The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

Scriptum poured the tea for Fluttershy.

He noticed she was staring into space a lot. “A penny for your thoughts?” he asked.

Fluttershy looked up sharply. She had been thinking about Discord again, about the way his eyes had momentarily flashed a look of extreme pain at her. Even the fact that she and Scriptum were currently sharing tea reminded her of her friend and the tea parties they had every Tuesday.

“I'm...just worried about my friend,” she whispered.

Scriptum sighed. “I'm sure he's fine, Fluttershy. You said he was looking for the monster so that's likely what he's doing at this very moment.”

She nodded. Scriptum took another sip of his tea.

“It's just...Discord...”

Scriptum looked up sharply. “Fluttershy do you ever think about...”

He was about to say 'do you ever think about anything other than Discord' but he finished with “do you ever think about yourself for once? I'm sure Discord is doing well. Let's just concentrate on the here and now, shall we? Tell me more about yourself. I hear you used to be a model.”

Fluttershy's face turned red. “Oh...um. I didn't like it very much.”

“Really? Because it's quite a lucrative career and you definitely have the looks for it.”

“It...just wasn't my thing, really. I don't like being in the spotlight all the time.”

“Well, if you ever wanted to return to it you wouldn't have to do it forever. I'm sure you could make enough money to retire early.”

Then she wouldn't have to spend so much time looking after animals and getting her hooves dirty he though. He suspected that was why she had been lumbered with a beast like Discord.

The conversation was making Fluttershy uncomfortable. She didn't like talking about her modelling career. The fact that pictures of her in magazines still existed was excruciating enough. Sometimes ponies still stopped her in the street and asked for autographs.

“Um, I think tea break is over,” she said.

“Oh, of course. You're quite right, Fluttershy,” said Scriptum. “Time to get back to work.”

Discord lay facing the wall on his bed. He doubted he could take this moping much longer. It was not that he didn't sulk, it was that sulking was inherently non-chaotic. He was a draconequus of action.

Briefly he had entertained the idea of sending Scriptum to Saddle Arabia in a box marked "FRAGILE AND INSUFFERABLE" but experience had taught him that whenever he attempted something of that nature, Fluttershy got upset with him.

He sighed. What she thought still mattered to him and he couldn't escape that fact, but he also didn't want her knowing just how much he cared. There was nothing he could do to Scriptum that wouldn't upset her.

He didn't want to continue the mission, as it would mean seeing the archivist with her and he didn't think he could bear it. On the other hand, Starswirl was right that he would let down Fluttershy if he didn't continue it.

But she couldn't know how much he cared! She just couldn't! It made him too vulnerable and the last thing he needed was further humiliation from them all.

A literal lightbulb appeared above Discord's head as he realized what he needed to do.He would show them. He would hunt down the creature himself. By himself. And then he'd bring it back and everyone would be sorry they had ever doubted him. Sure, it wasn't sending Book Boy via first class but it was action.

He grinned. Or maybe there was something he could do to the unicorn...after all, he still needed to do his job. So what if the workload...increased a little.

Scriptum yelped as a thousand sheets of parchment fell down over his desk.

At that very moment, Spike had walked into the room to ask Scriptum if he'd like to join the rest of them for dinner. He took one look at the unicorn and his desk.

"Whoa," he said. "I thought that kind of stuff only happened to me."

Twilight listened intently as Starswirl began his story:

He first came to us in Spring one year. I was sitting under a tree reading up on transformative magic when there was a voice above me.

"Whatcha readin' Old Man?"

I looked up and was surprised to see a creature I had never laid eyes on before resting on a large branch above me. It was as if a foal had patchworked together several stuffed toys, only he was sleeker and there was muscle under that coat. Not bulging muscles, but the wiry muscles of a weasel. His eyes were bright and intelligent. His voice almost a purr.

Before I could say anything the book had flown out of my hand and Discord had grabbed it. "Hmmm. Transformative magic. Interesting choice, Old Man."

"My name," I said, standing up. "Is Starswirl the Bearded. Now may I have my book back please?"

