Chapters Chapter 1: I went on vacation.
‘Dear Discord,
I am so sorry, but I need to cancel our Tuesday Tea this week. Angel is not well. He has been ill the past few days. Yesterday he started to become extremely aggressive and injured several of my other little creature friends. If he doesn’t start improving soon I may have to… Well, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
I really hope that’s OK. Please forgive me.
Your friend,
Fluttershy
P.S. I’m sorry.
‘My dear friend Fluttershy,
That’s unfortunate. Give the little rat pest cherub my regards. I will be on vacation for a week. a month. an unknown amount of time. I will be unable to write while away and will not be able to make our tea time until further notice. If Celestia asks where I am, please tell her the truth. that I am ill. to mind her own business.
Your bestest friend in all of Equestria ,
Lord Discord , Master of Chaos, Elder Draconequus , the Only
P.S. If Sun Butt asks who ate her Ruske Kape, I stole it Luna sat on it I don’t know. ’
A mound of fur and bones stirred in the back corner of the cell. Tirek turned to face me, his eyes blurry with sleep. He was but a shadow of his former self, his fur matted and his ribs protruding. I smiled and waved. He looked so confused, I could not help but let a laugh escape me. This was already turning out to be more fun than I anticipated. He frowned at me as the realization that he was not hallucinating hit him like a sock full of bits.
“Discord? Is that you, friend?” Tirek spoke quietly, his voice hoarse and barely audible. “What are you doing here? Are you here to free me from this pathetic excuse of an existence?” He sounded almost hopeful.
“Fat chance, T-Boy. And don’t call me friend. We are anything but friends.” I snapped my talons and a red and white popcorn container filled with small rocks appeared in my paw. I started to toss pebbles at Tirek through the bars. He glared at me, unblinking. The only noise was the soft pit-pat of the rocks bouncing off of him and hitting the ground.
“Well, I don’t know about that,” he stated, more life coming into his voice. His face contorted into what I think was supposed to be a more friendly one. I shot a pebble at him, hitting him square between the eyes. Unfazed, he broke our stare as he rose to his hooves and brushed himself off. “I seem to remember a certain Draconequus once telling me that he had no need for friends. Yet here you are before me, allies with pitiful ponies whom you now call friends. I have known you far longer than they, embraced your true nature from the start, and offered you the one thing they cannot; power, freedom. You still crave it, and you cannot hide it from me no matter how you try. Why else would you be here?” A small, knowing smile crept onto Tirek’s lips.
“I am here for sport.” I threw the pebbles aside and changed into my safari outfit. It even had leaves and sticks in the hat. My special poke-somepony-from-a-distance-so-they-can’t-smack-me stick materialized in my hands and I poked Tirek’s flank. “Dance, you!” I commanded, poking him again. Tirek scowled at me.
“Ahh, I see now.” His lips curled into a snarl. He walked up to the bars and grabbed them, sticking his face through as much as he could. Poke. “You’re bored,” he whispered.
“I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about,” I stated casually.
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me,” he said as he laughed in my face. Poke. He withdrew from the bars and waved his hand around in the air as if shooing off a fly. “Celestia hasn’t let you have any fun, has she? All you are to her is a pathetic lap pony. Her and that filthy Princess Twilight,” he spat. Poke. “I bet her friends think you are just a nuisance since you betrayed them. They only humor your friendship because you're less of a pain in the flank as a friend than an enemy.”
My blood started to boil in my hoof. Literally, it was boiling. I was so busy venting the steam into my other hoof that I hadn’t realized my poking had intensified.
Tirek continued, unconcerned that he was almost being skewered alive. “What was that one’s name? That yellow mare with the pink mane?” He paused as my poking stopped and my eyes narrowed dangerously thin. “She really was a piece of work. I am not normally attracted to ponies, but the taste of her magic was especially… erotic . I can’t wait to get another taste of her.”
Before I realized it my paw shot forward and Tirek was thrown backwards against the bars. He crumpled to the ground and gasped for breath. My eyes were aglow with raw chaos and everything around me started to darken. My body grew as I accommodated the influx of chaos magic. I towered over the cell, the Lord of Chaos about to bring judgement down on Tirek.
“YOU THINK I’D LET YOU GET NEAR HER AGAIN?” My voice shook all of Tartarus. “WHERE YOU ARE GOING YOU WILL FIND NO RESPITE FROM PAIN OR AGONY!” I grabbed him by the throat with my magic and lifted him in the air. I slashed my claws forward and a portal opened in his cell. Black tendrils reached through it towards Tirek. His legs kicked frantically as he fought for breath, his eyes were bloodshot and his hands grasped at his neck. I grinned maniacally and relished in the power I had over him. The option was there and he knew it. I could end him.
