Indefinite Existence

Life?

It’s a piece of art like music.

Music?

It’s the beating of your heart, the melody of your thoughts, the harmony in your gut, the conductor of your body.

We are all connected by music, poetry, art, and any kind of practical art out there in the world and there is so much we can learn from each other. It’s the soul of life that connects us all in some unique way.

If only every pony saw me that way…

Lately it has been getting harder to sleep at night. Countless nights of depression, loneliness, excruciating pain in my heart, and the feeling of rejection. I am only three long hours away from home here in Canterlot from Ponyville. I’m here for only one reason and you might’ve guessed it from my one true love described beautifully above…

Music.

Recently my father took me here in Canterlot to see my new school, which is by the way pretty badass. We came here about mid August for the tour. The millions of microphones I saw hanging from the ceiling being used as lights, countdown on the TV of some of the “Best Of” things. Like Best of this pony or other. What got me hooked is when we reached the beat lab… You can imagine what immense emotion went through me when I saw the MIDI keyboards, audio interfaces, and computers ready to be used to my advantage. It was as though as the lab was talking to me seductively like, “Come in Vinyl~ Touch me senseless and produce with me~”.

I’m sorry I’m weird, but that’s exactly what I fell in love with at first sight when I came here. That beat lab would be mine.

Of course the only thing that stood in my way was a test to see if I am applicable to go here. I had to score a 15 or higher on this test. I wanted it that bad that I took it on the tour and scored a solid 18. Damn it was scary when I took the test because half of the questions made no sense… May Celestia have mercy on us all. Fuck I haven’t learned all of that stuff since magic kindergarten or even anything just recently. Make a test that’s easier, but I shouldn’t complain so much because… I PASSED!!!

The move?

Not too bad if you count my girlfriend, dad, and brother being there.

The emotional toll I had taken?

Too much I went outside for awhile… I cried.

I took a seat outside under the stars with the cool breezy air gently going through my coat. The sky was filled with those wonderful balls of gas alone with the full moon to accompany them. I loved the outside during the night. It was when everything was peaceful and I was at my most calm, but tonight is a different night because soon it would just be me.

Alone…

“Are you okay?”

I sometimes ask that question to myself. I lift my head up and see Octi walking towards me with her black jacket on wrapped around her. She had the most beautiful eyes I tell you, even the soft glistening from the moon helped. I nodded slowly towards her question as she sat next to me.

“Are you sure? You seemed a little upset while we were putting your bed together.”

I looked at her and sighed, “I appreciate you guys helping me with the move I really do, but…”

She placed her hoof on my shoulder, “But what?” she asked.

“I miss her Octi…” I tried to resist the urge to let that single fucking tear come out, but failed to do so. “Honestly I wish she was still here, watching me grow up about to live on my own, about to take on the world by it’s horns and show it what I’m made of….”

Octi leaned in close to me and kissed my cheek, “Vinyl… Don’t cry okay? I hate to see you upset like this.”

I looked at her with my tearful face and sniffled a little. “I know…”

My mother had passed away 2 years ago, almost three, due to a horrid disease. She was everything that I had in my life and now she was gone… I always tell myself it’s good she is not suffering anymore. I can’t imagine the pain she had gone through with the four of us helping her everyday with everything. It was just my step father, brother, sister, and me after her passing. It was one day during school that I had gotten called out of class because my mother, who was in the hospital the previous night, was put on a respirator and my grandmother kept telling me, “It won’t save her life, but prolong it.”

How long would she even have…? A day? An hour? A minute…?

Not even a full day. At precisely 11:38 am she flatlined right in front of my family and me… My step father was down spiraling at the same exact time I was as we both held her hand, already knowing it was too late for anything… Nothing was never the same without her, but the result of her death was beautiful…

My step dad and I had a rough beginning when we first met, but when she passed we all came out stronger than before, except for my father and grandparents who thought my step dad was all about money and didn’t give a shit about me, just wanted me to pay rent.

