The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

“It’s finally here!” cried Twilight excitedly, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper the mail mare had just delivered.

“What’s that?” teased Spike. “101 spells for book nerds?”

“Oh, Spike. Really. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten. It’s the book Discord, Fluttershy and Starswirl have been working on for the past two and a half years!”

“Oh!”

“Yes!”

“Wow. Let’s see it.”

Twlight untied the string holding the package together and carefully unwrapped the book. It was bound in purple vegetable leather, and written in gold on the spine were the words “The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions by Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness.”

On the cover was an embossed image of one of the jelly creatures. Twilight opened the book to the title page. At the bottom were the words “edited by Mr. Nettle, who would like to thank Princess Twilight Sparkle for her invaluable advice.”

“Who is Mr. Nettle?” asked Spike.

“Oh, that’s Starswirl the Bearded. But we can’t tell anyone. Something about destroying the space-time continuum. I wasn’t sure on the specifics. I’ll have to ask Princess Celestia before Starswirl leaves.”

“Whoa. So is Starswirl returning to the past soon?”

“Yes,” said the alicorn sadly. “But these past few months have been amazing. I’ve learnt so much from him and, and…guess what he said to me?”

“What?” said the little dragon leaning forward.

Twilight practically squealed. “He said he actually thought he learnt more from me about magic than I did from him!”

“Cool!”

“Isn’t it?” said Twilight, grinning like a fiend. “He said friendship magic is immensely complicated and has much to offer the world and that it was the way forward!”

Spike smirked. That compliment was sure to have Twilight’s Nerd-O-Meter running at full capacity for a good long while.

“Sparky!” called a familiar voice.

Spike pulled back the blind. “Looks like someone else got his brand new copy too,” he said. Twilight peered out the window to see a jubilant draonequus dancing on the grass outside. She and Spike ran down the stairs and flung open the door.

“SPARKY!” shouted Discord, right in Twilight’s face. “It’s here! It’s finally here!” Fluttershy got them from the printers and mailed them off yesterday.

The alicorn held up her copy. “Ah, I see the mail mare has also been. Oh! And you’ll be so proud of me. I managed to convince the Snarpwoofle not to attempt eating her this time!”

“That’s…good,” said Twilight.

“Isn’t it though?”

“Anyway…” said the Princess.  “Not that I’m not pleased to see you, but why are you here? I would have thought you and Fluttershy would be celebrating.”

“Isn’t it obvious, Sparky? I’m here to gloat!”

“Gloat?”

“Why, of course! A few years ago you said I couldn’t amount to anything and I could never concentrate on anything to completion.”

Twilight bit her lip. She had said that, but she also knew these past two years had been a slight headache. The only reason this book had been finished was that Fluttershy had been there to steer him in the right direction. Without her and Starswirl Discord’s attention span would have been very narrow. On the other hand, one of the things Starswirl had said to her was: “friendship magic saved him, Twilight. All those centuries ago, if I had known that…if only I had known that.”

“Did you get a dedication from Starswirl too?” Spike asked Discord.

“Oh, yes,” said the draconequus. He opened his copy to the title page so they could read it:

Here you go, Smelly. It was good working with you but Dear, Sweet Celestia, are you ever a pain in the flank.

“Uh…wonderful,” said Spike.

Twilight laughed. She was glad Discord and Starswirl could joke like the old friends they were again.

“There’s another dedication,” said Discord, waggling his eyebrows. “But it’s for my eyes only.”

“That’s okay, I don’t need to see…”

“Oh, okay you twisted my arm!” cried Discord, and he pointed excitedly to the writing on the second page of the book. There, in Fluttershy’s hoof-writing were the words:

Draconequus: Brave, stubborn, loving, chaotic, smart, funny, caring. Loved.

“It’s in writing!” proclaimed Discord.

“Yes, it is,” agreed Twilight.

“Anyway, I just wanted to show you all that. Just in case you were under any misapprehension.”

Twilight internally rolled her eyes.

“Now, you were actually partly right,” said Discord. “I am on my way to see Fluttershy.”

“Please say hello for me.”

“Oh there won’t be any time for talking.”

“Why not? Ugh! No, actually I don’t need to know.”

Discord cackled. “That’s my girl,” he said to Twilight, and with a snap of his tail he teleported to the front door of Fluttershy’s cottage.

He rapped on the door three times with his tail and after a moment he was greeting with Fluttershy’s radiant smile.

“Discord!” she said happily. She stood up on the tip toes of her hind legs and kissed him on the cheek.

“Hey Noodle,” he said happily. “Isn’t this awesome?” He held up the purple tome above his head with both hands as if it was a Spartan shield.

“I’m so proud of you,” Fluttershy beamed.

“Oh, but no. It’s you who made it all possible, Noodle.” He booped her nose with his paw gently. "All your knowledge of animals really helped me with this. It’s you who needs to be pampered right now." His voice grew a touch more seductive. "Pampered...in so…many…ways…” his paw was gently rubbing the spot behind her head under her soft mane.

"You saved my life," he whispered. He wasn't even sure which incident in particular he was referring to. He just knew she had.

She closed her eyes and parted her lips and he kissed her softly on the mouth.

“Upstairs,” she whispered.

He didn’t argue.

Later Discord lay wrapped around his mate and enjoyed the feeling of her soft breath on his feathers as she slept.

Outside it was raining and the light was fading.  The draconequus listened to the rain  plummet down on the cottage roof and he curled tighter around Fluttershy, holding her close as they both enjoyed the afterglow. Everything felt perfect.

Discord’s eyes flew open. Maybe a little too perfect.

It’s okay, it’s okay. Remember those breathing exercises Fluttershy’s friend Tree Hugger taught you.

He inhaled deeply.

He flexed his ears and listened to the sound of the gentle pegasus breathing.

Then he pulled her close to him so he could feel her heart beating. Finally, he buried his muzzle in her mane and took in the sweet scent.

He sighed happily.

Yes, she was definitely real.