The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

Fluttershy sighed as she stood in front of the miror plaiting her hair. She was getting ready for what seemed like the umpteenth date in a month. In reality, she'd only had three--all set up by Rarity--but they were draining.

She braced herself on the dressing table. Wasn't this what she said she had wanted? She was tired of sitting by the wayside while her friends dated stallions. She was a young mare and had wants like any other. She wasn't going to meet anyone while she was cooped up indoors. Her only routine interactions with a male seemed to be Tuesday Tea Time with Discord.

Discord. He had been furious when he found out she was dating--not with her, but with her suitors. She supposed she should have expected it. He hadn't done anything to her, and she was certain he never would, but her dates had left looking over their shoulders. In all honestly she hadn't been impressed with the first one. Even before Discord had shown up to wreck havoc the stallion had said nasty things about the draconequus. Fluttershy had told him she wasn't interested in dating someone who insulted her friends, and as if on cue, Discord had materialized in mid air, his face shoved up right against the stallion's as he half growled and half purred: "Yes, she isn't interested in people who talk smack about me, boy." That had been enough to send her date running.

However, the second and third dates were the last straw.

She had been getting on reasonably well with the second stallion at a restaurant when Discord had shown up as a waiter and served him worms instead of the hayburger he had ordered.

He had been in disguise but Fluttershy knew it was Discord. She just knew. He had certain mannerisms that he couldn't even disguise in pony form.

The third date had been even worse, and that was when she had finally confronted him:

"Discord!"

"Fluttershy, my dear! How's things?"

"Don't ask me how things are when you already know! That poor stallion is going to have nightmares for weeks after you put your eyeballs in his drink!"

"Oh, come now! That was just a bit of fun! And a bit of a test, eh?  After all, would you really want to go out with someone that boring? Someone with no sense of humour?"

"You think I don't know what's going on?" she said angrily. "I know you...you have feelings for me."

Discord opened his mouth to deny everything but couldn't think of anything to say and shut it again.

"This has to stop, Discord. I'm really sorry to have to tell you this way, because I really value your friendship, but when it comes to...other things I don't feel the same way about you.

His mouth felt dry. The word came from him, unbidden:

"Why?"

"You hurt me, Discord!"

He recoiled at her words.

"You hurt me," she said, on the verge of tears. "You gave me to Tirek when I thought you cared about me, and then you pulled that stunt at the gala with Tree Hugger. Am I supposed to live my life tip-toeing around you? Is everything good in my life supposed to be chased away because it makes *you feel better? Don't you want me to be happy?"*

She *was crying now, and it felt like a knife in his chest.*

"Fluttershy..." he reached out for her tentatively.

"No. Just no, Discord. Leave me alone. I...I need time to be alone. I need some space."

Discord's tail swished back and forth in panic. He couldn't understand why the words "I need some space" terrified him, but they did.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"No!"

His ears drooped at her response.

"I'm sorry, Discord," she said softly. "But you need to learn to be considerate of others, and that includes letting me live my own life."

She did feel bad for shouting at him, but she knew he would never learn unless she was firm with him. Her assertiveness training had taught her that.

Discord was confused. On the one paw he wanted her to be happy, but on the other talon he couldn't understand why the pain in his chest was so tumultuous and raw when he thought of her with another stallion. This was a different kind of jealousy to the one he had felt with Tree Hugger. That was the fear of being left out. This was...he wasn't sure what it was. That he wasn't good enough for her?

Of course he wasn't. He had handed her and her friends over to a madman. When was he going to tell himself that any hope that she could think of him as a coltfriend had died forever the moment he had done that?

"Okay," he whispered.

"Okay?"

"Okay..." Then he vanished. There was none of the usual loud flash when he did so. He just seemed to quietly disappear.

Her heart ached at the memory. At least he seemed to be doing better now. His letter seemed to confirm he was on the emotional mend, and a project would be good for him.

