Too uptight

"But I thought bacon came from chickens" blurted out Sea Swirl.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Said Snow Blitz.

Sea Swirl and Slate began laughing uncontrollably.

An ash-gray bat-mare with a dark blue mane just smiled in amusement.

"Dusty, help me out with these guys?" Asked Snow Blitz.

The mare shrugged. "I dunno. Seems kinda funny" she replied as she took a swig of her drink.

"And bees eat soy sauce" Said Slate to Snow Blitz.

Snow Blitz slammed his head against the table. This made Slate and Sea Swirl burst out laughing.

Dusty gave a small laugh. "You guys are too good" She chuckled.

"I get that a lot" replied Slate as he picked up his drink as well and drank some.

Sea Swirl just kept on laughing which made Slate laugh louder, which made half of the Saloon turn to stare at them.

Snow Blitz turned red. "Guys! Shuddup! Everyone's staring" He said.

Dusty didn't seem to mind. She was just smiling.

After Sea Swirl and Slate stopped laughing, Snow Blitz scolded them. "You're acting like kids!" he said.

Slate shrugged. "So?" he asked.

Sea Swirl rolled her eyes. "This is why you don't have a marefriend" she said.

"Exactly. Too uptight" Added Dusty, clicking her tongue.

Snow Blitz scowled. "This has nothing to do with that!" he argued.

"We're gonna have to go find him a mare now" sighed Slate.

Dusty nodded. "Yeah. Snow, you can't just stay lonely your whole life" She said.

Snow Blitz sighed. "I dunno, guys... What if.." He said, trailing off.

"Maybe you and Star Gazer could make a little love" suggested Sea Swirl.

Slate laughed.

He blushed. "I barley even know her!" he protested.

Dusty shrugged. "So? I didn't know Thunderclap either, but me and him are together"  She pointed out.

"Maybe Pinkie Pie would suit you better" Said a voice behind him.

"Shard Vine! Come over here, bruh" said Slate.

Shard Vine trotted over and sat down next to Slate.

"Pinkie Pie?!" Asked Snow Blitz in bewilderment.

"Why not?" Asked Dusty.

"This is gonna be funny!" Said Sea Swirl.

"We should hook him up with Midnight Blossom, who's still doing time in prison!" laughed Slate.

Shard Vine chuckled. "Maybe even Zephyr" He suggested.

At this, Dusty laughed. "Yeah!" Can't wait to see where those two would go on their Honeymoon" she said.

Snow Blitz sighed. "Guys... I'm good. Really. I like being Celestia's royal guard" He said as he looked at all of them.

Sea Swirl and Shard Vine stayed silent.

Slate got a mischievous look on his face. "I know what to do" He whispered to Dusty. Slate slowly crept forward to the piano that was stationed right next to their table and began playing a song.

Sea Swirl grinned, knowing what was gonna happen.

"Snow Blitz... Needs a marefriend... Because he's so, so, so, so, so lonely"  Slate began singing, on purposely off-key.

Snow just covered his face by slamming it on the table.

"He's single... Which is not very common... Because he is lonely... and needs some lovin'" Slate kept singing.

Snow Blitz's face remained on the table.

Shard Vine gave Slate a look meaning make the damn song better!

Slate got the message. "Um... and... Snow Blitz... er... HAS LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY!" He practically yelled out.

At this, more than half the mares in the Saloon turned around and rushed to the group.

Ghost Dust laughed. "Yep! This is the same exact Snow Blitz that put Midnight Blossom in jail!" she yelled out.

Snow Blitz groaned. "Fine! Let's just get this over with then!" He said loudly.

Slate grinned wildly and leaped off the piano seat. He pulled a top-hat out of nowhere and put it on, also taking a cane and swinging it around. "That's right, ladies! All you've ever wanted in a man is right here!" he announced, pointing his cane towards Snow Blitz who was blushing profoundly.

Shard Vine grinned. "And he comes tax-free!" He added.

Slate and the rest of them laughed.

"You mean he actually costs something?!" joked Sea Swirl. The whole group burst out laughing again.

"Oh man, we should try out for Comedy Club" Suggested Shard Vine.

"Hmm.. That sounds just about right! Let's just finish this Snow Blitz stuff first. Then we can all go be comedians" Confirmed Ghost Dust as she flexed her wings, then settled down again.

"Changing the topic, we have to work out a system here, for all these mares to try out for Snow Blitz" Said Sea Swirl.

"Exactly. We can't just have them all storming in on him" Agreed Shard Vine.

"Even though that would be funny and probably make our days, We should come up with a good system" Said Slate.

"How about just interviewing them, then let Snow Blitz decide which mare suits him best" Suggested Ghost Dust to the group.

Slate nodded slowly. "Not bad... But it should be someone we all agree on. Sure, Snow Blitz may be a banana, but we still want the best for him" He added.

Shard Vine shrugged. "I'm up for it" He said casually.

Ghost Dust smiled. "Why not?".

Finally, they turned to Sea Swirl. She nodded. "Sure"

"Great! Blitzy, we've got a plan!" announced Slate, as Snow Blitz turned to them warily.

"Ha! Blitzy!" Said Sea Swirl, laughing which made everyone else laugh too.

Snow Blitz was in no mood to laugh. He was beginning to take this seriously. I do need a marefriend, don't I? He asked himself, looking out at the crowd of wild mares. This is gonna be a looong week.