He tilted his head at me, as if considering me for a moment, then handed the book back with his tail.

I took it and he said "I've read that book before. It's good...for toilet paper."

"This was written by one of the greats of magic. Sir Rubin Mustanger. The fact that you refer to it as toilet paper shows just how much you know about magic!"

I was about to take my leave, and find somewhere else to read my book when suddenly Discord had bounded off the tree in the form of a honey badger, grabbed the book in his mouth and swallowed it in one gulp. Quick as a flash he was back in the tree in his previous form, with his hands behind his head. "Don't care," he said.

I was absolutely astounded. "H-how did you do that?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Well, yes I would, actually. Very much. I don't even think Sir Rubin has written about such a smooth transformation!"

"Meet me here tomorrow and I might consider it," came the reply, then he vanished.

I did arrive at the same time the next day promptly and he was there, lounging on his branch again.

"Beardie!" came his greeting. "I thought you weren't going to show!"

So began our weekly meetings to talk about magic. I also learnt a lot about Discord as a draconequus. He didn't look that much different then as he does now, except that maybe his mane was a little darker and his body wasn't as long, but he claimed to be thousands of years old.

He told me that his species ages very, very slowly. I have no idea if this is true or not, as I have never seen another draconequus, and I'll wager you haven't either, but it would likely explain his immaturity, amoung other things.

We met under the tree every Thursday and talked about magic.

"Hey Beardie," he said to me one day, "who is the absolute stunner I saw you walking with in the palace gardens the other day? She is a *ten*, Old Man. An absolute ten."

My hackles rose. I immediately felt protective of Celestia. While I enjoyed the talks Discord and I had, I can't say I trusted him completely and now I had someone else to worry about. Then I said, rather stupidly, "what do you want with the Princess?"

Discord laughed at me.

"And here I was labouring under the impression that all Royalty were inbred uglies.The *Princess? That's who that is? "*

"Yes, that's who that is. And you best stay away from her."

"Why?"

I thought about this. Discord hadn't displayed any malice towards me apart from mild banter. Why did I want him to stay away from her? Was it because I didn't know him? Was it because his magic was foreign to me? Both reasons seemed almost rude to say out loud after our rather civil conversations about magic.

"It's complicated," I said pathetically.

Discord gave me a look that could only be described as "challenge accepted."

I don't know how it happened, because Celestia never talked to me about it after it ended, but Discord began meeting with her in secret.

I later learnt Discord had climbed in through her window. The guards hadn't noticed because Celestia, being a Princess, had told them to take the afternoons off. They never questioned her.

At first I thought I should turn a blind eye to it; two young people with urges, I mean...it was perfectly healthy, and Discord, while a bit rough around the edges, didn't seem to be a bad person. But of course, I didn't count on how serious it was going to get.

Celestia, being a Princess, was expected to marry royalty herself. Discord was not royalty. I know it sounds strange now, but mares in those days had a lot less freedom when it came to these sorts of things than ponies like yourself now do. Discord was becoming bolder about  meeting with Celestia. He no longer had to climb in through her window, and sometimes they would find a corner of the garden and lay in the sunlight together, preening each other. Several of the guards had told me about it. I felt for them both, I really did, but I knew it would hurt Celestia's reputation if she was seen with him. He wasn't a pony, he wasn't royalty and his magic didn't work the way ours did.

I was going to have to have a talk with one of them. I decided to bring it up at my next meeting with Discord.

To my surprise, Discord was surprisingly grumpy when I met up with him. He even looked a bit haggard. Moreso than usual, I mean.

"One too many last night?" I asked.

He snorted and said nothing. His arms were folded and his back was against the trunk of the tree.

I decided to bite the bullet. "Did you and Princess Celestia have a lover's quarrel?"

He stared at me for a beat. "That's rather astute of you, Beardie. How'd you guess?"

It had merely been a guess, but Discord seemed to spend most of his days seeking out Celestia, so I doubted there was much else occupying his mind.

"Because she's all you talk about nowadays? Though I do wish you'd stop making remarks about her flank. That girl is like a daughter to me."