Her thoughts returned to preparing for her date. Why was she even doing this? Oh, right...because she had complained about feeling left out one night to Rarity because she felt everyone was more experienced than her.

She did want a coltfriend...she had hoped she wouldn't have to go on any dates--that she might just meet a stallion who was friendly but not threatening and get to know him as a friend first, then he would sweep her off her feet like in the fairytales.

Nothing was ever like in the fairytales.

Starswirl laughed joyously as Twilight poured a second cup of tea for him. They had spent the afternoon discussing magic and memories of Starswirl's and Celestia's past.

"Celestia was always my most keen student," said Starswirl fondly. "I can see that she's passed down what she's learnt to someone who seems equally enthusiastic."

Twilight blushed. "Oh, I don't know about that..."

"Don't be modest! You've accomplished so much in such a short space of time. As have your friends."

"Well, it's because of them that I've been able to learn so much," said Twilight truthfully. "Before I moved to Ponyville I was a bit of a hermit."

Starswirl chuckled. "I know that feeling only too well. I regret not pursuing more social activities..."

A loud familiar flashing sound filled the room.

"Ey up," said Discord, teleporting onto the couch next to Starswirl.

"Ah," said Starswirl, putting down his cup of tea. "You got my message, then?"

"Yes, and I'm actually on time for once. I checked it was the right year and everything. So what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Apart from my absolutely marvellous idea of course?"

"We'll need an assistant."

Discord blinked, one eyelid at a time.

"Pssh. No we don't. I can do it all on my own. After all, who else knows more about the creatures in my dimension than me?"

"You really want to sit at that desk for hours every night?" said Starswirl.

"Hmmm," Discord stroked his beard. It was true that didn't sound like too much fun.

"We can put out a want ad for the position of archivist and hold some interviews. Of course, I'll have to use a pseudonym. It would take far too long to explain to everypony what I'm doing here."

Twilight looked at the pot of nettle tea on the coffee table. "How about Mr. Nettle?" she suggested.

"Perfect," said Discord. "He's a pain in flank if you get too near him."

Starswirl ignored the dig and continued:

"I think you should write notes on each species, then we can find someone who can copy your hand and make things more detailed for the final manuscript. Obviously you will need to read things over to check they are accurate before we okay each description, but it does lighten the workload for you to spend more time in the field."

Spend more time in the field with Fluttershy thought Discord.

"You're right! It's a marvellous idea. Now, do either of you have any hot chocolate? And marshmallows!"

Fluttershy sat nervously in the cafe, waiting for her date.

After she had told Discord that his unwelcome tagging along on her dates made her uncomfortable he seemed to have actually backed off. She'd had two dates since then and not a peep from the draconequus. The dates themselves were rather awkward though. She wondered if this one would be any different. Rarity had said he was an archivist that had worked with Twilight for a few weeks in the Golden Oaks library. That seemed pleasant enough. She didn't have to worry about whether she'd be taken out for any high octane sports outings. She looked down at her cup of tea and could see her worried reflection looking back up at her.

Her nerves had nothing to do with Discord. Despite her friends telling her that she was beautiful and smart and, of course--kind, she had trouble believing it all herself. She'd had a few flirtatious encounters with stallions, but dating seemed almost...unnatural somehow. She couldn't really put her hoof on why.

At last, her date appeared.

Fluttershy looked up from her cup of green tea. The unicorn stallion was pale blue with a shock of dark blue hair and dark eyes that Fluttershy felt drawn into almost instantly. She felt the familiar feeling of a blush creeping up on her face.

The stallion tried not to gape as she lifted her emerald eyes up to look at him. She was pretty. Really pretty. He pulled out a chair and sat down.

"H-hi...I'm Scriptum," he stammered. "You're Fluttershy?" He instantly felt like a fool. Of course she was. She had helped save Equestria and the Crystal Empire. She was one of Princess Twilight's friends. And she was stunning.

"Hello," she said, trying to make a concious effort not to hide behind her mane. She could feel his intense eyes taking in her burning face.

