Proper Insanity

As Robert became more aware of what was happening, he slowly began to question his own sanity.

"Is there... anything you need help with?" The mare asked keeping her distance. Though she tried not to show it, Robert could tell that she was uncomfortable. Be it the interaction with a human or the fact that he was naked remained a mystery.

"You... are... a talking horse..." Robert replied, slightly twitching. He was beginning to think himself insane as the idea of a colourful, talking horse was just absurd, yet there he was, talking to one. That's it! This is probably a dream... Yeah! THAT'S IT! Just a dream... When do I get to wake up?

"Yeah, I've noticed-well... I'm more of a pony, but the concept is still there. Anyways, it’s nice to meet you. You can call me Bon Bon. What's your name?" The mare asked. She seemed to stop trembling and firm up more, as if a sudden rush of confidence flowed through her body. Despite her best efforts at being courteous, Robert still failed to see the reality of this situation.

"You would know my name... as this is just a dream... Watch, I'll jump out with clothes on and fly away!" Robert yelled, his voice shaking. Still naked, he stood up straight and leaped forward. It was a combination of an awkward jump and a belly flop. Overall, he slid an entire four feet and then he moaned in pain.

“Uh, normally that’s when you would say your name and then we would shake hooves… Your method of introduction doesn’t seem all that effective” Bon Bon said in a surprisingly calm manner. She didn’t seem as nervous about a naked man flying out at her as she was when she first saw him.

Robert started laughing as he lied naked on the ground. He thought of how he JUST LEAPED OUT NAKED IN FRONT OF A TALKING HORSE! He was more scared of the lack of reaction from the cream-coloured horse than the fact that he had no idea where he was. Where exactly is this place? Why are there talking horses? Why does she not really care about me being naked? Do people just roam this place naked? Where are all the other naked people? Thoughts like these shot through Robert’s mind as he lied naked on the ground, laughing.

“Anyways… Is there anything I can help you with or are you good with just flipping out like a fish out of water? Sorry if I seem a bit rude, but I was supposed to meet Lyra—” Bon Bon suddenly stopped. She stared off into the distance as though hoping what she saw was an illusion. This was not the case.

“BONNY!” A voice shouted from a distance. Robert finally looked up to observe what was causing such a ruckus in such an eager manner.

Is that… Oh my fucking god… A GREEN UNICORN?! What the hell is going on?!

“Hey, Bon Bon, we were supposed to meet at the café, why—” The green unicorn finally noticed Robert awkwardly lying down with his back stretched up like he was a seal. “Oh… I see you’ve made a new friend. Why don’t you introduce us?”

“Trust me, I would if I could, but I don’t know who he is… I don’t think he knows who he is…” Bon Bon replied.

“W… what is… why am I… where?” was all Robert managed to get out. He had no ability to say anything else without going insane. The chaos in Robert’s mind grew every second he spent in this… place.

“We’re in the park, silly. Right outside Ponyville.  Well, not right outside, but fairly close to… Right outside would be like on the line, but ever so slightly outwards. You know what I mean? Anyways, I’m Lyra, and you must be naked. I know how you feel. We’re all naked… Well, we have a natural coat on… Yours doesn’t seem all that effective in concealing your… erm… Anyways… what is your name? I’m Lyra. I think I already said that. Sometimes I repeat myself. Did I already say that? I don’t know… Sometimes I repeat myself and sometimes I don’t. Do you ever do that? I still don’t know who you are. Who are you? Do you like nachos? Of course you like nachos. Only terrorists don’t like nachos. Are you a terrorist? Considering the fact that you’re sitting naked in a park makes me think that you would be a pretty crappy terrorist…”

“Okay, Lyra, you can shut up now.” Bon Bon said with a harsh tone. “This is no time for one of your little rants, this man looks like he needs help… and some clothes… and maybe a breath mint…”

“I was just trying to keep Ponyville safe from naked flying terrorists that don’t like nachos. DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A SOCIETY WITH NO NACHOS?! I rest my case. GUILTY!”