"Ooooh!" Discord held his paw and talon up and wriggled his fingers.

This was going to be harder than I thought. It seemed he could take almost nothing seriously.

"Discord, it's actually Celestia I want to talk about. We need to speak frankly here."

"But not about her flank."

I nodded, trying to humour him. "Yes, not about that. But about things that...may be difficult to hear."

"I'm all ears," said Discord, sprouting several over his body.

"Discord, there are many things about society I may not agree with, but I know need to be done for the good of the nation. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"You've already had this talk with her."

"Yes..."

"So that's where this has come from."

I realized then that Celestia must have gone to him first and told him what I was about to tell Discord. He clearly wasn't very happy about it.

But then he laughed a little. "Well, you know what Beardie? She loves me, so despite your silly, rigid ruleset I doubt she's going to go through with it, because that girl is as stubborn as I am."

"It's not *my** silly, rigid ruleset. It's what her parents would have wanted."*

"What about what she wants?"

"She knows the role she has to fulfill. She's known it since fillyhood. And I hope she finds someone she can actually love when she takes the throne, because not all marriages have love behind them."

"Excuse me, Old Man. But she *does** actually love me. She doesn't need some rah rah ponce prince boring her with politics and ceremony. She needs adventure."*

"And I suppose you're her little adventure," I said wearily.

He grinned at me. "I haven't heard any complaints from the lady."

"That's not what I..."

Despite the fact that he was still up in the tree, his paw was now covering my mouth.

"Now, now Starswirl. You worry too much, and you underestimate Celestia. Sure, she worries that she has to do things for 'the good of the nation' which we know in your world is tantamount to sexual slavery..."

"It is not....!" I began.

He blew a raspberry at me.

"Explain to me how a mare marrying for the good of the nation and not because she loves said stallion is anything but sexual slavery. Or at the very least, sexual bartering."

"It is not like that at all. Both parties go into it with eyes wide open. And if someone isn't a good match, then there need not be an engagement."

"But if someone is a good match, but happens to be a bit of rough, then there's no engagement at all."

"Discord..."

"Hey, no need to explain things, or even try and work us both round to your way of thinking. We love each other so the idea that your little rules are going to interfere with our happiness is laughable at best. I know she'd never do that to me."

"What she has to do may have nothing to do with what you want. Equestria needs to build alliances."

"So because you lot are obviously so mature and rational you have to do it through coercion."

I sighed. There was no reasoning with him.

One night I heard them arguing. Discord was saying something about how Celestia was in a cage and couldn't see it and she was just going to end up as some stallion's trophy. She argued that he was being jealous and that regardless of how she felt about her suitors, he should know that she loved him and this was something she had to do. She was next in line to the throne and she didn't want Luna being coerced into marriage instead.

"Aha!" said Discord. "You used the word 'coerced'. So this is pretty much something that is being forced on you."

"Discord, I don't want this anymore than you do, but it might be something I have to do. If it comes to that, wouldn't you want me to be happy with a stallion I loved rather than me ending up with a stallion who really did only want me for a trophy?"

Of course this had been the wrong thing to say from Discord's point of view.

"Celestia, I want *us** to be happy. Together."*

"I can't marry you."

"I know that. And I'm not big on the idea of marriage anyway, but I do want to be with you."

"I don't know what to do."

"I do."

"You do?"

"Yes. Run away with me."

"I...can't."

"Why not? I'll look after you, Celestia, I promise."

"It's not that...I can't abandon my friends and family. Luna and Starswirl. My place is here, Discord."

I could hear Celestia crying now. It must have been so hard for the poor girl to choose between the male she loved and duty. The trouble was I don't think Discord saw that. As usual he was thinking 100% of what he wanted, and I don't need to tell you how jealous that boy is.

So when Celestia's suitors finally did come a-calling, there was trouble almost instantly.

Her first suitor was a Prince from Karabakhan, and he was the first to fall victim to Discord's pranks.

