Location: Maretropolis

Universe: Equis 1221.13

Time: 8:00 PM

Status: Engulfed in Flames

A portal opened above a warehouse roof in the middle of the city, Alfreda, Jack, Juan, jumping through before it closed, the former falling to the ground to put out the flames on him, dusting himself off when they went out as he got up and looked back. "Yeah Rainbow is so lucky I was too busy being on fire to kick the ever-loving crap out of her."

"Because she was murdering everyone convinced they were zombies, or the fact she tried to sneak out of it like a coward by burning herself to death?" Jack asked.

"Well a little from column A, and a little from column B. The only two surviving witnesses from what I saw were the kids. But I'm positive they're too scared to be used on the bench, at least by the nation's standards."

"I'm hoping to whatever god made that world they weren't, I wanna go back just because I'm itching to see a pony hanged, or shot with magic, or however they do it there. Personally I got money on the chair." Juan added

"Who knows, they might give her just a slap on the hoof and send her to the hippogriff kingdom for 6 months of pounding the tuna." Juan and Jack looked at him with complete silence. "What? With what she did, Rainbow Dash needs to something to make up to the Princesses."

All was silent for a few seconds until Jack laughed pervertedly at Alfreda's comment, which stop suddenly when he looked in through the window. "Hey guys, check it out, something's happening?"

"And we should care why exactly?" Juan asked.

"Are we doing anything else?"

Juan was silent in response and joined Jack in watching with Alfreda. Alfreda felt fear seep from his pants at the familiar scene playing out below, memories he had associated with it beginning to resurface, in every painstaking detail; Saddle Rager was ranting to the Mane-iac about how mean she was for hurting an innocent firefly as her eyes began to glow red. She began to change as she continued to rant, Alfreda's jaw lowered in terror, seeing the too familiar hulking pony roar shaking the ground as he also shook even after the quake stopped. The four of them watched in shock as not only did she deflected off the cannons attack but jumped onto it and proceeded to tear it apart with her hooves and teeth, until noting her friends watching her and spat the shard out with an embarrassed look. Jack looked at Alfreda with a wide grin, the latter still shaking.

"Jesus H, Christ Alfreda did you see that? She just ended that cannon!"

"Yes Jack, I noticed."

"I mean if this chick's bad I hate to see what that Saddle Rager bitch you kept referencing can do."

"Yes Jack, I noticed." Alfreda responded again not ending Jack's ignorance that this was Saddle Rager.

"Hate to get on her bad side, cause she would have no trouble pounding our tuna-"

"YES JACK, I NOTICED! ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I NO LONGER HAVE TO PEE ANYMORE!!"

The four of them heard a sizzling sound and saw some acid under them was eating away at the rock. Juan and Jack looked over at Alfreda who looked offended.

"Hey I wanted to drink something besides all that cider before we left but you guys said no~." Alfreda preemptively replied before the roof under them gave away and they crashed into below.

They collectively groaned as they slowly got themselves out of the rubble dusting themselves off. Alfreda had landed fact first and felt something in his mouth then swallowed it before he got up and looked around. He saw 5 familiar mares and one dragon in costumes. "Well, this is awkward. Hi."

"Wait a minute, are these the Power Ponies? They're a lot smaller then I thought they would be. The purple one only comes up to my sexy abs." Jack said smacking his stomach with a smile.

"You have neither abs, nor anything sexy." Juan replied. "Hold it aren't there seven of them?"

Alfreda did a head count and turned around, seeing Saddle Rager one foot away from him looking at him confused. Alfreda stood there with a terrified look as his eyes began to pour out with smoke. He then proceeded to scream his head off , then ran in the opposite direction pushing wherever was in his way out of it as he climbed onto the destroyed cannon grabbing the remains and started to building something. Jack looked utterly befuddled and looked back and his jaw dropped in surprise.