“Well he clearly isn’t flying, and since when do you make up a jury? He should be tried in a normal court with a jury of his peers.” Bon Bon protested. “THAT ISN’T EVEN THE ISSUE AT HOOF! Why is there another human in Equestria? Twilight said she sealed off Yuno.” Yuno? Equestria? What the hell is going on? Why can’t I wake up? How much longer do I have to lie here until I can go home?

“So, human bro dude… Who the hell are you?”

“LYRA!”

“Just trying to get some answers…”

“Why… W-Where… Why…?” Robert managed to say. At this point, he wasn’t being very coherent or compliant. Robert’s thoughts were fixated on returning home.

“Did he break? What do we do with him?” Lyra pondered. “I say we take him to Pinkie’s house. She’ll definitely—”

“Yes, because Pinkie always brings the sanity in people out… Besides, after what happened with the last human, she may not be willing to help him. Poor Pinkie…”

“But Spike had to watch… I feel a bit worse for him. Pinkie is at least a 17 year old mare. Fairly old for a pony, especially with her genes. Spike is just a baby dragon.”

“A WHAT?!” Robert shouted. This had really hit him hard. He was much more startled at the thought of a dragon than he was when he first landed in Equestria. A FUCKING DRAGON?! This place is insane… I NEED TO LEAVE! NOW! Robert had a very nervous look on his face, and he wasn’t even going to bother to try to hide it.

“Yeah…” Lyra answered nonchalantly. “A baby dragon… Wait, you know nothing of where you are? Normally, the humans that show up know everything about us… Sometimes too much… You really don’t know anything about this place do you?”

“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY!!!” Robert answered. His tone and volume threw Bon Bon back a bit while Lyra held her ground. She didn’t appear to be the type to be sad, piteous or any emotion that isn’t happy, even with a naked human yelling at her.

“Well I know the perfect place for you to get started! Twilight’s house! She’s the one who put the seal on Yuno… Or supposedly put the seal on Yuno… Either way she’ll either send you on your way home… Or she’ll just have to deal with you for screwing up her job. Either way, we have a date to go on. And afterwards… maybe a nice back rub—”

“LYRA!” Bon Bon protested while reddening at the cheeks. “You’re too revealing in front of everypony…”

“You want revealing? One time, Bon Bon had this HUGE—”

“WELL, WE HAD BETTER BE GOING!” Bon Bon said, noticeably changing the subject. “Well, if we’re shipping him off to Twilight’s, then he’s gonna need somepony to show him the way.”

“Oh, I’ll just get Derpy to show him the way.” Lyra offered.

“I don’t think I trust them together…” Bon Bon confessed.

“Why not? What do you think he could do to her?”

“It’s not him to her… I just want him showing up to Twilight’s house in one piece…”

“Too late-HEY DERPY!” Lyra shouted to the heavens. “It’s just a matter of time before she gets here. Now, we shall be off.”

Lyra and Bon Bon took their leave. As Robert lied on the ground confused, naked and a little bit hungry, he began to believe that he was just insane. He had just heard a green unicorn and a frilly horse have a conversation. Did I… When did… WHERE THE HELL AM I?! WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?! WHY WAS I FORCED TO THIS LAND TO HEAR LESBIAN HORSES CONVERSE?! WHY CANT I GO HOME?!

“Hey, you called?” a voice chimed from behind. The voice was indescribable. Just by the soothing tone of the voice it calmed Robert down. The sheer softness of the voice had a playful ring to it, as if belonging to that of an innocent child playing with their friends. This was a voice that Robert had long forgotten as he had no friends to play with or anybody cheerful enough around him to remind him of the pure innocence of a child’s mind.

Robert forgot all about where he was and was more intent on thinking about his childhood. Back when he was young and had friends. Back when he had his parents around. Back when he was happy.