From day one there was trouble: when the carpet was rolled out to greet the Prince, it wouldn't keep still, but instead undulated in waves so that no one could step on it. Then the Prince couldn't say anything without sounding like he was speaking though Helium. Then everytime the Prince tried to eat something at the royal dinner, it hit him in the face. I'm pretty sure I saw Celestia try to stifle laughter at one point.

Eventually the Prince left, declaring us all a bunch of uncouth savages.

Time after time the same thing happened.

I think the Princess must have had twenty suitors and they all left in a huff, and after a while it stopped being funny to the Princess.

And after a while, it stopped being funny to me too. Tensions between Equestria and Neighropa were high, and the fact that nearly every eligible royal bachelor from that region had been rejected wasn't helping matters. Things were beginning to get serious. We couldn't afford to stir up a hornet's nest and Equestria needed this alliance. The kingdom hadn't been the same since the death of Celestia and Luna's parents.

One evening she came to me in tears.

"I love him,” she whispered as she cried into my chest and I tried to soothe her. “I know he's doing this because the idea of me marrying someone else hurts him.”

"Look, Celestia," I said, sighing. "Maybe Discord is right. You...you don't have to do this. Surely your parents would have wanted you to be happy more than anything? Perhaps we could convince the Neighropans that there's another way to be allies."

"And if we can't? What kind of world is that for my little sister?"

I learnt something about Celestia that evening- Discord was right. She was as stubborn as he was.

I had to be the bearer of bad news for Discord. I sat under the tree waiting for him as usual. For a moment, I was worried he wasn't going to show up, but after a while he came bounding up the path, and took his place on the tree branch.

"Sorry I'm late, Beardie. I was busy with....uh....business."

I looked at him deadpan. "And I suspect this business had to do with continuing to torment the Prince of Esponia?"

"You can suspect," he said, grinning. "But I couldn't possibly comment."

I sighed. This was going to be difficult.

"Discord, this needs to stop."

"What needs to stop?"

"Don't play dumb! You aren't dumb and you know very well what I'm referring to. You can't keep trying to scare Celestia's suitors away, especially not this one."

"Oh, see. That's where you're wrong. I *especially need to get rid of this one, because I know he's dead set on marrying her."*

"Which is precisely why you need to back off."

"Oh, do I? I don't think I need to do anything. And besides, she's said no to every single one of them so far. It's not like this guy is going to be any different."

"Celestia consented to the marriage this morning."

Discord went very, very quiet.

"I...she didn't. You must have misheard her."

"No, she very clearly said it was what she wanted to do. For her family and the good of the nation."

"Is that all she said?"

I considered my answer. Celestia had told me she loved Discord dearly and didn't want to hurt him. However, I knew if I told him that he might never back off. He would just continue to insist that Celestia was being dragged into this against her will, and continue to torment the Prince. We didn't need this. So, I said: "Yes, that was all she said."

Discord's expression was difficult to read. He was just staring at me.

"So you really need to leave us alone," I continued. "And let us get on with everything. I'm very sorry, boy. But perhaps it's best if you leave Equestria. There's just no place for you here."

"Oh, Beardie," he laughed. "You don't mean that."

My heart ached. I enjoyed the boy's company but I had to do this.

"Discord, if you continue to do this there could be a war."

"Nations would go to war over the fact that a Neighropan Prince couldn't get some Equestrian Princess tail? And I'M the bad guy here?"

"It's not about that and you know it! I've explained the situation multiple times and you're just not getting it! I'm sorry Discord, but that's the way our society works. There are rules and we can't always do things we want."

"Try me," he hissed, and was about to move off the branch. I knew where he was going, but there was no way I was going to let him risk starting a war. I fired a shot at him with my horn.

"What the hell?" he cried, as he fell off the branch.

"Discord, I'm warning you. If you interfere with this negotiation I will fire again. I don't want to, but this is serious."

He stared up at me defiantly from the ground and made a move to continue on his way, so I fired. This time, however, I felt the full force of my attack bounce back at me and then some. I was completely swept off my feet. Let me tell you, Twilight. I had never felt such power before. Discord's magic slammed me into the side of the tree trunk and he held me there.

