Claire: The Love Doctor

"This is a little embarrassing for me," Whirlwind began, kicking back nonchalantly in the fainting chair. Claire stared jealously down at her from atop the stool, awaiting the moment she could return to that velvety goodness. "But, I really need to talk about it with somepony, and it's not something I really know how to fix myself, and Prism is always talking you up as 'The Love Doctor', so I figured--"

"You figured I could help you sort-out your relationship issues," Claire quickly finished, in as polite a tone she could manage.

"Yeah! But not with Prism; at least, not with Prism specifically..."

At this, Claire felt some relief. Thank Celestia, she internalized. Candy and Whirlwind both chasing after the same stallion? I don't think I could handle any love rivalries right now.

"In actuality," Whirlwind continued. "It's with Hothead and Prism. They've both got kind-of a thing for me and I'm not sure what to do about it."

Claire rammed the flat of her hoof-claw into her forehead. The slap jostled Whirlwind from her laid back position.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Oh, me? I'm fine! There was a... mosquito, on my hoof you see. But it's gone now. Nothing to be worried about. I'm fine. Totally, and completely, fine..."

With a polite smile, and a slight twitch of her lower eyelid, she quelled the fire burning in her stomach and steeled herself for the next few minutes.

"So," Claire said, rediscovering her grace. "Both Hothead and Prism Bolt desire your affections, and I'm assuming you require my assistance in ascertaining between the two, am I correct?"

"Sort-of," responded Whirlwind, kicking back again. "The thing is, I've already decided on Prism Bolt."

Claire tightly gripped her right hoof. It was all she could do to prevent a second face-palm.

"But, I'm dating Hothead right now. Of course, the only reason I'm dating him is to bug Prism, but I thought we were both on the same page about it. I mean, Prism and him are always butting heads, so I figured he'd just want to mess with him too. But now, I think he really likes me, and on top of that Prism is hanging around with some other pegasus now. Jet Stream, I think he calls her."

Claire nodded observantly. Jet Stream, alias of the failed dragon-lover, Princess Nidra, would occasionally visit Ponyville alongside Claire's boyfriend, Prince Illusion. After Turquoise Blitz finally picked up on Anthea's feelings for him and began legitimately dating her, Nidra confided in Claire her desire to move on. Prism, she guessed, was the answer for her.

"Putting Jet Stream and Prism Bolt aside for a moment," Claire began, attempting to juggle Nidra's, Candy's, and Whirlwind's interests all at once. "Have you any feelings for Hothead? Prism and he are alike in many ways. Perhaps there is some underlying potential you've yet to realize."

"Eh, I don't know. I like him as a friend but--he's just too much of a kid. He's sweet, don't get me wrong, and it's adorable how red his face gets whenever I fluff his mane, but I just... Don't find him as attractive as I find Prism Bolt. Maybe if he toned the attitude down a bit and stopped flaring up over every little thing. Otherwise, he's just too childish for me."

Claire made a mental note to herself; Should I be unlucky enough for Hothead to come in here, write him an extra dose prescription for maturity. Then, after a little consideration, a second; And if Prism comes in here I'm going to sock him one square in the jaw! Returning to the topic at hand, she quickly searched her mind for other viable bachelors.

"Hm... Have you considered... Prism's younger brother?" she asked.

"What?" asked a deadpan Whirlwind. "Icy Storm? He literally is a kid. Like, five years younger than I am!"

"Yes," Claire said. "And only slightly older than my father was when he first met my mother."

Whirlwind cringed, afraid she'd hit a sore point. When she glanced back at Claire, however, she seemed as calm and demure as always.

"Age does not necessarily denote maturity," continued Claire. "Hothead is evidence enough of that. However, neither does it equate to immaturity. Young though he may be, Icy Storm carries more maturity in him than either Prism or Hothead, possibly combined."

"That's... actually kind-of true," said Whirlwind, staring up at the ceiling. "But I don't want any pony accusing me of robbing the stable, least of all Prism! I mean... maybe in a few years or something, I might consider... asking him out..."

"Good!" Clarity declared, standing up from her stool. "Problem solved. Happy to have assisted you!"

She levitated the chair out from beneath Whirlwind and planted her head against Whirlwind's back, pushing her toward the exit.

"Wait!" cried Whirlwind, attempting, and failing, to hold her ground. "What am I supposed to do in the mean-time?! What about Hothead?! Should I break up with him? And what about Jet Stream, or--"

Claire launched her out the door with a final, massive push and quickly shut it in front of her before locking the latch. Her stomach felt like a volcano about to boil over. Quickly turning around and darting to the door beyond the counter, she entered her crafting room and ducked her head down to the opening of the nearest furnace. With a deep bellow, she roared out a blue torrent of flames, heating the steel furnace to a vibrant red. As it grew brighter and brighter, Claire felt her rage dwindle, as well as her magic. Her two horns ceased illuminating their blue light, with the fire from her mouth shortly following suite. She looked down at the ground for a few seconds, lightly clawing at it all the while.

"Whirlwind and Prism," muttered Claire, now clawing with a bit more fervor. "I daresay they're perfect for each other, the way they drive me insane..."

