The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

Scriptum slowly opened his eyes as he heard the sound of the morning bird chorus. He was met with a view of the foot of Fluttershy's bed, dust bunnies and some spell books.

Well, the evening certainly hadn't gone how he'd envisioned it. It had definitely started off that way. Fluttershy had asked him to sleep with her, and what red blooded stallion would say no? She had kissed him, they had made out, and he was lowering her onto the bed, then all of a sudden she had frozen.

"I...I'm sorry," she said. "I don't think I'm ready. There's too much going on right now. I hope you're not mad?"

He had told her he wasn't.

"I still want to spend the night with you," she said, playing with the ends of her mane nervously. "Can we just hold each other while we sleep?"

Sure, that's just as much fun. "Of course, Fluttershy."

And for a while it had been fun, holding a gorgeous pegasus in his arms while she slept- until her hind leg shot out and kneed him right in the crotch.

He gasped and instinctively grabbed his netheregions in agony. He glanced at her to see if she had noticed but she was still snoring sweetly.

He waited until the throbbing pain subsided then let out a sigh. Clearly just an accident.

He reached over and put his hooves around her petite frame again and inhaled the smell of her mane. She shifted slightly then punched him right in the ribcage.

Good grief! He thought. How did someone as svelte as her have such strength in that little body?

She was now tossing and turning in her sleep and mumbling incoherent words. Scriptum only narrowly avoided being punched by her again as her hoof swung towards him, missing him by mere centimetres.

She continued to spout gibberish, until a word that he was very familiar with left her lips: "Discord."

Fluttershy was now pedalling her hind legs like a bicycle and her front legs were punching the air. Scriptum gingerly edged away from her, then grabbed a pillow and blanket and curled up on the floor, where he had woken up feeling rather sore inside and out.

He heard her stirring and glanced up to see her beautiful face and tousled mane looking down at him.

"Oh my, are you okay?" she asked. "I hope I didn't snore too loudly."

"Er...no. Of course not," he said. That part was true at least; she wasn't a heavy snorer but she definitely had a mean right hoof.

"Shall we get some breakfast?" he asked.

"And I say it's imperative that we thoroughly search the first dimension before going into the other ones in case there's anything we've missed! Opening mutiple worlds is dangerous and threatens the fabric of our universe!" shouted Starswirl, slamming his hoof down on the table.

"You know nothing, Old Man. It's only dangerous if you go through the bulk. Shifting from brane to brane won't make a difference because I can teleport there. I'm not actually opening up any portals."

"Yes, but the creature is, and if wormholes are opening up willy nilly then how do you know for certain where you're teleporting to?!"

Discord and Starswirl had been arguing at the breakfast table for what seemed like ages to Spike and Pinkie. Pinkie decided to block most of it out since the vast majority of what they were saying were words she didn't really understand. Besides, the waffles she had made this morning were delicious and Discord and Starswirl were missing out by using their breath to argue instead of enjoy some food. Pinkie literally inhaled her stack of waffles and wandered off to make seconds.

In the meantime, Spike was trying to eat his breakfast while Starswirl's hoof kept slamming down and making the table shake.

Spike was relieved when two familiar faces walked into the room. Maybe now the two mages would shut up instead of boasting about who knew more than the other.

"Morning, Fluttershy, Scriptum!" said Spike as the pegasus and unicorn wandered into the room.

Discord looked up, his argument with Starswirl momentarily forgotten. "Hey Flutter Nutter," he grinned. He didn't even acknowledge the archivist, much to Scriptum's annoyance.

"Listen, I was just talking to Starswirl, and he thinks we should start exploring other dimensions."

"I said nothing of..." Discord's tail had smacked Starswirl in the mouth before the bearded unicorn could finish the sentence.

"We're gonna leave soon. Fluttershy, you're with me again."

Starswirl shot Discord a dirty look while he rubbed his stung muzzle. Scriptum was feeling increasingly annoyed with the situation. He'd nearly gotten lucky with a beautiful girl last night and now he was going to have to stay stuck here doing paperwork while she got to spend all her time with Discord, whose intentions were clearly less than honourable! Still, he didn't have much choice in the matter. He was paid to do this job and not a different one.

When this is all over I'm going to take Fluttershy out on a proper date. Not just lunch, but a proper night on the town. That old goat doesn't deserve her. What is he, like a hundred? And I wish he would stop being so touchy feely with her.

"I hope to Hades that you know what you're doing," said Starswirl to the draconequus.

