The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

Discord wasted no time the following morning; after all it was Tuesday Tea Time. He walked up the path towards Fluttershy's cottage with a spring in his mismatched step. By the time he got to the bridge he was practically skipping.

All of a sudden he felt his body wobble. That could only mean one thing- disturbance in magic. He started briefly. It couldn’t be Tirek again, could it? No, he was well and truly in Tartarus and he was pretty sure Celestia wouldn’t be letting him out again any time soon.

Ugh! He didn’t want to have to think about that now. He wanted to see Fluttershy. He smiled briefly as he thought about her – the way her pink mane framed her beautiful face, her soft voice. Then he wasn't skipping, he was floating in mid-air and turning somersaults. And he somersaulted right into Fluttershy's kitchen through the window.

"Hey Flutters!"

Fluttershy was more than used to Discord's extravagant entrances by now. She had expected him, so it wasn't something that startled her when the draconequus landed on the kitchen floor. True, he seemed to arrive in a different way every time, but that was just something she'd come to appreciate about her friend.

"Hello, Discord!" she beamed. Just as she had hoped, he seemed to be in better spirits than the last time she had seen him. She was worried she had been too harsh on him but he didn't seem to do subtlety.

As if on cue, Discord stamped his lizard foot and a tray of Prench Prancies appeared in his paw and a pot of hot tea in his talon.

"Shall we?"

"Let's! I want to hear all about this project you mentioned in your letter."

"Oh ho ho, I'm so glad you said that, my dear. I have something to ask you!"

"Oh?"

The two friends made their way to the living room where Fluttershy took her usual spot in the armchair and Discord floated just above the chaise longue.

"So, I was wondering," said Discord, pouring Fluttershy a cup of tea with his tail, "if you'd like to help me study the magical creatures in my dimension?"

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. "Study new magical creatures? Oh my goodness, yes, of course I would!"

Yes!

The enthusiastic glint in her eyes made his heart thump erratically. He loved it when she was excited. Her entire being seemed to light up and she came out of her shell--the real Fluttershy. The pony who had never given up on him; the pony who had given him a second chance. He wondered if anyone else ever noticed what a fiery personality she had under that shy mane. If it hadn’t been for her he’d still be rotting away in stone. He shivered as he thought about it. Some nights he worried that he had never really left his cement prison and that everything – be it Fluttershy, or Equestria or the smell of grass was just some grand hallucination. He pushed the maudlin thoughts out of his mind and tried to focus on the positive. She had just said she wanted to work with him on his project. Focus on that, you fool!

“I’m so glad you said that, my dear. In fact, you should come along this afternoon and meet the crew.”

“The crew?”

“Why, yes. This is a big important project, so I put together the best team, which you’ll be part of, of course.”

“Who else is working on it?”

“Sparky, of course, and someone I think you’ll be very interested in meeting. Ever heard of Starswirl the Bearded?"

"Twilight has mentioned him once or twice,” said Fluttershy, smiling knowingly.

"She’s such a fangirl, isn’t she? It’s almost embarrassing. You should have seen her face when he came through the portal.”

Fluttershy nearly did a double take.

“Starswirl is here?”

“Well of course he is, how else is he supposed to work on this project if he’s stuck in the past? Or dead, which technically he is, but not when I can bend the space-time continuum.”

She gasped. "With time travel?"

Discord was still giggling at the thought of the normally calm and rational Twilight becoming putty in the presence of Starswirl. Oh, this was going to be very amusing now that he thought about it.

"Precisely. It was actually mostly Celestia's idea. I was half-joking when I suggested it, but she thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for Sparky. You should have seen her face when the Old Man came through the portal! Her mouth was hanging open so wide I thought she was gonna swallow the room!"

Fluttershy giggled. Yes, he was definitely on good form. She was glad. Discord was so funny when he felt comfortable and happy.

"I had no idea you knew Starswirl the Bearded!"

"Oh yes, back in my pre-statue days we used to hang."

"Were you friends?"

Discord put down his cup. He had not expected this question, though he supposed he should have.

"Er...more like civil acquaintances." he said. He suddenly realized he didn't want to tell Fluttershy about what had transpired with Celestia. No, best to leave that particular part of history alone. He swiftly changed the subject. "We also have an archivist. His name is Scripto, or something like that. He's going to be editing and cleaning things up, but I'm the one who will be doing most of the work, of course."