“You’re not Lyra…” The voice spoke again. Robert had to see what spoke in such beauty as to shock him from all his troubles. What Robert knew was that he would regret turning around, but what he didn’t know was that such a simple action as turning around would completely change the course of his life… FOREVER!

When he turned around, he saw her. He saw the origin of that heavenly voice. He snapped.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” He shouted with all his remaining energy. What he saw was a flying grey mare with a long blonde mane and what appeared to be bubbles on her rear end. He noticed one other feature that stuck out very noticeably. Her eyes did not follow the same path.

“I’m sorry; you just don’t really look the part of Lyra. You can still be her if you really want to. Nopony is stopping you. You know what? I BELIEVE IN YOU! BE THE BEST LYRA YOU CAN BE!”

Are all these animals fucking stupid or something? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU FREAK!” Robert finally yelled. He didn’t know whether it was because he was frustrated with his situation, whether it was because he wanted to feel the power of what his tormentors felt, or even because she reminded him of a time in his life that he may never regain. Either way, he knew he had gone too far.

“That’s not very nice. Just because somepony is different doesn’t make them a freak.” The flying pony responded. “Look at you. You’re different from me, but you’re not a freak, you’re just different, and being different is nothing to be ashamed of. I may have weird eyes, but I don’t let that bother me. Just gotta keep looking forward... and to the left.” At that, she let out a little laugh. She seemed to have a good sense of humour about her condition.

“I guess… Anyways, Lyra, I guess, said to go to ‘Twilight’s’ house… Wherever that may be.” Robert said with a slightly low tone. This time his voice seemed to have little hope, but more than it previously had. Why is this pony so happy? Does she enjoy being a social outcast?

“OH! TWILIGHT SPARKLE! She doesn’t let me near her house anymore… I just don’t know what went wrong…” The grey Pegasus said with an ever increasingly confused look on her face. The apologetic look in her yellow eyes made Robert curious, but he showed restraint. The main goal was for Robert to get home, and if Twilight could do it, then that’s where he was headed.

“So you know where her house is? Then we’d better get going… I want to get back home as soon as possible.” Robert said in a lighter tone. He had seemed to calm down and have more focused thoughts than before. He was going to need them.

“Okay! I’m Derpy. Derpy Hooves. What’s your name?” The flying grey pony responded in a playful, yet inquisitive, fashion.

“I’m Robert.” He replied.

“Robert… That’s a different name…” Derpy said while motioning him in a direction. “This way to Twi’s house!”

Robert is an odd name? Says the winged pony named ‘Derpy.’

“People used to call me Ditzy Doo.” Derpy continued to talk as she led him to Twilight’s house. “I don’t know why. I’m not very ditzy… I’m more Derpy than I am ditzy.”

“And what is Derpy?” Robert asked with a genuinely confused look on his face.

“I’M DERPY! HELLO! We just met! You don’t seem to have the greatest of memories…” Derpy said in a playful and slightly condescending manner. “HEY LOOK! IT’S PINKIE PIE! HEY PINKIE!” She appeared to be shouting to a pink pony with large and pink fluffy hair.

Wait, didn’t Lyra or Bon Bon or whoever say something about some ‘Pinkie’ and not willing to help people? Crap… What if she attacks me?

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” The pink pony screamed with all her might while hovering mid-air like a semi-inflated balloon. The scream was so shrill that Robert had thought it may have been able to shattered diamonds. She then scurried away with a speed not physically possible.

Not quite what I expected… But at least I’m alive-maybe… OH MY GOD! I’M DEAD! THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! Wow… the afterlife is pretty crappy… Being naked-I’m still naked…

“That’s weird… Normally she is really excited to meet new ponies.” The grey pegasus chimed in.

“So anyways… Let’s get me to Twilight’s house or some place with clothes… QUICKLY! I doubt that she would be willing to converse with some naked—”

“HEEEEEEEY!” A voice boomed from behind. Robert turned around to see the same pony, but slightly different.

