Chapters Red and Blue
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations."
-David Friedman
Ace was with the main six in the main chamber of his new facility. A lot had happened lately. Nyx showed him an empty facility that Equestria had been building for the several years he had been away. He had downloaded his consciousness into a blue core, hooked up to the body, and Nyx told him what he was here for; he was the Central Fleet Management Core. Ace shortened it into CeFleMaC, or MaC.
Hanging from the ceiling, he had a striking resemblance to Wheatdos and the facility to Aperture Science. He also had a similar accent.
He was the central computer for all the Royal Battlestars, while the same time maintain a facility to test new technologies. He immediately put the four original battlestars and Galactica under extensive repairs and a major overhaul. All the ships in the fleet were secretly given sentience, each with their own personality and all devoted to Mac.
He also invented Energy Shielding and Stunning, where the ship had energy shields like from Star Trek and the stunning would shut off any electronic tech in enemy ships (magic was proven to be able to be tracked by technology, but technology couldn't be tracked by magic or even other technology).
He had made more of "himself" as guards, and they instantly became popular for sentries in houses because they were literally crammed with bullets, protecting from burglars.
Test cages requested by Twilight for IQ testing were built, chromogenic sleep invented, and a core called TeSStoCoM (Test Subject Storage Core Manager) was built to manage the subjects as they were in storage.
He was showing off his latest invention, a dark plasma "bomb" that created a black hole. He already installed gravity drives onto every ship in the fleet, as another way for FTL in case the jump drives were offline.
A ship, New Horizon, was sent to test the drive. It mysteriously disappeared near Kobol and was never heard from again.
MaC, secretly, lost all interest in life, wanting only to explore the vast unknown of space and develop technologies. Oh, and test. He personally thought robots were superior to life, even though life built him. It meant he stopped trying to find Lightspeed, but he didn't care.
Soon, his plan would be set in motion. Everybody was in the Serpent's grasp.
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What appeared to be a white unicorn with black hooves, mane and horn walked into Pilkington. No one could tell for sure, because he was under a brown cloak with a red clasp, a crystal sign on it.
Pilkington was a small village where everything was falling apart, it was far to the north and very cold. No one knew of the place except for the citizens, and the sky was always grey. Boards creaked, several buildings already were collapsed. The dirt was frozen solid, so for every step, comically, there was a loud muffled thump.
He took a step into a bar, floorboards creaking under his weight. He received multiple glares, but was unfazed. Sitting down heavily, he asked, "Some water, please."
The bartender (a pegasus) nodded, then gave him a glass. An earth pony came up. "Hey, turkey, where did a pristine unicorn like ye come from?"
"That is none of your concern. Kindly leave me alone and we shall get along fine." The mysterious pony responded.
"Ho ho ho! We got a fancy Canterlot pony hiya!" He laughed. "Your fancy spells don't work on us. We got us our own fancy shmancy unicorn!" The earth took out a knife and pointed it at the traveller. "Pay up!"
The traveler suddenly picked the stranger up, then shoved him into the ground with strength impossible for a unicorn to achieve, unless they were a full time bodybuilder like Bulk Biceps or an alicorn. "Back where you belong, mud pony."
The cloak flew off, revealing an assortment of knives and swords. But what scared the ponies in the room were to two brilliant white wings, their leading edges and tips black. His emerald eyes turned completely dull green with purple eyelashes. "I don't suppose he knows dark magic?"
In a magical explosion, everyone one in the room (save the bartender) dropped dead.
"Who are you?" The bartender asked.
"My name?"
The scared shitless pegasus nodded.
"My name is Lightspeed." He downed his water, flipped the pegasus a couple bits, then walked calmly out of the door.
Massive, Moon Sized, Planet Destroying Space Stations
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
-Napoleon Bonaparte
Luke climbed up onto his X-wing. "Hey, Artoo's a bit beat up. You want a new droid?"
"Not in your life. We've been through too much. You alright their?"
Wooork beep boop!
Luke began the startup procedure. "Hang on, Artoo." C-3PO said. "You've got to come back!"
Beep bop bop!
"You wouldn't want my life to get boring, would you?"
Wier, bop beep boop!
Final preparations were made and the Fighter began to start up. Everywhere, pilots, X-wing and Y-wing alike began to feel the pressure of what they were going to do. The four engined X-wing with their pink trails lifted off into the upper atmosphere.
"Standby alert. Death Star approaching in fifteen minutes."
One after another, the wings reported in.
"Lock s spoils in attack position."
The wings split.
"Look at the size of that thing!"
They charged in.
"Accelerate to attack speed!"
The X-wings dove at the station, and the Imperial Gunners began to open fire.
*pew! pew! pew!*
"Red Three! I see you! Stay low!"
"Red five, going in!" The gun turret blew up.
Inside, officers and soldiers were rocked slightly. Everyone was scrambling.
"We've encountered Rebel ships, sir, but they're so small they're evading our laser turrets."
"Then we fight them ship to ship. Get the crews to their craft."
"The laser will be in Rebel range in five minutes."
"Group leaders, we picked up a new signal. Enemy fighters, coming your way."
"I don't see them."
