The next morning, Brightray hoofed it over to Corn Flake's office in the Church of the Sun. She rapped on the door timidly.

"Come in," called a voice from within.

She slinked inside, and Corn Flake turned his office chair around to make eye contact with her.]

"Well?" he asked with a glare.

"Well, I've been spending time with Hoofbeats as you requested." She paused for an uncomfortably long period of time.
Corn Flake's impatience began to show on his face.

"And?" He motioned for her to continue.

"Her business is in, um, adult-type toys. You know, the kind used for... self-defilement." She of course knew the correct words by now, but she didn’t want it to show. She still had an untainted record as far as the church was concerned, and she aimed to keep it that way.

"You're sure? You saw them?"

"Yes, sir."

"And did you partake?"

Brightray kept a good chunk of the truth to herself. She had decided beforehand she wouldn't tell him of the timberwolf project, or her own sexual explorations.

"No, sir," she responded, "I only saw her making them."

He raised an eyebrow. "To what end? Is this wickedness self-contained, or does she spread it to other ponies?"

"She intends to sell them. She's to be in a catalogue of some sort. They're showing her toys in September."

He spun his chair away from her to think. The gears turned in his head for a brief couple of minutes before he turned back around.
"My dear, I'm proud of you for rejecting the tempting pleasures of the flesh. I know this must all be difficult for a delicate flower such as yourself. You’re lucky to be educated about Celestia’s gifts of purity. I guess your friend doesn’t have that kind of deterrent in her life. It’s a shame really. She’s destined to fail without it,” he said, planting a seed in Brightray’s mind.

“She couldn't come to our church, could she? I mean, with her cutie mark and all."

Corn Flake grinned. “What an interesting idea. Perhaps I could allow you to bring her just once, or do you think Celestia's grace can't help her now?"

Brightray quietly nodded. A "no" would be heresy.

He continued, "If you truly believe, then it shall be done. Extend an invitation to Ms. Hoofbeats for this Sunday's sermon. I'll make sure we are ready for her."

She met Hoofbeats at school the next day. She was easy to find in the crowded hallway because she was one of the few non-religious kids who wore clothes. Smartass as she was, she sported a sexy schoolgirl uniform. Yesterday, it was a Hawaiian shirt, and she would flash her cutie mark at people and say she was a "tourist trap".

She tapped her shoulder and cleared her throat.

Hoofbeats spun around. Instead of a greeting, she led with, "Holy shit, she wears the bonnet to school."

Brightray blushed and pulled the bonnet tighter on her head, "Stop it. You're wearing clothes."

"Only because I'm required to, but I feel like there's a lawsuit in there somewhere. Do you think that would make for good publicity?"

"I don't know. You've been wearing clothes for weeks now. I think it might be too late to sue."

"A government founded on the threat of wendigos is far more concerned with mandating harmony than the reputation of the public school system, but I see your point. By the time I have the time and money for a lawsuit, the statute of limitations might have run out. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

Brightray redirected the subject, "Anyway, the reason why I sought you out was because I was going to invite you to my church." She handed her friend a pamphlet.

Hoofbeats grimaced. "Ugh. Why?"

She shuffled her feet. She had been deceptive to her family and her church lately, and she could rationalize that with some mental gymnastics, but saving a soul was something she felt had to be done right, so she couldn't disregard the Element of Honesty.

"I spoke to Corn Flake. I told him some stuff. Not all of it, but some. Well, we were concerned about your immortal soul. I think Celestia might send you to Tartarus."

Hoofbeats broke out laughing. "My immortal soul? You realize we're horses, right? And Celestia is also a horse? We're not these godlike ethereal beings that traverse realms. Celestia doesn't condemn ponies. You can't condemn a horse. It's a horse. That's a horse."

"You see unicorns bend the laws of physics every day, yet you deny ponies are above the other animals?"

"We're not the only ones. According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. What I'm saying is that the importance we assign to our own species is nothing more than a circle-jerk."

Ironically, Hoofbeats thought of herself as above other ponies, and she lived in her own kind of echo-chamber by dismissing the viewpoints of others, a condition which affects both the religious and non-religious alike.

"I helped you make that vibrator," Brightray responded, "It's kind of like 'You showed me yours and I'll show you mine.' Besides, I don't think you really have a social life outside of school and it would be nice to see you get out of the house every once in a while."

"What? I totally have a social life. I hang out with the cool kids. Like... they're not popular or anything but they are cool to hang out with because they're passionate about their interests."

"So, nerds?"

"Yeah, I guess that about sums it up. But at least they let me sleep in on the weekend."

"Please, do it for me. Corn Flake doesn't think you can be saved."

Hoofbeats considered herself a wise pony for seeing through such a transparent reverse-psychology lure into a trap. But wise ponies avoid conflict. They cut toxic people out of their lives and move on. In this sense, Hoofbeats was not a wise pony. She was cursed with the insatiable curiosity that plagues the sentient, and liked to stick her nose where it did not belong. On top of that, the idea of having a proper nemesis gave her a heightened sense of grandeur.

"Fine, I'll go," she said, "I suppose it's important to see what I'm up against, in like a cultural sense."
She snatched the pamphlet away and began to walk off.

"You have the address, right?" Brightay called after her.

"It's the mega-church off of Mane Street."

"No, it's the mega-church on Phoenix Street. Not the one by the convenience store but the other one."

"Ok, got it."

Author's Note

I feel like I’ve let this story get away from me. My fanfiction about dildos has become more about religion than it has about dicks, and for that I deeply apologize.

I have portrayed religion as a negative thing, which is a way I feel to some extent, but I want to move away from the bashing while still keeping Corn Flake as the primary villain. I’ve put these two lifestyles at odds with each other, but in the end the moral should not be “religion is bad”, but rather that masturbation, sexual activity, homosexuality, and even being a little deviant, are completely compatible with the existence of a higher being. Also, I don’t want any of the negative parallels to be a blanket statement on all religion, but rather the hypocites and extremists who hurt the image of the group as a whole.

I don’t really want Hoofbeats to be this Mary Sue who teaches a bunch of prudes that her way is the answer. She is a flawed character and I would like to see her grow along with Brightray.