Okay, calm down Fluttershy. He's attractive, but that doesn't mean you're going to get along. What was it that Applejack had once told her? Something about how even if a mare went into heat she was the one who still got to choose? That she was the one who decided? Her face turned redder as she realized what she had been thinking about.

There was awkward silence for a few moments. Scriptum cleared his throat and sat down. He picked up the menu then put it back down again.

"So, ahem...Rarity tells me you're an animal lover," he said, trying to break the ice.

Of course she is you fool!

"Oh, yes," she said, relieved that he had started with a subject she felt comfortable talking about. "Just this morning a family came by to adopt a parakeet. It had a broken wing, but it's doing much better now and I'm so glad I was able to find a loving family for him. They named him Sunflower Seed. He's a sun conure. They come from South Amareica. They're actually one of Princess Celestia's favourite birds and...oh, um. Sorry...I'm babbling."

Scriptum laughed. "Not at all!" He had enjoyed the way she seemed to light up when talking about animals. "Tell me more about what you do."

She was beginning to relax a bit, and that made him feel more at ease. They chatted some more about parakeets, then birds, then ferrets. He ordered them both a fresh pot of tea.

Eventually Fluttershy thought to ask him about what he did for a living.

"I have an interview later this afternoon for a position at the Castle of Friendship. I'm hoping my previous experience working with Princess Twilight will get me the job, but hey, you never know!"

"What's the job?"

"I'm...not entirely sure. I mean, I know they want someone with good transcription skills and archival experience, but I have no idea what particular archives I'll be working on. It's all very exciting though. I'm sure there's tons of fascinating history in that library, so I'll be happy with whatever they want me to do."

Fluttershy smiled. His enthusiasm was rather charming.

"So...uh. Can I see you again?" he asked.

"Um. Okay," she said, smiling softly.

Twilight, Starswirl and Discord had gone through the interview process with multiple candidates and Discord was being incredibly difficult about each one.

"She was dull," he said simply about the 2pm meeting with a candidate. "I don't think she would understand what I'm trying to achieve at all."

"And just what are you trying to achieve?" said Starswirl, wearily raising an eyebrow. For his part, he knew this project was important, but he still wasn't entirely sure why Discord had set out to do it, other than blind ambition of course. The draconequus had always had that. Perhaps a little too much of it. He briefly wondered if Twilight had any headache potions in her bathroom cabinet.

"I'm trying to show people that chaos can be fascinating," said Discord truthfully.

"Well if you really want that manuscript to get out there, you need someone to help you disseminate the information, and so far you've been unsatisfied with every qualified candidate we've had."

"I think you and I have different standards on what constitutes a 'qualified candidate'."

"You got that right." Starswirl started to head for the bathroom to look for the headache potions, but then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" said Twilight quickly before Discord could make a move.

She opened the door to a pale blue stallion carrying a saddlebag.

"Hi," said the stallion. "I'm Scriptum. I mean...I know who you are. I've worked for you before...but oh." He was already flustered and stammering. He took a deep breath. "I'm here for the 4pm interview?"

"Of course!" said Twilight, ushering him in before Discord could get a word in. "Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?"

"Oh, no thank you. I think I've had enough tea today to last me until the evening!"

"Alright. In that case, shall we proceed?"

Scriptum opened his saddlebag and handed his resume over to Twilight. They made their way over to the long table where the joint interview was to be conducted. Starswirl returned from the bathroom, looking relieved that he had some sort of painkiller in him at last.

"So, I'm being interviewed by Mr. Nettle and you and..."

"And moi!" came a singsong voice from the living room, and in floated Discord.

Scriptum's ears instinctively flattened as he eyed the draconequus nervously. He'd heard a lot about Discord--both good and bad. He had once ruled Equestria with an iron talon (or so they had said) but he had also helped defeat Tirek by giving Princess Twilight Sparkle her final key. On the other hand, he had been the one to help Tirek steal all their magic in the first place. How could anyone possibly trust him? What were his motives? Was he even sane?