Fuck them… I love them, but that was really stupid of them. It got too much to the point to where I wanted my step dad to adopt me, but we settled on legal guardianship. Since then, their opinions didn’t change about him.

Octavia took my hoof and leaned her head onto my shoulder.

“She would be very proud of you Vinyl.” Octi said quietly, “Don’t ever forget where you came from and just remember the good times you two had. Don’t be sad. I love you.”

I smiled gently and kissed her head, “I love you too.”

She was right you know? I had a new life to actually look ahead to and my mother would always be there for me no matter what happens. For some reason this mare always knew what to say to me even when we first met she was like the thing that kept me going. No matter what happened she was the force driving me.

I chuckled, “Hey Octi?”

She snuggled more into me and smiled, “Yes?”

“Remember when we first met?” I blushed lightly.

She sat up and mocked my words, “Hey there… Um… I’m not meaning to hit on you or anything, but you look really good in that dress.” She giggled, “Yes you silly goose I remember.”

I smiled at her and kissed her lips softly, “Best day ever. You looked too weirded out and it was so cute. To be honest I was scared of your reaction like I was doing something wrong.”

She pushed me playfully, “Don’t be silly now, I was just surprised by what you said to me. I had no idea what to say or do, so all that came out was “Thank you.” as I sat down behind you.”

I smiled even more, “Then that date at the park…” I began, “The time we tried to kiss each others cheek and failed to do so. We kissed each other on the lips and I was happy it happened to.”

“I heard you screaming in joy when you trotted away.” She giggled, “I think you woke up the entire neighborhood, but I let you be. That night was really fun though.”

I smirked, “Don’t you dare forget about prom now missy.”

She kissed me softly on the lips and ran her hooves up and down my back. I did the same. She pulled away slowly, “That was the best night I could ever ask for.” She came in for another kiss and I just let her have her way as she caressed my tongue softly with hers. The feeling was too overwhelming and made me slide my hoof down in between her legs, she stopped.

“Now Vinyl…” She started, “Let’s not get too carried away. Like we have agreed before, we will wait until we are both ready.” I nodded slowly with my face completely red, panting softly, heart racing, hormones ready to be released. Fuck she was beautiful, even if she rejected my offer for a little touch.

After cuddling, which by the way warmed me up so much inside, we went back inside and saw that my step dad had just finished fixing my bed.

“Well…” He started, “It took almost forever, but she’s ready to be slept on. I’ll be sleeping on it tonight to test it out. Your brother will have the floor and I guess Octavia can sleep with you Vinyl.”

“Dad…” I started embarrassingly, “Please…” I tried to talk as Octavia shook her plot at me whilst walking to the bathroom. She flicked her tail and winked at me as she closed the door.

Dammit Octi…

My dad looked at me confused and laughed, “I better not hear anything happen between you two in that bedroom. I don’t wanna have to clean up the mess you two make because I’m not responsible.”

“DAD!!!!” I yelled at him, “Not in front of this little squirt…”

“That’s not the only thing that squirts around here.” My brother said in a low voice.

My face turned completely red and I started towards him, “Shut your little mouth you good for nothing…”

“Hey hey now,” My dad started as he got in between us, “Both of you need to behave okay? I don’t want any fighting.”

My brother and I laughed, “Dad please,” I began, “I know he was just joking and dude totally inappropriate. You would like that kind of thing wouldn’t you?”

My brother’s face turned red as he looked down, “Shut up.”

Octi came out of the bathroom and brushed her tail against me, signaling me towards the blown up bed inside the bedroom. By the brush of her tail, she wanted to do more than just sleep with me. I whipped my tail on her plot and sent her flying into the room with a thud and a squeak from her throat. I giggled and followed her into the bedroom.

