Friday, June 22nd

Pinkie Pie began her morning as usual, mashing her face into a cake before even getting out of bed. As she lapped the frosting off her forehead with her tongue that really shouldn’t stretch that far, she saw a big red circle around the date; this was the day she would throw Sweetie Belle a party, for what she didn’t know, nor did she really care. A careful observer could also point out that almost each day was circled in bright red on her calendar.

She bounced precariously down the stairs to the main shop floor and into the kitchen where she ate about half the Cakes’ inventory for the day, a necessary sacrifice for adopting the unstable pink pony. She scarfed down in nearly an instant 30 multicolored cupcakes, a small red velvet cake with chocolate frosting, and topped it off with a large helping of fruit punch.

“Ah what a wonderful sunny day!” she marveled, as the sun gently beat down on her rich pink coat and she looked up at the dark blue sky, completely cloudless, and silently thanked Dash for not oversleeping. She wasn’t necessarily lazy, she just sometimes gets so overconfident that she doesn’t give herself enough time to get her work done, but in reality she has a great track record, or else she wouldn’t be leading the finest weather team in the Ponyville area. A shouting broke her silent bliss.

“And don’t come back until you learn some manners!”

“Fine! Good luck living in our apartment without me!”

“I’m the one always paying the bills and cleaning your dry necessities off the toilet seat!”

“Girls, girls! There’s no need to fight! Maybe Aunt Pinkie can fix your problems!”

“Well, can you make Lyra have some manners and a sense of order?”

“Bon Bon is just being a cranky bitch, don’t mind her.” Lyra said, walking off down the street.

“Wait! You don’t have to go! Pinkie can make everypony feel better!” Pinkie shouted, as Lyra silently rounded the corner.

“That mare needs to go see a doctor...” Bon Bon said angrily, slamming the door.

“Doctor? Oh no! I completely forgot!”

Pinkie fumbled out from behind her three cupcake balloons and tied them around herself, as she hastily pawed at the air, trying to get to the doctor as quickly as possible without being normal.

*

By the time Pinkie made it to the Doctor’s office 2 blocks away, almost an hour had passed. She untied her cupcake balloons and let them float up into the air and she went down the stairs to get to the front door. She let herself in and signed herself in with the receptionist.

“Mrs. Pie, the doctor wants to see you.” The receptionist called out some seconds after Pinkie sat down, slightly nettling her to have to stand right back up, but she put on a smile nevertheless and bounced into one of the rooms.

“Alright, Pie comma Pinkie, let’s quickly check your blood pressure...” the doctor said strapping a device onto her foreleg that buzzed and squeezed her, like a little creature hugging her.

“Not bad, mmmhmm over 70...” The doctor mumbled, scribbling his thoughts onto a clipboard just like Twilight likes to do. Maybe she wants to be a doctor? Pinkie’s thought was interrupted. “...and now for your booster shots.”

Her blood pressure skyrocketed.

“Heh, don’t worry Pinkie, it’s nothing to... Where’d you go?”

*

Pinkie was hauled back into the room by two muscular security guards, kicking and screaming.

“NOOO! DON’T DO IT! SERIOUSLY! NO PLEASE!” She yells with closed eyes! “I SWEAR IF YOU STICK A NEEDLE IN ME I WILL-“

“Pinkie, I’m done...” the doctor said, holding an empty syringe, placing a childish band-aid with humans on it on her foreleg where the injection was made. Pinkie rubbed her foreleg gingerly, feeling violated, and was led out into the hall by a nurse for a few minutes to weigh her and check her height and her reflexes. The nurse hummed and scribbled on her clipboard, after which she held it up and showed Pinkie the results.

“Not bad Pinkie. You are here” she said, pointing a hoof to a red dot at the top and end of the growth curve. “Your weight is fine in proportion to your height, but be careful because you’re a grown mare now and your body-“

“Uh, Pinkie?” The doctor called back into the hall. “I think you should see this.”

