still being held against the wall. Bruce could only nod as he watched those mismatched eyes scan over him. Discord let loose a hearty laugh.

"No need to be shy, child. I'm just your run-of-the-mill wizard who also happens to be the father of the woman you apparently had a wild night of sex with." Discord added, snatching Bruce up from Spike's grasp and spinning him around a few times until he was standing by himself in the hallway. Bruce steadied himself against the wall and shook his head clear before regaining his composure.

"I'm not gonna hurt her, I'm not gonna mistreat her, I don't even think we're datin'. For all I know this is a one time deal until she says otherwise."

"Oh, so it's one of those relationships?" Discord asked as he snapped a psychiatrist's chair and couch into existence before taking a seat. The appearance of the furniture had also changed his wardrobe to a stuffy suit, over-sized glasses, and an obviously fake beard and bald cap. "Run-and-gun? Love on the fly? Or is this a more complicated situation where the two star crossed lovers just can't admit they truly love each other and insist on hatred when dealing with the public?"

"I... uh... what?" Bruce stammered.

"Discord, why don't you help Twilight with Pandora, ok? I'll take care of Bruce here and I promise not to kill him." Spike butted in, trying to shove Discord towards the door of the hotel room.

"Oh, fine. But only because you asked so nicely." the old wizard replied with a toothy grin, but before Spike could manage a retort, he and the psychiatrist act vanished again. Not long after her father had shown up, Pandora walked out of the hotel room and much to the relief of Spike and dismay of Bruce, had pants on this time.

"Spike, don't threaten to eat him."

"What, did Discord tell on me?" her brother huffed.

"No, you just threaten to eat anyone who might hurt the family." Pandora snarked, gesturing for Bruce to follow her down the hallway. Quietly and with obedience bred more out of wanting to get away from the dragon than willingness to follow her around like a lost puppy, Bruce walked with Pandora down the winding hallway to the nearest elevator on their floor.

"How'd it go?" Bruce asked once they reached the elevator.

"She shouted, she worried, she assigned me homework, the usual." she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as they stepped onto the lift.

"And your dad...?"

"Laughed, laughed, laughed some more, hugged me, then got my mom to stop rambling on about her safe sex lecture by kissing her."

"She gave you a lecture on safe sex...?"

"And homework on it too." Pandora grumbled.

"You have got to be the weirdest girl, with the weirdest family, that I have ever met, string bean." Bruce deadpanned, looking over at her with a slight smirk.

"Don't make me tackle you again, shorty. This time you won't land on a bed." she retorted, snapping as the elevator came to a halt. When the door opened, it opened not to the lobby of the hotel, but to right outside Twilight Manor. Both stepped out onto the sidewalk and Pandora waved the portal away only to see Cupcake was standing on the other side of it waiting for them.

"Welcome back, sir. Eventful night?" she asked, her tone still flat and her expression never changing.

"Thanks Cupcake, and yeah, you could say that." Pandora replied with a slight nod.

"Do I need to remove Mr. Carcharodon from the premises or is the date still valid, sir?"

"Still valid... sorta." the young sorceress mumbled, unable to keep the slightest of blushes from reaching her cheeks.

"Oh. Well, it took longer than anticipated but the math played out eventually. Congratulations, sir. Congratulations, Mr. Carcharodon." Cupcake stated, looking at them both for a moment before pulling up a small notepad and scribbling something in it.

"What was that?" Bruce asked.

"Crossing your name off The List and adding it to the authorized list. Now I won't have to punch you again if you get too close to Pandora." Cupcake told him without looking up from her notepad. "I also believe your sister-in-law owes your father a hundred bits, sir."

"They bet on us!?" Pandora shrieked.

"Half the school did, but no one knows about your new relationship so far. Should I prepare an official statement?"

"We're not in a relationship! He's not my boyfriend and we're not in love."

"Yeah, I can barely stand this lanky freak show. Only redeemin' quality is what happens in bed." Bruce groused, before worriedly glancing about to make sure no one was actually within earshot. He relaxed only slightly when he noticed that the street was practically deserted save the three of them.

"Regardless." Cupcake interrupted, cutting Pandora off before she could smack him verbally and literally, "We'll need to keep this under wraps with only the right people knowing, sir."

"I'll leave you to deal with it then, Cupcake... I need a nap." Pandora sighed, starting off towards the front gate.

"'Ey, what about me? Just gonna leave me hangin' with Miss Stoic over 'ere and nothin' else?" Bruce asked, gesturing with his thumb to Cupcake.

"Oh, fine..." Pandora muttered, floating over to him and giving him a quick, yet surprisingly rough kiss. "Better?"

"Not exactly what I meant, beanstalk."

"Oh, don't worry, I know what you meant. Cupcake will fill you in, I just wanted to get one more in for kicks." Pandora said with a wink, and then she disappeared in a flash of white light.

"What the buck..." Bruce muttered before looking back at Cupcake.

"Follow me, I'll brief you on the way to your house." the shorter woman ordered as she pointed down the road towards his home and as they started down the sidewalk. Cupcake suppressed a smirk, as she always did at the antics her boss got up to. As they walked through Ponyville and enjoyed how quiet it was before most of the town woke up, Cupcake gave Bruce an extremely detailed report involving proper etiquette when dealing with Sparkle Family members, various courtesies to be upheld with her boss, and of course, scheduling details that he'd need to be aware of. Yet despite it all, he never did notice something amiss about his clothing while they walked and talked; or more accurately, they walked and Cupcake did all the talking in a monotone that somehow commanded his complete attention.

"Been a while since she resorted to a childhood classic." Cupcake mused, doing her best to resist the temptation to let Bruce know exactly what Pandora had done to him before teleporting herself back to her bedroom. Without too much effort, Cupcake resisted and bid Bruce a good rest of his weekend before starting off back towards Twilight Manor. With no one looking, she let the left corner of her mouth curve up for a record half a second before going back to her stoic self and going through the necessary tasks needed of her today through her head.

Bruce on the other hand, didn't realize that Pandora had stuck a "KICK ME, I’m a dumb shark butt!!" sign on the back of his shirt with that last kiss until he changed his clothes the next morning.