"Beardie," said Discord, twirling Starswirl's facial hair around one of his talons, "I was circumventing the known and the unknown universe while you were still sucking at your mother's teat. You worry far too much. They have blood pressure potions for that sort of thing nowadays, by the way.  I assure you Fluttershy will be safe in my paws."

He smiled at her as he thought of her actually in his embrace. Maybe he would get to do that today.

"I'll see you later," said Fluttershy softly.

Scriptum watched the pair walk out the door and tried to bury a pang of jealousy. This was ridiculous. Fluttershy didn't like Discord like that! She had asked him to spend the night in her bed, not the chaos god. But there was a nagging thought he'd had since waking up this morning.

Then why did she say his name in her sleep.

At that moment Pinkie walked back in. "Who wants wafffffflllees!" she shrieked. The sound seemed to go straight through Scriptum's skull. Spike raised his claw.

"I'm not sure I like the idea of Discord taking Fluttershy with him on his hunts for this thing," said Starswirl as he mixed part of the jelly sample with alcohol in an Erleneigher flask. "It could be dangerous."

Twilight looked up at her hero from her microscope. "Sir...Starswirl, Fluttershy has been to the chaos dimension before and she does know a lot about magical creatures."

"Oh, I don't doubt that, Princess. I don't doubt that at all. I think Fluttershy is capable of looking after herself, I just think Discord took him with her for all the wrong reasons."

"Which are?"

Starswirl sighed. "You mean you haven't noticed how he looks at her?"

Twilight had. She just didn't think it was in any way relevent to the mission. For some reason Starswirl did.

"Someone could get hurt," he said.

"Discord...can be selfish. I'll admit that," said Twilight. "But he has proven himself to be a good friend in times of need. Without him we wouldn't be anywhere near where we are to catching and studying this creature and hopefully saving the sick pony. I may not have said this a year ago, but I actually trust Fluttershy's safety with him. He wouldn't put her in harm's way willingly."

"I wasn't necessarily talking about Fluttershy."

"Captain's Log, Stardate: naught naught naught squibble B. Now that we are away from the clutches of the rather boring Starswirl the Stolid we are once again on the hunt for the elusive jelly-thing-with-claws from one of the Discordian Dimensions. Other than this vague description, we know nothing about it's physical appearance, though I suspect that it looks like the Old Man's Aunt Mabel after she goes wrinkly in the bath tub."

"I...can't write that, Discord. It's rude," said Fluttershy, looking up from her notebook.

"Oh, I suppose you're right," said Discord. "And when you're right, you're right." He looked down at her smiling face and he felt that familiar warm tug in his chest. "Hey, now that we're alone there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Oh?"

Fluttershy suddenly remembered her evening with Scriptum. It was probably best that she was straight with Discord before they went any further. He seemed to be okay now, so surely telling him that she wanted a relationship with the archivist wouldn't be difficult, though it was best to avoid any potential confusion.

"I have something to tell you too," she said.

This is it! he thought. Why wait until this is all over! Tell her, tell her now....now!

"Fluttershy I..."

The boat suddenly lurched forward and Fluttershy went over the side. Discord couldn't believe it. One minute she was right there and the next she'd vanished.

"EEP!" he squeaked, and he instantly plummeted after her.

Fluttershy had instinctively pressed her wings against her body in terror and was now plummeting into nothingness. She couldn't tell which way was up or down and the inability to orient herself was making her nauseus. She felt tears stinging her eyes and she cried out, but the terrified noise she made was barely audible.

Then she felt Discord's strong lion and griffon arms wrap around her. He had teleported directly below and caught her.

"Not gonna let you get away that easily," he said. She buried her nose into his feathers with relief.

"Oh, Discord. What happened?" said the shaken pegasus.

Discord looked in the direction of the boat, which had now capsized and was floating upside down. Next to it floated a dazed looking whale-like creature with eyes on stalks; a creature Discord had already described as a sky whale. The name seemed wholly inadequate to describe the majesty of the huge chaotic being, but Discord knew ponies needed familiar references if they were to understand what something looked like.  The sky whale's eyes blinked out of sync with each other, as if the creature was trying to get its bearings.

"Looks like an accidental crash," said the draconequus. "No harm done, my Dear. Let's get back to the ship." He floated towards it and the sky whale and was about to use his magic to right the boat when he stopped.

Right there, on the sky whale's back was a jelly-like creature. It was moving. It was about as big as Spike was, and had very sharp claws, which it clung to the sky whale with. It seemed unaware of the draconequus for now, and continued to work on its host, which it did by shaping part of its jelly-like body into a narrow funnel and pressing it against the sky whale's skin.

The larger creature cried out in what sounded like pain.

"It's hurting him!" said Fluttershy in horror. "The poor thing! Discord, what can we do?"

