The Road Lonesome

Anon walked past the Golden oaks library, he was at first intent on entering, but when he saw the windows black as though filled with smoke, he deemed it unsafe to enter by himself. Probably another whacky experiment that had a chance to turn him into a sentient pile of goo or ash, again.

It was a problem, like crime in Equestria. It was at first unexpected to Anon that there was a remote risk of being mugged by a cute looking colorful pony. It was rare as hell for that to happen here or up the mountain, where that white weirdo lived.

She didn't go around much more, Celestia all powerful but became more like Anon's god when he came along. Yeah there was the annual gala, that Anon was forced to attend by the ponies that were supposed to watch him.

He received ten invitations every year. At twelve on Monday a week before the gala. He could bring nine ponies with him.

Honestly he just wanted to go out to a club somewhere in Canterlot, or Ponyville and stay up all through the night. Rather than wear some stuffy suit and sit at a party with snobs.

Anon sat at the nearby bench and leaned back, putting his arms up over the back support. He sighed and pulled out his Ipod shuffle and switched it to Escape by Rupert Holmes or officially known to Anon as The Piña Colada Song.

He pulled out his packet of cigarettes, they were bought just a few days ago. When Dash had boxed him in the nose when he'd gotten a her and a few others drunk.

It was his yearly party, he'd celebrate the day he got there. With lots of alcohol, and a very, very big cake.

He flicked it open and pulled one out, it was a menthol cigarette so it smelled minty. He searched through his pockets for his zippo. It took a few moments to find.

Anon looked at the zippo, it had a picture of a four leafed clover in the bottom right corner. He rubbed his thumb over it and sighed. He then flicked it open and struck the flint.

He then held the flame to the cigarette tip and lit it. He then closed the zippo and put it away, along with the cigarettes.

He then took a long breath from the cigarette's filter, smoke filled his lungs. He then exhaled through his nose.

He then let his head hang back over the seat's back. He wanted something interesting to do, in reality he was bored beyond boredom.

"Hey Anon."

Anon snapped back into his correct position. Derpy was sitting on the seat, right next to him.

"Hello?" he replied.

Derpy produced a letter from the saddlebag she had. Whenever she was on duty she seemed to disappear then reappear magically.

"What's this?" Anon asked.

"Open it," The grey Pegasus replied.

Anon put his cigarette in his mouth an picked the letter up, he inhaled and used his right hand to remove the cigarette from his mouth, then exhaled.

He put the cigarette back in his mouth and opened the letter. It seemed to be an invitation from first view. Anon put his cigarette down on the bench.

He removed the card looking letter from the envelope. He then opened the little card. It seemed to be an invitation to a birthday party for Dinky.

"And you decided to deliver this to me yourself instead of another mail thing?"

Anon looked to where Derpy was last, and as usual she had disappeared. He looked up to see her, somehow in the tree by the bench.

"And you got up there why?"

"No reason, just thought i saw a squirrel."

"Give me my actual mail now please."

Derpy pulled out a small bundle of envelopes and packages then dropped them down to Anon. He caught them expertly.

Slowly he removed the strings and rubber bands that held the pile together. He then opened the first package. It was colored light brown with a yellow sticker that had the to and all that.

He opened it and pulled out the box, then opened it. The contents were from a pony somewhere off in the distance who wanted to meet him. The first of the five items was a small hoof made jar of jam. It looked to be made from apricots.

The second was a small note that was put in a envelope colored teal green. With cursive writing on top.

"Eaugh boy," Anon mumbled.

He then pulled the letter out, on the front it said 'Anon,' what a surprise. It was probably filled with sympathy and attempts to say they know how it feels to be in a strange place. Well LA DI bloody DA.

Anon put the envelope in his jacket pocket and continued through the package. It had a pair of shoes that would fit Anon perfectly. In the bottom of the box was a picture frame, and at the end of the box was a small tin of biscuits.

Anon continued through the mail he had until he reached a note in particular.

The name Anon, in print on the front. It seemed to be from the big white cloud that sat in her throne room all the time. How much Anon wanted to show her how much like his god she was now.

And how she'd react, oh so funny.

He opened the top of it and pulled out the letter. He thought of a few inappropriate jokes he could make about the letter after he had read it.

It turned out the letter was from the guard office, formally known as the Police office to Anon, they were like cops. A lot of ponies called them that anyway.

It said that items from the Canterlot Museum had been stolen along with three hostages getting kidnapped. They needed his help seeings as he was good at solving cases.

Anon sighed and let his head drop back.

"Today's gonna be hell."

He then collected his cigarette and stood up, and began to walk towards the train station.