It was dark…

Really dark…

I hated the dark so much that it terrifies me to be in the dark. Even if the dark has darkness? Yeah, too spooky for me. The grey earth pony next to me pressed her muzzle against my chest lightly and gave it a lick. Her tongue sent a chill down my spine and suddenly made my calm hormones start raging like a honey bee hive. Fuck Octi not now… Not while my dad and brother are in the other room…

She start licking up towards my face, teasing me like I’m some kid at a candy store, only getting piece by piece of the big cotton candy roll. I looked down at her and tried to wake her up, but I honestly wanted to see where this was going.

Evil phase one is in session.

I let Octi have her way up to my face and she started biting my bottom lip softly, I couldn’t help but to moan as the pain traveled down my neck and caused my entire body to sweat. Octavia then reached over me with her hoof and pressed it against my plot as he shoved her tongue into my mouth.

“Mmm~!” I moaned loudly. Now she was in control.

She rolled on top of me and continued to tongue kiss me roughly, brushing my mane slowly, breathing faster, heart racing, hormones causing World War III, waterfall dripping from Octavia’s clit onto mine, forcing even more moaning and rougher kissing as both of our bodies now full of sweat were pressed against each other. She slowly pulled away and opened her beautiful purple eyes, which were now darting down at me.

“Octi…~” I said softly as I closed my eyes, letting her take me as I am.

I sat up straight in bed, full of sweat, the entire side of my covers drenched in my own liquid, and a hoof sitting atop my jewel. It was mine…

Fuck…

I plopped back onto the bed and let the grey mare before me snuggle into me like a pillow. I kissed her head and sighed as I closed my eyes to return to slumber.

Morning came and it was a new day. The thing about the day is that my girlfriend and I would be all alone after today when my step dad and brother head for home. Before they even left they treated us all to a nice breakfast down the street from the apartments, it’s a nice little goodbye gift from the family.

“We’ll be back soon to see you. Or better yet you better come visit us.” My dad teased.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” My brother chuckled as he left out the door. I loved that kid, but I wanted to buck him right in the head sometimes.

Later that night it was the last night I would ever see my wonderful Octavia in a long time. She snuggled against me and kissed my cheek. I kissed her head and smiled.

“I’m glad you could stay one last night.” I said to her.

“I’m glad I helped move you up here.” She responded.

The outside was quiet, which is unusual for such a city such as Canterlot, but it didn’t mind me at all. I actually loved the quiet darkness with the love of my life. I loved her ever since the day we met, which is weird to admit. You would think that being a young mare like myself wouldn’t know what love is, even older mares and stallions tell me I have so much to learn. That is true, but I know what I feel and I’m not letting go of this feeling.

Too young they say. Okay whatever the fuck you say.

Love at first sight? Not really… More like first word.

“Hey.”

That’s all it took for me to say yes to my future wife.

“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” I asked sadly.

“Yes Vinyl. I have work in Manehatten and then more in Ponyville.” She responded. “Don’t worry though okay? I will come back. I won’t be gone forever Vinyl. You know that.” She said as she snuggled up against me and stuffed her muzzle into my chest.

“I know.” I said as I held Octavia close to me.

She smiled and her breaths became slow and calm. It’s moments like this in my life I never want to leave. I want them to happen forever.

“Vinyl?” Octi said under her quiet breath.

“Yeah?” I responded back.

“One day I think I might move up here with you.”

My eyes went wide at this statement, “What? What about everyone back in Ponyville?”

She looked up at me and sighed, “Vinyl, there is so much potential for me up here than there is for me down there… Plus I want to be here with you. You are part of the potential I want up here. I need to get away from all of the drama down in Ponyville and I don’t need more of it staying down there while you are here. I need you.”

“I need you too Octi. You mean everything to me and will always mean everything for as long as I live.” I smiled down at her.

“Do you think so?”

I nodded.

She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight my love.”

“Night… Octi.” I said one last time before I dozed off.

I need you…

Now…

So long without you and it’s been almost what seems like years, so much has happened…

Where are you Octavia? Help me… Recover who I really am… For who I am now? I don’t know who I am anymore…

Help me break free of my indefinite existence… Help me become whole again.