Fluttershy's ears pricked up. So that was the job Scriptum had gone for! Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of the unicorn. Would they be working together? Did Discord know she had been on a date with him? Would it be best to tell him?

She pondered this for a moment. He seemed better with things now, so maybe he was coming to accept that she wanted to date stallions. On the other hand, this was Discord – if he met Scriptum it might come as a shock to him that the pony working for him was dating her.

Best to be honest she thought.

“Discord, I…”

He removed a small alarm clock from within his feathery body before she could continue.

“Ooh, no time for that, Flutters. Now that you’ve agreed to the project we’d better go over immediately!”

“Immediately?”

“Yes, like right now.”

He downed his hot tea like it was a shot of vodka.

“Um…can we walk?” asked Fluttershy. She still wasn’t used to the feel of teleportation. It was too quick, and moving from a completely different setting to a new one was unnerving.

Normally Discord liked to teleport, but the thought of spending more time alone with her wasn’t something he was going to argue against, so they started along the path to Twilight’s castle.

Spike burped green flames into Starswirl’s face.

“Turn your head when you do that!” he grumbled.

“Oh, sorry,” said Spike. “Sometimes I don’t know when one of those is going to arrive, y’know?”

Starswirl tutted, looked down at the scroll in his lap, and unrolled it.

They were wanted in Canterlot. He got up and hurried to the library, with Spike in tow.

“Celestia wants to have a meeting as soon as Discord gets here,” explained Starswirl.

Twilight looked up from the book she was reading about magic and interdimensional travel.

“Is anything wrong?” she asked.

“The letter only says that it’s urgent. Blast that boy, where is he?”

Twilight found it odd that Starswirl referred to Discord as “boy” when she knew the chaos god was rather ancient -- not that he wasn’t incredibly immature. She wondered in what capacity Starswirl had known him, and resolved to ask more about it. It’s not being nosy, it’s thirst for knowledge, she told herself.

Starswirl began to pace up and down the room.

“Why is he always late for things,” he muttered. “Once he even got the wrong century. I hope that hasn’t happened again.”

The doorbell rang.

“That must be him!” said Twilight, getting up to answer it.

“He uses doorbells now?” said Starswirl in amazement.

Twilight pulled open the heavy door and was greeted by Discord and Fluttershy, who were both wearing evening wear – Discord in a sparkly purple tux and Fluttershy in a flowing aqua gown that matched her eyes.

“Good to see you, Sparky!” drawled Discord, handing her a bottle of champagne and flowers. “It’s been too long, far too long and I just love what you’ve done with the place. “

“Discord, you were here, yester…”

“Oh and do tell me you got rid of rid of that fusty old goat? He’s an absolute bore at the dinner table.”

“I heard that!” said Starswirl from the top of the stairs.

Discord grinned at him.

“Ah well, I suppose I can cope with him for one evening.” He took Fluttershy’s hoof.

“Starswirl, meet Madame Fluttershy. Fluttershy, Starswirl.”

“It’s an honour, Sir!” she said.

“No, no ‘sirs’ please.  I’m only Starswirl,” he said, making his way down the stairs. “Discord, we…”

“Oh there will be time for chit chat later!” said Discord, dragging the now bemused and gowned Fluttershy up to the library. “Fluttershy hasn’t met the archivist yet!”

“Um…actually…” she began, but she was cut off by Starswirl.

“Discord! We’re wanted in Canterlot.”

He stopped mid stride. “What, already?”

“Yes.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know. Celestia only said it was urgent.”

“Ugh. Borefest. Okay, okay. Let me just get Fluttershy settled.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I don’t mean to be rude, Fluttershy. It’s just that if it’s urgent…”

“I understand,” said Fluttershy. She turned and followed Discord to the library.

“Sorry I gotta shoot off now, but like you heard the Old Man say, I have to go to what I’m sure will be an excruciatingly boring meeting. I’ll be back as soon as I can, then we can get to the fun stuff!”

“It sounds pretty important.”

“Well I know she was going to discuss this project with us, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon,” he said, sounding rather disappointed.

“Fluttershy, is that you?” came a small voice from around a bookstack.

“Scriptum?” she said.

The pale blue unicorn poked his head out from behind the bookshelves.

“Hello!” he said, brightly. “Didn’t expect to see you here!”

“Wait, you know each other?” said Discord. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Um…yes.” said Fluttershy. She wasn’t sure she wanted to get into this conversation now when Discord had to leave for Canterlot so urgently. She was saved by Starswirl’s bellow.

