Lonely

Blackness. Despair. Uncertainty.

A normal castle, guarded.

A castle being invaded, overrun.

Ponies fight against other beings.

An alicorn, laughs in victory.

Another alicorn, defeated, unconscious.

A defeat of a power.

A giant coloured shockwave, covering a planet.

A giant coloured beam.

A massive mechanical construct, floating in space.

A coloured explosion, increasing in size.

A planet, charred, in flames.

The deaths of many, devastation.

“…There were over ten thousand ponies alive here, the day before you arrived... How many are alive today, I wonder? How many will be alive tomorrow…?

“Get up… I want you to see what you’ve done… You can’t blame this on somepony else... Don’t blame me… you did this.”

I slam the door again, in resignation most likely, interrupting and telling the same pony over and over again to go away. Frustratingly, again. She just doesn’t listen. She won’t ever listen to me. Probably never. Will she ever? “She really is sorry!” They are all liars. The lot of them. Everypony. Why should this one be any different? “Why won’t you listen to me?” Why won’t you listen to me, really? You won’t, and probably never will. Actually, certainly never will. “She wants to apologize!” I don’t believe that. Too many bad things can come when I attempt to even visit her. Actually, this is some weak attempt to get me out of the house. Surprised she just hasn’t pulled me out of the doorway when I open it. Actually… Why do I open the door?

“Why doesn’t she come over here and bully me again?” I retort, snapping in the process, as I lean against the door at the hope that she won’t knock it down. Which I assume is illegal. “Go away.” I keep trying and it just fails. They are setting me up for something. They always are. What could it be this time?

“No!” Give up, mare. Please. “She is really sincere!” I doubt that with every small and puny fibre of my worthless being. I should never believe something along the lines of those words. And yet… no matter what I say… she will always come back. Won’t she? I can’t even get my words into her head. Not even one more time. No maybes.

“I just want to be left alone.” I spoke softly, in defeat and resignation. I want to be alone right now. I don’t… I walk away from the door, ignoring everything that she probably will say after that, walking upstairs towards by bed. I just… Can’t deal with this. This hyperactive mare wants to go over to a bully’s home so she can apologize to me. And once I step a hoof out that door, I may not end up coming back. Do I want to take that risk? I haven’t been outside since. Living in fear. Hearing laughter from outside by window, probably direct at me behind my back.

I just want to sleep now. Surprisingly, I haven’t had as much nightmares as I did before. There have been a lack of them. Except for this… I don’t know… Visions maybe? These images… Something about a moon. A planet. A castle. A… star. An explosion. And no explanation. No reason for me to even see these things. I’ve got some imagination. I… There’s no point in telling somepony, not that one would even listen, but a physiatrist might think that I’m insane. Crazy. Kind of like that pink mare with the oddly fluffy mane. And cheery attitude to things. And too invading-of-personal-space kind of pony. And too infuriating to listen to. Too ignorant to listen to what I have to say. Because nopony cares about my opinions. My perspective of things. My… feelings. If I have any, that is. Other than the ones that I usually feel, I mean. You get the point… yourself.

I throw the covers as I lay back in my bed, with the lone pillow, as the blinds are pulled across so that the window’s vision is blocked from the outside world, isolated. I just can’t help but think of the time that I’ve been here, and what’s happen in such a short time. I’ve made more enemies. More bullies. More ponies that hate me. It’s never on purpose, the things that I do that harm another pony. They are on accident. And I get viewed like I’m a serial killer. I don’t ever want to go out there again.

You remember the time, a few days after it all went down.

I’m really tempted to go outside right now. I haven’t been out since the incident. Three days. I’m starting to get hungry right now, and I’ve run out of food, no supply left. I guess I need to go outside, eventually. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to meet that pegasi, to see that pegasi ever again. Maybe alongside that pink mare. She hasn’t left me alone since then, knocking on my door for the past few days, trying to get me to come outside, to forgive that pegasi that bullied me. Treated me like trash. Why should I trust her? First, she wants to be my best friend like I can even have a single friend, and now wants me to go with this stupid proposition that seems really far-fetched. No. I’m refusing to. I fear that pegasi. Tartarus, I fear everypony. They are probably laughing at me now. I could be the talk of the town. Laughing at me, being beaten up by a mare. Always the same, and it never changes. I shouldn’t have any hope of it ever changing. Why should I? I don’t see any point to.

Then again, for some unknown reason the pink mare and another white unicorn mare who I haven’t seen yet pulled her away from me. Were they helping me? Why would they? There is no point in trying to help me with anything in my life… I guess I’m thankful that they held her back, which they may have stopped a serious beating of some sorts, but I can’t believe that there are bullies in this town. It had some sort of reputation of being peaceful. I guess it was all a lie. Luckily, she isn’t here right now, and I can’t see her in the distance anywhere. She usually comes around at this time. So far, there isn’t any sign of her, as I peak from the blinds of the window.