"So that's how it is, is it?" he growled. "Rules? Society has rules? I don't want to live in that kind of world, Old Man."

He let go of me and I sank to the ground. Discord had vanished.

Now, I don't want to give the impression that what happened next was merely because Discord couldn't marry Celestia. I'm sure that was a large part of it, but I know I had hurt him too. I have no idea if he considered me a friend or not since I'm not entirely sure Discord knew what friendship was back then, but I can't imagine he took kindly to me using magic against him and telling him to leave.

Discord was gone for over a year, and for a while I was beginning to think that he would never come back. I also worried. After all, his parting words to me had been 'I don't want to live in that kind of world.' I was worried Discord might be suicidal. How wrong I was about that.

He didn't arrive with pomp and circumstance. Rather, strange things began to happen and after a while they just increased in ferocity. It rained frogs, strange beasts came out of the woods, birds flew upside down. At first ponies were scared, but it seemed pretty innocuous. Until things stopped working the way they were supposed to. Crops failed to provide, water often tasted sour.

Then Discord declared that there was to be no such thing as a ruler. He told the ponies they were all free and they no longer had to worry about being controlled. There was to be no such thing as worship, or society. All these things were just lies to control ponies and keep them from their true nature and happiness. Some ponies tried to form cults to worship chaos but those were shot down as well. Discord told them worship and hierarchy was the very antithesis of what he respresented and stood for.

Discord's idea of a utopia was a nightmare. There was no law, no way of managing anything. Any attempt to fight back was shot down almost instantly by him. I had not realized at the time just how powerful he was.

Ponies got hurt and died under Discord's reign. While he may not have been the perpetuator, he was certainly the catalyst.  Civil unrest was common and whenever there was an attempt to build any kind of authority to counter all the lawlessness, Discord put a stop to it.

This went on for decades. It truly was a difficult world to live in.

But no one took it harder than Celestia.

She had not yet married her Prince, and after the unrest Discord brought with him it clearly took a backseat. She saw what he had done, what he was doing and I know for a fact it broke her heart beyond repair, Twilight. I don't think Discord realized just how much she loved him and he had stomped all over her heart.

So I knew it was very difficult for Celestia to fight back initially. But when she saw the suffering Discord had caused to her subjects, and when she tried to reason with him and he wouldn't listen, I knew her heartbreak had been replaced with cold resolve.

I...don't think Discord was entirely sane at this point. That's not an excuse. There's no excuse for what he did, but ponies would come to me and report that they had seen him babbling to himself sometimes. Something about "no one appreciating the freedom of chaos." I still don't think that boy is entirely sane, mind you but he was extremely unhinged back then. I shouldn't blame myself, but part of me still does. I still don't know where Discord came from or even if he had a family, but I do know that we hurt him.

Another hundred years went by. I know we unicorns lived a long time back then, but I wasn't getting any younger. Discord continued to make life a misery for everyone around him.

Eventually we found the tree of harmony, and well...you know the rest.

There was a soft gasp. Twilight and Starswirl looked up to see Fluttershy and Scriptum staring at them in the doorway.

"How...much of that did you hear?" said Starswirl.

"Enough," said Scriptum before Fluttershy could reply herself. She looked pale. Before anyone could continue, Fluttershy had ran off.

"I'll talk to her," said Scriptum to the unicorn and alicorn.

He caught up with Fluttershy in the hallway that led to their rooms.

"Fluttershy," he called to her. She stopped mid stride and looked over her shoulder at the archivist.

There were tears on her face.

"Did you know about all this?" said Scriptum.

"I knew some of it, but no, a lot of it is news to me." She moved towards him and he put his hooves around her and stroked her mane.

"That bastard," said Scriptum. "I knew it, Fluttershy. He's bad news. You need to stay away from him."

She looked up at him in shock. "I'm not going to stay away from Discord. He's my friend."

"But you must! You heard what Starswirl said! He's a dangerous person when he's in love and he clearly has feelings for you."

She shook her head. "It was hard to hear what Starswirl said, but what Discord did is in the past. What's important is now and what he's learning about friendship. Discord is a different person now, and Princess Celestia must trust him enough to set him free."

