Top Hats & Metal Wings

Chapter 4: Requisitioning Diane’s Assistance

“Keep it together.”

The boys were on their way to the ghettos of Ponyville, right about where the western edge of the Everfree Forest should have been. They are going there because Darius heard that Pinkie Pie was stationed in an old Overwatch office there. As they passed through the narrow city streets in Darius’s magic ‘car’, the buildings started to be in noticeably worse conditions than the rest of the city. The three visitors noticed a familiar phenomenon .The capital’s smog prevented you from seeing any stars, but there were plenty of flying machines fluttering and floating around with flashing lights. Most of which seemed to be scouring the city for the four fugitives.

“My question is,” Michael began to ask, ”Why couldn’t we have gone to some nice seedy bar full of random whatevers that don’t know who you are Darius, I mean, we could have found some kind of dark cloak things and hunched over while we said nothing! But instead we draw attention to ourselves by attacking whatever that guy was.”

“Hey, you told me to take that square out!” Tellis protested from the passenger seat.

“True, but I’m just stating the things that- the facts Tellis, I’m just saying what happened.” Michael’s articulation began to falter, as it usually does when he attempt to correct himself or speak up. He’s normally a bit of a mumbler, and he’s finally running out of steam and going to really suck at talking now and probably say something really stupid  or random in a moment because that’s his nature, and he’s just a tad bit autistic.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah… We need some tunes!” Tellis adjusted the ARC’s radio dials with his Omni-hoof until he heard his friend Vinyl’s voice emitting from it.

“-nd I hear those Overwatch a-holes were roughing up some changeling who owns a soda parlor over at the Shift. Look, if you get past their looks and that thing where they feed off of love’s energy somehow, they are decent enough . The Watch can’t just go around beating on innocent civilians like this, we gotta stand up to them! Ya hear me, everypony? And now for my rebels out there, some music from (put link here)Mare(/put link here)! DJ-Pon3 out, and don’t forget to eat those beets, kiddies!”

Tellis and the boys were staring at the radio, and Darius was doing his best not to and focus on driving the Arc with his forehooves and magic.

Tellis pointed a metal finger at the radio and asked, “Umm… What was that about? Was that us?”

“It seems the Overwatch wasn’t too happy when they reached Benny and he didn’t have us, poor sod. I knew we should have brought him with us!”

“I feel kinda bad now, thanks man, I reeealy appreciate it.”

“You’re very welcome, it was the least I could do after you incapacitated my acquaintance and left him to those Watch dogs!”

“You guys! Fightin’ isn’t getting us anywhere! Bryan back me up here. Bryan, wake up!”

Bryan, who’s had a pretty busy day, fell asleep during the song, mumbled with his eyes closed, “Myahh…”

“You see? He agrees! So… umm, ahh… oh yeah! Back to where we are going… you do know how to get there, right?”

“Human please! I know this city like the back of my hoof!” Darius said as he made a left turn and passed a doughnut shop, several check cashing places, a liquor store, and a t least a dozen confused ponies that didn’t seem to care that much about the Overwatch’s warnings and other random species like a diamond dog wearing a black coat and a brown top hat exiting the liquor store with a brown bag in his paw, and bringing it up to his face as he stumbled a bit down the street. An eagle-colored griffon was sitting on a bench, listening to a portable radio looking worried about something and Michael also saw some very rude yet intricate graffiti regarding the Overwatch and all their mothers.

“Damn! Steam Ponyville is home to quite the ‘arteest’.

“Steam Ponyville?” Darius seemed a little bit offended by Tellis calling it that.

“Yeah! This place is all steampunk and crap!”

“Steam…punk? Just what is that, pray tell?”

“Well it’s…” Tellis waved his forelegs around to signify he meant this entire world, “All this stuff everywhere! Pipes with steam and people wearing clothes from the 30s and this buggy thing we’re in and oh look, a flying robot with more steam just blasting out of it!”

“You still haven’t…”Darius craned his neck and saw what Tellis was talking about, a pony-sized black and green insectoid mechanical beast was fluttering about, “Oh, Celestia, it seems the Overwatch has finally grown a brain to use between them and started to send out the Dragonflies!”

“What are Dragonflies?” Michael asked worriedly from the backseat as he fussed around in the small, cramped seating arrangements, “couldja scoot your seat up? just a little?” The purple pony in front of him pulled a bar under his seat with his right hind leg, and used the other to push himself slightly forward, “Thanks.”