Is she stopping today? I doubt that, but she hasn’t shown up yet. There isn’t anything on today that I know of. Actually, she was the only one who, quote unquote ‘apologized’ for the recent actions. But that tone of voice that I heard from her didn’t sound so sincere. It sounded rushed. Like she needed to get somewhere. Well, now that I think about it, she probably stopped coming to my house after a few days, giving up on the whole situation, leaving me to starve in this homestead. See, they are all selfish.

I actually haven’t seen the reflection in the three days as well. I guess… well I don’t know what’s happened. Really, anypony that walks past my place seems to take one glance then just walk away. No other pony seems to care about the incident. I guess it wouldn’t be the talk of the town. Or, they’re secretly nasty when I don’t notice them. And I guess that they do notice me whenever I look out my windows. None of it matters, anyways. All I can hope is that nopony ever bothers me here, ever again. But we both know that this isn’t true, and never will be. So lying to yourself won’t help anything. Not that it ever has…

Okay, you’re going to face the world out there. It’ just you. Nopony else to bother you. This isn’t a bad idea. You will go to the barn/apple field outside of town. You need a food supply from somewhere. Go out. Nopony will bother you. Nopony will harm you. Nopony will bully you. You will not feel… pain…

You can’t… I can’t… It’s just too hard. The same thing will happen, or something similar will, I’m sure of it. I slump back onto my bed, as my stomach growls. What do I do? I need food. I need to stay alive. I’m not going to commit suicide by starvation. Okay… Whatever is out there is not as dangerous as not doing anything. You need food. I know that I do. I just… have to deal with it, I guess. Like always… things just never change.

I’m downstairs, throwing my saddlebag over my neck, with the amount of bits still there from before, nothing changed, as I made my way to the door, staring at the knob once more. That rhymed… I always seem to freeze whenever I stand in front of the door, like it’s about to lunge at me like a Timberwolf violently gnawing at its prey. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard about a Timberwolf… This front door is made out of wood, and the knob looks shiny, like it’s puling me towards it, that it wants me to leave this home of darkness and utter despair. Like that’s its calling. Why? Why do you care about me? Nopony ever does or ever will, so why should you? You’re not even sentient, you’re just a things, connected to another… thing. A knob.

I place my hoof on the door, not hesitating for the first time, and opening the door slowly and cautiously. I hope I don’t get to see that pink pony today. Or ever. I get some feeling that she is going to pop up sooner or later. They always do. The past always seems to haunt me. I don’t know why. I’ll probably never know why. And I can’t stop it, either. The sun is still shining on this town. I guess the weather in this town wants it too always been sunny? I wouldn’t know. I’m no pegasi, just a simple, uninteresting, boring, plain earth pony that is worthless. In a… colourful town. Nothing here seems plain and everything seems so lively. Nothing like my last home…

There are ponies, walking around, probably doing their daily routine or something. Which will mainly include insulting me behind my back. Nopony has insulted me directly, apart from that one, and they all seem… friendly. Like they are all good actors. They all seem to have these smiles on their faces whenever I walk past them, maybe waving in some cases. They don’t seem like the physical type to bully. Probably mentally and socially. No, definitely socially. They all chat with each other, talking about things and whatnot. I’ve noticed that they are really open with their feelings, and feel really guilty whenever they’ve done something wrong, unless it’s to me of course, in which case they will probably never apologize for anything.

I step outside of my home, closing the door. Maybe I should buy a lock for my door. Just in case somepony breaks into my home. It hasn’t happened before. But that doesn’t mean it won’t start now. I definitely should. Just… maybe not right now. I need to do something. I’m not walking around this town with the pink mare being around, probably going to be seen by her. I tread cautiously towards the apple orchard. I heard this orchard sold apple supplied to last a month or something by a flier that I saw a few days ago. I have somehow mustered some variant of strength to meet this mare. I hope she forget that she saw me…

“Howdy.” An earth pony greeted with her country/southern accent as she tipped her brown hat towards me. It looked like she was waiting for me as she leaned over by the white gate in front of the farm. I could notice sweat from her fur. I guess she was working hard on something. Farming, I guess. What else could it be? Luckily, the pink mare was nowhere to be found where I made it here. I didn’t see her at all, which I guess won’t last when I go back home… Carrying amounts of food… Probably pushing or pulling a cart… I didn’t think this through, didn’t I?

"…hi." I answered back as I glanced at her for a second from staring at the ground, trying not to panic after having to most likely deal with the pink mare... again. I don’t want to visit her, and I guess I want to make this as quickly as possible. Which I know won’t probably happen.

“Say, weren’t you the pony that was walking away from me a few days ago?” Oh no… Did she get a good look at me? I think she isn’t sure on me being that ‘pony’ from a few days ago.

“…no., it wasn’t me.” At least I responded smoother and not as quicker, and really quietly, still staring back at the ground. I don’t like lying. Ever. But that’s what ponies do to me all the time, lie. So… Why can’t I? Ponies just lie to me for a short time, only to betray me to brutally beat me up, or for their personal gain. Often both. Always… both.