Pinkie happily hopped back into the office and plopped her flank onto a chair.

“I did some blood tests and it appears you have... diabetes.” The doctor said melancholically.

Pinkie’s smile slowly dropped down to her legs.

“I have... diabeetus?”

“Diabetes, yes.”

“D- d- diabeetus?”

“It means you can’t eat sweets anymore or else your pancreas will implode.”

“How do you know?”

“Well for one...” the doctor began condescendingly. “We found bits of frosting in your blood stream.”

Pinkie stood up and left the room; she needn’t hear any more.

“Wait, don’t you want to hear about your treatment options? A free diabetes cookbook?”

A drop of her puffy hair and a desaturation of her coat answered the question for him. In an adjacent room an old gray stallion sat with a cane against his hips. Another doctor with the same standard clipboard entered the room and stood before the old stallion.

"Well it appears your blood work is all clear, but you have a slight anemic issue, and laying off the sweets just a bit might fix that right up."

"Sweets?" the old stallion barked. "I can't have sweets on account of my diabetes!"

The doctor, puzzled, flipped through his clipboard. "What diabetes?"

*

She dragged herself back into the waiting room right into two golden eyes.

“Hi pinkie! Good news! There were rumors I was mentally handicapped floating around, but the doctors did some tests, and it turn out I just have a lazy eye! How embarrassing! But also I think I sprained a wing just now which isn’t good...”

Derpy noticed the defeated look on Pinkie’s face.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes, Derpy, I have diabeetus.”

“Oh, Pinkie! Do you need a hug?”

“Yes please...” she requested, short on breath, and hugged Derpy, tears streaming from her eyes. The words of the doctor rang through her head. “You can’t eat sweets.... can’t eat sweets... can’t sweets.... sweets....”

“Ummm Pinkie... you can let go now...” Derpy offered after a hug that seemed to last 5 minutes. Pinkie kept sobbing in her self-pity on Derpy’s shoulder until she was suddenly interrupted by an ear-piercing rumble as the building shook and the lights went out. Pinkie set her pity aside and ran out the door in a severely exaggerated panic, which was completely unnecessary but infallibly characteristic of Pinkie.

*

Everypony on the street was silent, looking frantically around to try to understand what just happened. Pinkie was in her usual panic mode, but was tuned out by the masses, until a quiet murmur rang through the crowd, as word went around as to what happened. Lyra, who happened to be in the crowd, gasped and galloped at full speed towards the police station. A cover of buildings disabled most from scanning from where the source came from, but a few pegasi were on the roofs of buildings, staring in awe at the source of the loud boom.

Pinkie was too busy screaming and panicking to participate in the spreading of the word, it was only until Applejack, who happened to be nearby, stuffed a hoof in her mouth, the universal sign of “shut up”.

“mffmmummmfgh mff mumpff?”

“Ah’ll tell you what’s happnin if’n you just stop s-“

“ATTENTION EVERYPONY!” Rainbow Dash shouted in a commanding voice. “BY ORDERS OF THE MAYOR MARE, EVERYPONY IS TO EVACUATE TO THE NEAREST NUCLEAR FALLOUT BUNKER; WHICH FOR THIS AREA IS THE BASEMENT OF THE LIBRARY!” She rubbed her throat and flew off farther to continue yelling, while another pegasus pony with orange flight line marshaling batons guided the sparse crowd in the direction of the library.

“ThisissoexcitingweareallgoingtoTwilight’streelibraryhousethingandTwilightwillbethereandSpikeand... *GASP* WE WILL ALL HAVE A SLEEPOVER!” Pinkie spat out, causing Applejack to cringe at her awkwardly.

“Sugarcube, you’re fine and dandy, but do you think you might be able to take this situation a bit more seriously?”

They stepped over the threshold of the door and entered the library, inside which the cool air blew onto them, cooling their bodies, the sweat beading on their foreheads disappearing.