“DISCORD!”

“Ugh…fine.” His eyes softened as he looked down at his friend. “I’ll let you know if Sparky’s amusingly sycophantic urges continue,” he whispered to her in a conspiratorial tone that Scriptum was striving to hear.

“Discord,” she scolded, but she was smiling despite herself.

Scriptum watched Discord's talon run itself through Fluttershy's mane and he noticed the look in the draconequus's eye. Fluttershy had said they were best friends, but the chimera seemed very touchy feely for just a friend. True, friends could express affection for each other through physical touch, but there was something he just couldn't put his hoof on about the way Discord looked at her. He wasn't sure he liked it. After all, Discord was a former criminal, a powerful mage and if the stories were to be believed, was potentially extremely dangerous. Yet Fluttershy seemed perfectly calm around him. But then, Fluttershy seemed perfectly calm around grizzly bears. That didn't mean they weren't still potentially dangerous. He briefly assessed the situation and decided he was going to keep a watchful eye on the draconequus. Fluttershy seemed far too trusting of someone who had not only thrown Equestria into chaos, but had done it again recently with Tirek. He knew she was the element of Kindness, and it was in her nature to reach out to the less fortunate, but you couldn't be too careful. Fluttershy was sweet, and nice. Perhaps a little too nice for her own good.

"See you later, Flutters?" said Discord.

"You bet," she smiled, and his eyes lit up.

There's that look again, thought Scriptum.

Discord vanished.

Fluttershy looked up at Scriptum. He noticed she had a sparkle in her eye, but that it was from her conversation with Discord, not because of him. Still, she was beautiful. He barely knew her, so what was he expecting? He decided he needed to know more about her.

“Sooo…looks like we’re working on the same project then?” he said shyly.

“Oh..oh, yes.” She said, looking at her hooves.

Scriptum took a deep breath, and decided to be a little bolder.

"Fluttershy, it's nearly time for my lunch break. Would you like to grab a bite to eat somewhere?”

That sounded lovely, actually.

Twilight mused that one good thing about travelling with Discord was that he could simply teleport them anywhere they wanted, but she had hoped Discord would at least have knocked when they arrived at Canterlot castle.

She was still fuming at him as they neared the throne room.

“Oh man, Luna is still a massive ball of anger,” he said, wiping away a tear of mirth.

“What do you expect?” grumbled Starswirl. She was on the toilet when we arrived, in her private bathroom.”

Discord burst into peals of laughter again.  His sides were beginning to ache.

“Could you just for once in your life try to be a little more serious?” mouthed Twilight angrily. “We don’t know what Celestia has to say to us!”

“Okay, okay,serious time begins…now.”

The doors to the throne room opened as the guards announced the trio’s arrival.

“But Twilight, you have to admit that it was pretty hysterical and…!”

She punched him in the ribs.

“Okay!” he wheezed, as the air left his lungs.

Celestia turned as she heard the commotion.

“Thank you all for coming,” she said. She led them to a table, where they sat down together. Discord hobbled behind them.

“I’ve called you here because I’ve recently learnt of information that may make this project more urgent than originally thought. During one of Luna’s routine inspections of the forests outside of Canterlot she came across an open portal.

“A portal?”

Discord’s ears flicked up.

Celestia nodded. “It closed up quickly before anyone could investigate it, but something came through…”

Twilight felt a chill go down her spine.

“What came through?” said Starswirl.

“That’s just it, we’re not sure. We haven’t seen the creature itself, only evidence that it has been here. But we need a positive ID if we can find it. Discord, I want to know if it came from your dimension, and if so, how did it get here and is it a threat?”

Discord was astounded. “What, no ‘Discord, this is clearly your doing and you need to fix it immediately?’ I’m rather shocked, Celestia. I thought we had something.”

She didn’t rise to the bait, and instead continued. “You’ve proven that you want to learn about friendship and we know from the key you gave Twilight that you are genuine. What I need to know if how we can find this creature and what it’s doing here.”

“Why are you so eager to track this thing down? And is it actually dangerous? Did it pee in the moat?”

Twilight cringed slightly at Discord’s obvious rudeness in the presence of royalty. It was true that she herself was royalty now, but she still didn’t think of herself as such. She did, however, feel extremely embarrassed that he was behaving this way in front of Princess Celestia.

“It…it attacked someone," said Celestia quietly.

Starswirl looked alarmed. “Is the pony okay?”