"Oh my god~. Andre the Giant! Don't hurt us!" Jack ran to hide behind some crates. Behind him, the Mane Cannon rose out, revealing Alfreda had reworked it into a mobile cannon.

"Okay, I suggest we all run."

"What? Why?" Twilight asked.

"Because he turned a destroyed cannon into walking death!" Humdrum replied.

"And your friend set off Alfreda's PTSRBD*."

"DIE DIET HULK!" Alfreda yelled out before laughing maniacally, his eyes now green with red pupils.

"The southern drawl however is a new one." Juan replied as Alfreda fired the cannon, sending a now red beam of energy towards Saddle Rager. The most damage the beam did was burn the costume along her shoulder. She growled annoyed, her eyes glowing a deeper red. She jumped forth as the cannon cooled about to crush both it and Alfreda, but the cannon suddenly aimed up and blasted her right in her face, slamming her onto a part of the ceiling that wasn't destroyed. She landed back down and looked actually kind of angry, the shot burned her mask away, letting Juan notice her forehead started to glow like her eyes.

'No way, I literally crushed him with a radio tower...' Juan thought to himself

'Wait a minute.' Jack thought spotting it too. 'That's not Andre the Giant, not even he's that giant. Wait another minute. Got angry which led into the roiding out, eyes are glowing red, and Alfreda's terrified- I got it!'

"Hey Juan, it's Lou Ferrigno!" Jack shouted to Juan before looking back at Saddle Rager waving at her to try and get her attention. "Hello Mr. Ferrigno! I loved your work in All's Fair!"

'So... goddamn close, that goddamn idiot.' Juan thought as he snuck behind and tackled Alfreda off the machine.

"Howdy Juan! Wait I thought you were dead, guess Zapp's bad at this too." Alfreda then let out another maniacal laugh before Juan clocked him in the face knocking him out.

"And it's that kind of behavior that screams, 'My mother's a deranged supervillain'."

Jack spotted something in the cannon and peaked in, pulling out a large black orb that electricity was moving through. The cannon made sounds of powering down before its legs gave out.

"Hey Juan, I found a free Plasma Ball, Mane-iac used it to power her gun."

"No wonder it couldn't harm shit. Wait, are you sure it's a plasma ball?"

"Well it looks like one." Jack said holding it out to him.

Juan snatched it and examined it closer. 'The Electro Orb. Almost forgot about this giant rolling paperweight.'

"Yeah~ I'll just hold onto it since I'm apparently I'm the only one with no psychological problems to keep charge of anything with power." Juan said putting it in his chest hatch.

"Hey I'm perfectly stable." Jack replied. 'Mister Murders Kids.'

'One kid, and a deserving one at that.'

Juan then picked Alfreda up and proceeded to slap him repeatedly until he woke up.

Alfreda's eyes turned back on as he look around. "What, happened?"

"You seemed to have an episode and attempted to murder that one over there," Juan explained pointing to Saddle Rager, who tossed the new remains of the cannon away as she looked at Alfreda, her mood now crossed rather than angry. "Using a cannon you rebuilt to walk, to which I tackled you and punched you in the face to knock you out."

"Oh, well I'm sorry, I didn't mean to try and murder you, it was just...nostalgia." Alfreda said looking over at her.

"Of most of the times that she attacked you and you, and I quote, 'Got rekt.' " Jack quipped.

"Shut up Jack."

"Kay."

"Ok, ahora que estás bien podemos obtener la mierda fuera de aquí?"(Ok, now that you're good can we get the fuck outta here?) Juan asked losing patience little by little.

"Yeah, Mane-iac has some stuff in her office we can use." All four of them made their way to the office and found lots of machines, Juan cracked his knuckles and proceed to rip off the panels of most of them. Alfreda then reached in and pulled out multiple parts in them, assembled them into some type of gateway. The Power Ponies peaked through the door and saw what they were doing but were confused having no idea what they were doing. Alfreda saw something in the air and began to swat at it franticly. "AAH! Firefly!"