“Everypony, may I have your attention, please?” Twilight asked at the crowd. The banter died down to light mumbling.

“Mayor Mare has asked that everypony stay calm and do not leave the shelter as there is evidence of immediate danger.”

About half of the room gasped when they heard this, some of them who had heard rumors began prematurely confirming them and passing them on.

“Now, I want you all to stay calm and-“

“IS PONYVILLE UNDER ATTACK?” one mare screamed.

“Ummm, by orders of the city I can’t reveal-“

“MY FILLY IS OUTSIDE!” a stallion cried desperately.

“Should anyone be outside, a weather pony will escort them to the nearest fallout shelter, which may not be this one, however everypony will be reunited soon-“

“MOMMY!” one colt screamed, and everypony broke into a loud riot, trampling and running hysterically. Pinkie took out a bag of cake batter which she had stashed in one of the walls and started flinging it around, covering the surrounding ponies in a layer of lemon-flavored goo. An ear-piercing whistle broke the mob.

“EVERYPONY! PLEASE!” Rainbow yelled. “We have to show you this!”

A screen flickered and grains of monochromatic sand pattered the screen, until a circle with the number 4 on it appeared, and slowly wedged away  until a 3 appeared, followed by a 2, and then a 1, and then a black and white movie with a turtle wearing a white helmet and a chorus accompanied by a piano began. “Dum dum, dee doo dum dum, dee doo dum dum, dee doo dum dum...”

“Oh boy a car-“ Pinkie began, but a hoof in her mouth silenced her.

“There was a turtle by the name of Bert” The chorus sang. “And Bert the Turtle was very alert.” Suddenly a monkey with a stick of lit dynamite appeared on the screen. “When danger threatened him he never got hurt; he knew just what to do!” *pop* the dynamite detonated, just as Bert the Turtle hid himself inside his shell. “He’d duck... and cover; he’d duck... and cover. He did what we all must learn to do; You, and you, and you, and you. Duck... and coveeeeeer.” The chorus then began to sing “doo doo doo doo doo to the same tune quietly as a narrator began to speak over.

“Be sure to remember what Bert the Turtle just did, everypony, because every one of us must learn to do the same thing. That’s what this film is all about.” Right as he said that, the words “Duck and Cover” appeared on the screen covering Bert hiding in his shell. “Duck and Cover” The narrator continued.  “This is an official Civil Defense film produced in cooperation with the Imperial Civil Defense Administration (ICDA), and the consultation with the safety commission of the Imperial Education Association. Produced by Equine Productions, Inc. Hey Bert! Come on out and meet all these nice ponies!” Bert still hid in his shell, and his eyes oscillated from side to side within his shell, showing he had no desire of leaving his shell. “Alright, we really can’t blame you. You see, Bert is a very very careful fellow...” he said, as Bert snatched up his helmet and returned it to his head. “When there’s danger, this is the way he keeps from being hurt. Sometimes, it even saves his life.”

The screen faded to a scene of school-aged foals at their desks, with a stallion teaching the class. “That’s why these colts and fillies are practicing to duck and cover, just as you do at your place of shelter. We all know that the world is very dangerous. Since it might turn against us, we must get ready for it, just as we are ready for many other dangers that are around us all the time. Fire is a danger, it can burn whole buildings if somepony is careless.” The scene shifted to a burning building and a firepony sliding down a fire pole. “But we are ready for fires. We have a fine fire department to put out the fire, and you have fire drills so you know what to do. Now, we must be ready for a new dangeaughpffff....” the narrator died down as the screen flickered and died, and the projector huffed and whizzed and spat out black stuff that wound into a ball.

“Well that was interesting...” Twilight said, sitting on her flank, staring unamused at what she had just seen.”

“Oh poor Bert the Turtle!” Pinkie shouted.

“SO WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!” A pony shouted.

“Everypony stay calm, we don’t know for sure!” Rainbow yelled, fumbling with the projector.