Before Darius could answer Michael’s question with a mildly sarcastic remark, Tellis said, “Well, damn. I dunno, but by the looks of things, it sees us!” hiss eyes widened as he unfolded his fingers from the rest of his Omni-hoof and pointed a metal finger at the robot all in one quick motion. The robot swung its head, which was a black camera- type device, towards the ARC and blue and red lights on its wings and back began flashing and glowing. It would have been pretty neat to have been able to just stare at it for hours while it did that, but then is started to pursue the boys.

“It seems were getting to Pinkemena’s a tad later than expected!” Darius stomped on the acceleration pedal while reaching for a handle on the ceiling labeled ‘do not use’ that was covered in yellow and black tape and turned it with his magic. A doomsday switch near the dash was labeled ‘seriously, do not use’ with a red light blinking above it, and the green unicorn flipped open the red cover. With a twinkle in his eye and a mad grin on his face he said, “I’ve always wanted to use this! Hold on!” He flicked the switch with a hoof, and they were all flung back in their seats as Penelope did a wheelie for at least three seconds.

Tellis screamed with a hoof extended out his open window, “TUUUUUURRRRRRRBO!!” The two humans, though, were less enthusiastic. They were frozen, no, petrified with fear for their lives. Was Darius trying to kill them? They thought he was safety conscious! Turns out he just didn’t want to risk it earlier when Tellis was egging him on to get to the parlor faster. The Arc’s front wheels made contact with the ground for what seemed like an eternity and a half for the boys, but was met with an “Aww...” from Tellis and Darius. Were all ponies this insane? They weren’t even going that fast, 80 miles an hour, but on narrow city streets? That’s just outrageous!

“Dude!”

“I know!” Michael looked back behind him through the rear window, and saw the Dragonfly was hot on their asses. Darius made a nasty right turn into an alley while Tellis shouted, “Let’s get dangerous! Whoo!” Darius plowed through wooden crates and narrowly avoided a changeling who was being mugged by a griffon. The bird wasn’t so lucky. It attempted to jump back, but Penelope caught the mugger in the shoulder, sending him flying back to the alley wall, most likely shattering it’s foreleg and several other bones. The Arc exploded out of the alleyway and Darius turned left rather raunchily, he really was the best kind of scientist! Not Gordon Freeman level, but he’s on the way! The Dragonfly wasn’t deterred; it just flew over the buildings and was back on the boys’ asses.

Bryan, who spotted the Dragonfly right behind them again attempting to get a good shot of their faces, shouted, “Tellis! You gotta have something!”

Tellis raised his metal hoof level with his face, and a black, blue crystal edged blade popped up in front of his eye as he answered, “Well, I got this!”

Darius looked upon Tellis’s blade and exclaimed, “A knife!?”

“Comet doesn’t like guns, long story, and she definitely doesn’t know about this, so don’t tell her!” Tellis began to climb out his window and onto the roof of the Arc.

“Tellis, are you insane!?” Darius shouted after the fearless flightless pegasus pony, and a knife blade stabbed through the roof as Tellis hoisted himself onto the roof, “Penelope!!”

On the roof of the Arc, Tellis stood up on two legs, the wind on his back blowing his white tail and mane forward as he aimed his artificial hoof at the Dragonfly while stabilizing that leg with the other. Good thing this street seemed to be really really long, but Tellis didn’t have the time to stand around looking badass, especially when the Arc suddenly ran over a ponyhole that wasn’t all the way secured, sending him flying. Adrenaline and copious amounts of sugar were flowing through Tellis’s veins as he shouted in slow motion, “Knife to meet you!”

He fired his grappling hoof attached to him by a cable at the flying machine and the blade on the end of it dove right into the middle of its back, where its wings were attached. Tellis didn’t want or need a big hunk of metal attached to him, since that was already the case all the time, so he rectracted the blade, whipped his foreleg down, and reeled in his Omni-hoof back home.

