The Whims of Royalty

Returned

Whim 1.333

"Is it true? Has he returned?"

In the great desert wastelands to the north of Ponyville, diamond dogs everywhere gathered to confirm this single rumor. Despite a millennium of fighting, the many clans of their species still gathered here on this day. Oh, you want to know what day specifically? It was the exact same day that Alekyen awoke in Applejack Apple's bed. In fact, that was when you first heard the rumor, wasn't it? It's funny how these things work out. Or, that's what I would be saying if I didn't have a hoof in this.

"I hope he'll bring us lots of jewels."

"You idiot, we already ate his jewels. If he is back he'll probably kill a bunch of us. If he's even real."

"Of course he's real, you Netia moron!"

"Hey, keep you mouth shut, Plemac!"

Such arguments had broken out throughout the gathering. There is no such thing as peace amongst diamond dogs.

On and on the fighting went. Dogs from the vicious Stunder Clan pulled knives out and began stabbing anyone who came near. The Inastadia dug holes so quickly, even the althletic Plemac Clan broke a few bones. And these are only four clans I've mentioned. There are thousands. Most, only a few months old; a young dog didn't like the way their clan did business and decided to make a new clan. So, while the Stunders were stabbing, the Kallmans were whacking, and the Netia were raping in one small corner of the camp, there were hundreds of similar, if not identical, fights spread throughout.

"Donde ma — what is that, 'frishno? Am I saying that right?"

"Ummm.... no... That's 'frikno'... that little, uhh, that little tick there goes down, not up..."

When Twilight Sparkle started to learn the Patzen language, she was doing great! Her grammar was excellent, her pronounciation was perfect... her only problem was writing.

"Augh! I'll never get this thing memorized! It's all just random lines everywhere!" Twilight complained.

"Don't... ahem... don't worry. When I f-first started learning your l-letters, they looked like r-random lines to m-me.It g-gets easier with t-t-time. Trust me. I do kn-know over f-fifteen hundred l-languages, "Alekyen consoled.

"What was that?"

"W-what was what?"

"That stutter."

"W-what stutter?" Noticing he stuttered, Alekyen quickly turned away.

"That one there." Twilight thought before asking "Was it something I said?"

"Ummm..."

"Tell me!"

"Jak'n," Alekyen swore.

Back at the wastelands, the diamond dogs had quickly been reduced to a river of blood. And that was before he arrived. There wasn't a single hair on him; no mane, no tail, not even an eyelash. If a diamond dog got in his way, he would gently brush them aside. Or, rather, he would make the motion of gently pushing him aside. The actual force in the motion would send the dog flying. Any diamond dog who saw him did whatever they could to get out of his way, then bowed. By the time he had reached the center of the crowd, each dog had his face as close to the bloody lake as they could stand. They all immediately recognized his pitch black flesh, his cruel red eyes, his thick three ringed horn. They recognized his manacles cutie mark. The recognized a stallion who, until that moment, was nothing more than a rumor.

Looking around, as though he had just noticed he was standing in half a foot of blood, he spoke to the air itself. "If my private stores aren't replenished by sundown, I will kill half of you here."

One diamond dog approached. "My lord, we have split and separated in many directions. But with your return, all diamond dogs will unite once more."

"I know what happened to my empire." With those words, the pony lunged, sinking his teeth into the dog's neck. Tearing the head off, the unicorn continued. "I will count to ten. If you haven't moved by then, I will kill ten more." The diamond dogs began rising and wandering off, searching to restore their masterls "private stores". However, there were those who didn't move; some were too scared, others were in reverence to the only creature who could unite the thousands of diamond dog clans with a single sentence. "You won't move? Fine."

A black aura emitted from the unicorn's horn. Reaching his aura towards the ten nearest dogs, the stallion said "Ten". Each of the selected dogs died a different, equally gruesome, equally painful death. One, at the end of it, was dried of all liquids, while another had his skull removed from his head through his nose and was beaten with it. That particular diamond dog's last words were "this doesn't seem physically possible!"

The effect was immediate. Even if the unicorn counted to ten again, even in his unique way, he wouldn't have had any more dogs to kill. Satisfied, he bent down low and began drinking.

"Sorry to interrupt your story, but I fail to see the importance in being told what my intelligence sources already know."

"Luna, I am merely showing the events as they happened. In other words; I am showing how each event is connected. Tell me, can you think of any reason Twilight would have stopped learning the Patzen language?"

"Just one; if something embarrassing happened. The only time Twilight Sparkle tried skipping my classes was when it came time to teach her about the, uh, birds and the bees."

"The word Twilight was trying to say, 'frikno', meant purple. 'Donde ma frikno' means 'I am purple'. On the other hoof, 'Donde ma frishno' means 'I am horny'. Quite a mistake, if you ask me."

"But what does that have to do with — "

"If Twilight had continued learning Patzen, she would have read books from the Canterlot library that even you two haven't been able to read. Books that only one pony has read since the downfall of the human race. Books that reveal Alekyen's troubled past. If she read even one of them, none of this could have been possible."

"Is Alekyen really that important to these plans? Why couldn't you have used anypony else?

"Because of Echo. Alekyen was the only reason Echo — "

"Precisely. Now, it you'll please, I would like to continue my story."

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