She’s wearing clothes now?

“I see you be digging my pimping threads!” She said in a cheerful yet awkward manner. “Yeah, I just made these. Normally time would be an issue but sometimes I electrocute myself and I can see my skeleton and time feels all weird and stuff, but I don’t let that stop me from looking my best for my new friend OH MY GOSH WHATS YOUR NAME?! We are going to be great friends, I just know it!”

“I’m… err… Robert? Why are you wearing-”

“WOW! I don’t know a Robert! Now I do! HOORAY! LET’S THROW YOU A PARTY!” The pink pony seemed to be exploding with happiness.

“You two seem to be hitting it off! Pinkie, maybe you should take him to Twilight’s house.” Derpy finally said.

“WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! ALONE?! NO! NOT AGAIN…” Pinkie shouted similarly to when she first saw Robert. “I can’t, I have to set up the party for big ol’ Robby!” she snapped between terrified and happy-go-lucky.

“Ok then… If you don’t want to, I’ll do it.” Derpy turned to Robert. “Well, it looks like we’re gonna hang out a little bit longer!” she said, turning back to Pinkie. “I guess we should be off. See you around.” She turned back to Rob. “Shall we go then?”

The pink pony galloped away gracefully as if everything in the world was right. “I guess… I would like some clothes first.”

Pinkie came flying back as soon as those words left his mouth. She appeared to be holding a large pile of cloth. “HERE! Put these on… NOW!” Pinkie urged. Robert did as she said and donned the awkward set of clothing. It was clearly not a work of art, as there were very loose area and some areas that squeezed tightly.

These will do for now… “Thank you.” Robert said.

“NO PROBLEMO! As long as you wear clothing you’ll be welcome here.” Pinkie pie sped off.

“So… You good now?” Derpy asked.

“Yeah… To Twilight’s?”

“TO TWILIGHT’S!”

They continued on their way, making occasional small talk.

“So… Do many humans come to… wherever this is? It seems like it…”

“Kinda… It’s more of an every-couple-of-months type of thing… Most people that show up already know a lot about us… They get reallycreepy… Flutters probably will never confront another human for as long as she lives.” Derpy replied with a somewhat cheerful tone, as if she had no clue what she was talking about, but was glad to say it anyways. “Well, there’s Twilight’s house!” She said while pointing to a tree.

A tree? Really? A tree?

“I’m not allowed in there anymore, so you have to go on alone. Try not to get lost.” The tree at hand was about 13 feet from their current position. Robert had to try to think of a way to get lost. “Well, I should be off. GOOD BYE TALL MAN!” She said while flying away in what appeared to be no specific direction.

Robert went up to the tree and saw the half-door that led to someone who could fix his problems and send him back. Back to the way things were. He knocked on the door three times. He heard a muffled voice faintly shout ‘In a minute.’ As he waited, he wondered what this pony would look like. What ridiculous colour is this one? How insane is she? Will she help me? The door swung open.

What stood at the door was a purple unicorn with a dark purple mane with a pink stripe down the middle. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Welcome! Except, not really… I thought I sealed Yuno off from Equestria! What are you doing here? Come inside. I have questions to ask, and maybe answer.” she said in a very ‘Matter-of-Fact’ way. He followed her orders and entered the tree. It appeared as if she lived in a library... or she was a massive book hoarder.

“I’m guessing you read a lot?” Robert said, trying to break the ice.

“I’m not one for ‘small talk.’ Right now, I want to know everything that you do. I want to know where I went wrong. Tell me what happened right before you came here, what happened during, and what happened right after.” Twilight wanted answers, and she wanted them as soon as possible.

“Well, I guess I’ll start with the weird dream I had. It felt like I was falling for a long time. Like I was never going to reach the bottom of a high cliff. Then suddenly, I just smashed into the ground. Full force impact, but it didn’t hurt… I thought it did, but it actually didn’t.” Robert confessed.

