Rest and Relaxation

Back in the service, guys used to like to brag about sleeping with two mares. Yards McCanter now knew they were full of road apples.
Starfall was on his left. She was curled up in a fetal ball around a stuffed bee Yards had won at the Mairephis Summerbration. Whimpering, she was so afraid she had climbed halfway up his back, trying to get closer to him. Ever since their fight in the base where they'd been attacked by smooze she just hadn't been able to sleep alone. The problem was the fear from her nightmares made her almost impossible to sleep next to. She began to kick out in fear and her indigo left wing smacked him in the back of his head. Her long, silvery tail thrashed under the covers.

If he could, he'd roll over and hold her. If only to keep her from beating him any more senseless. But then there's the other problem. Toffee Chips. The adventures of the librarian of Ponyville had had the opposite effect. She had grown bolder. Gone from a meek little mare to camped out right up against him, almost like Delta would have. She was picking up all the worst traits of her changeling “friend.” Yards wasn’t sure if it was just they had gotten closer or if she was still feeling guilty about turning her over to the Inquisition.

If he rolled over to see to Starfall he'd have to kick Toffee. If he wanted to scratch the itch on his head he'd kick Starfall. If he just wanted to regain feeling in his left rear leg he'd wake one of them. Overall it was a lot less fun than what he would have been led to believe.
The train car jerked and popped, giving him a slight chance to wiggle out from in between the duo. Starfall had used her contacts with the rail lines to get them two private sleeper cars. Unfortunately, the rail line had been overbooked and they were all crammed into one car. Luckily the trip from Mairephis to Canterlot was only two days and a night. Once there, he’d check in with Princess Luna, then head home, back to Sweet Apple Acres.

Well, that wasn’t really true. He’d go try and track down little Rhubarb Salad, make sure she was okay at Rarity’s school then find her mom down in Sun Butt’s dungeon and check on her.

He walked out of the car and closed the door silently behind him. Walking down the hallway, he made his way to the lounge car. There were a few other ponies in the room, but it was a Monday night, so the crowd was subdued. Most of them had the look of ponies that were used to being up all night or still too messed up from the Summerbration to sleep.

He ordered a strawberry and carnation fizz from the bar then started grumbling about the price. Shortages from the devastation of a decade-long civil war meant ponies could charge almost any price for food. His work at Sweet Apple Acres was to try to improve harvests to alleviate this problem, but it was the type of problem that was too big for one pony.

“Finished already?” asked an amused voice behind him. A red pegasi walked by and sat across the table from him. “I’d figure those two would have kept you up for a while.”

“I got tired of being smacked by wings all night.”

Astro Rey laughed, then waved at the bartender. “That’s why you got to bind them down.”

Yards closed his eyes. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." He took a long drink as the bartender brought Astro's beer over. The former Shadowbolt tipped the bartender and took a drink from his bottle.

“So, I hear there was some drama at the start of the last mission. You okay?”

Yards sighed and crunched an ice cube. “I thought I was. You know, when I started this. I mean, most of it was just hypothetical. ‘Be vigilant and watch over the Apple family, they may yet bear fruit once more.’ I got comfortable.” He smiled to himself. “She’s a cutie too. I mean, the best way to ‘watch the Apple family’ would be from the inside,” The stallions snickered slightly at the innuendo, “ but. I mean, until the whole Spike thing started us off I never really considered it possible. Now,” his eyes lost focus as he looked outside into the night sky, “now...I’m responsible for their lives. They’re doing horribly dangerous things and even basic things like riding in a train have become dangerous. I really dropped the ball and now everything’s road apples.”

Astro scoffed then finished his beer. “Look, I know it looks like Shining’s got his ducks in a row, but that’s only because you’ve dealt with me and Messer. You don’t know what he goes through with Catty and Aurora.” He shook his head with a sad smile and ordered a fresh round for the table. “Catty doesn’t mean to, but she’s so spacey that she drives him crazy. Do you guys have a laughter yet?”
Yards shrugged and thanked the bartender for bringing his new drink over. “As far as I knew I was supposed to be finding replacements for the three missing ones. I was never really looking for a laughter.”

“Yeah, this one time, we were supposed to go to this formal banquet in Neighbraska. Right before the feast she slipped into the kitchen and they had these butternut squash that were huge and they were stuffed with all these peppers and rice and stuff, well she pulled out all the stuffing and replaced it with corndogs.”

Yards sat his drink down and looked at his compatriot. “You’re kidding.”

With a grin Astro continued. “Nope. Shining was so pissed. He almost said something unkind.”

Yards snickered.

“Some days I think she does it on purpose. I just don’t understand why.”

“She’s a mare, they’re all insane.”

“That’s why I date eagresses.”

Yards considered going back to his room. That would mean being slapped repeatedly by wings. Still, the night was wearing on and he’d have to appear before the princesses when he got back to the castle. He sighed, not sure if it would be worth it. The few night crew were already starting to file out of the gently rocking car. Astro decided it was about that time.

“Well, good luck getting any sleep. Though I bet if you asked nicely they’d help you with tiring yourself out.” He grinned as he slid out of the bench.

“Yeah, that’s part of the problem.” Yards slipped out of the other bench. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about them.”

Astro waved with his head for the light green unicorn turned earth pony to follow him outside. The back of the cart had a couple of patio tables bolted down for pegasi to stretch their wings and feel the air push it’s way through their feathers. He took the side of the table with more wind as he opened his wings slightly. “Alright, buddy, what’s going on?”

There was nopony else here and the wind noise meant nopony could hear even if there was. They could talk in private. Yards sat down and sighed.

“Well, I...I never dated in school. When I went to college, it wasn’t much better. I had to spend an entire semester in remedial magical classes. In an unicorn college that’s just a huge ‘special ed’ cloud hanging over my head.”

“But, it’s college, mares are everywhere, surely there were some somewhere in the liberal arts department.”

Yards laughed. “I went to a thaumaturgical university with an emphasis in engineering. All eight mares there ranged from negative four to six and were engaged in a week of being there.”

Astro laughed as well. “Ah, and then you went into the military as an officer and yeah, anti-fraternization rules. Yeah I see the problem.”

Yards nodded, absently twiddling his hooves to do something with them. “Yeah. Now all of a sudden I’m covered up. I like them all. I, I do love them, but…”

Astro whistled softly. “Well, buddy, I tell you what, I know what Messer would say: ‘Pick one and get it over with.’”

“What if I pick the wrong one?”

“There’s no such thing.”

“Sure there is. One of them means things will go the best. Others mean things might go okay, but way more struggle than it might be worth, others...well, might seem good at start, but close all the other doors and then not work out and then I’m alone again.”

“That’s what dating is for. To find out which is which.”

Yards sighed, looked down. He said something, but it was lost to the wind and clacking of the tracks.

“What was that, buddy?”

“What’s it like dating a non-pony?”

He gave him a curious look, then slowly, understanding dawned. “You know I’ve always been kinda curious about dating a changeling. You’d think all that stupid crap normal mares put you through to prove you love them just wouldn’t pop up in the relationship. She’d know you loved her because she wasn’t hungry.”

“Yeah, but, you know. You couldn’t ever have your own family. She’d be forced to be completely reliant on you or else the Inquisition would take her. Not to mention she’s rather bossy and kinda clingy.”

“Yet she risked her life to try and ‘save’ you.”