She looked at me in silence, probably either analysing me for some reason, or trying to come up with an insult… Or going to call my bluff. Please don’t… “You sure? You look pretty familiar…” Oh, dammit. Err… Quick. Think of something. “Ah’m sure that it was you…” She looked confused and in thought as I took a look from the ground at her. I take another look at this mare as well. She had an orange coat with a gold/yellow mane and tail, tied with a red ribbon at the end. The brown hat on her head was… a Stetson I think. Her cutie mark was three apples. Most likely an apple farmer, I guess. That…  Now… an answer that I need. I… can’t think of… anything.

“No.” I just answer. I can’t come up with anything else after a moment of thought and hesitation. Is this conversation going to go sour quickly? Like every other moment that I’ve ever had, or most conversations that I’ve had? Wait… “I’m new here…” That is true, by like a week now or something. I could direct this conversation now… I’ve never done it before. Okay, here it goes. Take it… easy… “I-I’m h-here to make an order…” I stuttered in a lower volume for a moment. Because that was smooth… Ugh. Please don’t laugh at me… I’m banking whatever I still have on this.

She raised an eyebrow for a moment before her expression turned back into a ‘friendly’ smile. If you can even call it friendly. More like manipulative and deceiving. “Well, sure! What would you like?” She then asked, still smiling, oddly. No insult at all? That’s… new, actually. I answered by giving her a small order, I don’t really eat a lot. I never liked sports, not that I’d ever get in or other ponies would let me, and for those reasons there really wasn’t any good idea to even go into sports. And I’m barely hungry really. Unsure of why that is. I’ve never known, like many things… She then commented on the small size of my order, noticing it. She paid attention? “For a month’s supply, it sure doesn’t sound like much.” That’s… another new thing.

“…I don’t really eat a lot.” Which was the only thing I could muster. Why would I explain why to some random stranger? They don’t need to know. Ever. Probably never, no. Certainly never.

She then muttered something to herself, probably keeping that in mind for some insult later on. Damn. “If you don’t mind me askin’,” What is she going to ask? “Why did you come here instead of the food stands back at the market town?” I… hadn’t actually thought of that. I didn’t even know that there was a market stand in the town. Now… it seems like a good idea. But, I’m not going to shrug this mare off and just leave. That would be really rude… But she would most likely be rude as well. And… No. I’m not going to the market ever, now. When I think about it, there’s a really good chance that the pink mare could find me there. And… the place would probably be crowded. More ponies to chat behind my back, rubbing it in that I’m lonely. I… don’t want to think about it right now. The mare in front of me brought her head a little closer to mine, too close for… anything and everything. She close her eyelids halfway with some sort of dirty smile. I don’t like the look of this, I slowly back away, before freezing at her words. “Is it because of our apples and friendly smiles?” You call that friendly? It’s creepy and… deadly if anything. And as if it’s friendly. You’re just trying to subdue me into… something bigger… and worse.

“Yeah, sure…” I answer after a silent moment. I couldn’t say anything else that I wanted off my mind, not that I ever will, and not that it will ever help me. Well, nothing does. Making it worse will definitely not as well.

She pulled back from my answer. “I see…” What? How do you? You don’t. You’re just lying to yourself. Don’t know why you are. “Well, okay! Ah’m gonna get your order. It will only take a minute!” She then proclaimed, before she walked off into the big red barn, where I assume she lives. She isn’t going to go and ditch me, is she? Wouldn’t be surprise if she did.

And I waited as I sat down and leaned against the white gate, looking up at the shining sun as the sky was clear of any clouds. Again for the third day straight. What schedule does this town have, regarding its weather? It was either raining or just overcast where I last was. I’m unaware of that reason alongside with this town. There was no celebration this week, or for the matter today or tomorrow. That I did not know about. So… Why do I always ask questions that won’t ever get answered? I guess that’s the price of being in loneliness’ company, all the time.

“Hi.” A softer country accent from behind me that made me startle and jump backwards, away from the voice. I turned around sharply to hear from… my actions I guess. I saw what… looked exactly like a younger version of the mare from before, only this time without a cutie mark. She had a red bow in her gold mane instead of a brown hat, along with two red ribbons at the end of her mane and tail. She was smiling at me. Was she a sister of that last mare? If so… “Who are you?” She asked, being excited? I couldn’t tell. Why she was even excited for, I’ll never know. There’s nothing good about a boring plain earth pony that isn’t even special in… anyway. None whatsoever.

“I’m just here for an order…” I avoid the question. She didn’t need to know. Not sure why she even cared, or mustered up strength to even ask question to a nopony. I hoped she wouldn’t press on further. Ponies usually don’t when I change the subject, because they don’t realise it. But I can realise the pain that they cause on me…

“Oh,” She looked away slightly, maybe depressed (?), with a confused expression on her face, before brightening up again? Uh… “You ordered food from Applejack?” So is that the name of that mare from before? What… a name. Of a beverage… I never understood the concept of ponies’ names in Equestria. It made no sense to me. And the ironic thing of all is that my name is different from the rest. I just nodded to her question. “Okay! I was wondering because I just saw somepony leaning against the front cage!” She… Why would she approach strangers? Heck, why would she even approach me?

