Master of Chaos

This is the life! Pain said in my head.

Totally... I replied, leaning back on the sandy beach of Las Pegasus in my Pony form. True, I did abandon Luna at the wedding, but I've done enough stuff to earn this kind of thing. I mean, really, who else has whooped Nightmare's ass, fought a Changeling army, and lived?

Tyrant, was it really wise to leave Luna at the wedding with no-doubt angry nobles? Benevolence asked with a worried tone.

Benevolence, don't worry; Celestia's probably got it all sorted out. Chill out, enjoy the sunshine, and quit worrying. I replied with a smirk on my face.

As I was enjoying some nice sunshine, I heard some hoofsteps a bit of a ways, and they were getting louder. I sighed, standing up and turning. I wasn't surprised to find that there was indeed somepony making their way to me; it was a brown, burly stallion with a pair of wings.

The stallion stopped right in front of me, a frown plastered on his face. I sighed, already knowing what he was going to do. "May I help you?" I asked, looking at the stallion with a bored look on my face.

"Yeah, you can; beat it." He said as his frown deepened. I didn't move, keeping a straight face. We stared at each other for a few more seconds, before I laid back on the ground and closed my eyes; I ain't gonna let somepony make me move, whether they attempt to kill me or not.

"Hey, are you def?! I said BEAT IT!" He yelled, standing in front of me. I opened an eye, staring at the stallions mad look, then said in the most sincere, calm, and nicest voice...

"Fuck. Off."

He seemed a little startled by my choice of words, but quickly threw that out the window and kicked my in the ribs. I groaned, rolling on my side, my rage building up. "That's what you get when you don't listen, dweeb." The stallion said, a smug smirk on his face. I quickly stood up and threw an uppercut at his jaw, sending him back a few feet.

"And that's what you get when you don't shut the fuck up!" I said, glaring at the downed stallion. He didn't seem to notice as he stood up, anger building up in his eyes. He turned to me, a snarl on his face. It seemed he lost a tooth or two, and I wasn't surprised.

"I'm going to give you the beating of a lifetime!" He yelled, getting into a fighting stance.

I chuckled, a smile spreading across my face. "Is that the best comeback you have? Man, I could eat a bowl of alphabet-soup and shit out a better statement than that." That hit the stallion's nerve, causing him to yell and charge at me. Midway, he changed to flapping his wings, still yelling. I got ready, planning to hurt the stallion. As he inched closer, I noticed that we had attracted a crowd, all with their eyes wide and slack-jawed. I laughed internally, turning back to the stallion. He was now within arms-reach, I raised my hoof, and smashed it down on his head. The result was perfect; he went straight down, going between my legs and into the sand. As he stopped, I pulled him out with my magic, and saw that he was hurt bad. Then the guards came, and I sighed. No rest for the wicked I suppose.

They stopped and pointed their spears at me, stern looks on their faces. They didn't move, but the guards then suddenly split up to make an archway for one very fancy pony; the stallion wore a tuxedo and had rings on his hooves, while his head held a top-hat and a monocle. This day was already going to go sour, I could taste it.

The noble stuck his nose in the air, almost touching the handles of the spears. I rolled my eyes, looking at one of the guards who was thinking the same. Then the pony stopped in front of me, looking me in the eye, and looking me over.

After one more look-over, the stallion turned his attention to the stallion in my magical grip, and cringed. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised; the stallion was bleeding out of his mouth and nostrils, which had dribbled down his neck and onto his chest area. He had limbs twisted in all sorts of unnatural ways along with quite a few cuts on the arms and, mainly, the face. It was an ugly sight, to say the least. I was actually quite surprised nopony had vomited yet.

The noble turned to me and glared daggers, hoping that some would appear and shank me to death. "What have you done to my son?!"

Ah, that explains it. No wonder the bloodied stallion in my grip is an ass; his father is a noble! Should've thought of it in the first place.

I wasn't going to lie in the situation, nor was I going to be polite about it. "Your son was being an ass, to which I responded like an ass. He then threatened me, and I threatened back. And finally he attacked me, and I attacked back. Whole story in a nutshell right there. By the way, tell your son to have some better comebacks! His just suck so much dick that it could be considered porn!"

The noble seemed stunned with my vulgarity and straightforwardness, but quickly retorted with my two favorite words, "Arrest him!"

I got into an aggressive, expecting to fight a guard or two, but none came. I was waiting for a few minutes, prepared for them to strike, but after none of them did, I straightened myself up and gave the guards a quizzical look. "Are you guys going to attack me or not?"