For a pony without any wings, Tellis does an awful lot of jumping, falling and crashing through things. He should think of a career as a stuntpony, hell, it’d be safer than his regular life! So anyways, Tellis smashed through the window into the apartment of a pony watching television while eating chips out of a bowl. The apartment’s resident just kept on eating his chips in his recliner as Tellis rolled across the floor, covered in broken glass. He was really regretting not putting clothes on earlier by this point, and he just hoped that he didn’t damage anything vital. There was no time to pull out the shards that were stuck in him, he had to catch up with the others. Most of the shards were only skin deep and sure, it was excruciating, but his current mission of finding his goddaughter carried him on till about he ghost walked across the hall into the open door of an apartment where the walls were lined with newspaper clippings, blurry pictures of bipedal figures similar to Michael and Bryan, and a mint-colored unicorn holding a key ring in her mouth. It looked as if she were about to lock the- wait a second. Is that Lyra? She was wearing a bowler hat with some clear-lens brass goggles over top of the hat’s brim and way more clothes than she normally wears. There was a tan scarf wrapped around her neck and she was wearing some kind of small, light jacket with a whole bunch of other small accessories adorning her clothing. Clearly she was about to go somewhere. But where would you go at one in the morning? A fine question, but Tellis wasn’t really in any kind of condition to do anything but ask her name, collapse, fall unconscious, and bleed on her carpets.

A crème colored mare with a dark purple curly mane with a pink highlight running through came back into the apartment from the hallway, “Lyra! What’s taking so- by the goddesses!”

.o0{{I-<][-{[/%/]}-][>-I}}0o.

Have you ever had a lucid dream? You know those kinds of dreams where you sense everything and perceive it as reality? Well Tellis was having one of the craziest lucid hallucinations brought on by blood loss and too many blows to the head.  He appeared to be in the middle of a party or rave of some kind. At least it wasn’t another falling dream. The bass was pumping while creatures of all types were dancing, having good times, and enjoying themselves. Noticing a strange pony that he couldn’t see clearly on the level above him at some tables, Tellis decided that he needed to get a better look. After failing to see a way up there, he made his way back through the crowd away from the balcony over to the tallest thing he could find, and that was where the DJ was. She was a Diamond Dog wearing some kind of circus ringleader coat complete with a neon-lit top hat, glow stick necklaces, and these blue goggles that looked like the lenses were made out of some kind of smoothed out sapphires they were so beautiful. This place was magical.

He dodged a pair of griffons making out before getting near enough to one of the giant speaker towers that went all the way up to the building’s ceiling, which couldn’t be seen in the dim lighting conditions of the dance floor. It was a good thing there was a conveniently placed ladder on the sides of the towers, and Tellis hoped that he wouldn’t need to be near the deafening speakers for any longer than he had to. Having a hand makes climbing a ladder so much easier. The upper part of his chest near his right shoulder felt weird as he climbed the ladder, like it was being tickled by something. After a moment or two the sensation stopped, but it was weird. No matter, back to finding that pony. Ah, there she I- wait a second. Is that himself he sees? Can’t be, but the stunted wings and Omni-hoof beg to differ! The pony looked like if you took Tellis and switched all his colors with their opposites. And I mean every color, even the whites of his eyes. He stared in disbelief at the light green, black maned, blue-black eyed crippled Pegasus with the white painted Omni-Hoof and yellow arcane lightning bolt Cutie Mark. Big disks of light were his pupils, and it simply terrified the original.

“You took quite a nasty fall,” The purple pony looked around and saw that the pony that sounded and was shaped like him was right next to him, or rather, the other way around. He was sitting next to anti-Tellis at the table where a black bottle and a white bottle were sitting. He couldn’t hear the music anymore, but he could still see the dark figures down below partying on.

“I- wha- who- me?” Tellis could barely sputter out before his doppelganger answered him.

“I’m you. Well, a version of you that your sick, twisted mind cooked up and plopped me here in some far off corner of your psyche. I do wish you weren’t so…incomplete. I find it hard to move around with this brick attached to my leg,” He lifted up his white Omni-hoof and tapped it on the table twice.

“You get used to it. So, I’m in my brain?” Tellis asked… let’s call him Sillet because he was a carbon copy of Tellis except for the fact he was on the opposite end of the spectrum. He felt woozy again and thought he heard sompony say something about blood in the far distance as his focus returned to the rave. He was lying on the floor with Sillet prodding him in the back with a metal finger.

“Hey, get up. Get up. Get up. Get-“

”Will you stop that? I’m back,” He sat up and looked at Sillet, “So what are you?”

“I’m you, dumbass.”

“Really? Could’ve fooled me there. Seriously though, what the hay are you a repressed memory? Brain damage?”

“A little of both. You know every time you had to crack some skulls or extort from some little family store in Cloudsdale?”