Yards nodded. “I hope she’s okay.”

“Isn’t there something about loving something so set it free?”

Yards nodded. “That I did. Did anypony ever give you any real problems with dating griffons?”

“Besides Catty?”

Yards nodded.

“Well, yeah. I get a lot of dirty looks from mares. Of course, there’s a lot of sadness in those looks too.”

Yards gave him a curious look. “Why?”

“Because they’re lonely, I guess. And they see their own loneliness.”

Yards spun his empty glass in his hooves. “A little poetic, eh?”

“A little, but, oh, right. Yards you’re an anomaly, buddy. When you had leave and you and your buddies all went into town, weren’t you swarmed then?”

“I was in a hidden, underground bunker for years. Before that, Lunari shift.”

Astro nodded. “That I understand. Having a social life while everypony else is asleep isn’t easy. Well, before that you said there was no mares at your college and apparently no mares in your town or something?”

“Me and two of my cousins were the only unicorns. They weren’t ‘allowed’ to date us.”

“WHAT?”

“My dad was a unicorn with an earth pony’s power to grow things. Just being good at his job made a lot of ponies mad. So the other earth ponies weren’t allowed to play with us.”

Astro gave him a strange look. “That explains so much about you. What about the pegasi?”

“There weren’t any in town. There was a couple of families that worked the county and handled the weather, but that was about it.”

Astro shook his head. “Now that you’re finally in the real world, you don’t know how to handle it?”

“What?”

“Let’s just say your problem is increasingly common.”

Yards headed back to the door. “Well, I’m gonna hit the straw. We’ve got to appear before the Princesses tomorrow. Thanks for letting me talk some.” He’d had enough sharing for now. He really didn’t know Astro that well. But still, it was good to talk to somepony with testosterone. He really needed some guy friends in his life.

“Alright, get some rest, see you tomorrow.”
________________________________________________________________

The train pulled into Canterlot station. It was nearing twilight; a most auspicious time for the teams of the sun and moon to arrive together. There was a small squad of soldiers waiting at the platform. The soldiers saluted as the two teams dismounted the train. Reflexively the stallions returned the salutes. Privates came out and took the bags and put them in a small cart. The procession walked quickly and with minimal fanfare to the castle using back roads..

The setting sun glistened off Messer’s orichalcum wings. The reflection of the sunlight danced on his pale grey, close cropped mane and dark pewter coat. The drab colors of his coat were contrasted with the bright blue of his eyes. His cutie mark was a white blade with one wing in sinister.

Yards noticed that his eyes were the same color blue as Toffee Chips. Given her dunish tan coat and white mane and tail he wondered if they weren’t related. Probably not directly, but some sort of cousin. He’d learned on the train ride that Toffee’s black stripes in her mane was cosmetic. Nuzzling her sleeping form had given him a good view of her roots.

Shining debriefed with the soldiers on what had happened in town in his absence. There was a smaller corporal that had overflowing saddlebags of reports reading them to the prince. It was amazing how well the corporal could walk, fumble papers, push his glasses back up, and hold up the report he was reading from all without losing his place. He was in uniform, but not barde, so his coat was it’s natural light blue with his dark brown mane clipped short. His cutie mark was hidden under his uniform.

The procession lead straight to the castle proper where most of the entourage peeled off, with their luggage. Toffee squeaked in protest. Starfall was overwhelmed by the grandeur of the castle. “They’re in the west wing. The Alabaster Salon,” the corporal told them. The stallions nodded. The Alabaster Salon was known to them. It was used sporadically as a “semi-formal” audience chamber. It was the type of place the princesses met with long familiar dignitaries, or advisors on matters that mattered but weren’t to be part of the common record.

Yards and Shining had no problem finding it. Their years of service here meant they knew exactly where to go. The others followed along, all were rubbernecking to one degree or another. This wasn’t an area that most ponies got to go into, not even the two ‘bolts.

The Alabaster Salon was by normal pony standards large. In the palace, it was “cozy.” The walls and floors were covered in a pure white alabaster. Around the room were tasteful sculptures. There were dark tapestries and blue and gold area rugs on the floor to provide a sharp contrast and to show the influence of the little sister. At one end were two occupied divans of equal size and height. One was of polished ebony, the other clear sealed cherry. In front of them was a low sitting, long table. Down each side were sitting cushions. There were bowls of fruit on the table.

As they filed into the room Yards saw a heavy crystal box by the door. It’s gilded stand held it up neck high. The inside was an angled cushion covered in royal purple felt. Resting on the felt were two gems, two necklaces and two empty holes. Five settings were arranged around a sixth in a circular pattern. The two necklaces were at the bottom. A balloon on the left, a diamond on the right. The two crystals were at the top and right. These were the Elements of Harmony. With Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s death their elements had reverted back to simple crystals. Rarity and Pinkie’s elements were in the case. Fluttershy’s had disappeared with her into the Everfree and Twilight’s had disappeared from her head with her death.

The others had seated themselves while he’d been distracted. Quickly he realized everypony was waiting on him and he hurried across the table to the last remaining cushion.

Luna and Celestia were both smiling down from their divans. Celestia spoke first: “You all did an excellent job, my little ponies. Though the nature of this endeavor forces us to keep it from the public know that we are grateful.”

Luna floated a small box in front of Yards. “In recognition to you finding a way to stop the smooze and saving your compatriots, we doth grant you the boon of a raise in status. We hereby acknowledge the rank of Captain upon you. Congratulations.” There was polite clapping from around the table.

Yards took the box from the air and opened it. It was a third of a moon. When worn beside the other two pins making a half moon of his rank it would create a gibbous moon of the Captain. Self-consciously he tried to stop grinning.

“As Yards noticed,” Celestia began again, “we have brought the Elements out once again. The time is coming that their use will be required once more. But first they must be reunited. Soon the fifth element will return to us, but you have time to rest and recover. Shining I’m sure that you’d like to see your parents.”

He nodded. “I haven’t seen them in a while. If it’s okay with you.”

She smiled “Certainly. Those that would like to stay in the barracks are free to do so, though we’ve got a modest home inside Canterlot proper setup for you all if you’d rather something more quiet and out from underhoof.”

Starfall schoffed. “Who wouldn’t want to stay in the castle? It’s amazing!” The princesses smiled at the praise to their home.

Luna pulled a cord beside her divan. “Verily, it does have other accoutrements as well.”

“Yes, something to eat would be a good idea,’ agreed her sister.

Yards could smell the food before the small train of ponies brought it in. Trays of bread and soups were carried in by ponies from the kitchen staff. Then at the end was a white earth pony with a red and pink mane who came in wearing a navy blue dress with a white pinafore carrying in familiar smelling apple bread. No. It couldn’t be.

“APPLE!” Yards cleared the table easily and tackled the mare. There were two impacts right after. Feathers flew from the collisions. There was relieved laughter, squeezings and tears everywhere. Slowly the four ponies untangled themselves and that was when Yards realized he was kissing Apple Rhubarb. He pulled away, blushing brighter than her hair. “Wha? Are you okay?”

She nodded. Herself blushing, then a look of concern crossed her face. She reached up and brushed Yard’s bangs away from his forehead and looked on in horror at the stump of a horn protruding from his skull

Toffee renewed her hug on her long lost friend and Yard’s malady was forgotten for the moment as she returned her friend’s affections..

“Oh, Apple, we thought you were in the dungeon!”