“Um… Okay…” I responded uneasily and nervously. I don’t know why this foal is taking some interest in me. Nopony ever does. So… why is this filly starting to? I can’t believe that the lure tactic would devolve into the whole family doing it. In time, that is. The country mare, ‘Applejack’, got her sister to come out here… to keep this charade going? Wow. They have a lot of effort. And I guess I should just leave now, seeing as it’s been sometime (unsure how long, maybe half-an-hour?) since I saw her.

“Hey! My name is Applebloom!” She introduced herself, for… some reason, making me stop and turn around at the foal, smiling innocently and… sincerely? No. No, it’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. Though, why would I care about her name? I don’t hang around with foals (as creepy as it sounds… oh jeez), well I don’t hang around with anypony. Maybe she is trying to make friend…? She’s stupid. I’m… it’s just… too late for all that. I can’t start now. They will just turn on me, betray me… if I even try. I don’t want to feel that all again. But just thinking it… argh! Get it out of your thoughts, man. Dammit… “Hey, did you hear me?” She snapped me out of my daze of the ground. She said something? Man, how do I get so lost in my thoughts? Oh yeah… Loneliness. I shook my head with a confused expression. “I said, what is your name?” She still has this… bright personality to her. Being excited of being a foal. Young. Full of life. While mine has been burnt into the ground long ago, and my heart still burns inside. Everything is just painful… Wait, did she just ask for my name?

“W-Well…” I stuttered. Thankfully, Applejack had come back, pushing a brown, wooden cart that had several food products in them, looking all apple related I think. Well, it makes sense. The cart wasn’t that big, but it looked like there was a lot in there.

“Applebloom! Stop pesterin’ the guest!” She scolded at her younger sister, at least I presume it is, as she approached both of us. Applebloom nodded, with a sad expression? Well, okay… She then nodded and walked off, back into the barn. “Foals…” I heard her mutter to herself. Maybe something personal happened. I don’t want to know. I don’t even care. Don’t see why I should. "I already packed your meals, so they're ready to go!" I saw that the cart had a cloth wrapped tightly on the top, which must have been holding the food. She raised a hoof and presented it in front of me. "It's all in there. Fritters, Bumpkins, Strudels, and Tarts, everything to take your taste buds on a ‘tastastic adventure!" Is the adventure that she is referring to sitting inside a dark and depressing home, all by myself? As if I can have any adventure. Nopony can stand to be around me. This town… has been slightly different, and more… ‘Friendly’, but it’s all an act. I know it. I just know it.

"…thanks…" I expressed and pulled out the bits for her from my bag and placed them on top of the white gate. I grabbed the handle of the cart and started to push it, before she spoke again, stopping me. I just don’t want to be here. Is this getting worse?

"Hold on a minute there…" She spoke, causing me to slightly turn my head around. What… is she going to say? I paid the correct amount for what I asked for. I must have. "You've seem like your new here to Ponyville… but I've never really gotten to know you. Why don't you stick around for a bit? Some of my family is over right now for an upcoming reunion and I'd love it if you stay by. You seem like a nice pony, and I'd like to get to know you, if that's alright. You seem… lonely." You think? Also, how… actually, how did you know- No, how do I look lonely. I’m just depressed and burning inside. How does that make me look lonely?

"Sorry…" I already had my answer set, kinda expecting the utterly insane question that I would definitely not accept. "…I'm kind of in a hurry right now." That was partially true. I think? I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here. I want, no need, to get home. In some hurry. So yeah, I guess that is true. Maybe. Also, it hurts to think that I look lonely. Like I need to be reminded… again and again. And, now that I think about it, I’m surprised that she didn’t blow me off and ignore me. She… actually went through with my order. That is another new thing.

"Oh, uh…" She felt a little surprised by my response. As if she would care. Why would she even care? "Um, okay. Well, maybe some other time?” Why are you even attempting, even trying? I don’t want to… How can I trust you? “Like…next month…" Next month? No. Never. I can’t do it. I… wish I could tell you… or at least some other pony. But, no. Nopony can ever be trusted.

"Maybe not…" I answered in shame, my voice lowering in volume. Why couldn’t I just say no? I… I gave her nod and thanked her, before starting to pull the cart away, surprisingly easily as there wasn’t much weight in the thing. Guess I got rip-offed, not getting enough food for my payment. Or that earth ponies are just stronger due to… magic I guess, and we can more things more easily than pegasi or unicorns. The special kinds of ponies.