"Here they come!"
"You got one on your tail!"
Herrkt! Herrkt!
The X-wing blew in a spectacular explosion. "If you pick one on your tail, watch it!"
"I can't see him!" The x-wing jinxed just out of the TIE fighter's guns.
"I'll be right there!" Luke stuck in the Tie fighter's tail. He opened fire, then the fragile TIE fighter blew.
Vader called several pilots. "Come with me."
With his advanced TIE flanked with normal TIEs, he charged into the battle. "Stay in attack formation."
The X-wings charged into the canyon, then began to power through towards the hole.
The guns suddenly stopped.
"I'll take them myself. Cover me."
"Yes sir."
An X-wing got shot down in flames. Luke didn't care. He continued to charge at the target. His wingman suddenly flipped around, and brought down the two weaker TIEs.
The Death Star was ready. Getting ready to fire, Vader was very pleased. Suddenly, the Millennium Falcon charged in, forcing Vader from his attack. He fired his rockets, but at the same time, the laser began to start up.
The Falcon and remaining ships charged off.
A pause. Then...
*BOOOM!*
"Great shot kid, that was one in a million!"
Luke just took a deep breath. It was over. He listened to the force, and prevailed.
An Explanation
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'"
- Elayne Boosler
"MaC, we've detected a massive explosion in the Helios Quadrant." Tes said.
"Let me see."
He brought up a screen panel. "Strange. It was in a trajectory of charging into the planet, then it blew up before it even touched the planet's ozone layer. Data also shows that there were lasers before the boom. Tes? I'm going on Dominus."
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The Dominus. A Cygnus class battlestar with Mercury class flight pods shrunk down and integrated into the main hull. She was the most decorated ship in the fleet, with Illustrious in a close second. Leaving Tes to the Facility, he became the ship's hybrid for the duration of the exploration mission. Loading up on ammunition, Tylium ore, and whatever was necessary, they set off.
Another reason that MaC hated living specimens. They had special needs to operate successfully. A robotic fleet could be impossibly small and compact, but amazingly powerful. No living quarters, life support, rooms, only systems. All that room could be fitted out with gun turrets and missile tubes.
While against Celestia's orders, he had convinced her the importance of science. Taking on the Rainbow Tails and the now disbanded Helios squadron, he launched all fighters to begin the scan of the area.
DRADIS suddenly picked up several unknown contacts. One broke off, then charged at the battlestar. MaC ordered a stand down, and guided the unknown into the right flight pod.
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Luke stepped over the edge of the X-wing. Perhaps, this new ship had a group that could help them fight the Empire. They looked like an organized fighting force.
Artoo popped out, and they looked as a door suddenly opened. A single round ball suddenly came in with a blue light.
"Well hello there, good sir!"
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Celestia sat with Twilight and Luna in the Ponyville castle; they still hadn't rebuilt Canterlot yet, and therefore, they continued to use Twilight's castle.
"Ace's been off, like he's hiding something. I don't know what. But I don't like it." Twilight muttered. "Then he goes charging off because of a radioactive explosion in the Helios quadrant."
"Twilight, I'm sure we will investigate that matter soon. For now, let's just let him figure out the whole thing. He'll do okay, I can guarantee."
"I hath pulled out some records." Luna spoke up. "It appears he hath killed test subjects after they hath finished thy test."
"Speaking of which, have you heard about Pilkington?"
"Yeah. The poor bartender wouldn't stop saying Lightspeed. Huge traces of dark magic, and his drawings depict an alicorn."
"Wait...isn't MaC friends with him?"
"Maybe he's a different pony?"
Suddenly, a guard ran in. "Princesses! The whole contingent of home defense and strike power of battlestars have pulled to where Dominus is now!"
"What about the flak frigates?"
"They all are in wartime standby. They have taken over CAP duties."
Celestia rose sharply. "I'm going to I have a talk with MaC."
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MaC and Artoo made a long exchanged of Beeps and Boops. MaC and Artoo downloaded information to each other, thus speeding the first contact explanations up quicker. The whole battlefleet of Equestria had jumped in and MaC had explained to the Battlestar Commanders what happened.
Celestia soon teleported into the CIC, horn aglow, wings wide, a frown on her face. MaC, who didn't have the feelings of a normal sentient being, was unfazed, but Luke was honestly scared.
"EXPLAIN THYSELF!" She yelled in the Canterlot Voice.
"I was simply helping a new ally."
"An ally that's losing."
"And I intend to change that."
Luke quickly excused himself and asked for the nearest bathroom.
"Princess, you must realize that our planet only has 60000 humans. It would boost their population and voice in the government."
"Ace, this war you're dragging us into!"
"DON'T CALL ME ACE!" He yelled, using the entire ship's intercom system to rattle Celestia's brains. He took a "deep breath," visibly trying to calm down. "Look, just calm down. If you hate casualties, just allow me to make it all AI."
"MaC, I can't trust you. Records show your carelessness to life."
"Those were accidents. I invent long fall socks for that."
"But your tests are still designed with a possibility of death."
"That is the testing under stress, it would never be really dangerous."
Celestia gave MaC a hard look.
"Bye then."