“Nay, why would I do such?” asked Luna. “Keeping ponies locked up is expensive. Service is far more befitting somepony with her potential.”

“The dress is adorable, too,” added Starfall taking her turn at more hugs.

“Hey, guys, why don’t we give them some alone time,” offered Shining. The other three stallions bowed to Celestia and Luna then made their ways out.

“I believe my sister wishes to have some words alone with you, if you wish to stay I will see you tomorrow.” Celestia rose to her long legs and walked out, leaving Yards alone with the four mares. Yards watched the groups walk out when he thought he saw one of the crystals twitch. Could it really be?

“Yards, you vexed me.” Luna loomed over the other ponies. Her scowl let it be clear she was displeased. “My sister had to motivate my champion to do my bidding. Know you how much face you lost me with that stunt?”

“I’m sorry, Your Royal Highness.” He bowed low to her. “I never meant any disrespect. I just…”

Luna smiled. “But upstaging my sister’s team only showed that I was correct in choosing you.” The two pegasi stared in terror at the princess. “Oh, don’t be concerned. Even we princesses engage in sibling rivalry.” Yards knew that smile. She was hiding sorrow behind her public mask. All Lunari Observers learned to look for it.

“Are you alright, My Princess?”

Luna held her smile. Happiness tugged at the corner of her eyes. “Of course, Captain.”

Despite himself, he looked down and grinned to himself. He noticed Apple Rhubarb smiled at him when his new title was spoken.
“Princess,” Yards looked back at Luna. “The Elements…I think I saw one of them move.”

This time Luna’s smile was genuine. “Yes, as your friendship grows and you come to realize your true natures, they will resonate more with you.” Her accent had changed, she was relaxing to drop the formal speech she used in front of crowds and to speak in the manner she would around her guards and few friends. The happiness then drained from her, though she did a great job of hiding it. Yards doubted the mares would pick up on it. “Truly, It’s too bad you never found your laughter. Though it was never my element. I’m not sure-there is a problem here in town.” A blunt transition. Whatever came next was likely the truth. Luna was nowhere the statespony her sister was, though she tried. “Stores and shop owners are being attacked. It’s why we got the house ready, that way you could have an inconspicuous location to work from. You’ll likely be working with some of Shining’s team...getting to know them…making friends with them.”
“Your Royal Highness, Astro said they were ‘our competition.’ What does that mean?” Starfall addressed Luna directly for the first time and with some visual trepidation.

Luna sighed and walked over to the Elements. For a while she just stared into their case. “When one bonds with the Elements…” She was thinking hard, trying to explain something for ponies that had no point of reference. “They’re...alive. But not like a pony. Each is a fragment of the whole, but still with their own defining characteristics. They communicate with us. Not so much in words but, feelings. My sister says that while we were in restitution, they helped her guide the creation of Ponyville so that the new generation of elementals could be born in time to save me.” Softly she caressed the case.

“How, Your Royal Highness?” asked Toffee.

“They exist, differently, in time. They can see those times that they’re needed and can guide the bearers to those times. It usually takes the form of sudden insight centered on the elements. Other parts of one’s life, they remain silent on.” The pain and bitterness in her voice sent shivers up Yard’s spine.

“So, Your Royal Highness, how is Astro ‘competition?” Starfall prodded her back onto her question.
Luna looked back at the ponies in the room. “Please, you may simply call me ‘Luna’. Yards only calls me that when he’s concerned for my well being.” She gave him a pointed look.

“I hate to see you so sad. You are my little princess.” He tried to smile at his joke, but anyone who got it just groaned slightly.
“You do due diligence.” She sighed before speaking again. “Equestria has come to a crossroad. How the sixth element will make manifest will depend on which of the two stallions learns his true element first. It will determine Equestria’s direction. We have charged them with gathering up others to become their friends. To aid him. To care for him. To grow with him.”

“I’m the sixth element?”

Luna nodded. “That is why you are my champion, as Shining is my sister’s.”

“So, I’m the new magic?”

Luna shook her head. “No. The sixth element changes with every manifestation. For us, it was ‘obligation.’ Equestria needed our sense of duty to establish order from Discord’s chaos. It was why it punished me. I forsook my obligations.”

“So, then,” Toffee was putting things together, “if I’m the new Honesty, or might be the one, do we know what the others are?”

“Your counterpart is the other unicorn in Shining’s coterie. It has been fairly obvious to us that our Apple is Loyalty. Her complement is the pegasus Messer.”

“What am I?”

Luna looked at Starfall. “You have not solidified yourself yet. Though you and Astro compete for Kindness.”

“So then we both need to find a laughter and a generosity?” Toffee was writing down a character list.

“Generosity has been found, though she’s not ready for her burden.”

“There’s only one?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“So, then, wait. Shining’s team has a laughter?” Toffee was drawing lines to names, creating a web of relationships.

“Yes.”

“Is she the zebra?”

“Yes.”

“Uh, she’s a zebra, not a pony.” pointed out Yards.

Luna regarded him with eyes straining to hide her sorrow. “Does your friendship have such limitations?”

“Uh, well, I only talked to her for a little bit, but she seems okay.” Yards scratched his mane in confusion.

“So, then Yards needs to make friends with this zebra?” Starfall was catching up with everypony else.

“I think Delta would say something about ‘what base does he have to get to with the zebra?’’” poked Toffee.

Yards blushed a deep red. “Yeah. Look, I’m sorry about how I’ve treated all of you. You all deserve better and, well that’s...I’m sorry. I mean, if you all are going to be my friends and our friendship is going to be what saves Equestria...I don’t want to come between you all. I-I want to not,” words were failing him. He’d tied himself and the others into huge knots. “I’d love to be in a relationship with any of you, but I don’t want to hurt the others, so, I’m…”

Apple Rhubarb walked up to the fumbling stallion. Softly she looked him in the eye, then slapped him across the face. “You think you’re so important? Look. We’re friends. Me, Toffee, okay Starfall and I didn’t spend much time together yet but something tells me she wouldn’t be hurt if you and me or Toffee started a relationship. Friendship is stronger than that. You aren’t that important. Well, okay, you’re important, but, ‘Sisters Before Misters.’”

Starfall walked up beside Apple. “Uh, yeah, look. You’re nice. You’re smart, strong, but I’ve never said anything about wanting a relationship with you. You’re old and kinda lame and that you wanted a relationship with me is kind of creepy.”

Toffee walked up onto the other side of Apple. “What was it you said to me in Mairephis? ‘I care enough about you that I want you to be happy.’ Do you think you have the monopoly on that sentiment?”

Yards sat down, hanging his head in shame. “Sooo…how do we, go about this?”

“Well, lets get to our new place, first. That way we can get some rest. You look horrible, Yards.” Apple reached out to Yards in forgiveness. He smiled at her.

“Yeah, I haven’t slept well the last few nights. So, where is it?” Yards had taken a nap on the train, but the movement and activity kept waking him. He could use a good night’s sleep.

“1312 Mockingbird.”

Yards bowed to Princess Luna, “By your leave, Your Royal Highness.” While Luna strove to make ponies friendly with her, she enjoyed any show of supplication.

“Sleep well, my little ponies.” Luna nodded to her followers.