“Well, that explains a bit, but not enough. Did you feel sharp stinging in your sides? Did you feel major pain other than hitting the seal, like you were being cut in half or something like that? Anything?”

The sharp words that Twilight had used had really hit Robert hard. CUT IN HALF?!

“Twilight, I think we’re out of cool whip-AAAAAHHH!!”

“DARN IT! I forgot about Spike! One second. DON’T MOVE!” Twilight said as she dashed off towards the crying dragon. Robert could faintly hear what was being said, but not that much.

----Look, I know ----- happened with pink didn’t---- so well---- but t--- you can---------------------you need t-----------I pro---se tha---e won’t.

“Now I’ll be right back, but I’ll keep my word.” Twilight said from afar. “Sorry, now where were we? Ah yes. Now, that final hit you felt was the seal I placed on—”

“TWILIGHT!”

“Oh, for Celestia’s sake… Look, I’ll explain later, but for now, you have to leave. Like, now! You definitely can’t spend the night, but I’m sure if you ask around town, somepony will let you crash with them. Just be careful as to whose house you sleep in. Some ponies don’t take kindly to humans…  A lot of humans have spread cruelty and demise throughout Ponyville. You may want to stay clear of Pinkie Pie. She may seem nice, but she has had some bad experiences with humans… She may try to harm you in your sleep. But just find someplace that isn’t here!” Twilight said, rushing through each of her sentences. She pointed Robert to the door and then swiftly went to Spike’s aid.

Now what? I have no clue what to do! I guess I should find a place to crash for the night. Maybe we’ll sort all this out tomorrow. So… with ponies trying to kill me, who can I trust? Lyra and Bon Bon seem nice. I’ll check with them. And so he left to go find the green unicorn or her partner to make sleeping arrangements.

After some searching, he managed to find them hanging out in the park. “HEY GUYS!” Robert shouted. “Look, I apparently need a place to crash where I won’t be killed. Apparently my species sucks even more than I thought it did…”

“Well,” Lyra began, “you can’t hang out at our place… We like our privacy. Besides, we’d probably be really loud and we would just keep you up at night—”

“LYRA! I’m sorry, but she has a point. You won’t be able to stay with us. We will need to find somepony else to take you in. No offense or anything, it’s just—”

“WE’RE REALLY KINKY!”

“LYRA!”

“We need to find you a place to stay… How about Rarity’s place? Or Applejack’s, or even Rainbow Dash’s place! Ooooo! This will be fun!” Lyra started bouncing up and down with a large smile on her face. “WE SHALL BE OFF!”

After a long walk, the group of three finally made it to a large boutique. “Well, this is Rarity’s place. If you can’t stay the night, you can at least get some proper clothing.” Bon Bon said in a less than pleasant tone.

They made their way to the door when a young unicorn busted through the door, crying. A voice shouted out, “YOU LITTLE-UGGHHH! YOU’RE WORTHLESS! LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! NOW YOU SEE WHY I MAKE WORKS OF ART FOR FORMAL OCCASIONS AND NOT FOR SOME SNOT NOSED LITTLE—” The larger, white unicorn silenced as soon as she noticed the group standing outside her door. “My my, it looks as if Twilight screwed up again. Thrilling. And what piece of garbage is he wearing? It looks as if he should be put out on the curb.”

“My my, you’re looking lovely today, although you did lay “the bitch” on a little thick.” Bon Bon replied.

“Don’t even get me started! I was making a dress for Princess Celestia. I KNOW! THE PRINCESS! So I was making this beautiful work of art, fit for a queen! Then some little snot-nosed—UGGHHH! Anyways, now I have to start all over!! Two months’ worth of work, just washed down the drain.”

“I’m guessing you’re Rarity?” Robert finally chimed in.