"Really dude, you're scared of fireflies?"

"No. Me and animals have a pretty bad history."

"Why did they steal your lunch money? Or better yet, did you have a girlfriend but a bear came along and she left you for him on the spot?"

"You don't know how other people use animals as labels do you?" Jack asked before looking at Alfreda as the direction solution came to him. "Then just smack it away."

"Yeah how about no? Last time someone I knew did... well we're actually at the aftermath of the very incident. It's a bad idea like when we were in that universe where Ponyville accidentally turned into wolves and we went to make sure they wouldn't get out, because of, as my memory serves me correctly, your dumbass abandoned me."

"It wasn't that bad."

The wolves were all gathered around the tree licking their lips as Alfreda hung from a high branch trying to shoo them away.

"Go Away! I'm an innocent Space Cat-I mean Duck up here. Meow! I mean Quack!" The wolves only got riled up by Alfreda's quack and he panicked kicking his feet as some tried jumping. "Quack! I said Quack! Quack dammit! Quack! Quack!"

"I'm sure it'll work out."

"You know what let me tell the truth, every time an animal in her general vicinity was injured for no good reason in general, Saddle Rager beat the every loving crap out of me. Every time I even see a counterpart of hers looking the slightest bit angry, all that pain and humiliation comes flooding back." Alfreda explained, outside the door Saddle Rager looked at her own hooves and began to feel more and more ashamed at the thought of hurting him like that.

"Like your pants on the roof?" Juan asked earning a laugh from someone outside and from Jack.

"Shut up Juan. No wait, shut up both of you."

"No sir, you." Juan replied with finesse as he pulled out a small joint and lit it.

"And to be clear, we're naked."

"Wait we are?" Jack asked looking at himself. "Then where are our-"

"In the shell."

"Oh~, that fills in a lot of gaps I had in my anatomy."

"That's because you're a b*cking idiota."

Alfreda went back to building the machine and assembled in the last pieces, pulling a switch causing a portal to open. Alfreda began to walk to it before he fell to the ground clearly choking on something and the guys circled around him. Juan looked over him and not knowing CPR did the next best thing; he climbed up the wall and jumped onto Alfreda landing on his chest with an elbow, causing something to glow in his throat. Juan reach in for it and pulled out a ball of light that nearly sucked him in completely, until Alfreda came to and grabbed him by the legs.

"What the hell is this and why does it wanna eat Juan?" Alfreda asked, wrestling with the ball, swinging it around causing the the Power Ponies to be sucked in. "Let go of my buddy dammit!"

The portal seemed to comply and shot Juan back out, then disappeared. "Ok, that was weird, like weirder then when we usually travel."

"What was Hell like?"

"1st of all it wasn't Hell, 2nd: Shut up. Apparentally those weren't the actual Power Ponies, they were those 6 mares we met, that dumbass dragon of theirs must've had some kind of enchanted comic book and it sucked them all into here."

"Wait Spike's a witch!? I knew that little shit couldn't be trusted."

"Jack he probably got conned into buying it, that's how I almost got stuck in one of those at a S&M store."

"Burn the witch!"

"The only problem with that is he's a dragon, so fireproof, and it would be Warlock if he was."

"Not with that voice. By the way when are we really gonna see Saddle Rager, Alfreda? You were talking all that good shit a second ago, then you almost choked on what looked like essentially a ball of smoke."

Alfreda sighed but smirked. "Soon, hopefully, I think she's gonna like you."

The four of them jumped into the portal the machine made and the machine collapsed in on itself, leaving the warehouse empty, the silence only broken by the Mane-iac's snoring and the police sirens.

Universe: Equis Nihilus 1115.28

Sigil replayed the footage of Juan quickly defusing the situation, luckily Anti-Matter got mad enough to go for a flight, lucky for him as it allowed him 'free' access to her office, not so much for the oppressed populous below she was more then likely taking her fury out on, if not them then the prisoners in the dungeon. He looked to his left, and then to his right before using the microphone.