I wasn't sure if she was actually disappointed from being denied that question from before, most likely that she does… but that's what I sort of…sensed from her tone. I have nothing against her, not yet, but I know exactly believe she really wants to get to know me for me. Not sure why she wasted that time in the first place. Or the fact that she would even ask the question. Either way, I wasn't going to take her up on her offer. If I can't avoid her request the next time I see her, then I'll just have to unfortunately decline it again. Why would she even ask? It’s just a waste of time to everypony involved? I never understood mares, or anypony in general. They are all usually mean. I’ve really only met one pony that has really been ‘mean’ per se, but it will change in due time. It always does…

And while I was thinking that, I didn’t realise that I had been walking to some other part of town, the southern part I think, maybe? Great, I wasted no valuable time to get back to my house. Well, nothing in my life has ever been valuable to me. That I can remember. Being beaten doesn’t have any value.

In some random part of somewhere else in the town (maybe the east?), I saw a pegasi coming my way. There was the white unicorn by her side. Dammit. I wanted to quickly ignore the ponies before she could notice me spotting them, or more precisely the unicorn mare. I looked straight ahead and did my best to ignore her. My body tensed up and my legs almost even began feeling like jelly when I noticed the pegasi stop in my peripheral vision. For whatever reason, it seemed like she was looking back at me, and not the white unicorn. I definitely wasn't looking back to see if this was true or not, not that it mattered. Or cared I was already nervous enough as it was and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m putting up with the pink mare right now, and the yellow pegasi could be around here somewhere, though I doubt that… considering she is getting her ‘friend’ to do her job for her. I quickened my pace a bit just enough to where I was finally out of both of their sights.

Well, that wasn’t what happened fully that day, but… I’d rather not think about what happened after that. Although, I have nothing else to do. To think. I can’t even sleep, as I stare out the window, the sun setting down now. It is some sight, which has no worth to it. Even the sunset can’t distract my thoughts… Oh well, might as well recount that day… Or just attempt to go to sleep. I hate my life. And… sadly… there’s nothing I can do about it. Okay… let’s try again.

Fluttershy

I still can’t believe what I had done. I had beat up a stallion, a poor pony, under false pretences. How could I? I wasn’t that kind of pony. That assertive and dominating pony. I’m not like that. I’m nice. I’m kind. Friendly.

But I had done it. I was too assertive. Iron Will forced me into something that I wasn’t. It was too late for Pinkie and Rarity to prove to me otherwise. I… became a bully. I bullied that stallion. The poor stallion that I had seen at the seminar at the hedge maze. He looked worried. Now I’m worried that everypony will hate me of what I had done. The things that I did. I don’t think anypony can forgive me. They will all hate me for what I did. They’ll never like me, I’ll always still be an outcast… Ponies will always call me a meanie…

I’m a kind pony. A nice one. A forgiving pony. Not a meanie. Not a very assertive pony. I’m not that kind of pony. I’m… no bully. And yet he still won’t try to accept my apology, no matter how many times Pinkie tries to get his attention. Why would he? He probably hates me, for everything that I had done. Shoving him over a bridge, thankfully the stream was low that day… Standing over him, yelling insults… I’m not that kind of pony. What have I done?

I can’t stop c-crying… I’m in my bed curled up… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry… Please, I’m sorry… Please have it in you to forgive the things that I've done...

Rarity

I’m still in shock over what happened to this very second! I never knew Fluttershy was capable of such things. To be that kind of pony? I was shocked! What had Iron Will done to make Fluttershy do such a thing! To make her a-a… a bully! That wasn’t like Fluttershy at all! She wasn’t that type of pony! She was always a nice, kind, peaceful pony that would never harm another. Never!

But yet she did… I… still can’t believe now. That boy might be traumatised right now, the way he ran off like that, crying. Tears flowing from his eyes, looking very worried, desperate. Like he was lonely. He looked… kind of cute. Ugh! What are you saying, Rarity? Get those thoughts out right now…! He… I… I don’t know if he can ever forgive Fluttershy. I’m not sure that he ever will. Pinkie has been trying for the last few days to get him out of the house. He’s probably much traumatised right now. She wouldn’t listen to me when I told her to stop.

What drove Fluttershy to do such a thing? I hope he has the heart enough to forgive her… I feel sorry for him.

“Hey, Rarity! Are you comin’ or what?” Rainbow Dash yelled out from downstairs, rather impatiently, no matter how many times I try to get her to calm down.

“Y-Yes! I’m coming!” I answered after snapping out of my thoughts. I’m sorry, stallion. I’m sorry for Fluttershy had done.

Applejack

He walked off down the road, pushing the cart full of Fritters, Bumpkins, Tarts and all the like, in a hurry. Like he said, he needed to be somewhere, even though it seemed like he lied with most of what he was saying, but he was very nervous. And shy for the matter. He seemed really nervous when talking to Applebloom. Like everything he said was… forced. He seemed terribly afraid that I’d do something wrong to him, and by the look when he was talking to Bloom’… He seems socially awkward…

I guess I’ll just go back to work now. I wonder where Bic Mac has run off to… Actually, I also heard some rumour that Fluttershy was fuelled by rage, and bullied somepony. Somepony who… had a green mane and a light grey… coat. Oh no…

Rainbow Dash

So… I’m still not sure on what happened. Fluttershy decided to attend an ‘assertive’ seminar, to learn how to talk up? Man, how weak is she…? Then again, it is Fluttershy. I guess she needs to be more assertive when it comes to things. She essentially gets bullied around, and can’t and probably won’t do anything about it. Well, anyways… She goes to this seminar, and then starts to become assertive, by going around and… being more assertive.