“Now that you bring it up, yeah.”

“Goddesses, I hate this music. So yeah, I’m pretty much everything bad you’ve ever done or wanted to do compressed into a manageable package and crammed in the back of your brain.”

“So you’re evil?”

“Hey. ‘Evil’ is a strong word, I’m more… lacking in the morals department. I tend to not think about things like whether or not stealing from Ruby is the right thing to do.”

“Oh, it is,obviously. I’m totally with you on that one.”

“I think a lot of ponies would. I need a better example… Oh yeah. Remember when Molly set your car on fire and you wanted to choke her to death?” he pretended to brush some dust off his shoulder, “This guy.”

“You- What? Why are you telling me this?”

“Well, these assholes aren’t very talkative, the DJ is a complete idiot, and the only one around here that seems to have two brain cells to rub out a spark in here is you.”

“You swear a lot.”

“Oh, Mr. Goody Two-Horseshoes in the house! You know if it actually did something I’d have already cut you for being stupid.”

“Oh, you better not cut me. You might be living here but here is my brain and in my brain you play by my rules.”

“Is that right? Then how come you’re a cat right now?”

A bizzarely colored housecat with a little wooden peg leg was sitting on the table swishing his tail around furiously, “You’re hilarious. Change me back.”

“No. I think you’re better this w- Hold on. You hear that? Yeah, I think it’s time for you to wake up and leave me here to rot. I’m going to see if I can get the DJ to play my…” Sillet’s voice faded away as darkness enveloped him.

He opened his eyes to find himself sprawled over a bed in a small room, with some kind of wrappings around his midsection and was those pants he was wearing? They were severely lacking in the fanciness department and the buttons for the rear was missing but hey, free pants!. He sat up and something tugged on his right foreleg, an IV feeding blood into his body from a bag. What the heck happened to him? He remembered the flying robot, goring himself with a window, and Lyra. She must have brought him here, because there really wasn’t any other way to explain it. This clearly wasn’t an actual hospital because the IV stand was a hat stand, the room looked more like an unused guest room than anything, and there wasn’t a single tongue depressor in sight.

A blue unicorn with a messy light blue mane who was wearing opaque brass rimmed goggles, a white surgical mask, and a doctor’s coat burst into the room arguing with somepony behind her who was followed by a concerned looking Diamond Dog. A Dog’s concerned face looks a lot like their ‘I’m going to eat you’ face but if you don’t panic you can see the difference.

“Hey, he’s awake. You owe me money.”

“Cutter pony! Sorry, that’s pretty much what she says to all ponies,” The larger than average Diamond Dog was wearing simple pony clothes with the sleeves cut off and worn as a vest over a long-sleeved coat that was likely bought at some kind of specialty store for non-ponies and pants that were much better than Tellis’s in terms of wear and tear.

“Call me that again and I will cut you, got it?”

The Diamond Dog knew she wasn’t joking and he pretended to lock his toothy maw and throw away the key. The Pegasus pony wearing a brown jacket with a lot of pockets that came in with the doctor asked Tellis, “What the hay happened to you? You look like you’ve been in some kind of airship crash!”

He looked himself over, other than a few fresh stitches around his midsection and on his right hind leg, he was fine. Oh… yeah. “Though I have done that before it’s not what happened to me.” He pointed at his stumpy, useless nub wings, “Birth defect.” Then he tapped his good hoof on the robotic one, “Explosion. I get blown up a lot. These right here are from a window I kinda fell through.”

“Yeah, you had more glass in you than a church. Pay up.”

“Will you give that a rest Street Smart? He’ll pay you when he leaves.”

` Streets sat in a chair and crossed her forelegs, “He better.” There was something about the way this mare looked that was giving Tellis serious déjà vu. He couldn’t quite place it but he knew he saw her somewhere before. It’ll come to him eventually.

The Dog was giving Tellis a once over of his wounds to make sure Streets didn’t mess them up. His big, terrifying smile said otherwise. He laughed as he patted Tellis on the back, knocking the wind out of him before the dog suggested, “Metal leg pony might want to thank ponies that brought him here.”

“Not before he pays me!”

“Okay, if only to keep you quiet I’ll pay you. You impatient little…” He wiggled a bag of coins stuffed into the dark recesses of his Omni-hoof’s storage out with his teeth and tossed it towards Streets, who caught it with her magic and removed the drawstring. All she cared about was getting paid, the others however balked at the size of the bag compared to his hoof. The dog was moving his paws close together and then further apart while the Pegasus scratched her head with a hoof in confusion.

