Between Worlds

An ordinary morning, it's time to get up, do something, and make life proud. The sun is glaring. The streets are crowded with chattering people, the highways are roaring and the air is still bearable to breath in. This is Earth I live in. And it's the only home I have.

I'm a hard-working employee in my company. My job is to arrange papers and make presentations, that's all I do. I watch My Little Pony and I'm a brony. But I don't tell my workmates that I watch a little girl's cartoon, they'll just laugh and mock at me for who I am. Day by day, I struggle. I eat, work and sleep. Just like a normal human would do.

But there's something bothering me throughout my entire life. I have this problem that I could not bear to live with. And that problem I have is, interacting with the people I encounter everyday, except for my friends. If I ask why this is a problem in my life, that is because the people I speak with is not really the problem, but myself.

I don't know why this happened to me or why did it appear into my life. Is it just me or is my brain just really that stupid. I can't even speak a complete sentence without me, getting nervous and thinking negatively about the person speaking to me. The only words I can utter is "Yes", "Um.", "No...", "Okay.", "Bye". I look like Fluttershy from My Little Pony. A pony who is shy around other ponies and can't speak a single word in front of many crowds. Unfortunately, there is no cure for this problem.

Will this problem be a part of my life forever?

I am carrying an imaginary burden into my life. I just can't make it disappear. It keeps coming back like a rain with heavy thoughts. My brain has its own mindset. I feel like I can't control it because I'm too weak to realize that it's just my imagination.

Why am I like this?

One day, while I was arranging my papers in my office. My boss requested me to make a presentation in a social campaign on how to improve one's self and how to interact with other people to help a person cope with anxiety. And it really scared me. My heart raced like Rainbow Dash.

How can I remove a person's problem when I can't find my solution to my own problem?

I am going to speak in public in front of many crowds explaining how to cope with anxiety. My mind just blurted out thoughts that I couldn't even control it.

What if I said the words incorrectly?

What if I get panic attacks during the presentation?

My brain was flooded with negative thoughts, just like when Twilight was anxious about her studies and she needs to find a friendship problem before sun down. Truly, this was a dark time for me.

I had no idea what to do. I can't think of anything that can help for my presentation. I asked my friends for an idea but they couldn't think of anything either. I was literally trapped in a cage, full of terror and negativity. But I still kept a positive side of me. I went outside to gather ideas and inspire myself without talking to other people.

I spent a few hours of strolling in the streets. But I still can't create any sort of idea. The Internet didn't help me either. I can't inspire myself with this kind of situation. I avoided several groups of people in the streets but I just smiled and nodded when they spoke to me. Earth is very hard for me to fit and live in, but it's the only home I have.

My heart is pumping so fast. My brain is flooded. There is no escaping this. I need to make the presentation. If I didn't finish this presentation, I would probably get fired from my job. It's the only one I've had. Well, it's better than nothing. Even if it's bad.

A few days passed, I showed my example of the presentation, and just as I expected. My boss was disappointed and angry at the same time. My body froze as he chided me. My eyes were glued on the floor. My mouth was trembling in fear. My anxiety was taking advantage of me at that time. How could I do something like this If I have this problem?

As my boss started to calm down, he said as he sighed to me "Fortunately, the campaign is postponed due to a 2-week holiday coming up. Members of the campaign will take the holiday as a break and get the things done. I hope this will give you the time to finish the presentation for the campaign. I'm sorry if I got angry at you. People with anxiety and the company is depending on you. I know you can do it. Try asking people for opinions about anxiety, maybe they can help you out. You can go home now." I was going to talk about my anxiety but I left the office quickly and just went home. The presentation was really bad, let alone the idea.

I saw my home across the street, I feel like I was all alone again, my worries vanished and no more negative thoughts. My body was filled with stress and sweat. It was so nerve-wrecking. I lied on the bed and I could feel my body relax and stretch as my brain and heart rest. But I still have work do to.

I always wondered if living in Equestria is much better than Earth. I mean, no one in Equestria will ever judge you on how you look and how you interact with them. But I'll face it, Equestria doesn't even exist. This is reality, it would take a huge miracle or some sort of magic in order for that to happen.

I don't know why but I know that out there. Out there in the Universe I live in. Equestria exists. Where ponies live together in harmony. I know there are some bronies out there too that Equestria exists for them. Believe or not, I wish I could live in Equestria forever and live in a carefree life. I'm always imagining things when I get stressed.

But...

There's something that I didn't expected to see with my own eyes.