I don’t see the problem Pinkie and Rarity had with her, right now. She was just learning, and the seminar paid off. So… the incident. She got revenge against somepony who laughed at her when she fell over. I don’t… Well there is a slight problem, that she had physically pushed him over, but it wasn’t bullying. It was only once. She didn’t punch him. And he… ran off. Afraid. Afraid… from Fluttershy!? Hahaha! Oh man, that is funny! He was scared of Fluttershy!? Bwahaha!

“Rainbow Dash, is there something that I’m not getting?” I don’t think you would get it, Rarity. Also, did you have to snap me out of something that was so funny?

“Eh…” I calmed down, wiping away a tear of laughter as we both made our way through Ponyville to Fluttershy’s, by walking. Well, she was walking, I’m a pegasi! The faster flier in all of Equestria! I don’t need to walk when I can fly. That’s what wings are for! I’m not a future Wonderbolt for nothing, now! “It… You wouldn’t get it… It’s nothing.” I’m… What was I thinking again?

Oh yeah, that stallion. Why would he even run away from Fluttershy, crying apparently? I think somepony else needs to take an assertive class. I mean, it was only one small shove. After he had laughed at Fluttershy… He damned deserved it, I say! Hell, I think he may need a lesson! For messing with my friends. And for the fact that it was Fluttershy. The kindest, most loving pony that I’ve ever met. She’s no bully. She wouldn’t harm another pony. Never! That’s not the Fluttershy that I know! He… Must have not been the assertive pony. Like Fluttershy. Wow, how ironic. Then, he decided… to bully her, from what I heard. That he shoved Fluttershy first, that he harmed her first.

He did it. I noticed somepony that I haven’t seen before, pushing a cart full of food that looked like apple pies, coming from the direction of Applejack’s. A green/silver mane with a light grey coat. A stallion, at that. I wonder who he is. He seemed to tense up when coming close to us. As if he was worried or something…

Well, how does he not know about the amazing Rainbow Dash!? He’s acting like he doesn’t want to meet me. He won’t even make eye contact as we walk past. Is he scared? But… was he… the colours. The green mane and light grey coat. He was the stallion that messed with Fluttershy! He must be! Right? I looked at him as we walked past, looking… depressed? He was depressed from being beaten up from Fluttershy!? Wow, I guess I would be too…

“Why does that stallion look so familiar…?” I heard Rarity mutter as she too, made a glance at the pony, pushing the cart. Wasn’t she there when the incident went down? “Hang on. He’s the stallion!” And that’s all I needed. I decided to confront this pony, to teach him a lesson. “Wait! Rainbow…” You mess with Fluttershy, you mess with me.

Rarity

Oh no! I need to stop Rainbow Dash before things start to get out of hoof. Knowing her personality, she would… probably scold him. For the things that she misunderstood when we told her a few days ago… Oh no! Where is Pinkie Pie? I need to find her before it’s too late!

The Stallion

Still haven’t spotted that pink mare so far. I’m getting pretty lucky right now, but don’t ruin the streak that you have. Well, somepony will eventually, but don’t make it right now. Things won’t get better. I don’t want things to get worse as it will, just… please not now. I don’t want to talk to that pink mare.

I don’t want her pestering me to make me apologize. But she will nonetheless. What kind of pony is that? To force somepony to apologize to another after being bullied by said pony? The bully’s friend, a loyal-trustworthy friend… to the bully. That isn’t right. If anything, she should confront me. But I just want to be alone. I don’t care if she is really sorry, because it’s just a ploy that I can see coming from a mile away, because it al won’t make me feel better, make me forget the past and how it haunts me, making the fire in my heart burn out, it won’t do that.

There are… everypony around here seems happy and friendly. Somehow they will turn on me if I even attempt to make any friends here. I just want to be left alone in my home, in the darkness of despair. At least there nopony can torment me… Well, that’s a lie, my past and the uncertainty of this new place does. But they are all acting nice to each other… Guess it won’t take much to get hated around here… I probably know that. No, I do know that.

I also hope that the pegasi from before isn’t following me… Don’t see why she would, as I tried to ignore her presence entirely. If she did notice, and decided to follow me… Why would she care over what I feel, what I looked like? Maybe she was the bully’s friend? I… I’m not sure. I guess its all the more reason to get home even quicker.