Celestia sighed, then teleported away.
A Carrier's Troubles, A Cruiser Trembles
Executor
"There are some people that use descretion as an excuse for being a chicken shit coward."
- Anakin Skywalker after landing the Invisible Hand
MaC looked over at the entire royal Battlestar fleet. He was in an original Battlestar , the first of the colonials. They looked very similar to the Galactica type, but were larger. They used the old centon measurements, and had energy based weapons.
A pair of star destroyers and a super star destroyer had been reported to have been seen in the area, and they didn't want to risk a modern capital ship against them. The original battlestars, Galactica, Pegasus, Atlantia and Pacifica were the first ships with capable striking power against the Cylons.
The Galactica type was next built, finding that the lack of flak on the original ships allowed the Cylon missiles to pass through the slow traversing laser batteries. The original battlestars were slated to training missions.
At the time if the fall of the colonies, there were several of the massive Nova class battlestars named as the original battlestars. Therefore, there would have been three generations of the ships named those names.
MaC's command, Baltica, and a second that would bear the brunt of the fight, Indra, began to power up their sublight engines. After making headway from the main fleet stationed over Yavin, they powered up their lightspeed engines, and zoomed towards the enemy fleet.
Indra began to take heavy damage as soon as she dropped out. The Imperial scanners were focused on her, and they didn't notice the other Battlestar dropping out on the other side.
"MaC, Indra is reporting heavy damage to her flight pods!"
MaC, who hung from the middle of the old CIC, looked at the pony manning the radio station. "Very well. Bring her around, we're going in."
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Vader looked at the burning Indra. "Burn, Indra. Burn." His voice was full of malice. All of the battlestars would be crushed like this. Then, Anima's creatures would fill his ranks. Their use of the force had been amazing.
"Sir, you should really take a look at the second battlestar."
"Shut up, I want to enjoy every second of this ship's destruction, and you're babbling about a second battlestar-" he turned his head, then screamed like a little girl. Turning his TIE fighter, he quickly turned tail back to the Super Star Destroyer.
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Palpatine stood in the bridge of the SSD. "Sir, there is a second Battlestar!"
"Destroy it. Then move on."
"Sir, it hasn't stopped to engage our fighters!"
"If it hasn't stopped to engage our fighters and it hasn't headed out towards the stars, then where is she headed?!"
The person in the battle information center spoke up. "Directly towards us."
Palpatine had to take a moment to find words. "Wha- but that's absurd! It's almost as if that commander didn't care for the Indra!"
Vader walked in. "May I suggest the legendary Central Fleet Management Computer our spies have told us about?"
"...MaC....yes....MaC...of course....MaC!" The old man stuttered. "What does he care about any life, he wants-oh....he wants...he wants me!"
Vader stood there stoically.
"Recall all of our fighters at once!"
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"They're recalling fighters." The pony on the Indra wireless networking system spoke out. Commander Hot Head looked at the scanners.
"But what about the plan?" Another voice spoke out.
"No. That was our plan. That was never MaC's plan." Hot Head spoke ominously.
"Incoming fighters have suddenly turned back. MaC's attacking all three ships at once."
"Just what he said he would do."
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"How far are we?"
"One hundred ten centons. Ten in several minutes at this speed."
MaC looked at the pony. "Alright, alright, let's get there. We have a very important meeting with a human named Vader."
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Palpatine sat on his throne, back turned to Vader. "How long before our fighter return to defend us?"
"I'm afraid the Baltic will reach us first." Vader responded.
"Fall back, let the star destroyers engage them."
"I do not think the destroyer commanders would appreciate that."
Palpatine turned to his general. "That was an order, not a request."
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"Two star destroyers are coming up on range, sir. The super star destroyer is falling behind them."
"That would be Vader's ship. Plot a course between the two forward ships."
"It's gonna be a little sticky in there, sir."
"All batteries, ready up. Bring electronic shields to maximum power."
The shielding proved futile against the cylon nukes, but against lasers, they had a certain leverage.
The Baltica charged between and underneath the two, guns blazing. The star destroyers were designed without the thinking of underbelly armor. Laser fire cut directly through the entire height of the ship, and several salvos later, the two ships were out of the fight. Still in one piece, but not in operational condition.
"Standby, all missiles for point blank launch! Their shields won't be able to help them."
"Closing on blank range. Ten. Nine. Eight."
*pew! Pew! Pew!*
"Six. Five."
*herrkt! Herrkt!*
"Two. One."
"Fire all missiles!"
Palpatine and Vader managed to commandeer their own shuttle, and escaped the destruction. But most of the crew were trapped inside of the massive carrier-battleship.
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Hot Head ran over to the scanners. "What happened?"
"The SSD blew up. The Baltica was mighty close. Her signal disappeared."
"There is a chance MaC fired the lightspeed engines before the explosion hit them." A CIC crew suggested.
Hot Head shook his head. "No. There wasn't a chance for them to spin up the drives." Everyone in the CIC looked at him. "I'm afraid they are beyond saving."
Sabotage
"You never asked yourself if you deserved to survive. Maybe you don't."
