“So, um... What do you do for a living?”

“I break rocks.”

“Oh.”

In retrospect, letting Pinkie Pie set him up on a blind date with her “hot sister” (her words, not his) had not been Caramel's brightest decision ever.

“With my penis.”

“Ah.”

He swallowed heavily. “And, um, do you always go around not wearing, you know, clothing?”

“Yes.”

“Ah.”

All available avenues of smalltalk exhausted (Caramel was not good at smalltalk), he stared in awkward silence at his drink, his meal, and basically anything other than Maud. She wasn't unattractive, really, besides the penis. The very large penis.

The very erect penis.

“It's because of my penis.”

“Hm?”

“I don't wear clothes because of my penis.”

“Oh.” Caramel stared intently at his glass.

“It doesn't go down.”

A drop of precum oozed from her head.

“I see.”

“So it makes clothing hard to wear. So I don't.”

Her penis twitched slightly and another bead of milky white fluid leaked from her urethra.

“Okay.” He turned his gaze to his plate. He could have sworn there was more food there. He certainly didn't remember really touching his meal, and yet there in front of his eyes was solid evidence that he was almost done. He wasn't quite sure whether or not that was a good thing. As far as he was aware, this was just a casual date that Pinkie Pie had set up because Maud was lonely (presumably because of the penis thing, he assumed), so hopefully she wouldn't expect anything more than a friendly goodbye. Hopefully.

He tried very hard not to look at her penis but he found that he had ran out of things to stare at that weren't her penis so he found himself staring at her breasts instead. They were fairly large; on a mare without a three foot penis, they would have been impressive, each one slightly smaller than her head.

But the penis kind of stole the show.

He forced his eyes up to make contact with hers. She was staring, unblinking, at him. “So, um. It doesn't go down? Ever?”

“No. Not since puberty.”

“That sounds, um, inconvenient.”

Maud shrugged. “It's not too bad. There's more inconvenient things than the erection.”

“Oh?”

“Well, sometimes it – hold on.” She closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip. “Do you have a towel?”

“What? Why would you need a-” Caramel's train of thought was interrupted by a very loud, liquidy gurgle noise that came from Maud's direction. “Um.”

“Too late. Get under the table.”

“But-”

“Now.” Maud's voice was uncharacteristically loud and intense. With that tone of voice, Caramel didn't need to be told more than once. He dove under the table, and found himself face-to-face with Maud's balls.

They were also large. Everything about her was large. Certainly larger than Caramel. He had never been particularly good at estimating heights, but he knew that he was five feet even, and that Maud was at least a head and a half taller than him, which would make her about 6'5”, emphasized by her impressive musculature.

Her balls contracted and her hands tightly grasped her seat as Caramel realized that he probably had higher priorities than philosophizing about Maud's largeness.

She let out a deep, primal moan that steadily got louder and louder as her hips convulsed wildly, her arms shook, her cock throbbed and her testicles pulsated inches from his face.

Caramel could swear that with each pulse the distance between his nose and her balls got smaller and smaller. In fact, he was certain that they were very slowly getting larger and larger, and her shaft was almost definitely pulsing thicker and thicker and (presumably, although it was a bit hard to tell from under the table) longer and longer with each passing second of orgasm.

His nose was filled with the scent of sex and musk as her testicles slowly shoved themselves into his face.

He tried his very hardest not to lick them. Perhaps Maud expecting more than a friendly goodbye wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, although that was probably the pheromones talking.

Eventually, after an impressively long time, Maud's orgasm slowed down and then came to an end. She pushed her chair back, and awkwardly shoved her now person sized cock aside so that she could lean down under the table and talk to Caramel. “Sometimes it spontaneously orgasms. Also sometimes it gets much bigger.” She blushed slightly, although it was somewhat hard to tell under the thick coating of translucent fluid that coated her entire upper body. “Are you okay? My balls aren't crowding you too much under there, are they?”

“No, I'm fine.” Considering how huge her cock had gotten, he felt that he had gotten lucky that her balls only reached about half again the size of his head before stopping their growth.

“It should go back to normal after only ten orgasms or so. Although, um.” Her blush intensified. “I'll need some help getting home.”

“That's fine.”

“And getting through doors.”

“That's fine.

“And getting off when I get home.”

“That's fine.” Caramel's voice squeaked on the last fine.

Maud licked her lips, removing a small amount of cum from her face before lifting a hand to her chest and scraping a huge glob of cum off of her right breast with an index finger. “Would you like a taste?”

Caramel fainted.

Author's Note

Maud has trouble getting a date because she shatters rocks with her dick for a living.

this one was super fun to write. Awkward Loser Caramel makes for a fantastic porn protagonist and I definitely want to write more about him getting stuck in awkward situations centered around my various weird fetishes.