"Are you crazy, mare? He seems pretty much the same person to me. He gave you to Tirek, in case you've forgotten all about that."

"I haven't forgotten," she said softly.

"Then why are you still his friend? He doesn't even deserve friendship! He let ponies starve and suffer. He gave you to a madman. Maybe he would have even stood by while Tirek had his way with you."

Fluttershy looked horrified.

"Why are you saying these things?"

"Because they're very likely scenarios!"

Fluttershy felt like bursting into tears. This was all too much.

"You don't know Discord like I do," she said.

"Fluttershy, you sound like one of those mares who think they can change stallions and end up being abuse victims. You're not stupid..."

"That's right, I'm not stupid!" she cried. "You think I haven't considered all this and weighed it up in my mind? I know Discord has done horrible things, but never that horrible! And all of the horrible things he's done are in the past. He's my friend, and if it wasn't for him giving Twilight her key Equestria would still be under Tirek's reign, and maybe then we would still all be his slaves? Did you ever consider that?”

“Tirek was in power because Discord helped him,” Scriptum pointed out.

“If you hate him so much why are you working for him?” she shouted through her tears.

Scriptum's mouth opened and then closed again silently.

“I need to see if he's alright,” whispered Fluttershy.

“What?! After everything Starswirl said you want to see if he's alright? Fluttershy, don't be so naïve.”

She glared at him. There was that word again: “naive.”

“Well no one else seems to want to check up on him, so yes I want to see if he's alright.”

“I forbid you to.”

“Excuse me?”

She tried to walk past him but his front leg blocked her path.

“Um...” she began.

“I'm not going to let him hurt you.”

“He won't. Now please let me past.”

“No.”

Fluttershy was beginning to feel trapped. Scriptum was a stallion, and larger and stronger than she was. Despite him insisting that he had her best interests at heart, Fluttershy didn't feel comfortable with him demanding that she do something she clearly did not want to do.

“Um, please let me get past,” she said in a softer voice. “I just need to see if my friend is okay.” She began to move forward again when Scriptum grabbed her by the shoulders. She squeaked in surprise and tried to pull away but he wrapped his fore hooves around her body tightly. She felt her wings compress in an extremely uncomfortable way against his body.

“You are not going anywhere! I forbid you to, Fluttershy!”

“Let me go, you're hurting me!” Her wings felt like they were being crushed.

“Fluttershy, listen to yourself! You want to get involved with a bad colt. You're a nice pony, and I'm a nice pony and nice people should stick to their own kind. You don't want to go down the road you're going down.”

“It's not like that! He's my friend! Why are you doing this! Ow...you're hurting me!”

"Do you really think he's going to want to continue to be your friend when he realizes I'm your coltfriend? I know the way stallions are, Fluttershy. Not all of them are willing to be happy for a mare when they realize friendship is all they're going to get."

"Maybe I don't want to be your marefriend anymore!" Fluttershy whimpered.

Suddenly Scriptum released her.

“I...I'm sorry Fluttershy. I just don't want him to use you. You know he...”

But she was running down the hallway already, her tears streaming behind her. She needed to see Discord, needed to know he was okay. She ran towards Starswirl's study, where she knew she had seen the teleportation charm he used to get to Discord's house in the chaos dimension. She had never used one, but she had seen Starswirl do it.

She looked down at it sitting on Starswirl's desk. Final thoughts went through her head.

What if you do it wrong? What if you only teleport half your body? What if you end up somewhere else?

Courage, Fluttershy. Courage. She took a deep breath and touched the charm.

She had teleported all right, but not inside Discord's house. She was just outside the door, which she noticed with growing horror was rapidly getting further and further away from her as she floated helplessly through the chaotic ether. Terror gripped at her as the world spun around her. She cried out in fear and her ears flattened against her head as she drifted.

She had failed. She really was a naïve little pegasus. Everyone had been right. The world continued to spin and she couldn't take the fear any more. She passed out.

If she had been awake, she would have felt two mismatched limbs catch and embrace her.