Yards cringed but said nothing. They walked out of the room and closed the door behind them. Hidden doors in the Salon would lead the Princess to other areas of the castle, allowing her passage through the castle away from star struck ponies getting underhoof.
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” squealed Starfall. Speaking of star struck ponies, “We met both Princesses!” She held her forehooves by her face and her whole body shook in excitement. Toffee grabbed her hooves and gushed incoherently. Together they bounced up and down in the air squealing in excitement. Yards just watched, waiting for the excitement to wash over them and settle down. It was a common occurrence the first time a pony met the believed divine princesses.

“They talked to us! We talked to them!” Even Toffee Chips was incoherent with excitement.

“Luna knows who we are!” Starfall giggled maniacally.

Yards turned to Apple. “She treated you well?”

Apple nodded as they began to walk to the front door while the pegasi zoomed around the hallway in the air. “I haven’t been able to see my girl yet, but I’m free to go about the palace grounds and with you to the house. Apparently she’s filled some paperwork that says you’re basically my parole officer.”

Yards rolled his eyes. “Would have been good to have told me.”

“I just did.” She smiled at him. “Yards, I heard that Trixie…”

“Cut my horn off?”

She nodded.

“Doctors say in another couple of months it’ll grow back enough for me to do magic again.”

“You!’ Starfall landed on top of Yards’ back. “You know her to where she know’s how you are when you’re worried about her!”

Yards nodded. “Yeah. I served with her for most of my military career.” Yards saluted the guards at the front gate. “I could really use a good night's rest.”

The guard looked at him. “You and me both, Captain.” Yards thought he recognized the guard. He was a fellow Observer. His response let him know that Luna’s unease had been noticed and was being monitored. Excellent. They walked out into the cooler night air. It was still muggy summer air, but the heat of the day had passed and Luna’s cool caress had begun.

“So, how did you meet the Princesses?” Starfall asked from his back. It was kind of nice carrying her there, though Yards wouldn’t admit it. It was intimate. Her whole body draped across him, her pegasi magic lifted her just enough that she wasn’t encumbering, but still felt solid.

“Well, I needed a way to pay for college, so I went with the military tuition reimbursement plan. Near the end of boot Celestia came for her personal inspection. That’s when she saw my cutie mark. She, made a joke about me being branded with her hoof.”

Apple guided them through the increasingly old streets to their new “home” while Yards kept an eye out for any trouble. The pegasi were too starstruck to be paying attention to their surroundings.

Toffee flew down to the ground and looked at Yards’ flank. He didn’t really talk about his cutie mark much. It was a hoof, reaching out to touch Celestia’s. An homage of one of the great works of art.

“So, she specially requests that I be brought in as one of the Royal Guard. After I got there she introduces me to Luna. She…”he stopped before he told them about his orders to observe Luna for any evidence of a return of Nightmare Moon. That was top secret and nopony’s business.

“So why would Celestia have requested you for her guard then give you to Luna?”

Yards did his best to keep his voice even. “Because Luna needed me more.” He sighed through his nose and watched a shadow. “You see…” he sighed again, momentarily distracted and having to regain how he was going to explain this and not commit sacrilege. “The princesses are old. Not just old, but really old. It’s really hard for them. So many ponies come and go in their lives. We guards are the ones they see and interact with the most. Our biggest function isn’t guarding the castle, but in guarding the princesses’ grasp of pomanity. They do love us,” he immediately tried to correct any misgivings that might be brewing with the girls. “it’s just that, well, to protect themselves emotionally, we’re...pets to them.” The pegasi didn’t like that at all. However Apple’s face lit up.

“That’s what it was! I knew there was something about it that was at the back of my mind.”

“Yeah. Luna loves to hear stories from other parts of Equestria. She’s still got issues with her inferiority complex, so would rather hear about things than risk rejection. Celestia...well, if I didn’t know any better I’d almost think she was practicing eugenics or something.” The mares were aghast. “She’s infamous about setting certain guards to do trivial and silly tasks that inevitably lead to them spending large amounts of time around certain single mares in the castle or surrounding area. I mean, come on,” he started to laugh, “how else would Shining have caught the eye of somepony like Princess Cadence?”

Toffee awed. “That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, it’s her way of keeping in touch with the common pony.” The ponies all smiled. “And generates legions of supportive, soldiers that feel indebted to her for their happiness and fulfillment.”

“Yards,” Apple glared over at him. “You know you don’t always have to be so cynical.”

“Sorry.”

Mockingbird Lane was in the “Aviary” neighbourhood. It was a huge shelf high on the mountain full of very old estates. It had fallen onto hard times. The stately older mansions had been converted into apartments that were rented out to the working class and lower. While Canterlot had not been attacked during the war, the lands around it had been ravaged hard. As such food costs were obscene in Canterlot. Even though industry was booming, what it took to feed a pony meant there wasn’t much left over. Ironically this left Canterlot one of the worse off places in Equestria.

1312 Mockingbird was a tall four story building with stately flying buttresses holding aloft tall spires. The balconies on the top floors had been repurposed to be landing pads for pegasi. The plaster covering the bricks in what was at least an attempt to be maintained; was thin and cheap. The doors were old and warped but repeatedly sanded to try and keep them functional. The windows were ancient and single paned, some were even open. From what they could see, it was a lot better maintained than the place across the street.

“We’re on the second floor,” Apple told the others.

The grounds were abused with the living. There were clothes lines out in wings. The trees were being eaten and the ground was muddy from ponies nibbling the lawn. An old swing set and slide were off to the side for the little foals to pay on it, instead of breaking something inside.
As they walked through the once grand double doors inside they were greeted by an earth pony. He was in a chair, tucked behind a well worn desk that had been exposed one too many a time to poorly regulated weather. His bright, green eyes were smiling at Apple as she walked into the room. He seemed the embodiment of the house. Once strong and solid, age and sedentarism had taken it’s toll. His shoulders were still straight, but the muscles had been covered and were being converted into flab. He was starting to develop a grass gut. His teal coat was still closed cropped and his White and green mane was forever regulation length.

“Rhubarb! Good evening. Who are you lovely friends?”

She smiled at the guard. “Hey Lucky. These are my other friends. They’re going to be staying with me too.”
He shook his head. “That’s a lot of loveliness in one suite.” He looked into Yard’s eyes. Yards recognized the hundred yard stare looking through him. “And you’re a fine looking specimen.” Great. He was about to ask him something awkward. Yards decided to just cut him off at the quick.

“Inter-military administrations.”

The earth pony saluted. “It don’t matter where you served, Son, be proud.” He put his hoof down and grinned at him, “Even if you were a glorified secretary.”

Yards smiled at the joke and the guardsman turned, losing interest for the beauties around him.

“I’m Starfall.”

Lucky smiled at her. “I’m sure stallions fall for you all the time, don’t they?”

She smiled back in that “You’re cute because you have no chance” smile.

“I’m Toffee Chips.”

“Well, it’s going to be great having so many lovely ladies living here.” He pushed himself away from the desk and spun his chair. That’s when they realized he was missing his lower half. He pushed his wheelchair along with the rest of the herd. “So, six of you in three rooms? Gonna be crowded.”

Yards looked around, doing a quick headcount. Six? Oh, right, the STARE team.

“Are you going to give them the tour, Rhubarb?”

“Sure thing, Lucky.”

He smiled and turned back to the desk. “Alright, I’ll just get back to work. Call if you need anything.”