“The doctors at Canterlot hospital are keeping an eye on him in case there are any developments, but he seems to be drifting in and out of consciousness.”

“Was he injured physically?”

“He was questioned, and says he doesn’t remember much, but he does recall a large, jelly-like being with claws reaching for him.”

Twilight shuddered.

“Which one?” said Discord.

“What?” exclaimed Starswirl.

“Which one. Jelly-like creatures with claws are ten a penny in the chaos dimension, and that’s if you just include my dimension, which we’re not sure it is yet. Plus it’s not a really thorough description, is it? 'Jelly-like being'. You could be referring to any number of taxa.”

“Which is precisely why we need this thing positively IDed,” said Celestia. "The pony that was attacked…his health keeps fluctuating. I need to know if there’s a cure. I…I won’t have one of my citizens die under my watch. We need to find that thing and we need to help him.”

Twilight looked horrified. Discord looked uncomfortable.

“So basically you need this project in case something like this should happen again?” said Starswirl.

“It’s happening now,” said Celestia, “but yes, essentially and we need to find out how that thing came through and if someone let it through.”

Discord waited for the accusation, but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead she just looked incredibly sad, like that day he had… no, don’t think about that now.

“We won’t let you down, Princess!” said Twilight. “Right, guys?”

Discord thought about this. He didn’t want the pony to die. It was true he didn’t know this pony but he was no fan of death, and he also didn’t want other ponies thinking chaos animals were bad things. He knew the way minds in society worked. If anything associated with chaos was seen as bad, then Discord would be seen as bad, and more ponies would hate him. He had a difficult enough time getting anyone to like him already.  Sometimes he worried that none of the girls liked him, not even Fluttershy. ‘Put up with’ more like.

“Discord?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes. We won’t let you down”, he said, nodding.

Twilight could have throttled him right then and there. How could he be daydreaming at a time like this? Okay, don’t get mad she told herself. Maybe he was just thinking things through.

As if he had been reading her thoughts, Discord said: “Celestia, may I have permission to take Fluttershy with me on this expedition? She was going to help us with this project anyway, but since she’s very good with animals she’d be a strength to this mission. She could help me track it down as well as help me catalogue the inter-dimensional beings.”

Starswirl raised a weary eyebrow.

Celestia nodded. “That would be a good idea. Now, there is no time to lose. Let’s outline how this is going to work…”

Fluttershy stirred her soup. She didn’t feel too much like eating. She was far too excited that she was on her second date with Scriptum.  She thought for a moment. Was this an official date? It wasn’t like the first, which had been planned. This was just a spur of the moment thing. Still, if he didn’t want to be with her when why had he asked her to accompany him to lunch? Oh, she was worrying far too much about this and she knew it! At the same time she felt such anticipation at the fact that they were going to be working together and she might get to see him every day.

Scriptum ate his salad quietly. He was finding it hard to meet her eyes. She was so incredibly gorgeous and he couldn’t believe his good fortune. On the other hand, he didn’t know if he really had a chance with her yet. Sure, she had said she wanted to see him again, but it was early days. Yet he was already head over hooves for her, and he knew it. He had thought about her sea green eyes and alluring smile often enough when transcribing Discord’s notes.

For some reason, his thoughts turned to the draconequus, and he decided to lead into conversation with that.

"So, uh...what's it like being friends with Discord?"

Fluttershy smiled. "Oh, he can be a handful. But he means well. He's a big sweetheart underneath it all."

"Uh huh," said Scriptum, thinking of the way Discord's red eyes had flashed at him the day of the interview. Those claws had looked awfully sharp.

“He seems really excited about this project. He must be impressed with you,” she said, taking a sip of her soup.

“Well, um. I hope so.” Scriptum thought of Discord’s scrawly handwriting. In a lot of ways it was as haphazard as he was. The lines would go off the page, round the corner onto the back of the page and then carry on to another page. Sometimes he wrote upside down. Sometimes he wrote back to front and Scriptum had to use a mirror.  No wonder Starswirl had suggested a transcriber. Still, at least his handwriting was legible. Small mercies.

“So tell me about what it is you’re actually doing in the library,” said Fluttershy, leaning forward, her eyes brighter now.

Dear gods she looks amazing.

“Well, Discord writes notes out in the field, and my job is to clean them up and write them again so that they all fit on one page,” said Scriptum. His heart sank as he said this. It didn’t sound particularly interesting when he said it out loud.

“What sort of notes are they?”