With a final sigh, she returned to the front room of the store. She looked at the entrance, still securely locked. The store technically didn't close for another few hours, but, unless ponies actually started paying for her love-counseling, she saw no reason to stay open. Besides, she thought, laying down on the fainting chair. I believe I am due at least a little break.

She shut her eyes and began drifting into a calm state of solace. In this state, she could feel what seemed like a dozen, soft feathers brushing up against her, and some-pony's muzzle nuzzling against her neck.

"Lulu," smiled Claire, rubbing her lower jaw lovingly along the pony's mane. "Trying to surprise me again? I'm fine with that, for today. In fact, I think I'll take the rest of the evening off. Then, we can spend the rest of the day together. Just the two of--"

Her chin bumped against what felt like a unicorn horn. She pulled her head back and looked down to find an elegant, white, blue maned mare with a showy feather cape wrapped around her.

"Er... Lulu?" questioned Claire. "That's some sort of... new disguise, isn't it?"

"Fool!" shouted the unicorn mare, still snuggling her head against Claire's shoulder. "Dove the Extraordinary has no need of disguises!"

The white unicorn removed her head from Claire and looked up at her with aching purple eyes.

"She does, however," Dove continued, now in a more sincere tone. "Need a little help, s'il vous plait."

Claire's face flushed a deep red.

"D-Dove?" said Claire, finally recognizing her. She checked the door, which remained securely locked. She considered asking Dove how she managed her entrance, but realized such a question was futile. A great magician never reveals her secrets.

"Oui, c'est moi!" shouted Dove, from about two feet closer than Claire was comfortable with. "Dove the Extraordinary! Here! To ask you something, if she may..."

Claire gulped. To her back, the sloping backrest. To her front, a sad-looking pony with no sense of personal space. Trapped, she concluded.

"You see," continued Dove. "Upon arriving in Ponyville for my latest show, I noticed something. A certain aura, wafting through the air, enrapturing every-pony in passionate, romantic desire. Couples, bundled up in each others' hooves! Sharing romantic gestures! Exchanging gifts and eating delectable treats together! No pony was spared from the effect. Including moi..."

Dove shot Claire another pleading look.

"What I want to know is..." Dove began, eyes watering. "Why don't I have a special some-pony? Why doesn't some-pony approach me? Why must Dove the Extraordinary suffer on a romantic day such as this?"

She buried her face into Claire's torso and began her dramatic weeping. Claire grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back.

"First and foremost," said Claire, craning her head down. "Let me say that I share your sympathies completely, darling. Second, a special some-pony isn't something which forms out of thin air. Awaiting a prince's rescue is all well and good, but actively searching for him yourself is the much faster, more efficient option. Try putting your own hoof forward; I'm certain most any colt will reciprocate your affections. Perhaps not to the same, extreme degree as you, but to the best of their abilities."

"Hm..." Dove pondered, raising a hoof beneath her chin. "Then whom should I approach? I'm familiar with only a few ponies here, and of them all I'm uncertain any are worthy. I only desire ponies of class! Ponies of nobility! Ponies fit to be crowned as royalty!"

Claire noticed a wave of jealousy overcome Dove's face. Prince Illusion fit all those descriptions, at least some of the time. However, Dove quickly shook the jealousy away and returned her begging eyes to Claire. Claire thought for a moment about other ponies 'worthy' of those descriptions.

"Well," Claire began. "Of the royalty currently residing in Ponyville, there are Princess Starburst and Prince Valiant Heart. The latter, I believe, is visiting with his parents at Princess Twilight's castle. Though, Prince Valiant is already in a--"

"That's it!" yelled Dove, grabbing Claire's cheeks and looking directly into her eyes. "Why had I not seen it before? A royal pony with such a grand set of wings is more than worthy of my affections!"

"Yes, but darling, I'm afraid Prince Valiant already has a special some-pony," Claire clarified. Dove shook her head.

"That's fine," replied Dove, rolling off the chair. "Besides, he's not the one I'm interested in."

Dove made her way to the door and deftly undid the lock.

"Forgive me, but this is where I must take my sortie," Dove declared from the door. "Dove the Extraordinary must find her soon-to-be special some-pony a gift with which to demonstrate her love! Merci beaucoup, et au revoir!"

She opened the door and made to exit, but found her path blocked by Princess Starburst, hoof still raised mid door-knock.

"Starburst!" Dove shouted, quickly hugging her before kissing her on both sides of her face. "Pardon moi, but if you wouldn't mind, perhaps we could schedule a Prench lesson for later today? Just the two of us?"

"Erm, alright," replied Starburst, still somewhat surprised. "But, isn't it always just the two of us?"

"Indeed!" Dove trotted out the door and past Starburst. "Now then, Dove the Extraordinary, is off!"

With that, a puff of smoke exploded at her hooves. As it cleared, the silhouette of the elegant white unicorn vanished, nowhere to be seen (unless you looked behind the bush on the opposite side of the street). Starburst awkwardly entered the store.

"Um..." she started, trying to find the words. "Claire, I have something I need to talk to you about. There's a stallion I'm interested in, and I'm not sure how I should go about pursuing him."

Claire groaned into the small pillow beside her.

"Fine," Claire agreed, rolling back over to face Starburst. "But you get the stool. I'm keeping the chair."