Discord's eyes narrowed as he fixed on his target. "We capture it," he said in a low, dangerous voice. He shifted his body so that Fluttershy was piggybacking him. "Hold on tight, Flutters."

The jelly creature sensed Discord coming before the draconequus had even started to move, and it looked up and hissed at him, revealing rows of unbelievably sharp teeth. Discord moved like a bullet in mid flight. The creature lunged for him at the same time, preparing to sink it's fangs into Discord's flesh, but instead its face smashed into a force field. The jelly creature shook itself off, preparing to lunge again when it realized it wasn't going anywhere. It could see the smirking draconequus's face before it, but couldn't go any further than the magical glass bowl Discord had trapped it in.

"Aw, who's a wootsy little blancmange. Yes, you are. Yes you are." He wiggled a finger at the creature as it snapped at him.

Fluttershy peered out from behind Discord's shoulder. Truth be told she had kept her eyes shut the entire time Discord had lunged for the creature. Now it was hissing at her from behind it's glass prison.

"You...you caught it!" she cried.

Discord looked at the thing in wonder. Could this be one of the best days of his life? He was going to tell Fluttershy how he felt about her and now the beast they had been looking for had practically fallen into his lap!

"We need to write a description of it before we take it back, Flutters. It might not be the same creature, but there's also a good chance it could be! C'mon, let's go back to mine!"

Discord teleported into the living room and bent down so Fluttershy could climb off his back. He walked into the kitchen and set the glass bowl on the table.

"Right, I need a quill. Oh, wait..." He pulled one out of his ear. "I forgot I always keep a spare."

He began writing the description quickly in his haphazard way. The sooner they got this thing back to Ponyville the better.

Then I can concentrate on more important things.

Fluttershy sat down on Discord's couch and took a deep breath as the adrenaline hit her all at once. That had been a frightening experience. She still wasn't used to Discord's chaos dimension, or indeed the other dimension they had been in moments before.

"Fluttershy?" Discord walked into the living room carrying the glass bowl and the description with him.

"I'm in here," she managed to say breathlessly. "Just a bit shaken."

"Do you want some water or anything? No wait, I have a better idea. Tea!"

The pegasus smiled at her friend. "Tea would be lovely," she said softly.

"Tea solves everything," said Discord. "Feeling a bit under the weather? Tea. Your pet ran away? Tea. Eldritch abominations threatening to destroy the safety of Ponyville? Not any more, but also tea."

Fluttershy giggled.

"I'll put the kettle on," said Discord, putting the glass bowl down on the coffee table. "Then once you're okay we'll take this thing to Sparky."

He went into the kitchen. His tail was wagging with pride. "Discord gets the monster and he get's the guuurrrrll," he said doing a little jig on the kitchen ceiling as he put the kettle on to boil. He could barely contain his excitement.

Fluttershy was already beginning to feel a little better. She got up and knelt next to the coffee table to have a better look at the creature.

That was when she noticed something was wrong with it. Instead of the black jelly it seemed to be comprised of, it had turned into a pale off-white colour instead. She wondered if it was dying.

Fluttershy didn't enjoy the idea of dead creatures, even scary ones like this. Though she did understand living things needed to eat other living things sometimes to survive.

Suddenly the creature's eye opened and its skin instantly changed from white to black. Fluttershy gasped and pulled back in surprise. Then there was a popping sound as the force field shattered and the creature lunged for her.

She felt its icy embrace and tried to scream but was unable to make a sound.

Discord didn't hear the soft pop of the force field shattering due to the sound of the kettle boiling. He poured the tea into the teapot Fluttershy had given him as a housewarming present a while back, and carried it and the cups into the living room.

"Hope you like..."

He stopped as he realized what he was looking at.

"...Darjeeling," he whispered.

The jar was broken and the creature was no where to be seen, but Discord forgot all that instantly when he saw the pegasus prostrate on the floor.He dropped the teapot and cups which shattered and was at her side instantly and turned her over. She felt ice cold and her lips were blue.

"Oh, buck." he whispered.

Immediately his brain went into adrenaline overdrive.

Bath! Need to run a bath! Warm water!

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bathroom. He ran the tap, making sure the water that came out of it was clean and normal, and tested the temperature with his paw. Then he lowered his friend into the warm water. Fluttershy moaned.

"That's it, Flutters, stay with me," he said. He was nearly crying now. He was actually terrified for her. He gently prodded her face.

"Keep...keep your eyes open," he said.

She moaned again and he gently scooped up some of the warm water onto her body. Her eyes rolled back in her head.

A sob escaped him.