“Descriptions of animals in his chaos dimension.” He saw her eyes light up and his heart soared. “Yeah,” he continued, more excitedly. “Those animals sound really interesting. There was one that apparently sings like a wren but looks like a rhino with wings. Heck, it could even be a rhino with wings. Who knows in that place?”

Fluttershy giggled and he smiled.

Maybe I do have a chance after all.

Scriptum had not expected there to be such a commotion when they got back from their lunch break.

“Where have you two been?” barked Starswirl.

“Er…lunch?” squeaked Scriptum.

Starswirl sighed and began to explain the situation to Scriptum and Fluttershy.  Fluttershy’s eyes widened the more she heard, especially when she heard about the pony in hospital.

“Oh my goodness,” she breathed. Scriptum gave her a worried look.

“I’ll look through the finished descriptions I have already and see if there’s anything that matches what that pony saw,” he said, moving towards the library.

“Excellent idea,” said Starswirl. He turned back to Fluttershy.

“Are you sure you’re up to this, my dear?” said Starswirl. “I’m sure Celestia will understand if you choose not to. After all,” he said pointedly, “it was meant to be solely Discord’s mission.”

“No…no. I’m fine with going if it’s what Princess Celestia asked me to do,” said Fluttershy softly. “And I want to help that poor pony.”

In truth, Fluttershy was more than a little terrified. Though she was interested in the creatures in Discord’s chaos dimension, the ones she had seen so far had looked harmless enough. They were flish that swam through the air and a sleepy looking creature with a big eye that had blinked cutely at her. She fell in love with it instantly. The description of this thing, however, made her shiver. Then there was the fact that it had hurt somepony. Chaos was by its very nature unpredictable, and though she was used to Discord, Fluttershy wasn’t entirely sure she was used to the idea of chaos.

But Discord would be with her, wouldn’t he? He’d know what to do. He was the Lord of Chaos, after all.

“When are we meant to leave?” asked Fluttershy, though she had a feeling she knew what the answer would be, and to her dismay, she was right.

“Immediately,” said Starswirl. "Twilight and I will patrol the land for any more signs of open portals, and you and Discord will set to work, spending half of your time looking for the creature, and half of your time cataloguing any similar creature you find in the chaos dimension.”

“But Discord said there was more than one chaos dimension.”

“True, but it’s best to start with what you know, eh?”

She nodded.

At that moment Discord barrelled into the room.

“Ready to go, Flutters?” he asked.

She really wasn’t, but she knew this was important.

“Yes,” she said, steeling herself. Then she thought of something. “Just let me say goodbye to Scriptum first.”

She hurried into the library but he wasn’t there. Her heart sank. Maybe he and Twilight were discussing part of the mission. She was about to walk out of the room then she backed into a table. Parchment fell everywhere.  Then her eyes fell on the parchment littering part of Scriptum’s work area. There, on one of the partially covered sheets she saw the words:

Fluttershy: Pegasus (Equus pegasii):

Most beautiful, caring creature in Equestria. Stellar chick. Out of my league.

Her heart leapt in her chest. She had enjoyed her date with Scriptum very much. She enjoyed being around him while he was working in the library. She felt her pulse quicken whenever he was around. And now he had just written that she was the beautiful, caring creature in all of Equestria. Why did he think he had no chance with her?

That was the same thing you were thinking she told herself. It was true. Despite numerous protestations to the contrary from her friends, Fluttershy did not think of herself as a beauty. She still thought about the stallions at flight school who had called her "stick legs" and "weak wing." A few of them had tried asking her out on dates when she was older and started to fill out, but she had turned them down. Unfortunately doing so didn't make her feel any more beautiful or desirable. Every time she had gone through a heat she had barricaded herself indoors and hid. She couldn't bear the thought of a stallion that had once made fun of her taking advantage of her need to be loved. She wanted to be loved by someone nice. Applejack had always hold her that no matter how strong the heat was, mares were always the ones who got to choose their partners but she was afraid that somepony might pretend to like her. And then what? What if she made a mistake? She wanted her first time to be special, with a nice stallion she trusted.

She looked at the single sheet on the desk.

She was tired of standing by the wayside. Just once in her life she wanted to do something daring. Yes, she was about to go on a dangerous mission, but she would regret it if she didn’t do something she was really scared of, wouldn’t she?

She steeled herself, then picked up a quill and wrote:

And what makes you think I'm out of your league?

Then she picked up the rest of the species sheets, put them back on the table and walked out to join Discord.