-Sharon "Athena" Agathon
Lightspeed entered Ponyville as just another simple traveler. Nopony gave him a second glance; he was in his cloak again, after all.
He went to the end if the line of petitioners. Over a couple hours, he finally made it to Celestia's throne room.
"Hello, my little pony. What are you here for today?"
"A simple matter of cat and mouse."
He sent an energy ball at Celestia, who was caught completely off guard. She quickly recovered, to find that the small white unicorn was actually an alicorn.
"We can always settle this diplomatically if you want."
Lightspeed didn't answer, he only took out two of his knives and prepared for Celestia's attack.
"So, how's Luna?"
"Oh, not bad. She seems to be mingling with the commoners pretty well."
"It must've been so terrible to send her to the moon for a thousand years." He taunted.
A calm, feminine voice sounded. "Now, that's not very nice!"
A screen panel lowered into the room, showing a round core with a central, pink eye. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him." A panel that came from the granite floor suddenly raised like a catapult. It sent Lightspeed flying across the town.
Tes gave Celestia a nod, then retracted the panel. "Interesting...MaC has control over the castle..."
***
Lightspeed picked himself up from where he landed. At least something soft broke his fall. Looking down, he suddenly realized it was his mother.
Lightning Dust looked up at him in shock. "...L..Lightspeed?"
He frowned. Another wrench in his plans. Master wouldn't be happy.
"Shut up, you old witch. Sending you to Tartarus would be merciful."
"Wait, I'm sorry! Please, I was-"
"Yes, you were too selfish to care for your own child." Lighspeed took out a knife, and got ready to slit her throat.
"Hey!" A small pegasus, his coat neon blue and mane neon green, charged at Lightspeed. He only just flung him to the side.
"Ah, Super Sonic, pleasure to meet you here. Such a long time since I last saw you."
"Lightspeed, please! I was confused, sca-"
"Oh, don't worry, I'm willing to put it all behind us. For peace...you monster."
Celestia and Twilight teleported in. "Lightspeed, please, what you are doing is wrong!"
"What, and she is right?"
"She may not have the cleanest slate here, but you shouldn't make yours dirty over something as small as this."
"Is that what you told Luna when she was Nightmare Moon? Well, whoop de bucking do, that worked out great!
Luna suddenly appeared behind him and fire a spell. He was blown clear off his hooves, and sent into a wall. After the smoke cleared, he managed to pick himself up. Spots on his coat were burnt, and he was in a pretty bad state. So he did the only logical thing that came to mind.
He lowered his horn and charged.
***
"So. I expect you did well?" Lightspeed had been out in the dungeons of the castle, which he managed to hide his black communicator ball. It glowed red, and became more prominent with every syllable.
"Well, master, I nearly managed to take the princesses down."
"What happened?"
"I got ass raped."
The deep, booming laugh from the crystal made Lightspeed jump for a moment.
"Alright, I'll send you a rescue team. Don't fail me next time!"
"Thank you, master."
"Don't thank me. Impress me!"
***
The three princesses sat around a planning table. "I looked over his history. It appears that he has an abusive childhood, and is unimpressed with our rule."
Twilight raised a hoof. "Um, there's reports of an abusive grandmother in the outskirts of Ponyville...we could test him, you know, place two guards who talk about it and see what he does. And make sure he escapes...?"
"I like that....Storm Stride, Gustav!" Two white unicorn guards clad in gleaming golden armor walked over and saluted. "I have a mission for you two..."
***
Storm and Gustav walked into the dungeons, then threw two ponies into the cell with Lightspeed.
"You the rescue squad?"
"Um, yes, sir..."
Lightspeed put a hoof under his chin. "Well. Good job."
The guards stood at attention, making sure they wouldn't get out. They began to talk about random things, which Lighspeed didn't pay attention to.
"Master won't be happy with you two. If you can get me out, I'll bail you out."
The two ponies nodded.
Meanwhile, the guard's conversation turned to the poor kid and his life.
Lightspeed began to eavesdrop, listening to tidbits of information, like which house, the colt's name, etc. Realizing he could clonk their heads, he reached out, then slammed them together. Their armor caved in.
He quickly picked the lock, took off his anti-magic horn ring, then, sneaky as a cat, he escaped into the sunlight. He teleported to the house, then snuck in.
The grandmother was somehow in health good enough to beat the little unicorn colt. He was black, with wispy bits of blue, red, and brown, like a nebula, and his coat had little areas that reflected white light, like glitter. He was on the wooden floor, crying.
Lightspeed teleported the colt away to his bedroom, then knocked out the old mare. He then ground a hoof into her neck, suffocating her.
He found the colt in his bed, sleeping. He quickly put him on his back, which woke him. He offered the scared child a warm smile.
"What's your name?"
"Starhound. What's yours?"
"Lightspeed."
The two walked to the adoption center across town.
"Granny says that your a bad pony."
"No, I'm not bad. You see, your grandmother beats you for no reason."
"She says I'm a bad colt."
"No...she's wrong. You see, Celestia doesn't care about colts that get beaten. I was one of the victims of this terrible crime. Master is going to change that, so that we can have better lives."
"Can I call you daddy?"
