Xenobraid Ponycles

Notice: Please read Shulk’s lines as if he were in Smash Brothers and you’ll realize that I’m not being serious at all.

“BACKSLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!”

The two words were all that Applejack heard before falling unconscious, for a man from came out of nowhere and slashed her poor flank with an energy sword.

It was just a regular day at Ponyville when it happened. A blonde human wearing a red jacket and baggy pants fell from the skies and slashed Applejack’s back when the Elements of Harmony gathered to eat lunch together. It had been a normal picnic until he came.

Still managing to swallow one of the apple pies she brought, Applejack fell unconscious, much to the horror of her friends.

“AJ!”

“Applejack!”

But alas, the human did not seem to care much about Applejack, for what he really cared about was feeling a good rhythm going. Whether it be a Mechanical Rhythm or a Pink Light Rhythm, he did not care; he just needed a pretty good rhythm going.

“Who are you?!” Twilight Sparkle, a small purple alicorn princess demanded the human to explain himself. “And what on Equestria do you think you’re doing?!”

The human picked himself up from the ground, shaking his head as he blinked rapidly a few good times. He then turned to Twilight and her friends.

All of a sudden, he pumped a fist as he exclaimed, “My name is Shulk! This must be an unfortunately short Human-In-Equestria story where I get knocked out and sent to your princess after accidentally doing something tragic. BUT!”

Twirling around his Monado stylishly, the man pointed the red blade towards the skies as he announced,

“Today, I shall change this future of mine! You will not imprison me with this endless cycle of putting people under custody of talking horses! You will no longer mind-shamble us humans in these stories!

“YOU WILL KNOW OUR NAMES!”

Everypony stared at the human before them. Clearly, he should have been locked up in an asylum where no one could find him... or maybe at a cupcake-producing factory that could use him as an ingredient. But alas, they had to love and tolerate him.

“Y-You’re telling me,” Rarity, the Element of Generosity asked with her cup of tea dropped on the picnic mat, “that we need to love and tolerate this… thing… that’s spouting out all of this nonsense?”

“Y-Yeah! What's up with that?!” Rainbow Dash stammered nervously. “I mean, this guy literally appeared out of nowhere and hit AJ for no real reason! Twilight, do we really need to-“

The purple alicorn princess gave Rainbow Dash a knowing, yet disapproving look as she whispered, “We need to give him a chance! Though, the fact that he rendered our own friend unconscious with a single attack is alarming…”

Applejack, much to their relief, woke up as soon as Twilight stopped talking. Shaking her head, the pony with the Stetson hat groggily asked her friends, “What happened? Ah swear ah saw somethin’ screamin’ a weird phrase at me-“

As if on cue, Shulk suddenly leapt forward with his blade activated as he slashed Applejack’s back yet again, exclaiming “BACK SLASH!!!” The poor earthpony fell on the ground unconscious yet again.

“Wha- HULK- er, I mean, SHULK!” Twilight Sparkle cried in surprise, almost dragging in another character from another universe into the fray. “What’re you DOING?!”

Shulk himself raised his hands in alarm, one of them holding onto the Monado, as he mentally berated himself. Glancing between the dazed Applejack and the frightened Elements of Harmony, the wielder of the Monado explained,

“I have a case of Back Slash Syndrome! It happens only when I see orange horses wearing Stetson hats with tattoo on their asses!”

Pinkie Pie looked as if she doubted Shulk for a brief moment. And such results was an achievement, considering how bubbly and random the pink pony normally was. But, being the Element of Laughter she was, the party pony decided to cleanse his mind by leaping up to him with a freshly batched cupcake that came out of nowhere.

“Here, Shulk-thingy!” The pony with a puffy mane exclaimed happily. “Take this cupcake and feel nicer!”

And Shulk did feel awesome, for he saw a vision of her flying towards him too quickly. The blonde man raised his Monado, only to collide with the happy party pony. A blue glow surrounded him and the now confused Element of Laughter.