“Hey! You with the green mane!” A tomboyish-cracked voice called out behind me. Oh no… It was the pegasi from before. As I turn around, she is flying in the air, in an intimidated stance. Uh… She flew right up to me, into my face. I had to take a few steps back. I’m now slightly shaking in fear, wondering what this pegasi can do to me. I… Try and stay calm… How can I stay calm when this pegasi is scaring the buck out of me!? “Were you the stallion that was picking on Fluttershy?” She asked, with intent to… harm me? I’m not sure… Wait, I didn’t pick on Fluttershy. Why does she think that I did? Is… She must be misunderstanding the situation… But I’m too much of a coward to speak up and tell her…

“W-What?” I stuttered the same line… as before. “I didn’t- I was cut off there as she pushed me onto the ground, much stronger than the other pegasi. She then leapt over me… same as before. Oh no… Please just… somepony. Anypony! Stop this! Please! I don’t want to go through this again…

“Now you listen here!” She scolded me, raising her right hoof, as I flinch and brace for impact. At least it will be over quickly. I can’t stop the small tears flowing… Why is it always me? “Laughing at friends isn’t quite nice!” Why does she think that I laughed at her? I don’t say or think mean things about… anypony! And she won’t listen to reason… if I even try to tell her this…

“No wonder she pushed you over. And man, your weak if you’re scared of Fluttershy!” She tried to hold back a laugh, before getting scary again… “I say you deserve what you got. Bullying her!” Is… What... I hate my life. “And you won’t accept her apology? Really? Why not!?” Because all of you are just crazy… Scary… Mean… Underserving of any friends. Yet I’m the one who’s lonely. I’m too frozen in shock or fear to do or say anything. I’m just awaiting my fate...

She didn't stop there. “Fluttershy is one of the kindest ponies, most loving ponies and the nicest pony that I’ve ever met. How dare you mess with her! Treated her like trash you… you bully!” W-What is she talking about? I-I… I didn’t treat her so badly in anyway. What did I do that was so wrong in her eyes? How come all these misunderstandings harm me so deeply, and it only fuels the burning heart inside of me. Something that I can’t ever change…

“Rainbow Dash! Stop!” A familiar high-pitched voice called out, making the cyan pegasi freeze as she was about to… land a punch? I don’t know. Probably… Yeah. Thankfully… the pink mare stopped it happening.

“W-Wha?” She stuttered, looking at me again, probably getting a better look now, to see how puny I am.

Rainbow Dash

Was I really going to punch this guy, for embarrassing Fluttershy? Wow… No! No I wasn’t. Why would I ever to that. He made me do this. Yeah. He made me! He made me lost control of myself. I lost my temper. It was his fault, not mine. What… Was Pinkie Pie going to blame me for being forced to lose my temper? What… She is insane! He did it! Not me. I refuse to believe that I had done it.

He bullies Fluttershy, Fluttershy, and he is supposed to get away from it!? “What are you doing!?” Pinkie shouted at me? The stallion started to get up, placing his hooves on the cart, as I ignored Pinkie. What would she know? Don’t know why she even interrupted me. I got serious, warning this pony.

“If you ever mess with Fluttershy or any of my friends again,” He flinched and started to back away, the… almost wimp-like. Nice acting, there, I’ll give him that. “Then you will regret every moment of your life. You got that!?”

The Stallion

These ponies are really everywhere. I can’t ever escape them, no matter how much I try. I thought coming to a new town in Equestria would be a new life for me, to start all over again, slowly, but gradually. That there may even be some nice ponies to meet, to have friends… to love for once in my life. My, how stupid and unfulfilling those dreams were. And how stupid of me to even think those thoughts. I’ve said it myself, ponies are all nasty, bitter, terrible sentient beings. They are all selfish to themselves or to their closest friends, always picking on those who they deem ‘weaker’ then themselves.

It seems like… No matter how much I try… I just… They are always there. Like loneliness, they always taunt me, always bully me, prod me, insult me, laugh at me… And none of that can change. Even if I do try and change things, it would only make things worse. And… I was right in the first place. I should had never left my home. Things only got worse. This cyan pegasi has a misunderstanding with me, assuming that I am a bully. That’s a really new one that I haven’t experienced. Until now, that is. She claims that the yellow pegasi is… ‘The kindest ponies, most loving ponies and the nicest pony that I’ve ever met’.

Yet she was the one who shoved me. Physically pushed me. Isn’t that a type of assault that she should be charged with? Well, nopony cares, so it wouldn’t matter. As if a pony would side with me with anything, even if I am in the right. Which is about everything that happens to me. This cyan mare just threatened my life, of whatever is left of it, because… she thought that I laughed at her…

Things just can’t ever change… I-Not even Celestia can change things for the better, like everypony seems to say. They say that she is a very kind ruler who looks out for her citizens, being everypony in Equestria. With the exception being me…

‘That I’ll regret every moment of my life’… I already do, ma’am. I already do. In fact, I don’t just regret my life for being bullied for no justifiable reason, I loathe it. Hate it in just every way. I’m too paranoid to do things for the better. Tartarus, even if some ponies in this world, or at the very least in this country, are actually nice living beings, which I very highly doubt, but if there are any in this world… I… I’d don’t know what I’d do. I’ve never been happy before, and I can’t ever dream those thoughts, of me being happy. My mind is too literal when it comes to imagination. My mind refuses to believe in things that are just very unlikely. Most of the time. Or, whenever it wants to… Both really.