Guess he better explain it to them, huh? “It’s uh… It’s bigger on the inside.” That didn’t do anything but confuse them even more. Streets couldn’t care less about the Omni-hoof.

“I think I should… thank whoever brought me here, yeah.”

“Yes. Hey, what is metal leg pony’s name? I kinda don’t want to have to call you that.” The dog approached Tellis to help him off the bed.

“Wait, you called-“

“She hates it when I do that.”

“Hehe, got it. But gimmie your name first and then we’ll see about mine.”

“Marty.”

“Good name, mine’s Tellis.”

Marty removed the hypodermic needle embedded in Tellis’s leg so he could move around with him without having to carry the hat stand around like an idiot and beamed, “I like your name! It’s not some crazy pony name like Speedy Rails! Hahaha!”

The light green Pegasus mare pulled down an eyelid while sticking her tongue out at Marty, “Nyah!”

“Hold on, I gotta ask. What’s up with the pants?” He pointed at said pants.

Rails stepped in front of her greedy friend counting out her earnings. “What, you been living under a rock or something? Oh. You really don’t know? It’s that stupid Decency Act where all sentient races of a certain age are required to wear at least two articles of clothing. It’s completely rididculous.”

“Oh. Well I’ll be damned,” He saw the black derby she was wearing. It can’t be. “Wait, Rails?”

“Yeah?”

“Where’d you get that hat you’re wearing?”

“It’s mine. I found it.”

“Look inside it, there should be some initials that read H.R.”

‘Huh, there is.”

“That’s my hat! Give me my hat, now.”

“Whoa, cool your jets, flyboy. Who’s this H.R. fella?”

“Somepony very important to me, give me my hat.”

Street Smarts smacked Rails in the back of the head with a hoof, “Just give him the hat already.”

“Fine, fine. You didn’t have to hit me so hard.” She gave Tellis his special hat back to him and he put it on his head. The flit on the back of his mane made a lot more sense now.

Marty chuckled as he finished tying up the IV drip line on the hat stand and said, “Come on. Let’s go see ponies that bring Tellis here.”

The cyberpony stumbled a bit before he got his land legs and followed Marty out the door into the hall. He heard a nasally voice from a doorway down the hall say, “You know I put up with a lot of your crap Lyra but this? We were supposed to be at a party half an hour ago but no, we had to help the wingless freak that bled all over my carpet! Are you even listening to me?”

“Well what was I supposed to do? Leave him there? Bon Bon Is some stupid late night party that important to you?” There’s the Lyra Tellis knew and loved. Guess he’s going to finally meet that Bon Bon character she always talked about.

“Yes!”

“You are a cold, cold pony,” She shook her head in disappointment at the mare crossing her forelegs next to her on the couch they sat on. Lyra was sitting like she usually did while Bon Bon was sitting more like a pony, which he himself never did. Tellis and Marty caught Lyra’s eye and she turned her head towards them, “Oh hey! It’s that guy!”

Bon Bon scowled, “And that Dog.”

“I don’t like your tone, pony.”

“And I don’t like your face.”

Marty growled slightly before Tellis hit him on the back with his good hoof. “Don’t worry Marty. I like your face!”

“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

He leaned in closer to Marty and said out of the corner of his mouth, “Positively.” Tellis pulled away before going over to Lyra and thanked her while vigorously shaking her hoof in his prosthetic one and simply giving a thumbs up to Bon Bon before looking back to Marty before either of them could say anything, “Hey Marty? Do you know where the Overwatch outpost thingamajig type deal is? I kinda needed to get there and well… yeah.”

“What? Oh. Why do you want to go there? Pinkie?”

“Pinkie.”

“What kind of trouble you in? You know what? Forget I asked. Sure I’ll take you there. I mean it beats having to deal with Streets!” Marty laughed heartily, unnerving the two mares on the couch while Tellis joined in the Dog’s merriment.

He pretended to wipe away a tear as he exhaled before pointing at the door and shouting, “To the outpost!”

“That’s a closet.”

He turned around and pointed at the other door that was much more likely to be the front door, “To the outpost!”

.o0{{I-<][-{[/%/]}-][>-I}}0o.