Stepping away from the pony with his blade raised by his hip, the swordsman suddenly dashed forwards and slashed upward, propelling Pinkie Pie against the bark of a convenient tree. Had the tree not been there, she probably would have flown over the Everfree Forest.

“Sh-SHULK!” Twilight screamed. “CALM DOWN! STOP ATTACKING EVERYPONY! WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU!”

The Monado Boy stopped moving forward as he lowered his blade. Shulk, however, seemed to realize that the ponies were indeed harmless to him. Heck, he had no idea on why he decided to foresee Pinkie Pie crashing into him with a cupcake and proceed to counter that out of all things.

“I guess I-“

Right at that moment, an apple fell on his head.

“HOW COULD YOU?!!?!” Shulk suddenly screamed, startling the four conscious ponies. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I TRUSTED YOU!”

“W-Wait, Shulk! It’s just an apple!”

“NO, IT’S NOT! IT’S AN APPLE THAT CHANGED THE FUTURE!”

The Elements of Harmony realized reforming Discord was ten thousand times easier than making sense out of Shulk. Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash- who remained surprisingly silent the whole time-, and Fluttershy stood still, their mouths open in awe at the Monado Boy’s magnificently unquestionable(?) logic.

“You know what?!” Rainbow Dash finally exclaimed, looking extremely angry with the human’s actions. “You’re not a cool guy! Don’t make me knock the living daisies out of you!”

Shulk blinked.

He then remained silent for ten whole seconds.

“…Did that scare him?” Rainbow asked her friends with a confused look.

“No,” Shulk answered without getting out of his blank stare. “I’m just thingken 'bout Fiora.”

Every conscious pony tilted their heads (except for Fluttershy) as they uttered “Huh?”

“I’m thingken 'bout Fiora.”

“Um… can you rephrase that, Shulk?” Twilight asked, still frightened by his presence.

Suddenly, the image of Fiora’s ripe melons getting stabbed by Metal Face made Shulk scream incoherently. In fact, he focused so much on screaming, he unconsciously charged towards the ponies.

“Not on my watch!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed as she flew up into the air before flying straight towards Shulk. But yet again, Shulk raised his Monado right before she collided against him. A blue glow formed around the two as Shulk raised his blade by his hip… onto to realize that Rainbow Dash was so fast, she was able to attack him anyway.

“AGH!”

Shulk flew backward as he tumbled on the beautiful, pastel-like grass. Somehow using a hand to stop his tumbling, Shulk raised his blade up to his chest, clearly disturbed by Rainbow Dash’s speed.

But if it was speed, he would prevail! The empty, circular gap above the Monado’s handle formed a blue, glowing sign, and the blonde human grinned.

“Now it’s Shulk Time!”

Everypony took that as a bad sign.

Shulk began to run in circles around the Elements of Harmony. Taken aback by his speed, the cyan Pegasus grit her teeth as she began to fly in circles as well, albeit at a much smaller radius in order to protect her friends. They spun wildly, two rings of blue forming around the three frightened Elements of Harmony.

“U-Umm!!! Guys?!” Twilight whimpered as Fluttershy hid herself closer to the bookworm. “GUYS?!”

“A-A-Are we going to die…?” Rarity whispered, the sheer thought of losing her fashionable life terrifying her.

Then, a miracle happened.

A bad miracle.

Shulk caught Rainbow Dash in her flight as he slashed upwards right when she got closer to him. His feet smashing themselves on the ground, the Monado’s blue glow turned green as Shulk suddenly leapt at an extremely high height. The man slashed relentlessly at Rainbow Dash, who only flew higher and higher the more he attacked her.

“AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH! AIR SLASH!”

And every time he cried “AIR SLASH,” he would attack her twice for some goddamn reason. Rainbow Dash felt her body grow weaker, her eyes barely able to keep themselves open as he attacked her.

“NO! SHULK! STOP!!!” Twilight screamed, horrified at the sight of her friend being mercilessly pummeled in the air. But Shulk could not stop. He felt a good rhythm going.