“I already hate my life.” I say, mutter, respond or something like that, to her threatening question. More like a demand. I don’t fear her right now, as I did. I’ve lost the feeling right now. Depression has overrun me. I feel gloom, sad, sorrow, upset, because I won’t ever feel happiness or love. That’s is the reality of things in my life which I despise. I pretty much ignore everything from that point on from the other ponies, even some few of them who were watching the entire situation. If I wasn’t the talk of the town then, I pretty much am now.

I got back to my hooves, and started to push the cart towards my home. I only hope that they don’t follow me. I noticed that the pink mare looks at me with… guilt and expressing some sort of sympathy on her face’s expression. Man, these actors in this town are really good. Because I know and I highly doubt that she is sincere. At least she is respectful, and that is an understatement, towards me and decides to hold back the unicorn and the pegasi who wanted to follow me. Probably the only nicest thing that would happen in this town.

I can also hear mutterings coming from other ponies as I walk by them. I couldn’t care to listen to them. Just a waste of my time, like this entire Walk. I regret most of the decisions, the choices that I make. This walk was one of them.

“I’m sorry.” I heard a faint voice call out from somewhere behind me. I stop for a moment to consider who said that. Shake it off. As if you’d think that was directed at you… But that voice sounded very familiar… You’re hearing things.

After finishing putting the apple foods in the fridge, which some smelt kind of nice, I relieved myself to my bed. I’m tired now. I’ve pretty much given up on leaving this house now. Unless something big comes up (that being nothing), I don’t see much reason to leave. There has been too much things that have gotten worse for wear. The visit to the apple orchard wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I’m going to get some feeling that it’s going to bite me in the plot, as disgusting as it sounds. I wonder who made up that phrase. Either way…

They are all ploys, incredibly talented actors who will betray you in the future, make you feel even worse that both those pegasi have done to you in this town. Now that I think about it, only the pegasi have really been nasty to me. And they’re both mares, actually. Do they have something against earth ponies who are stallions? Are they racists? I… For some reason I don’t think they are… But what am I supposed to think now? They’re all evil. At least it’s not as bad as my last home. They all haven’t grouped up on me… Yet.

There’s only one question that I can actually answer… But I am unsure of which answer to go with…

…do I want to die? To commit suicide. To end… all of it. I don’t know if taking my own life would help me, so I don’t have to feel this way anymore. The benefits that I get from not having to feel anything anymore, is that loneliness would be rid of me, as long as I’m not around to notice it. But, isn’t that the coward’s way out? I’m already a coward, and can’t change the perspective of others and what they think of me. So… so what if they think I’m more of a coward for dying.

Now I need to stop the tears from falling as I think this… That I would kill myself because I would always be lonely, always feel pain, always burn from within. But I can’t stop the tears. Nor the sobbing. Nor the c-cc-crying on my lone p-pill-pillow.

“Please… somepony… anypony… Give me reason to live. Just one. It’s all I want.” Wah… Why can’t I have a good life?

Even now, as I think about it more, ever since that day, over a week ago… I still haven’t given myself an answer over the ‘death’ question. I gave myself a deadline until somepony gives me a reason to live. I only need one. Whether it be from the proclaimed ‘nice’ princess, ruler of Equestria, Celestia. Or even from some other pony, who wants to be my friend, other than the pink mare. I’m willing to let my guard down if it means that somepony… cares about my life. Although, why am I even allowing this? I know that nopony cares about me… So, what’s with the sudden change?

…I don’t know. I guess… the heart inside of me wants to have some… hope… in order for me to continue living, until the deadline. That is really surprising. Why, heart, do you care? All you do is burn and cause a major source of pain inside of me. And what more surprising is the deadline… is the Summer Sun Celebration.

Which was in an hour from right now. Maybe I want to look at the reflection in the mirror again…

“Why do you want to take him?”

“Because your evil, heartless, vindictive, a liar.”

“No! No. Please. I’ve become reformed. I’ve righted the wrongs of the past.”

“You slaughtered hundreds upon thousands of ponies, enslaved even more without any mercy.”

“…And I’m sorry for that.”

“And we can’t trust you.”

“You know that I’m not evil anymore.”

“How can we trust you after all the betrayals and the sins that you committed?”

“You know that I’m not under control anymore.”

“You… This will be best for him.”

Silence engulfed the conversation. “How do you know that-?

“You won’t turn evil again? I highly doubt that. We both know it’s true, of you turning again…”

“You’re making a big mistake.”

“Why do you even want to raise him? Your empire is in ruins…”

“He’s only point in life. Please, don’t ever take him away from me.”

“I can’t believe you. I don’t think your son would want to know what you had done. It would be best for the both of us. And you know that. For what it’s worth… I’m sorry.”

“No. No! Please don’t ever leave me. Don’t leave me… It’s all I want.”