Lightspeed tensed up at this. Finally deciding, he said, "Yes. Yes you can."
Starhound
"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
-Sir Winston S. Churchill
Lightspeed sat on Celestia's old throne, triumphant. After dropping off Starhound, he rethought his tactics and decided to take down the princesses one at a time. It worked like sweet milk.
The first thing he did was take down all the snobby nobles, especially that Blueblood asshole.
Nyx burst in, a whole contingent of guards piled over her. "Lightspeed, explain yourself!"
Lightspeed let out a groan. "It's a long explanation..."
A Long Explanation Later
"So you wanted to help Equestria? You could have made a petition."
"Ha, like that ever works. Celly's too busy worrying about the nobles revolting to actually give a shit to her 'subjects' and whatnot."
"Lightspeed, I've only known you for a day. But I know you're not like that."
"What do you know about this crap? I give an exchange to master; a small little compensation to create a better country."
"Your talking about communism! That never wor-"
Lightspeed teleported her out. "Finally some peace and quiet..."
Red Widow stood guard outside the throne room. The Day Guard had been replaced in favor of the Elite Night Bat Guards because they actually could do something without messing up.
Lightspeed came out. "Um, excuse me. I'm off to the library. I guess you're dismissed for the day."
"Thank you, sir."
She turned to the barracks, only to suddenly stop. Questions about him flew into her mind, like what book he was going to read, end of thinking capacity (etc).
Red slowly stalked him into the library. He grabbed a book in the Crystal Empire, then flew onto a cloud. She folled him stealthily onto a higher cloud, and watched him.
"Herro!" Another bat guard popped out behind her. It was her roommate, Vixen.
"Aaaaahhhh-oh, hi Vixen. Moshi Moshi Jesus Desu."
"Wacha doing?"
"Erm...nothing..." She suddenly took intrest into a dragon shaped cloud.
"Come back on, you can tell me!"
"Fine....I sorta have a crush on Lighspeed."
"Then you'll have to ask him out." Vixen said with a goofy grin.
A pony stood over Palpatine. "I'm now your master, weakling."
"Yes...Master..."
"I find your company interesting. Your not boring when we go clothes shopping."
"Yes...I do like chain mail armor swimsuits."
The two left J.C. Bits.
"You hear about the starships?"
Lightspeed nodded. "Missed MaC by a day."
"I like them. More than your wits."
"They do have one redeeming characteristic."
"What's that?"
"They don't talk as much as you do."
Red rolled here eyes. "You wanted to adopt Starhound?"
"Yeah. We're here."
The Ponyville adoption center was, in essence, a daycare with added dormitories. They walked in and were immediately swarmed with foals and fillies.
"I certainly does something, doesn't it?" Red asked as she nuzzled a filly.
"Yes. It makes me very, very uncomfortable."
They quickly found Starluck. Lighspeed took him to the adoption office, and after half an hour of grueling paperwork, managed to call him his own foal.
The now group of three walked into the sunlight.
"Wait...who'll raise and lower the sun and moon now?"
"Me, I guess..."
Starluck looked up at the alicorn. "Come daddy, you can do it!"
Lighspeed did it, he was just drained.
"Never..again..."
Red and Lightspeed stopped at the barracks. "Well, catcha later, Lighty!"
"Right...Reddie..."
Lighspeed let Starhound go play, and went down to the dungeons to find the Royal Sisters.
Celestia looked up at him, expression neutral. "Why are you here?"
"I looked over the history of the Crystal empire. I'm screwed!"
"You just realized that?"
"Help!"
"Fine." The solar princess blasted her way out of the cell.
"Wait, you could've gotten out any time?"
"I just wanted to see how you would've ran the country."
"Oh. Come on, Sombra's gonna do something bad!"
"Wait, he's your master?"
"Was! Come on, let's get the others!"
The entire group assembled, even Nyx, Rumble, and several flak frigates came into the atmosphere to support.
They teleported to the Crystal Castle, to find that Shining and Cadence were already engaging Sombra.
They lept into action, surrounding the massive cloud and hitting him repeatedly. Sombra fled, to the annoyance of the whole group.
"We didn't even get our licks in."
"We'll get him soon. Some day. Just not today."
"You do realized that it all escalated too quickly?"
"Meh. The author probably wants to move the story along quicker."
Indeed, I do.
The Annual Skywalker Family Reunion
Luke and Lightspeed sat in a compartment in the Millenuum Falcon. It had been several months since the whole incident, and Lightspeed decided to join the Starfleet as a marine. Quickly mastering a double sided lightsaber, he began to work with Luke.
"So, we go in, deal with Darth, then get out?"
"Should be like that. Plans rarely go the way they should."
The two disembarked and went off to find Vader. They entered a dimly lit room. Suddenly, a lightsaber opened with a snap-hiss.
"Welcome to my home, Luke."
Lighspeed was the first to react.
"Huyah!" He brandished his saber, but only opened one side.
Luke turned. "Come at me, I'm fucking jack-oh wait, this isn't the Internet..."
The three began to swat at each other.
A swat sent Vader flying off a ledge. The two Rebels went down to meet the bastard. As soon as they went into the lower room, Vader began to rip random peices of his ship and chucked it at the two.