As they walked through the fairly empty city streets under the raised monorail lines, the boys started up a conversation to pass the time until they got to the outpost. It was better than awkward silence and talking to a Diamond Dog that wasn’t a right douche was always fun.

“Really, since birth? Wow, there go half my questions.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they were lame questions anyways.”

“Hey!”

“Hay is for ponies. What I meant was you now have a chance to make newer, better questions.”

“Oh. Wait what’s wrong with my questions?”

“Nothin, nothin at all, forget I said anything,” He noticed a changeling sleeping next to a brick wall with nothing but a piece of cardboard lying on top of it that had a beggar’s message on it as an improvised blanket, “Hey look at that guy. Or gal, I can’t ever tell with changelings.”

“It’s homeless, so what?”

Tellis pulled the last of his money out of his Omni-hoof with his teeth and grabbed it with his robotic hand, “Pretty sure he/she needs this more than I do.” He gently sat the bag of coins on the ground close to it and the homeless shape shifter stirred in its sleep. It could have easily stolen somepony’s life and gotten money that way but that’s probably illegal. Either way, whatever the reason it was in this sorry state seeing this homeless being made Tellis feel bad for it. Their bodies weren’t completely covered in that insect-like carapace and he could see its ribs and concave belly. That money could definitely help this creature for at least a few days. Sometimes that’s all you need to turn your life around.

“Wow. Streets wouldn’t ever do something like that. I don’t think Rails would either. I never thought I’d see anyone be so generous in my life.”

Tellis swore he could hear Sillet laughing at him from the back of his mind, “Yeah, yeah I’m a saint. Let’s get out of here.”

.o0{{I-<][-{[/%/]}-][>-I}}0o.

The Overwatch outpost looked pretty evil, with its big black plate metal design and the way it towered above the apartment building and the pawn shop on either side of it and the mean looking guards giving Darius the evil eye while the boys stayed in the car. The only non-threatening aspect about the outpost was all the party decorations put there by Pinkie Pie. A camera on the wall above the light green pegasus mare guard on the right side of the door moved slightly closer towards Darius and jolted up as if it were surprised.

Darius prepared himself for the headache that was to come. A speaker by the door activated. *GASP*”Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It’s Darry! You big meanie! I’m coming down there!”

Brian, who was being low profile in Darius’s vehicle along with Michael said to his friend, “I’m confused.”

“Dunno, didn’t really put that much into figuring out his back story. Guess we’re gonna learn right here, huh?”

The lavender Pegasus guard on the right wearing a helmet and looked at the green unicorn and asked, “Who are you?” His helmet affected his voice slightly but there was definitely something about it that made Darius curious. This pony’s tail was white as well… hmm.

“I could ask you the same, friend. Your voice sure is familiar.”

“I- I asked you first!”

“Whoa now, calm yourself. There isn’t any need to get antsy. I’m just here to talk with Pinkie Pie.”

The other guard turned to her coworker. “Yeah, keep it together. What’s getting into you?”

“Nothing, it’s just the middle of the night and I’ve been standing here for hours.”

“And I haven’t?”

The guard on the right sighed. “You’re right Swift, I’m sorry. Why does that elevator take so long to get here?”

Eventually, the front door of the outpost opened, revealing a stern-looking, frazzled Pinkie Pie standing on her hind legs, wearing a long sleeved black sweater with the Overwatch symbol on the chest and green sweatpants. She had a steaming mug of cocoa in her hooves which pointed at Darius, “Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in?”

“Not as much trouble as you are with the fashion police Pinkie.” Oh! Two points for Darius and Pinkie Pie, please apply sterile bandage to burn.

Pinkie Pie sprayed out the hot chocolate that was in her mouth as she burst with laughter, “I didn’t know you could say something so funny.”

Darius shrugged nonchalantly, “Eh.”

Inside the buggy, the boys were freaking out as quietly as they could about Pinkie Pie, whispering to each other as the peeked through the tinted windows.

“Oh my god.”

“I know.”

“Er. Mah. Gerd.”

“I know.”

“I can’t believe this it’s actually Pinkie Pie right there in front of us right now.”

“I can’t either, I’m totally freaking out right now.”

Darius opened the door of his vehicle with his magic and the boys fell out onto the hard ground.

Pinkie Pie raised her mug, spilling it slightly, “Hi there!” The two guards had reactions that were not as great.

Swift the guard pointed at the boys with a hoof and shouted, “Ah! What in the name of all that is holy are those?!”