"Blot Council, Assemble." He spoke to which 6 blotlings, gathered around him; the Phantom Blot, Formerly the first Blot's Shadow, The Phantom Punk, Two blotlings with large upper frames but small legs, and a Blot's Shadow with a lean build with a pink Spatter beside him. "Okay, this really got on her nerves from what I saw, so we should have about half an hour till she cools down."

"Would you like Janice to read over the last meeting's minutes?" Blot's Shadow asked.

"No need, because this is of a more pressing matter now; Anti-Matter's questionable stability in the wake of how Alfreda Alfreda may not only pull this off, but the idea she could actually lose to him."

"As oppose to the fact I've repeatedly said she should focus more on Crescent Blade?" Phantom Blot brought up.

"If it makes you feel any better she hates him just as much, went by her bed, found a dummy of him burnt and torn up with some tears stains on it."

"I n'eed to get back ta dirty daughtering m'y aunts and uncles, just get to the point ya moppet." Phantom Punk replied.

"Whose down for a good old fashioned coup de grace?"

"By Volker Schlönder?" The Two large blotlings asked in unison.

"The Slobbers aren't on board." Phantom Blot said.

"No, as in kill Anti-Matter and take over her empire." Sigil clarified.

"Oh. Seconded." The Slobbers replied now in the loop.

"Oy, how ya propose we do that? We try and even give her easter bunny butcher's hook and that radio rental will turn us into brown bread faster than I'd be able to say we're Daffy Ducked. And I don't mean brown bread, that's cockney for dead."

"Really, you'll explain that but not Daffy Duck?"

"I naturally assumed it was cockney for f*ck. Although I do want to know what was up with that easter bunny comment." Phantom Blot replied.

"Back on the subject, we kill her when she leasts expects it, at the moment she shows enough weakness for us to strike."

"And if she doesn't?"

"We let her and Alfreda kill each other, it's a win-win."

"But how do we make sure he can do it?"

"I have an agent in another universe he seems to be moving on the path towards, he's gone quiet for quite a while now, but I think I just need to reach out to get his attention. Break."

The other ones nodded and slithered off while Sigil walked out holding a hand to his head, reaching out for someone across existence. From behind a pillar, Daybreaker looked out with a big terrifying smile as her hooves trotted in place.

"Oh this is too wonderful, that flamed headed joker to the left of me, those joker's to the right, and here I am, stuck in the middle with the best seat in the house to the apparent bane of her existence. Oh I never thought I'd be so antsy to see another three-way in my life, and all over who gets to be murdered first." Daybreaker sighed lustfully as she looked at footage of Juan slaughtering the caribou, the absolute level of gore he was unleashing made her bite her lip in admiration.

"Joke's on them though, I'm going to kill them all. My treat." Daybreaker giggled to herself, which began to grow, turning into a crazy little chuckle, which evolved into an evil laugh that echoed across throughout the building, scaring the crap out of many blotlings as it came in time with the explosions of Anti-Matter's temper tantrum outside.

Author's Note

* Post Traumatic Saddle Rager Beating Disorder

It appears Sigil has his own plans to set into motion, but so does Daybreaker, who is the lesser of the three evils? Well obviously Sigil but the point is Alfreda's got more waited for him than he thought.(Hope Juan picks up on Alfreda's example a gets himself some mace too.)

FYI that was Pinkie who laughed at Juan’s joke

Next Chapter: On DeviantART

El Puta Patrol meets another crew of misfits, Alfreda talks about the philosophies, along with the truckload of mommy issues he's carrying with the one person who actually cares, Jack attempts to gain the attention of a fellow sociopath, not that he knows the definition go the word, and Juan learns the true meaning of the word Freelance Peacekeeping from a professional. Only way to know how, yes?