"Wow. You're just being stupid now."
A piece destroyed the window ("Why the hell is that there?") and the lot got sucked into a thin balcony.
Vader knocked Lightspeed off, then turned his attention to Luke.
"I'll give my right hand for this to end!"
Vader cut off his right hand. Losing his saber, Luke crawled onto the balcony.
"Obi Wan never did tell you what happened to your father."
"You killed him! Like bazillions of other innocents!"
"Ee...nope. I am your father."
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"
Lighspeed flew back up. "Wow. And I thought my family was dysfunctional."
He grabbed Luke, then let the two fall. He guided the two down a winding tube, heading for the Falcon.
The metal skin came into view, but Lightspeed couldn't stop them. "Oh....crap!"
With a loud splat, the poor alicorn was flattened between the Falcon's cold hard metal and Luke's increased mass due to the acceleration and potato chips he had been eating.
"You okay there, buddy?"
"Yes." A muffled voice came out. "I've only been flattened so many times, you know."
"Ah, right." The human looked around. "Crap. I'm going to need a shovel."
Two weeks later, they tried again. The two decided to take both Palpatine and Vader. "You know, this is stupid. I magically grow back your right hand, and you're going to get it cut off again."
They rounded a corner and Luke tried a Vulcan neck pinch on a stormtrooper.
"What are you doing?"
"Um...the Vulcan Neck Pinch?"
"No, no no, stupid. You got it too high, it's down where the shoulder meets the neck."
"Like this?"
"Yeah!" The Stormtrooper collapsed.
Luke took his identification card and swiped it in the computer. Mentioning for Lightspeed to follow, they crept in.
As soon as they went in, Vader pounced. "Before you die, Lighspeed, there's something I would like you to know."
"And that is?"
"I am your father's brother's nephew's former roommate."
"So...what does that make us?"
"Absolutely nothing. Which is what you are about to become."
It became one on one, with Luke standing to the side watching. A hit suddenly got a camera crewman.
"Um...the pony did it." Vader pointed an accusing finger at Lightspeed.
"What!?"
Then, they continued to fight. The blue and red lightsabers suddenly got tangled together.
"Shit. I hate it when I get my saber twisted. Okay, maybe if I put my leg on your knee like this, yeah, like that, maybe we can untwist, three, two, one, mark!"
Vader turned off his lightsaber. Lighspeed tried to hit him a couple times, but that did nothing.
Darth took off his helmet. "Hahaha-"
Lighspeed gave him a hard buck to the face. Holding his head in telekinesis just out of Vader's swinging arc, he gave him a deadpan stare. He suddenly let go, and he plummeted over the edge into a bottomless pit sixty feet deep.
"It seems that evil people have lower IQs than good people." Luke observed.
"That's it in a nutshell."
They continued in until they met Palpatine.
"Very well, you two. Obi Wan has taught you well. If there's one thing I despise, that's a fair fight." Using the force, he confiscated all of their weapons. "But if I must, I must."
The two began to duel with the force alone. Lightspeed was off trying to get the lighsabers. Palpatine got a nasty hit on Luke, and he fell to the ground screaming.
He pulled himself up, to face Palpatine pointing a blaster at him. At the last second, Luke took out a mirror and deflected the laser from his chest. It hit Palpatine in his balls.
"My decommissioned testicles!"
Lightspeed found Vader at the bottom of the bottomless pit.
"So. How's the wife?"
"Dead."
"You know you have a daughter?"
Back with Luke, he stood over the emperor. "I have you now, you damn bastard!"
A chanting of "I have a daughter!" suddenly came out. Using the distraction, Palpatine kicked him away. "I'll let you and your friend live in exchange for Vader. Deal?"
"Deal." Luke's arms suddenly became very long. He reached into the pit and grabbed Lightspeed (who already slit Vader's throat) and took off.
They rounded a corner and were ambushed by Stormtroopers. Of course, they were terrible shots, and missed them. Lightspeed just grabbed Luke and calmly walked through the swarm, making them hit each other.
Entering the hangar, Lightspeed noticed the Imperial shuttle.
"We could use that."
"Nice thinking."
The shuttle powered up, and they zoomed out. Just at the moment, they were going to enter hyperspace, some Stormtrooper finally managed to sharpen his aiming skills for the sake of the story and hit one of the sublight engines.
It knocked them off course and sent them off to the unknown.
The Living Legend
"Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven."
-Tryon Edwards
The shuttle careened towards the planet at crazy speeds. Crazy as in we're never going to get out of this mess.
"In the event of a cabin decompressing, oxygen masks will lower from the ceiling. Untangling them will allow you to think of something before you die." The computer spoke.
Lightspeed looked at Luke. "That's cheerful. Get ready in two minutes. We're going to break the sound barrier."
It took four hours to suit Luke up in the Imperial space suit. It would probably also take that long to read about it. Reading is a good thing, but four hours is definitely overdoing it.
The white alicorn looked up the human. "You scared of flying now?"
"No. I'm afraid of suddenly not flying."
The shuttle hit the atmosphere, but stayed intact.