Michael pointed at Swift and said, “You ain’t that great either!”

“Michael…that’s not nice to the ponies.”

“Shut up Bryan. And get off of me, you’re damn heavy.” He pushed Bryan off of him before starting to stand up and when he looked forwards he was face-to-face with Pinkie Pie. He’s been trying to ignore how enormous their eyes were by not directly looking into them but that’s a bit impossible with those huge blue irises boring into the windows of his soul at point-blank range. His skin went white as a sheet and he couldn’t think about anything but how big her eyes were. She was slightly confused, since usually everything is happy to see her except maybe that one donkey and that bartender she owes a great big tab to. This creature before her was clearly in trouble so she did the only logical thing. She hugged him.

An electric shock went up Michael’s spine. He usually doesn’t let anyone touch him, let alone hug him. All part of the Asperger’s issue package, but this was Pinkie Pie, for Celestia’s sake. The color returned to his skin, he didn’t feel like he was having an out-of-body experience or a heart attack anymore, and all was right in the world.

He wished those few short seconds could have lasted a lifetime but he knew they couldn’t. He felt a little sad when she finally pulled away from him and allowed him to fully stand up. The very top of her bouncy pink mane came to his eyes and she looked pretty much as he expected her to actually look in real life. Except for what she was wearing and her mane being a bit messier, but that was probably because of how late it was.

“My name’s Pinkie Pie, what’s yours?” She tried to take a drink out of her empty mug and gave a disappointed look inside the empty metal container covered in wooden slats.

Bryan had his arms crossed and was grumbling about Michael getting a hug from Pinkie Pie as Michael Introduced himself and his friend to everypony. “Uh, if it isn’t too much to ask, I think my friend wants a hug from you. So can-“

“Of course I can! Come here!” Bryan couldn’t get over to Pinkie Pie faster to receive his free hug.

When she pulled away, Bryan put his cracked glasses on and said, “I think it’s safe to say I can die a happy man now.”

The masked guard leaned over to Swift and she turned to him, “Do I look like I know what a man is?”

Pinkie Pie started circling the boys, inspecting their features before she asked, “So what are you guys?”

Darius stepped up, “They tell me they are a race of creatures called ‘humans’ and-“

Pinkie Pie’s tired face lit up before she beamed, “Humans? You mean like from the stories?”

“Stories?”

“Hello? Don’t you read the paper Darry? A few months ago there were a whole bunch of articles on hairless monkey things in Canterlot. There was this mare at Rummy’s Place going off about it and she called them that!”

“That mare’s name wouldn’t be Lyra Heartstrings, would it?” Tellis loudly asked from across the street while Marty stared at the boys, mouth agape, “Oh come on Marty, I thought you said you’d be cool.”

“Wha-what are those things?”

“Bryan, I think that’s a Diamond Dog. Try not to panic.”

“Too late.”

“Bryan. What did I just say?”

“Oh my god, they’re coming over here.”

Pinkie Pie trotted out into the middle of the street “Hey! It’s one of those mean old’ Diamond Dogs that ponynapped Rarity a year ago!”

“That is profiling! I’m not even remotely involved with the Prowlers.”

She narrowed her eyes and said in a threatening tone, “Prove it.”

“Seriously? Uh, how about the fact they hate ponies? I love ponies! Isn’t that right Tellis?” He wrapped a huge foreleg around the purple cyberpony.

“Dude! Can’t…breathe…”

“Oh, sorry pony!” Marty dropped Tellis to the ground and he rubbed his neck with his Omni-hoof.

Darius looked at the boys. “When did he get pants?”

The guard wearing the helmet trotted out to the street with Swift following after him, curious as to what he was doing. “Wait, did he say ‘Tellis’?”

Tellis looked at the masked guard and started doing some addition, “Yeah, what’s it to you what my name is?”

The buck pulled his helmet off to show Tellis well… himself! “That’s my name.”

Everyone was surprised to say the least. Everypony except a certain cyberpony, who was prinking around his doppelganger commenting on his wings and mildly damaging the pavement with his Omni-hoof every time he landed on the ground.

“How- I mean who are you?”

“I’m you obviously!”

“No, he can’t be. There’s only one Tellis, right?”

Tellis pointed a robotic finger in the air, “Wrong! There’s probably hundreds of me’s in a whole bunch of different universes! Like this one, for example. I can’t believe I have wings! Dude, you have to tell me what flying is like.”