He was also big. Very big. He towered above ponies. His sharp fang was always on display, his eyes looked like they were burning and on both extremeties he sported very sharp claws, though the ones on the lion paw were currently sheathed.

"Shall we get started?" said Discord, and he sat inbetween Starswirl and Twilight.

"Right," said Twilight, shuffling some paper. "The three of us will ask you some questions then there will be a practical test. Could you start by telling us about yourself?"

"I currently live in Canterlot. I graduated from Shire's School for Archivists, I...mmmph!"

To Twilight's horror, Discord had squeezed Scriptum's face with his paw and was currently examining his teeth with a magnifying glass.

"How do you feel about working in a dimension of chaos from time to time?" asked Discord, focusing intently on a molar.

"Er..."

"Because that's part of what this job will entail. I don't care about how many pieces of paper you managed to wangle or how many flanks you had to kiss. I need someone who will be quick to take down information, is good at observation and can handle not being a stuffed shirt all the time."

Twilight and Starswirl both kicked Discord under the table at the same time. He let go of Scriptum's face and sat back in his chair with a sheepish grin.

Scriptum was trying to collect his thoughts. The chaos god had startled him to say the least.

"I...I'm willing to do all that," he said. "And my schooling has made me very adept at dictation and observation..." he tapered off when he heard a slurping noise. Discord was drinking a smoothie through a straw. Twilight decided to ignore him, and asked the next question.

After a tense 45 minutes, Starswirl announced that it was time for the practical test.

"Basically it's a matter of transcription," said Starswirl. "Here's some handwriting. We want you to write what you see, tighten up the shorthand and, if possible, make the writing look as close in style as possible to the original." He handed Scriptum one of Discord's species sheets.

After about ten minutes, Scriptum looked up. "I'm done," he said.

Discord snatched the note out of his hooves and  held it up to his mismatched eyes. The hoofwriting looked almost identical to his own. Scriptum had made the description easier to read. It was perfect.

"You'll do," said Discord in a non-commital tone.

"Y-you mean I have the job?"

"Did I stutter?" said Discord in a low, dangerous voice.

Scriptum shivered a little.

"Ahem," said Twilight, leading Scriptum away from the draconequus. She looked back over her shoulder at Discord, and mouthed "We're supposed to be making our new archivist feel at home!"

"Oh! Of course!" said Discord brightly, the tone of his voice changing entirely to that of a genial host. "I'm cooking this evening. I take it you like calamari?" He tied on an apron with the slogan "LORD OF THE FRIES" printed on the front in rhinestones. Nobody raised their hoof.

Scriptum felt he couldn't refuse.

"Before we eat, do you have any questions?" asked Twilight.

"Um," he said. "When do you want me to begin?"

"Oh, immediately," said Discord.

"Immediately? But I think I need to get settled first. Plus I have to rent an apartment and move all my stuff here and..."

"It's done," said Discord, snapping his fingers. "You've got a room down the road at the Horseshoe Inn and your stuff can stay partly there and partly in the castle."

"But..."

"You do want this job, right?"

"Yes..."

"Well then. Here are the species notes I've already written." He pulled rolls of parchment out of the ether and dumped them onto the flustered unicorn. "Twilight tells me you're very good, so I expect this will only take a few weeks."

It was after midnight when Scriptum left the castle and walked wearily down the road to his room at the Horsehoe Inn. The chaos god had been extremely demanding and wanted to know as much as possible about him. There was something extremely unnerving about Discord. Quite apart from the fact that he was a powerful magic wielder that had not always been Equestria's friend, he looked very much like a predator. Still...Twilight seemed to trust him, and Fluttershy had worked on reforming him...

Scriptum thought about the cute pegasus he'd just had a date with. She was beautiful, and seemed interested in his work.  Maybe there was more than one reason to stay in Ponyville.