To finish his spree of Air Slashes, the blonde human leapt forward in the air, bringing his blade down on the poor Pegasus. The blade dragged Rainbow Dash down as Shulk fell towards the ground.

“BACK SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!”

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!”

But to Twilight’s sorrow, Shulk landed, and so did Rainbow- head-first. The cyan Pegasus grit her teeth, her eyes wide open as she felt Shulk’s blade protrude out of her back for a split moment. Shulk, however, was merciful and pulled his energy blade out of her. Rainbow Dash’s body trembled before she lay still, unconscious.

How the hell she remained alive after the onslaught of attacks, no one knew, but Shulk still felt happy for winning a battle. The human pumped a fist as he proclaimed,

“I’M REALLY FEELING IT!”

“STOP, STOP, STOP! PLEASE, STOP, SHULK!” Twilight begged...

...only to have the Monado stab her face, propelling the bookworm away to the tree where Pinkie Pie had become unconscious at. She somehow kept her face well-intact even though Shulk stabbed it with an energy sword.

“NOW IT’S SHULK TIME!”

Rarity screeched, “You mean it already WASN’T Shulk Time?!”

At her words, Shulk raised his free hand, staring at a watch strapped around his wrist.

There were no numbers or Roman numerals; only Shulk Times.

“Would you look at that?” Shulk said with a grin. “Looks like Shulk Time isn’t ending any sooner!”

With that said, the Monado Boy ran off to Ponyville, leaving two frightened Elements of Harmony trying to wake their unconscious friends up.

“AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-“

“HAH!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“

“AIR SLASH!”

“WAIT! STOP! THAT’S MY SON-“

“BACK SLASH!”

“N-NO! PLEASE, NOT MY DAUGHT-“

“LET’S GOOOOOOOOO!!! AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL- AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SL-AIR SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHH!!!!!”

No matter who came in his way, Shulk prevailed. Whether it be blue horses or green horses or red horses, he came out of his battles(?) unscathed. The Monado Boy wiped a sweat rolling down his forehead with a sleeve, enjoying the fresh air of the burning Ponyville.

Wait.

The whole place was burning.

“I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, MONADO BOYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

Shulk turned around, facing… Metal Face! How the heck did he have the time to wait for Shulk in a world filled with talking horses?

Needless to say, Shulk jumped and killed Metal Face within 3.14 seconds, making Metal Face’s appearance almost as worthy as a cameo.

“This is a good result!” Shulk said as he landed on the ground, looking around the burning Ponyville.

But it was then that something crazy happened!

A white alicorn flew down towards the ground with a dark-blue alicorn by its side. With beautiful manes that reflected the beauty of the sun and moon, the two alicorns glared at Shulk.

Celestia wordlessly fired a bolt of energy at Shulk alongside her sister, Luna, but alas, it was the Monado Boy they were dealing with. Their channels of energy were swiftly avoided by the human, who proceeded to get closer to them with Monado in hand.

“I can change the future!” Shulk exclaimed. “Take this! Monado…”

Extending his blade’s length to the point where it could touch the stratosphere, Shulk raised his blade above his head. Celestia and Luna stared at the gigantic pillar of light that was the blade of the Monado.

Luna muttered under her breath,

“Holy sh-“

"BUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Equestria was destroyed, Colony 9 was destroyed, Super Smash Brothers was destroyed, and every single black hole to exist in space formed white holes. And soon, the entire universe was turned into the Monado Boy’s territory, eliminating the infinitely large swamp of Shrek and shattering the eternal foe of sanity, 4chan. Feedback on Shulk’s story became increasingly negative because Rainbow Dash was attacked by someone other than Pinkie Pie, and all ponies in the plane of existence turned into G3 horses. And the so-mentioned plane of existence turned into a planet filled with everything life had to offer.

Spike turned into Reyn and complained about how he wasn’t feeling it at all.

But even then, an enemy awaits! Just who could have prevented themselves from being affected by the Monado Buster? What did Fluttershy even do, anyway?

We can only know in Xenobraid Ponycles X.