They walked into the Foyer where there seemed to be old gym lockers set up. “This is the cloak room. If you want a locker, talk to Lucky, he’ll assign you one and you can keep a cape or a coat in here. It’s easier than toting it around.” They went out through the doors and into a common area. It reminded Yards a lot of his dorm setup in college.

The room itself was a grand hall style room. With a black and white marble tiled floor, white, plaster walls and a grand stairway going up to other levels. To the far left of the stairs was a large fireplace. Surrounding it were couches and shelves creating a library area. There were several divans and love seats clumped together for ponies to conversate around. At the far end were open doors into what would have been a ballroom. Yards could see ponies playing darts and billiards inside. There was a large door to the right that was open to tables.

“Across is the rec room. It’s a part of our rent, so it’s free. To the right is the cafeteria. I swear it’s where they make most of their money. Rent here is fairly reasonable, but there’s no place to store or cook food in our rooms, so if you want something, the cafe costs extra. There’s machines if you get hungry between meal times.”

“What about that library over there?” asked Toffee.

Apple Rhubarb smiled at her friend. “ Honestly, I haven’t had time to look it over, but I’ll show you our rooms that way you can come back down and tell us about it.” She led them up the stairs and to the left. There was rows of doors on either side of the hallway. “We’re in suite five.”

“A suite?” Starfall asked.

“Yeah, it’s well, three bedrooms and a really nice bathroom.” She quickly came to a door and opened up their new place. The room had two doors on the left and a large bed on the right. There was a wardrobe by the far door. Large windows looked out onto the grounds. The floors had old, dirty shag carpets that had been shampooed too many times. The bed was older, but in decent shape. It carried the simple elegance found in much of unicorn architecture. The sheets were clean, new and a simple, solid white. There was a bookshelf and dresser that matched the designs of the bed. The bookshelf had some water damage on one of the shelves.

“The first door is the bathroom, through it is the second room. This other door is the last bedroom.”

Yards smiled and trotted over to the back room. “Great, I’m going to bed, you girls can fight over who’s sleeping where.” Yards opened the door. It looked like it had at one time been a large walk-in closet. It was half as wide as the other room and just long enough for a bed, a footlocker and a small area just big enough to turn around in. Beside the bed was a small end table for a nightstand. On the wall across from the door was a single shelf stretched across the length of the headboard. The plaster of the walls lacked the ornate stamping that the other walls had.

There was a newer window on the wall to the right, along the bed, to provide ventilation. Yards opened it and breathed in the night air. It wasn’t horribly late at night, but his lack of sleep over the past few days left him ready for bed. That and he really needed to talk to Luna in private. He didn’t want to say anything in front of her, but Starfall really needed to go see a therapist, and it probably wouldn’t hurt Toffee either. The girls had been terrified out of their minds and were going to need some help dealing with it. He wasn’t going to let them suffer.
Sure, he could probably use a shower too, but he could wait until morning. Then he’d be sharing a bathroom with five mares...crap. Groaning. He turned and walked back out into the other bedroom. Should he knock? He wasn’t sure. Nah, what were they going to be doing, making out with each other? Briefly his mind went there. The three of them, piled onto the bed. Sure it’d start with hugs and happiness to see each other. Then the hugs would turn into caresses, somepony would get daring and the “welcome back “ kisses on the cheeks would end up on the lips and start lingering….Woah. Had to stop that. He was going to be walking out there in front of them soon. No need giving them a show. It would be really nice if there was some garment or something that could cover an awkward boner.

As he pushed the door open he saw the girls going over the wardrobe and shelves, locating all their stuff that had been dropped off from the train. Starfall had her bee in her mouth and was carrying it over to the bed. Toffee wasn’t in the room and Apple was pealing out of her dress. She smiled at Yards as he walked in.

“Going to go take a shower first, kinda smelly.”

She nodded as he walked into the bathroom. “I'll put your things in your room while you do that.”

“Thanks,” he called over his shoulder.

The bathroom truly belonged in a mansion. It was longer than his room. There was a door on the far wall as well. All along the left wall was a huge mirror. Under it was a jetted tub and a vanity. To the right was a huge, multi-headed walk-in shower and a venetian door. He opened the door to find a recessed toilet. The floors were tiled and the walls had a seascaped mold in the plaster of a schooner repeated over and over.

He stuck his head back out the door and looked for Apple. She was coming out of his room. “Are there towels?”

“Should be. Check under the vanity.”

He turned back around and examined the vanity, finally locating the concealed door, leading to the towels hidden inside. They were brand new: crisp and scratchy. He pulled one out, and started looking around inside for more.

“Hey,” he shouted back out the door. “Where’s the washcloths?”

“There’s two loofahs in there.”

He rolled his eyes. It wasn’t that he was against new technology, far from it. But when something worked, you didn’t rebuild a replacement just because. That was wasteful. He checked the bottles on the tub. Most were scented bubble baths and salts. With a little looking he finally found the bottle of regular old Mane ‘n Tail. Picking it up he walked over to the shower.

It took several minutes to finally figure out which knob did what and what shower heads hit in comfortable spots, but eventually he was being pounded down, front and right by hot water. Motionless he let the water work it’s magic on his tired body. Cleansing away all the grime and cares. The shower door slid open.

“I’m in here.” His eyes were closed from the rivulets of water cascading down his face.

“I know,” said Starfall. The door closed. Yards turned and shook the water from his face. She had come in carrying a long box. “Hey, which one turns the different heads on?” She started fiddling with the knobs.

“The top one.”

She squealed as the high shower head behind her blasted her back. “I thought you could use somepony to get your back. Since...you know.”

She looked at his forehead. “And I could really use help to preen my wings. I can’t reach the back very well.”

Yards’ eyes grew.

“You do know how to preen a pegasus, right?”

“uh…”

“Oh, it’s not hard. She turned around, rubbing her body against his in the confined space. She extended an elegant, long wing in front of him. “I can get the bottom and the top ridge, but the middle of the top is really hard to reach.”

Yards looked at the offered appendage. The water was starting to run down her body. It plastered her silver and white mane down to her skull and ran down her neck. He bent his neck down to get a closer look at her wing. The tiny feathers interlocked to create a protective sheath around the delicate bone structure.

“Go ahead, nose through them and find any damaged or loose feathers.”

He saw what looked like a feather missing the barbs on one side so he grabbed it with his teeth and yanked. Starfall yelped and smacked him with her wing.

“Not like that! Grab it at the base of the feather and gently pull.” She stuck her wing out again. Clearly agitated at her student. “You never have done this, have you?”

Yards blushed. “No,” he mumbled under the sound of the water.

Her expression softened. “Really? I mean, you’re old enough to, do you just normally only deal in other unicorns or what?”

Yards buried his face into her wing rather than having to talk about his inadequacies as a stallion. He nuzzled past the outer layer of the feathers to the skin. Softly he found where the afterfeather lay against her flesh. He softly bit into it. She grunted appreciatively. “That’s better, but I prefer less teeth.” Yards moved his muzzle over to the next feather, effectively kissing her wing at the base of the feather. “There you go. That’s how you want to do it.” Slowly he made his way down her wing, kissing each feather as the hot water poured down on both of their bodies. Occasionally a feather would come out in his mouth and he gagged and would have to spit it out. She shook her head. “Just when it starts getting nice you have to go and ruin it.” Row by row, feather by feather he worked his mouth along her wing. Softly at first she began to grunt. Slowly, her breathing became more ragged and sharp.