The guard that I saw that rolled his eyes at the noble, said in a calm voice, "It sounds like self-defense, sir." Damn right, it was.

The noble turned to the guards, his frown only deepening, "What do you mean 'self-defense'? Isn't obvious he beat my son within an inch of his life?!"

The guard gave the noble a stern look, "We keep tabs on your son, and let me be the pony to tell you that your son has long history of fighting, hurting, bullying, and almost killing ponies. Need I go on?" After that, the noble kept his trap shut and just glared at me. I wouldn't blame him; if someone beat up my child, I'd wanna kick their ass too.

I smirked, going back to my spot on the beach. "Now if you lads would be so kind as to leave me be, I would greatly appreciate it." The guards seemed to get the hint and left, but the noble couldn't get it through his thick skull.

He stepped in front of me, blocking out the sunlight, and leaned down to my face. "You'll regret this."

I stood back up, glaring down at the stallion. "I've about had it with your shit, and I'll tell you the same thing I told your son; FUCK! OFF!"

The noble's ears flattened on his head and backed away, fear plastered on his face. Serves him right; he was nothing more than a prick.

I laid back down, laying back on the beach. Before closing my eyes, I took one more look around to see if anypony was going to step-up to annoy me. Upon finding nopony, I laid back down, a smirk crossing my face. I finally closed my eyes, drifting off into a deep sleep where I would find something that would annoy me even more...

Dreamscape

I found myself burning down a village, roaring and throwing fireballs at buildings. It was the most destruction I'd seen since the Changeling attack on Canterlot! I enjoyed much, but I heard a voice that made my spine tingle.

"TYRANT!" I turned around and found Luna, glaring daggers at me.

I smiled sheepishly, backing up slowly. "Hey, Lulu! How's it going?" She didn't answer, instead lifting me up with her magic and throwing me into one of my burning buildings. I groaned, getting up and walking out, but was met with a boulder getting thrown at me.

"'How's it going'?! You humiliated me by leaving me alone at the wedding! Do you know how many nobles were angry with me afterwards?!" Once I didn't respond, she continued, "ALL OF THEM!" And I was met with another boulder, sending me flying back into the building.

"Listen, Lulu," I said wholeheartedly, a serious look on my face, "I know it humiliated you, and I know how much you must be humiliated by the nobles all angry with you..."

"No you don't!"

"But it's me we're talking about here! You should know that there would be some consequences with dating me, like pranks, accidental-humiliation, or maybe even yelling!"

Her glare only hardened and her eyes narrowed, "You may not have a care in the world, but as a Princess I do! We have to deal with things like our reputation, politics, and the noble courts! And don't say you know what it's like, because you don't have a clue!"

I thought for a minute; here I was, arguing with my fiance, and not giving a good-goddamn about it. I have quite a few choices here; Yell back, which could damage our relationship. Agree, because she is right in this situation; I don't know shit about being royalty. Or disagree and make some shit up.

What do you guys think? I asked myself, which was a bad idea because it was like a giant megaphone blasted through my head asking those exact words.

Pain and Benevolence both heard it and appeared out of nowhere, Pain folding his arms and Benevolence putting a hand on her chin.

"I suggest you agree T, she is your girl, and it'd suck to lose her." Pain suggested, looking at me with his red eyes.

"I will suggest the same, Tyrant, for the same reasons too." Benevolence agreed, looking at me the same way Pain did.

I nodded, looking back down at Luna, who looked at them curiously. I caught the gist of what she was thinking, explaining very carefully, "These two are the voices in my head, they help with major choices, and are otherwise my best friends."

Luna looked back up at me, a frown returning to her face. "So am I right, or wrong?"

I sighed, "You're right; I don't know jack about all that royalty mambo-jumbo." I finally smirked, looking back down at her, "I should return to the castle and apologize to Celestia, shouldn't I?"

She nodded, "That would be best, seeing as you dampened her reputation too."

"Tell you what; I'll go back to the castle on one condition." I said, a smirk crossing my face.

She raised an eyebrow, "What's with you and conditions?"

"I'll return if you marry me." I stated, my smirk still on my face. Her eyes widened and she froze, probably having a brain-fart as the question was entirely unexpected. Hell, not even Pain or Benevolence saw that coming as they were frozen too.

After regaining her bearings, she looked up at me, "R-really?" I nodded, and she smiled. "Yes!" Then she somehow jumped thirty feet off the ground and onto my shoulders. She was so tiny, as I turned my head, I saw that she was kissing my shoulder.

I chuckled, shrinking down and finding that she was weighing me down. Then the ground finally caught up with me and hit me on the back of the head, knocking me out. Ha, never the irony in this situation.