"Okay. I'll open the door in a moment. Get ready to "Klingon" to me when I do."
"What's a Klingon?"
"You won't live to see it. I happens in the next story, I checked it out on Fimfiction."
"Wait, I die?"
"Jeezus, everyone dies, you idiot. Yes, you die. Deal with it."
"But that doesn't explain the Klingon!"
"Calm down, now. It's a fourth wall thing, jeezus." After a pause, he pushed the door open. It was ripped off by the air flow. "After you, good Jedi."
Luke looked over the edge. "One. I'm not a Jedi Knight. Two. This is madness!"
A shit eating grin formed on Lightspeed's face. "THIS! IS! SPONAAAAAAAAAAA!" He bucked the human out, then jumped after him.
The two began to fall
fall
fall
fall
fall
fall. Sorry, got the idea from a Geronimo Stilton book. Very boring (little kids book our English teacher made us read) but good use of visu-
Right. Back to the story.
Lightspeed latched onto Luke, and spread his wings. "Whaaaaaaaaat did I geeeeeeeeeeeet myseeeeeeeeelf intooooooooooo!?"
"Rrrrrrrrrrr!" Luke growled. He looked down. Spread below them was a beautiful scene of the ocean meeting the desert sand, which faded to a big plain.
They began to roll, faster and faster. "Oh, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you!"
"Or can you? I'm the one that's gonna save our asses...again."
"Oh...you!"
Lightspeed began to pull out as hard as he could. "Goddamit, you humans are heavy. Didn't I tell you to lay off the chips?"
"Just shut up and pull ou-" He was cut out because of something sticky covering his mouth.
"Duct tape: Turning stupid into "Mmph! Mmph!" The struggling hybrid gasped out. "Next time, grab a parachute."
Two humans had their binoculars pointed at the Imperial Shuttle.
"The Empire..." The one on the left spoke.
"Shit. Well, there goes the planet." The one on the right muttered.
"Luke, it's your turn!"
"My turn for what?!"
"To break my fall!"
"That's a bit far, don't you think?"
"So was the Falcon!" Lightspeed bellied in, and Luke was dragged across the ground kicking and screaming. He hit a rock, and the two tumbled for a bit before they finally stopped.
"You want to leave me? Here's your chance."
"I'm stuck with me you because I can't seem to conjure food."
"Well, I'm stuck with a damn non-magical creature who can't do shit."
"Well, I'm stuck with an arrogant bit-"
"Whoa whoa whoa." Lightspeed said, doing the time out signal. "Hold it tight!"
"Fine then. Leave me." The two split up and left both ways.
Two Minutes Later
"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Lightspeed screamed.
"AaaAaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Luke screamed.
"Roar!" The little ewok roared.
The human and the pony slammed into each other. The two hugged each other tightly. "From now on, stay together."
"Agreed."
MaC went through the little village in Paradeen using his little rover, humming a cheerful song. He noticed a crowd and turned towards it.
"Hey, what's going on?"
"An Imperial shuttle fell out of the sky. No bodies." The someone answered. Suddenly, an old woman gasped. "An alicorn!"
MaC turned to where she was pointing. It took him a moment to find words.
Standing there, was Lightspeed.
Lightspeed looked at the humans, who bowed deeply. "Um...do you happen to have any form of interstellar travel?"
The old woman looked up. "There is a massive ship above the planet right now." She pointed at MaC. "He can help you."
MaC rolled over in his six wheeled kart. "Lightspeed...is that you?"
"How do you know me?"
"It's me, Ace! Though I prefer MaC..."
"Is it really you?"
"Long story, but guess what? I'm alive!"
"Still alive..."
"Look, we don't know where we are, so were stranded here."
"Then we'll find a way out." The white alicorn said with a determined tone. "Come on. We'll start sending out distress signals now."
The two began to leave.
"Still, it's bloody good to see you, mate."
"It's hard to take you seriously with that accent."
"Come on. Equestria needs us."
Saga of a Star World
"As we share the glory of our victories, we should also share the pain of our defeats. In this way, we grow stronger, we grow closer..."
-Malik Al-Sayf
Battlestars, while they all have their main task of fleet command and control, also have little things that they specialize in. The tiny Orion class was designed with fleet escort in mind, and the Valkyrie class had recon as it's second priority. The Cygnus class, because it was build off of a hull designed as a heavy battlecruiser, was meant to take the brunt of big fleet engagements. Mercury and Galactica type ships were pretty much support ships; they were never designed to get in the enemy's faces and give them a bitch slap across the face.
That's why battlestar groups generally worked with multiple classes. BSG-36 was the exception.
Consisting of 4 Orion escorts, 2 Valkyrie recons, and a single Cygnus class Gunstar, "Little 36" as it was called was patrolling in the Endor star system. The little group was on a anti-missile boat patrol. They were never meant to take on fully fledged capital ships.
Apparently, the fates were very playful that day. Endor was the repairing ground of the ruined Death Star. Guess what happened?
"Coordinates?"
"7132.8947.8267"
Back on Paradeen, Lightspeed and MaC were figuring out how to return to the home fleet.
"Why is nopony here?"
"Illness. It was terrible."
"Then am I in danger?"