Yards found a feather that had been cut in half, but no matter how much he sucked and nibbled it just wouldn’t come out.

“Problem?” she opened her eyes and looked over, breaking her ecstasy.

“This feather, it’s broke, but won’t come out.”

“Oh, I’m probably going to have to imp it.” She disengaged from him and turned off her showerhead. Then she opened the case on a small shelf in the shower. He’d always noticed the shelf in showers, but never really understood what it was for. The box seemed to fit it perfectly. She opened the case, revealing rows of her feathers. Yards came up behind her, intrigued.
“You keep your feathers?”

“You have to. Whenever I molt I put them in this case. You wouldn’t happen to know which feather it is, do you?”

Yards compared her wing to the feathers in the case until he found it’s match. “This one.”

She pulled out a set of odd side cutters. He took them from her. “Do you want to try it?” she asked.

“Sure,” he said through the handles. She shrugged.

“Okay. Pull the other feathers back and clip it past the downy part, but before the follicle.” Dutifully he made the cut. “Alright, now, try and cut off the amount that’s left in the wing from the new feather.” Another easy cut. ”Now go through the rods at the bottom and find the one that just barely fits inside the shaft.” They looked for all the world like toothpicks of slightly different thickness. The correct one was easier to spot than it was to not laugh at the innuendo of rods and shafts. “Glue it in there with the bottle then stick the other end into the part, oh, you’ve got it already. Wow.” She held her wing still for a few minutes while the glue dried. Then gave it a test flap. “Wow, most guys won’t do that. It’s too much work and they can never seem to get the right feather.” She gave him a warm smile. “Even pegasi stallions just grumble about one feather being ‘good enough’. Wanna do the other one now?”

Yards nodded as he came around her other side. By the end of the wing he was doing it with his eyes closed and her breathing was desperate. She grabbed the loofah and half heartedly wiped at his back. Her eyes blazing with desire. Kissing his jaw she whispered into her ear. “Wanna see what I can do with my lips?” Quickly she started kissing down his neck, around his shoulder and down his ribs and under to a knock on the door.

“Hey you two, there’s been an attack in the neighborhood! We’ve got to go!”

“Wow, you are part earth pony, aren’t you?” whispered Starfall into his ear as she turned off all the showerheads.

Oh crap this was going to hurt. He tried to regain his composure. Soaking wet, she walked past him into the bathroom and grabbed his towel. “Guess we’ll have to try this again later. You can do my underside.” She flapped her wings dry and wrapped the towel around her long tail then opened the door to their room. A zebra poked her head into the room. Quickly Yards tried to hide behind the shower doors.

“Come on you two, there'll be time or that later.” She looked at Yards and grinned mischievously. “Hopefully a long time.” She winked and disappeared again.

Yards grabbed another towel and did a quick dry off. Baseball, baseball, some nice soup, hordes of dead his weapons caused.. Anything but Starfall’s supple flank. Oops. No, somepony had apparently been attacked. Like he’d attack that-No. Stop that. He draped the towel over his back and walked out to a gaggle of girls.

“Girls!” He raised his voice over the noise of them talking. They all turned to look at him. “Alright, where were they attacked?”

The zebra answered him. “It’s a convenience store two blocks over.”

“Anypony hurt?”

“She’s being treated by the paramedics now.”

“We need to leave so we can get witness testimony,” added Toffee.

“But what if somepony comes back? They could…” Starfall was shivering. Yards had a feeling it wasn’t from being wet from the shower. Wet Starfall...NO! Focus.

“Okay, let me grab a couple of things from my room for safety. Uh, Toffee, grab pen and paper for notes,” Toffee jumped and ran for what she needed. “Um, I’m sorry, I forgot your name, Kat-?”

“Catawumpus,” the zebra finished.

“Great, Catawumpus. You know the area? Do we need a map?”

“I’ve been able to find my way around.”

“Apple, how well do you know it?”

She simply shrugged.

“Okay. Well, we’ve got pegasi, we should be able to find a landmark. Hang on.” He walked into his room and opened up the foot locker. Sure enough, wrapped in a blanket was a box. Opening the box he pulled out the compact smg and it’s holster. He strapped it to his leg then grabbed his night cloak and pulled it over him to help conceal the weapon. No point threatening everypony.
He walked back in, Toffee had made it back already. “Alright, we ready?” The girls nodded. They headed out the door and down the stairs. “What direction are we going?”

The zebra waved at somepony. “We’re going to take a right out the doors,” they raced past the pony at the front door and turned as directed. Their hooves pounded the road as they raced down the street. “Turn here!” shouted an excited Catty. As one they rounded the corner and powered down an avenue. The street, like this neighbourhood was old and had seen better days. The convenience store had once been a glassblowing boutique style store. It still had the original sign of Carafetables.

There were night watch ponies everywhere. An older pegasus stallion in a rumpled coat was looking over the crime scene. His coat was the blue-grey of an angry sky with black mane, slowly turning to grey. There was crime tape cordoning off the area. Yards slowed down as they began to hit the small throng of people who were still out and rubbernecking.

“Excuse me,” he started pushing his way through the crowd.

“STARE Personnel! Everypony move!” Catty shouted. A path opened up to the small crowd and the old stallion headed their way. Catty walked boldly up to him.

“Catty, good of you to come.”

“Hey, pH, what’s going on?”

“We’ve got an assault and robbery. They took some food, beat up the clerk pretty bad.”

“Toffee, Starfall, you two wanna go check on the clerk. Catty, uhm, coordinate with the locals. Apple, see if you can get an idea on how much and of what is missing? Everypony got it?” Yards broke into leadership mode. Time to start acting the part Luna had given him. As the mares dispersed to their jobs Yards noticed another mare.

She was standing behind and slightly to his left. Her coat was a bright yellow. The hat on her head was black and with a wide brim that concealed her eyes. She had a parrot beak. There was a slight horn sticking out of a hole in the hat. A lock of her red hair was all he could see of her face. It was a sharp, jagged cut that came down in a harsh point. Her tail was a purposeful ragged cut he figured mirrored her mane. It looked like her cutie mark was a pink rectangle. Wow, that had to be the worst cutie mark ever.

“Uh,” a strange mare and instantly he shuts down.

“Aurora. I’m here with Catty.”

“Oh, you’re a unicorn. Great. So, what, uh kindaoufm...magic...” His voice completely shut off and instead he waved his hoof.
She glared at him through the brim of her hat. He couldn’t see her eyes, but he could feel the disgust. “I don’t know,” she mocked him, “what kind can you do?”

He looked at her. “I don’t have my horn anymore I don’t have any.”

That seemed to take her a back. “Oh, that sucks. What happened?”

“Trixie cut it off.”

“That was you? Oh, I should have recognized you. I’m the one that zapped your pet changeling.”

“Delta.”

“Whatever. ‘We’re all just tools, there’s nothing for me or you, a reflection from an empty pool, because everypony chose you to use.’”.
“Horsewhipped?”

Her faced looked up at him. You know Chained?” Her eyes were turquoise balls hidden in artificial darkness.

“Tartarus yeah.”

“What’s your favorite?”

“Blank Bucking.”

She gave him a curious look. “That’s a B side.”

“Yeah, but it really spoke to me. I’ve got one of those obtuse marks that took forever to figure out.”

“Yeah how often do you get to be Celestia’s hoofstool?”