“Well, well, well... Aren’t you the clever one? Look, I don’t have time to fix whatever the hay it is that you’re wearing. I have very important matters to attend to.” And with that, the white unicorn’s horn glowed and the door slammed shut.

“Well…” Lyra started, “this went over smoothly. By the ways, Bon Bon, nice job.”

“I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her…” Bon Bon continuously chanted to herself, eyes clenched.

“Let’s just go to Applejack’s place. She’s probably got lots of space. If necessary, you could probably just sleep in the barn!” Lyra tried to lighten the mood, but to no effect. “Screw it, let’s just go…”

As they walked to Applejack’s house, Robert finally asked what was on his mind. “So… what’s with the ass tattoos?”

“Oh, these?” Lyra asked while pointing to a picture of a large harp on her flank. “These are just our cutie marks. They symbolize our true talents in life!”

“So are you a musician?” Robert asked.

“Well, she makes a lot of noise, I can tell you that much.” Bon Bon mused.

“Well, what is your talent? What does the candy symbolize?”

Lyra was quick to answer. “Well, she tastes—”

“I SWEAR TO CELESTIA! ONE MORE SEX JOKE…!” Bon Bon barked. The rest of the journey was silent. Robert never found out what Bon Bon’s talent really was, nor did he feel the need to bring it up again.

After another long and adventurous walk, they eventually ended up on a farm. An apple orchard to be exact. “Well, this is the place. That house may not look that big, but boy can it fit a lot!” Lyra commented.

“Well howdy doo, partner!” Robert looked to the side to see an orange pony with white freckles, emerald eyes that sparkled like the gem, a dirty blonde mane in a ponytail all topped with a Stetson hat.

My god, sh-she’s gorgeous. I know she’s just a pony and all… but my god…

“Wow, a human… Didn’ Twiligh’ say she stopped all the humans from comin’ to Equestria? Well, guess not. At least this one ain’ crazy… is he?”

“Oh, no.” Lyra was quick to respond. “He’s been nothing but nice. He loses track easily. For the first while, he was butt naked and he kept forgetting!”

“That wasn’t a very necessary detail, was it?” Robert asked.

“Well, considering you two may be sharing a roof for a little bit, I felt that AJ had a right—”

“HOLD ON! What was that? Come again? ‘Coulda sworn you said ‘sharin’ a roof.’ NOT HAPPENIN’! Apple Bloom has got lots ‘a work ta do ‘round tha farm, an’ she don’ need no distractions! A human roamin’ ‘round the house naked won’ really work in this house hold.”

“Wow, you just met him and you really hate him…” Lyra added.

“I don’ hate ‘m, I jus’ don’ know ‘im. I’ll be darned if I’m ‘a let some stranger walk ‘round mah house. Nothin’ personal.” she tried to say solemnly.

“Oh no, I understand. You have your stuff, and I would just be in the way… It’s ok, I’ll find somewhere…” Robert responded.

“Well, we had better make like an apple and find some place for this guy to live.” Lyra added in. Robert wasn’t quite sure if she was making a joke or if she just didn’t understand the concept. “SEE what I did there? LIKE THE OCEAN!” Lyra was rolling on the floor, laughing. She seemed quit amused by her joke.

“Look, ah ain’ got any time for your fancy games. Ah have work ta do!” Applejack butted in. She wasn’t very pleased with Lyra’s behaviour.

Fancy games… THE GAME!!! “DAMMIT! THE GAME!” Robert shouted aloud, frustrated.

“Uh, beg your pardon?” Applejack asked, confused.

“Well, there is this game where if you think about the words, ‘the game’ you lose the game. You can only lose every thirty minutes, though.”

“Ah’m up fer a challenge! How do ah win this here, ‘game’ ‘a yers?”

“You don’t. You can only lose.”

Applejack was crushed, as if everything she had ever known was a lie. “Ya mean… Ah can’ win?” she wondered aloud, in a very sorrowful state.