"No. You're an alicorn."
"There is no disease that affects mortals that doesn't affect alicorns."
"It was alien."
The conversation paused for a moment, letting the two work on the slightly ruffled battlestar.
"Lightspeed?"
"Hmm?"
"Is Vader dead?"
"Mmmhmmm...."
"Dang. I wanted the kill."
"I can resurrect him if you want..."
"Nah. The galaxy is better without him."
"Where do the coordinates go to?"
"Oh, a small backwater planet called Endor."
"Sir, target coming in at lightspeed!"
"Scan it. I want to know what it is."
After a couple beeps, the pony at the scanner contact station looked at him. "Sir. It's the Baltica."
"Impossible. She was destroyed in the blast!"
"Sir, with all due respect-"
-"I think we need to bloody worry about were we're going!"
"Why?"
"That was the bloody Indra that we just passed. Baltica's left flight pod took off their bloody communications array."
"Oh. Whoopsies daisies." Lightspeed muttered as he changed the course skightly. MaC went over to a window hanging from the ceiling rail, trying to catch a glimpse of the Indra. "Oh well. They're gone with the wind."
"Sir, they appeared to have taken out our radio antenna!"
"Lovely, what else did they steal from us?"
"Our shield deflector array."
"...Chase them. I want to know what the Tartarus is going on."
"They're chasing us."
"Goody gumdrops. We've pissed off Hot Head."
"No shit..."
"They aren't stopping."
"Sound the sirens. They're running from the cops."
"Sir...this is a starship..."
"Okay, drop in three, two one!"
*Whoosh!*
"Good, were out-"
*Bang-crunch*
"That doesn't sound bloody healthy."
Lightspeed pressed his nose against a window like a foal. "Uh MaC?"
Baltica, as soon as she dropped out, slammed into the top portion of the super star destroyer, ruining it's framework. The weakened left wing pod supports had failed, allowing the pod to punch through the superstructure, and it remained lodged at mile two of the massive assaultcraft.
The alligator head was slightly damaged after hitting the little stub of a bridge, but that was mostly the extent of the damage of the ram, not counting the first three decks at the bottom. Those had been taken off at mile one.
"You drive like my bloody grandmother; you're bloody rubbish." He primed the nukes. "Come on, we're leaving this bloody ship. It's their last SSD."
"Okay then, I'll keep us aloft." Lightspeed prepared an atmospheric spell.
"Wait, do you even know BAMs?"
"Huh?"
"Basic Aerial Maneuvering?"
"No...But I know how to blow up big ass space stations."
"How?"
"The same way I'm going to get us out of here." Lightspeed said coolly as he readied another spell. A glowing white orb appeared over his back; at the same time, a black orb that seemed to suck away all the light.
'Black magic and light magic in their purest forms.' MaC thought in amazement.
The two suddenly swung forward, curving toward his horn. They smashed into the bone with a magical fizzle, and suddenly, everything in the room was blasted away from Lightspeed in a sonic wave. There was a tense pause. Then a thick, red laser fired from the alicorn's head, and shot out towards the broken station through a window. The station began to expand, showing it's superstructure with a backing of flame and smoke. It then all folded in on itself.
Lightspeed huffed. "Just broke quantum physics, right ther-"
Suddenly, debris was flung back out in all directions.
"Never mind. Well. I'm going to have to pay a lot of shit for that." Lightspeed groaned as the bits of metal hit the friendly ships.
"Why aren't they bailing?"
"Well, we could send a SAR Raptor..."
"Good that. Do it."
Back On Anima, Ponyville Castle
"MaC, while I am glad that you are back, there are some very pressing matters to talk about..."
Lightspeed gave the core a glance.
"It appears that you have...plans to annihilate all life on this planet?"
The core visibly collapsed. "Yes..."
"Can you explain why?"
"I don't know."
"I want all of your files. Now."
"Ace.exe, CeFleMaC.exe, Rake.exe..."
"Wait, what's Rake?" Lightspeed interrupted.
"We"ll see then." He downloaded it into a "blank" turret to see what would happen.
There was a tense pause. Suddenly, the eyes opened, revealing two glowing orbs.
"Now that-"
He was cut off as a mouth suddenly formed, revealing long, sinister teeth, and the jaw split apart, allowing it to become more pincer like, like the little arm-stubs at the front of a spider.
The now deemed rougue core let out a roar. MaC hastily deleted it from his storage.
"Calm down now, mate. It's all gonna be aright-"
It charged at MaC, but suddenly, Lightspeed lept in front of it. Seeing Lightspeed, it stopped, cocked it's head, then bowed low.
"Huh. That was...unexpected."
The rougue looked up at Lightspeed. "In service to grand master Sombra, I bow down to you."
"Uh, sure, just be quiet for awhile. We got some stuff to sort out."
Red Widow came in. "Starhound's been crying over you."
"I'll be along in a moment."
The bat pony nodded, then walked off.
"What's with that bloody look?"
"I'm in "bloody" love. "
"Uh, sure. About this Rake..."
"Put him in a cell or something."
The guards saluted, then dragged him off.
An awkward silence descended on the room.
"So. What now?"