Yards blushed deeply. “It’s multi-disciplinary studies. Yours?”

“Peeling away the false facades of others.”

“Ah, so your magic…”

“Counters all magic.”

“That’s pretty sweet.”

It was her turn to blush. “Well, it counters my magic too, so, it’s all I can do.”

“Well, it’s not like I can do anything for a while.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, but I’ve been this way my whole life. You just lost your horn a couple weeks ago.”

“I was one of three unicorns in an otherwise all earth pony school. Went to college knowing nothing more about magic but being able to lift five pounds and detecting water.”

“Hey, if you two are done flirting, we’ve got something.” Catty waved at them from the cooler. They both blushed and walked over. The other mares kept a wary eye at the new predator entering their territory.

There was a crudely drawn gang symbol done in permanent marker on a cooler door. It was hard to make out, some sort of long snouted pony howling at an egg and a horseshoe on each side. They all looked at it in confusion.

“What is it?” Yards finally asked.

“We’re not sure,” answered Catty.

“Have the police seen this symbol before?”

“He says he doesn’t recognize it but will check the records.”

“What did the mare say?” Yards nodded at the clerk.

Toffee started reading from her notepad. “She says four earth ponies came in, started grabbing food. When she asked them to pay they told her that it was immoral to charge for a basic need, then started throwing around racial slurs and started beating her. She managed to reach the alarm button, they broke her foreleg, grabbed food and ran.”

Yards shook his head. The cop was rubbing at the base of his muzzle. “Oh great, there’s going to be another round of food riots.”

“We’ll do everything we can to stop it.” The mettle in Apple’s voice was good to hear again. He smiled at his old friend’s words. Aurora, who was standing behind her, just rolled her eyes.

The officer nodded, “We’ve worked with the STARE team before. I’m sure everything possible will be done. Just don’t leave too much of a mess for me to clean up.”

Yards couldn’t help but arch an eyebrow. He looked over at Catty but she was innocently looking at the candy.

“Well, do we have descriptions of the four assailants?” Absently Yards started scratching at his forehead.

“Yeah…” started the policepony.

“I’m hearing a ‘but’ in there, uh...”

The police officer walked over to Yards and held out a hoof. “Oh, of course, sorry. I forget. I’m just used to dealing with Catawampus. You know, she knows me. I didn’t know she didn’t tell you. I’m Detective Pigeon Hawk. I work most of the violent crimes night cases.”

Yards smacked hooves with Pigeon Hawk. “So, your ‘but’?”

“It’s a Merlin.”

“What?”

“My butt.”

“No, the ‘but’ you were about to say.”

“OH! OH! Oh. I’m sorry. Some ponies, you see, they don’t recognize it and just call it a bird. But it’s not a bird, it’s a Merlin. That isn’t to say a Merlin isn’t a type of bird. It is, ya see? It’s just little details like that. It’s what really makes my job either a whole lot more difficult or a whole lot easier.” He looked pointedly at Yards, waiting for an acknowledgment.

Nervously he looked around. They were all looking at him. Mechanically he nodded. He still had no idea where the conversation was going or even where it had been anymore.

Pigeon Hawk nodded too. “Sergeant! Sergeant! Uh, make sure and,” he turned to Toffee, “Can we have a copy of your notes, wow, that’s amazing penmanship.”

“Thank you,” she blushed.

He took the notepad gently from her hoof. “Really, it’s amazing. I’ve never seen something so elegant. You must do this for a living.”

“Oh, no. I’m a librarian.”

“Really? Here? In Canterlot?”

“Oh no, in Ponyville.”

“Ponyville.” Pigeon Hawk scratched at his chin. “Do I know that place? Let me think. Let me think.”

“It’s the Golden Oaks Sparkle Memorial Museum.”

Instant recognition lit his eyes. “That’s where I heard that.” He looked over at Catty. “Sparkle Museum. Twilight Sparkle Museum. The Element of Magic. That’s how you know Catty. I was wondering where the rest of the STARE team was and who you ponies were. Anyways, do you mind if we get a copy of your notes? We’d just like to get a second set of descriptions. You know sometimes ponies don’t always remember so good.”

And suddenly Yards got it. He was hunting for information from them. He was setting them off guard so they’d tell the truth in confusion. Unsure where he was going so unable to create a believable lie. Okay, he could deal with this. Toffee was nodding in the affirmative for his requests. It was reasonable, but he really didn’t like the whole going after his subordinates. That or maybe it was Toffee’s blush.

“Detective Sparrow Hawk,” Yards drew the officer’s attention back to him. Sparrow Hawk turned to face him.
“Yes, oh, we didn’t finish introductions did we?”

“Captain McCanter.”

“Ah, Army?”

“Well, R&D.”

“Oh really, were you in on any of those crazy weapons they used during the war?”

“I’m afraid that’s classified,” was his instant response.

Sparrow nodded. “Yes, yes, of course, forgive me.”

“Well, Detective, you seemed to think there was some sort of problem with getting descriptions?”

“Just the usual problems.”

Yards’s sleep deprived mind fumed. “What problems?”

“Why, that physical descriptions aren’t valid for prosecution.”

“What?”

“You know, between changelings and the new outcry of profiling earth ponies, we’re no longer allowed to apprehend someone over their physical characteristics.”

Yards rubbed hard at his temples. “So, you’re saying that if you were to see the ones listed here,” he poked the notepad a little too hard with a hoof, “there’d be nothing you could do about it?”

The detective shook his head. “Basically we have to ask everypony in the neighbourhood for an alibi, then wait until we catch them doing it again and without them leaving our sight.”

“That’s insane!”

Hawk sighed and nodded his agreement. “These new changes...I don’t know about them. They were created to make sure nopony innocent goes to jail.”

Yards scoffed. “Funny Trixie doesn’t have to follow those laws.”

Hawk shrugged. “I’m sorry, I don’t have any control of the Inquisition.”

He looked around, slow recognition dawning. “So, the princesses created these rules?”

Hawk nodded.

“Great. Now they’ve hobbled themselves with non-sense, so to get anything done then STARE has to get involved for those rare few violent crimes?”

Again he nodded.

“Alright, I’m going back to bed. This is far too stupid for me to think through. No, really, are we missing anything?”

“Well,” offered Toffee, “We could look around outside for clues.”

Yards nodded. “Okay, valid point. Unless the detective has any sort of evidence they’ve found already and want to share with us.”

“Hmm, oh, well, we’d rather do that. That way the evidence chain isn’t suspect.”

“Great. Why don’t you do that. When can we get a report?”

“As soon as the boys in the lab find something I’ll send it over to the castle.”

Yards nodded. “Okay, we’re staying at Mockingbird Lane, but leaving it at the castle will probably keep what little cover we may have left.”

“Alright, of course, of course. Would it be alright if I came by if I have any other questions?”

Yards sighed. “Yeah, fine, whatever. Girls? You all need anything?”

Starfall reached into the cooler and pulled out a strawberry soda then gave him a hopeful look.

Yards rolled his eyes. “Sure.” The other mares all grabbed things from the shelf. Yards looked around. He saw an older unicorn doting over the younger, broken unicorn. She was wearing a jacket with a Caraftables badge on it. Looks like she was either the owner or at least the manager. Would it be vulgar to ask her to ring up a sale? He looked over at her and waved hesitantly. She nuzzled her employee then walked over to him.

“Hi, uh, how is she?”