“What do you- Oh by Celestia. What happened to your wings? And your leg?”

“You know, I really wish I could just group everyone that’s ever going to ask me that together so I only have to say this once,” He pointed to his wings, “Birth defect.”

Then tapped his good hoof on his Omni-hoof, “Explosion. Any more questions?”

“Yeah. How do we know that you’re actually Tellis?”

“For one, I totally look like him, just a way more badass version though. Sorry but you don’t look like you’ve been in a fight your whole life.”

Swift stepped in front of her friend to defend him, “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look at him Swift, tell me that’s a pony that takes a lot of risks.”

“How do you know my name?”

“I’m him! You know one of us is  going to have to use Flight Strength, right?”

“Wait what? Don’t you mean Strong Flier?”

Tellis was speechless for a moment, going over all the times he’s told ponies what his name meant and realizing that he was wrong every time, “Yes. Yes I do. It isn’t going to be me.”

“Well it isn’t going to be me!”

“Buffalo leg wrestling?”

“Buffalo leg wrestling.”

New Ponyville City’s Tellis won over this world’s Tellis in their petty little contest. Strong Flier called bull, saying that Tellis cheated with his cybernetics when in fact he just sucked at BLW.

Darius had been trying to talk with Pinkie Pie but she wasn’t listening, “Pinkie, you weren’t there.”

“I don’t care. You deserted. That means you don’t care about the Watch or anypony in this city!” she threw her mug aside and crossed her forelegs indignantly while sitting in Darius’s vehicle.

“Dammit girl, just listen! We need shelter, especially those two boys. If the Overwatch’s science teams get their hooves on them-“

“I get it. I’m not doing this for you though. I think I know somepony that could help, but you’re not going to like it.”

“Who?”

“Twilight.”

“No.”

She jabbed him in the chest with a hoof. “I don’t want to hear it Darry! We’re going to Twilight. If anypony knows anything about these humans it’s either Lyra Heartstrings or Twilight Sparkle and I have no idea where Lyra lives.”

“Then we find where Lyra-“

“We’re going to Twilight’s house!”

Darius Ellistar knew when to give up, so he sighed and said, “Alright. You win Pinkie.”

“Yay! We’re going to Twilight’s slumber party after all!”

“I’m not even going to ask.”

“You guys! I’m going with them for a while, think you can watch over for a bit?”

“No way, we’re coming with you and this pony with the metal leg.”

Marty raised two finger-like appendages on his enormous paw and said before yawning, “I think I’m just going to go home. Hope I see you ponies later. And Tellis?”

Both versions of the same pony looked at Marty, “Yeah?”

He pointed at the cyberpony and said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Thanks Marty.”

“Bye, ponies!” Not having to lead anyone around meant he could move as fast as he wanted, and Diamond Dogs can move really fast on all fours. Swift, Flier, and Tellis talked outside while Darius, the boys, and Pinkie went up into the outpost to grab some things.

“Pinkie, I know you say you take it everywhere but seriously?”

The party cannon, along with a lot of other things, sat in a pile as Pinkie Pie worked on another mug of hot chocolate. The brass and steel cannon-shaped potato gun packed with colorful confetti was awe-inspiring with its sleek, simple design, perfectly calibrated barrel, and floral pattern wheels. It was sure to set off any party with a bang.

The pink mare finished off her mug before tossing it aside and rolled her cannon into the open elevator car before putting on her saddlebags full of more candy than anything and waited for the others to follow her inside.

Outside of the outpost, a garage door near the elevator had been opened and a large black vehicle similar to Darius’s was waiting for them, its bizarre propulsion system rattling on the back. Bryan tapped the green unicorn on the shoulder and asked him, “Hey, can we ride in that one? Sorry Darius, but the backseat of your car thing doesn’t really have that much legroom.”

“Fine, fine. Pinkie and I need to do some catching up anyways.”

The boys enter the open door of the larger vehicle and slid it shut as Tellis was telling himself stories about Doctor Whooves.

“Bigger on the inside? Really?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

Swift looked back from the driver’s seat. “Oh, look who decided to show up!”

“Nice to see you too. The others are almost ready to go.”

“Gyah. I’m tired of waiting.”

After Darius put Pinkie Pie’s cannon inside Penelope he started her up and began his journey to the Collective Knowledge District with several fugitives including himself and members of the very force after him.