"Fluttershy! Listen to me, please, please stay awake. Buck knows what I'm gonna do if you can't stay awake. Please." He was scooping water over her more desperately now in an effort to warm her up.

Eventually she stirred and coughed a little. She was still groaning but seemed more alert.

"Atta girl," said Discord, who by now was sobbing openly wih relief. "Atta girl..."

He held her to his chest and rubbed his paw gently over her back as she shivered.

When he was sure she was alert enough to be moved, he wrapped her up in a huge fluffy towel and carried her to the bed. She stirred and snuggled into his feathers.

As good as this felt, he knew she needed rest, and he placed her down on the sheets where she fell into a deep, restful sleep.

He curled up into a coil on the bed next to her. He watched the rise and fall of her breathing and though it reassured him, he was afraid of getting any sleep himself.

"Oh, Fluttershy," he whispered. "I thought I'd lost you there, and then where would we be, Noodle?"

He was forever thinking up daft nicknames for her. It was something he couldn't help.

Fluttershy wasn't sure if it was morning when she opened her eyes, as light in the chaos dimension changed rapidly, but what she was aware of was that Discord was next to her, breathing deeply and his paw was wrapped around her, protectively.

She tried to process what had happened. One minute she had been looking at the creature and the next it had lunged for her. She had been attacked. She looked down at her body. She seemed okay. She wriggled out of Discord's embrace slightly and tried sitting up.

Okay, I feel a bit woozy, still.

She felt Discord shift slightly and he opened his scarlet eyes.

"Fluttershy, you're awake!" He looked relieved and happy. "I'm so glad!" he beamed and he embraced her. She returned his hug weakly. She was still drained from her ordeal yesterday.

"I was so worried, my love," he said, and he nuzzled the side of her face.

Wait..."My love?"

She sat up groggily, trying to get her bearings. She could barely think straight.

"Discord...I thought we talked about this."

"About what?" he asked with genuine innocence.

"About your feelings for me...about how I can't return them."

Discord stared at her. Mares were so confusing! He was sure they had more chaos in them than stallions did...

"You're joking, right?"

"Why would I be joking?"

"But...the things you wrote...I...thought..." he fumbled for impossible words admist the confusion he felt.

"What things?"

"The things you and I wrote to each other on the species sheets..."

Her eyes widened.

"That was you?"

Her face was beet red. Fluttershy, you idiot! You've broken his heart and you weren't even trying!

"Who did you think it was...wh..." It dawned on him mid sentence. "Oh." He inhaled deeply. "Oh."

"Yes..."

The two of them looked at the ground awkwardly.

"I...I'm sorry, Discord."

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said a little too stiffly. Then he forced a laugh. "Come, let's get you home."

He offered her his paw and she took it, standing on shaky legs.

"Discord?"

"Mmmf?" he managed to say through gritted teeth.

"I...I'm sorry. I know this is a really awful place for us right now, but maybe we should take that description back to Twilight."

"Oh. Yes." He pulled the crumpled piece of parchment out of a pocket in the side of his body and handed it to her stiffly. He was trying so hard not to show her how much he cared. He felt like the roof of the house was going to blow off at any minute.

She looked up at him. "Aren't you coming?"

"Oh...er no. Probably best I stay here and try to find the thing, eh?"

"Oh yes, that would be a good idea. Um...Discord?"

"Yeah?" One of his talons was digging furiously into his palm.

"Are you sure you're okay? About me and Scriptum, I mean."

"Fine. Never better." He forced a laugh again. "You best be off, Flutters."

"Discord?"

The talon dug further.

"Be careful."

He teleported her.

The chaos god collapsed on the ground, clutching the sides of his head with his paw and claw. He could feel the uncontrollable wave of emotion coming on and his eyes stung with tears. He hated that unicorn. Why had he hired him in the first place? Oh right, because Twilight and Starswirl had been pushy about him hiring someone and he had to choose quickly. Of all the rotten luck. Well, he could just as easily fire him.

That won't make her stop loving him and love you in return.

The wave of emotion was threatening to crash now. He could see no way out of this. Fluttershy didn't love him. Heck, he had known that and he had still hoped otherwise.

Rarity's voice echoed in his ear: Fluttershy is a kind, loving, sweet pony who offered you friendship. It's something you wanted and craved, and despite everything that has happened between the pair of you, she is still your friend. I'd say it's perfectly understandable that you should develop feelings for someone like that.

Exactly 15 minutes later an uninhabited solar system in a nearby galaxy was destroyed as the chaos god vented his anger and frustration. Planets melted down to the core, stars went nova and asteroids crumbled into dust.