Robert felt incredibly bad for putting her like this, but there was nothing he could do. I can’t just change the rules… But I also can’t stand to see her like this… “Well…” Robert started. “You can’t win, but once everyone in the world is playing the game, then it ends. So I guess you could technically call that a win in itself… Just explain the rules to more people—or ponies, rather—and get them playing, too.”

“Lyra and I will help too!” Bon Bon finally said her first words since arriving at the farm.

“YER DARN TOOTIN’ RIGH’ YA’LL WILL!” Applejack said in a menacing manner. She was very competitive, apparently, and she let it show.

“Ohhhh-kay then…” Lyra awkwardly chimed in. “Well, we had better find someplace for him to live. Maybe Dash will let him crash! HA HA! See Bon Bon? I can be classy. I JUST RHYMED! AIN’T NOPONY CLASSIER THAN ME!”

Bon Bon sighed deeply. “Let’s just go…”

“NO, WAIT! YA’LL CAN’ STAY AT DASH’S PLACE!” Applejack tried to yell, but it was too late. Lyra, Bon Bon and Robert had already left and were beyond ear-shot.

“Well, Dash is our last hope for you. If she refuses… You’re kinda screwed.”

“Lyra! There’s no need for the negativity. I’m sure she’ll let him stay the night.”

“And if she doesn’t? It’s not like we have any other options. Rarity and Applejack already turned him down, Twilight kicked him out, I don’t really trust that Pinkie won’t saw him in half, and Fluttershy has probably already heard the news and locked her doors thirteen times. That only leaves Rainbow Dash and us, but we’ve already ruled us out, so that means he is stuck with Dash.”

“Well… okay, NOW you choose to make sense?” Bon Bon was obviously not amused.

“Well, we’re almost there anyways, so I guess we’ll have our answer soon!” Lyra was right about one thing. They were nearing their destination. Up in the sky, Robert could see a large fortress of clouds.

“Well, we’re here!” Lyra proudly announced.

“Uh, Lyra? What do you see in front of us?”

“Bon Bon, you know it’s Dash’s place. Were you not listening?”

“Okay… now… Lyra? Can you tell me what Rainbow Dash lives on?”

“Royal pegasi land…”

“Now, Lyra, tell me what her house is made of.”

“CLOUDS silly! All pegasi can walk—OHHHH! I see what you’re driving at… Yeah, this was a pretty stupid plan.”

“What’s going on?” Robert inquired.

“Well, pegasi can walk freely on clouds, so a lot of pegasi live on clouds. Considering you can’t fly or walk on clouds, this whole idea was pretty stupid.” Lyra explained.

“So wait, now I don’t have a place to stay?”

“Well, maybe… either way we’re having lunch. Bon Bon, how much do you have on you?”

“Enough for the three of us.”

“PERFECT! Time to ignore this problem! It will probably work itself out. For now, we have other things to occupy our minds, like how nothing occupies our stomachs! AWAY!” Lyra pranced off at a slower than walking speed. Bon Bon and Robert proceeded to follow Lyra.

After a while, the group ended up at a little restaurant with an outdoor patio. Many of the ponies were a bit offset with Robert near, while a few continued on as if nothing were happening. Although it was clear that some ponies did not accept him being there, none of the ponies gave him too hard of a time.

“So… Where shall we sit? In or out? Well, seeing as how it is fairly nice out, I say we eat out on the patio. Lyra?”

“I am more than okay with eating out!” Lyra answered excitedly.

“Is she always like this?” Robert asked.

“If I were to say yes, I would be lying. Believe it or not, she’s usually much worse than this…” Despite her tone, Bon Bon’s facial expression seemed fairly positive.

“TIME TO EAT SOME FOOD AND STUFF!” Lyra seemed intent on eating. She made her way to a table without waiting for Robert or Bon Bon.

Bon Bon turned to Robert, and in a soft voice, she whispered, “She may be a bit over the top, but she thinks I don’t have enough fun, so she tries to have enough for the both of us.” Bon Bon proceeded to walk over to the table where Lyra was sitting.