“She’ll be okay. I just can’t believe that happened to her.”
“So, nothing like this has happened around here?”

“Well, there was stories, here and there, but I never believed them.”

“Detective, one more thing.”

“Yes, Captain?” Hawk looked up from his notes.

“Can we get a map of where these attacks have been happening tomorrow, too?”

“Certainly.”

“So, uh,” he turned back to the manager, “is thereanywayyoucouldringthisup?” He blushed hard and couldn’t stop the grin as he pointed at Starfall’s drink.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, but remained professional. “Sure.”

“Great, thanks.” He slapped a hooful of bits on the counter then stepped outside. He wasn’t sure if it was just too many stories, but he always heard that criminals came back to the scene of the crime to gloat and bask in the glory of their misdeeds. He did his best to memorize all the ponies there. This was one of the poorer neighbourhoods, and apparently heavy on the earth pony population. Great. The mares walked out of the store. Toffee handed him his change.

“Everypony good?”

Eventually they all nodded, or acknowledge in some way. Starfall’s was a belch of satisfaction. “Excuse me.” She covered her mouth with her wing in embarrassment.

“Toffee, do you remember their descriptions?” Yards started slowly walking through the crowd, looking around at the individuals still.

“Yes, there were four, three mares and a stallion. One was a light orange with a darker mane. Her cutie mark looked like a marker with wings. She was the artist on the cooler.”

Yards nodded, that made sense.

“Another was dark green, with a white and yellow striped mane and tail. Her cutie mark was hidden by a cloak. It was a faded mauve. The third was pastel purple with a purple and lavender frosted mane. The cashier didn’t get a good look at her mark. The stallion was kinda small. Said she didn’t realize he was a stallion at first. He was pale blue or white, with a hat and a blond tail. She also didn’t see his cutie mark. Said he had really nice eyes, though. They really sparkled.”

They made the first turn back to their temporary home. “Hmm, that isn’t much to go on. We may have to check some of the other places that have been hit. Uh, Catty, Aurora, what do you two think?”

“Wha?” Aurora seemed to be taken out of inner musings. Yards gave her a friendly smile. “Do you know anything about the area?”

“Uh…” she looked around self consciously.

“It’s okay to not know,” he offered.

“Oh, that’s Aurora. She’s okay with strangers, but then she freezes up if she likes somepony.” Catty started taunting her friend. “Of course, bringing her her order is enough to get her to think you like her.”

“Shut up!” Aurora glared at her ‘friend’.

“Poor thing, she really needs a special somepony.”

“Shut up!” Aurora’s cheeks were crimson.

“She’s self implosive.”

“That sounds like somepony I know.” interjected Apple Rhubarb.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. A certain stallion walking around. Gets really shy towards women. Then flirts all big to get them hooked, then panicked that he’s got attention.”

Yards hung his head as the other mares laughed.

“Sounds about right,” added Starfall.

He sighed then turned up the walk of their house. “Alright girls, we’re here. I don’t know about you all, but I’m exhausted. Do whatever you want, I’m going to bed.”

Purposefully he clopped his hooves loudly on the stairs so he couldn’t hear any of them coming. Sure it was a little juvenile, but he didn’t care.

He walked into his room, threw the cloak and weapon into the footlocker and crawled into bed. He looked out the window at Luna’s sky. So beautiful. He sighed. The work day was done, time to rest.

The door opening awoke him. He freezed in trepidation. Who was coming into his room? Quiet hooves walked as delicately as they could on the hardwood floor. The covers were pulled back. Odd, assassins, don’t usually do that. He could smell apple scented body wash. The bed groaned as the mystery guest climbed in. She grunted as she got comfortable. Then she rolled over to him.

“Yards?” whispered Apple Rhubarb. That wasn’t who he was expecting to try this stunt.

“Apple?” He rolled over to face her. She had a sad look on her face.

“Uh, I’m sorry, for teasing you.”

“pfft,” He immediately felt bad about that as her close proximity sprayed his saliva all over her face. “Doh! Sorry about that.” He wiped at her face with his foreleg.

She smiled back at him. “Okay, even?”

“Well, I didn’t mean too.”

“It’s okay.”

He dropped his foreleg around her. “So, why are you here, not that I’m complaining.” He wasn’t sure he’d be able to hear her response over his heart straining to come out of his ears.

“There’s six of us, three beds, do the math.”

“So, you’re…?”

“I have tonight. Tomorrow is Toffee’s turn, then Star. We drew for it. I kinda got screwed out of the ‘date’ part of a date night since we just decided on this.”

Yards chuckled to himself. “Well, you’ve cooked for me enough times."

“Well,” she snuggled closer. “Let’s just say it’s too bad for them I’ve been married before.” Her hoof touched his belly. “It’s been a while since I was with a real stallion. Delta fades too quick.”

Yards’s mind quickly went there. Delta and Apple, together? “Wha…” escaped his lips.

“Yeah, she may be able to take on a stallion’s form but she’s way too submissive to be a real man.”

“Wait, what?” That caught his attention.

Apple blushed slightly. “Well, remember how she was helping Spike get over Twilight’s death by taking on her form so he could say goodbye? Uhm, it started off as her doing the same thing for me and my husband. Then one day, I...I didn’t mean it to happen. We kissed, like I would have kissed Delight. Oh Cez, I shouldn’t be talking about him to you, should I?”

Yards hugged her tighter. “It’s okay. I know it’s something we have to deal with.”

She gave him a big smile. “Well, thanks. Well, one thing lead to another and…it was kind of creepy. But, it was also, releaving? Is that a word?” Yards shrugged. “Well, a couple of weeks later we kind of were a little tipsy and we tried it with her in another form. Then, we, we started experimenting with...other forms she knew.” She turned but he could see the blush all the way into her ears.

Yards laughed. “So she wanted to be Chuck Wagon?”

Apple nodded without looking back. “Wait, she doesn’t really know that many male forms...were you two off watching romantic comedies together or something?”

Apple shook her head.

“MY FORM?”

Apple only barely moved her head to nod once.

“That...that’s just wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Why even tell me this?”

“Because you deserve to know. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.” She rolled over to face him again. “I love you, Yards. I want it to work.” She wrapped a forehoof around his neck. She leaned in and they kissed.

“Anything else you want to tell me?”

She looked down. “I don’t like it in the butt.”

Yards laughed. “I think I can live with that.” He could too. As he caressed her jaw he thought about how he already accepted so much of her into his life. As much of a heel as it made him, with Little Rhu away in school instead of always underhoof it meant that he could focus on just learning to be in a relationship, rather than having to divide his attention between learning to be a coltfriend and a father. That was just so much to have to learn all at once.

Apple Rhubarb. His marefiend, then, maybe, more. It would mean a successful, but hard working life. A family. He would be normal. All his life he’d been odd. What would it mean to him to be ordinary?

They came up for air, before he nuzzled her again. She turned her head, inviting him to her throat. Her breath was coming quick. He leaned it, breathing deep her scent. Could he wake up to her every day? Share everything in his life. Accept her into every facet of his being? His chest began to tighten as his heart pounded. He buried his face into her jaw, at the base of her throat. His heart wouldn’t stop racing. It wasn’t right.. Something was wrong. Why was he crying? He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into her. It took her a few minutes to understand that this had stopped being sensual and that there was something wrong with him. She cradled his head and held him until the morning.