Robert picked up the menu as Bon Bon opened hers with her mouth. Lyra was already reading the menu, as her glowing horn seemed to hold the glowing booklet. Normally this would have shocked Robert, but nothing could have scared him at this point.

Everything on here is vegetarian… I can somewhat understand that, but why does everything have non-edible flowers in them? “Is there anything on this menu made with edible ingredients?” Robert asked.

“Well, define edible. You could technically eat dirt, so that would be considered edible. In that perspective, everything is edible. I think you’re looking for something that is… What was it? FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! That’s it… You need like… dog food, or something… I guess you could just get the apple salad… Wynona seems to digest that properly…” Lyra answered.

“Wynona?”

“Applejack’s dog! Oh, that’s right… You didn’t see her… Feisty little thing that is…”

I’ve been reduced to eating dog food? Well, I used to be eating processed food out of a can, now I’m eating fresh picked apples and lettuce. Is this really a downgrade?

“HEY, DERPY! OVER HERE!” Lyra shouted, disregarding all other forms of life around her.

“Hey, what’s up? OH! PERSON DUDE IS STILL WITH YOU! Robby, if I’m not mistaken…”

“Ya, it’s Robert…” he responded.

“Well, actually, kinda glad we ran into you. Robert is homeless as of now, so would you let him crash at your place for the night? It wouldn’t be permanent…” Lyra explained.

“Well, sure! I’ll check with the Doctor, but he should be fine with it. He could sleep on the couch. He is welcome in our home for as long as he needs.”

“You’d really do this? For me? But you hardly know me!” Robert added.

“Lyra and Bon Bon seem to be okay with you, and if they’re fine with it, I’m fine with it.”

“Wow… You’re really courteous. Thank you. Where should we meet up later?”

“Why not at my house? We can go there right now.” Derpy offered.

“I kind of need to eat… I haven’t eaten anything yet…” Robert protested.

“We got food at my place! Muffins… Muffins… We got lots of muffins! And apples… some green peppers… AND MUFFINS!”

“Well, that’s edible… I guess that means that I’m off. See you guys, and thank you so much for all the help.” Robert said as he got out of his chair.

“No problem.” Lyra said.

“We had fun.” Bon Bon added.

“Hope to see you again!” Lyra said one final time before Robert and Derpy left for her house. Back to walking it was.

“So, I hear you live with a doctor...?” Robert awkwardly tried to start up a conversation.

“No no no. Not a doctor… THE Doctor. Doctor Whooves. And I don’t just live with him. He’s my husband. HE’S GREAT! Lots of fun. Never a dull moment with him around!” Derpy excitedly answered.

“Husband eh… You have any children?”

“YA! Dinky is only a small filly right now, but she is growing fast. Sparkler on the other hoof… she is in the rebellious stage right now… I hope that will pass soon.”

“Sounds like you have a full house as it is.”

“There’s always room for a friend!”

A friend…

“Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you do?”

“Well… I don’t do much. I normally just sit around and think.”

“What do you think about?”

“Anything and everything. Give me a topic. I’ll show you what goes on in my mind.”

“Rocks!”

“Rocks. Never to move. Could a rock be sentient? Does a rock know anything? What if a rock wants to learn? Can a rock learn? Does a rock know what learning even is? Could it learn to learn? No… For learning requires prior knowledge. Does a rock have that? Can a rock know that it knows nothing, or can it know that it knows everything? No, a rock knows naught for it hath no soul to ponder…”

“Oh… my… gosh… THAT IS THE FANCIEST WAY TO CALL A ROCK STUPID THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD!”

“I guess you could look at it like that…” Robert had never thought about his thoughts in such a simplified manner.

“Well, we’re here!”

Robert looked up to see a house with a mail box outside with the word ‘(W)hooves’ on it.

“You live… in a giant mushroom?”