‘Discord... I believe in you…’
Before I could toss Tirek’s flailing body to the monster, her voice echoed in my mind. I wasn’t that Draconequus anymore. If she were here right now, she would be disgusted with me. My eyes cleared and my senses returned. I dropped Tirek and closed the portal, the explosion defused by the sound of her in my mind. My body returned to normal and I sighed, exhaling any lingering excess magic.
There was no reason to continue this portion of my vacation. We were done. I turned away from the cell and sauntered down the path. Tirek scrambled to his hooves and charged the bars, though he gasped for breath.
“Discord,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. Clearly my hold on him had done more than just cut off air. “I have information… that you may… find relevant,” he wheezed.
“Oh please, I doubt that,” I said over my shoulder, waving a dismissive talon in the air.
“Even if… it is… about… your precious… marefriend?”
My gait slowed, but only just. I wasn’t about to let this trickster into my head. Playing the fool more than once was not my style. However, if Tirek knew about something that could harm Fluttershy I would need to do some investigating, just to make sure.
“You cannot save them! It’s too late!” he shouted at me, laughing hysterically. His voice echoed in my ears as I materialized at the entrance of Tartarus, just before the archway. Cerberus lay between the pillars, his backside turned to me, his attention elsewhere.
I closed my eyes and concentrated. Though time was of the essence, I needed to get a better idea of who or what we could be dealing with. I poked at the chaos field that enveloped all of Equestria. The vibrations I created sent ripples through the field. I examined the returning vibrations as they bounced off of large clumps of chaos tangles. The Everfree Forest, which was the whole area rather than a clump, seemed normal. There was a clump in Canterlot and another in The Crystal Empire. Strange. I prodded the Canterlot clump to get more detail. Nothing happened. My brow furrowed. I moved my attention to The Everfree Forest and prodded a small clump there. A static filled image appeared beneath my closed eyelids. It was clear enough to see general shapes, outlines, and colors. Pretty normal. I prodded it again and it came into focus. Timberwolves digging a den, a snake strangling a mouse. Yup, normal. Moving back to Canterlot I poked the clump again, with more force. It shook violently but remained a jumbled mess of tangled chaos.
‘This… This can’t be possible. How can my manipulation of chaos magic be blocked? ’ I thought to myself as I opened my eyes. Something was very, very wrong.
As I moved forward Cerberus’s ears twitched and he spun around, two heads inspected me while the third tried to look menacing. The middle head had an object in its mouth and drool dripped from it. He must have found it when he ran off and brought it back with him. Once he recognized me he bounded over, drool flying everywhere. He dropped the item at my feet. I stepped over it and made a shooing motion with my hands.
“Get out of my way, you foul-breathed beast,” I spat at him. I was in a terrible mood and had no time for games, as much as I usually enjoyed them.
Cerberus blocked my path completely. He hunkered down, his butt in the air and tail wagging. I stepped left, he moved left. I stepped right, he moved right. We did the shuffle several times before each of his three heads barked at me.
“Oh for buck’s sake, HERE!” I turned on my heel and grabbed the object. It was a round, disc-shaped stone, green pearlescent in color, and about the size of a hoofball. The fact that Cerberus hadn’t swallowed it was mystery. The moment I touched it I felt order magic rush into my body. I tried to let go but it was glued to my paw. I forced as much chaos magic as I could towards it in an attempt to force the order magic out of me. It burned my veins as it overtook the chaos and traveled up my arm.
A white light erupted from the disc. There was an increase in the order magic’s power and it swept through the rest of my body. I felt like I was on fire, which I normally enjoyed, but this was agony. My paw shrunk and morphed into a strange, spider-like appendage. I was screaming and shaking and writhing as my magic was replaced with the essence of everything I hated. The last thing I remember was being pulled into the disc, the light engulfing me as I lost consciousness.
‘Ugh… What… Gah… My head. ’ I tried to lift my arm to rub my head but it felt heavy, so I just laid still. My eyes were closed but I could tell that I was in low light. Whatever I was laying on was very cold. ‘Why is it so cold? ’ I cracked open an eye. I saw the underside of a floor above me, pipes and colored plastic strings weaving along it. Empty animal cages towered from floor to ceiling. I inhaled through my nose and the sharp scent of old animal excretions filled my nostrils along with a damp, musty smell.
‘What a dump. ’
I summoned my strength to rub the stench from my nose with… my… paw?
I sat bolt upright in an adrenaline induced state of shock and my eyes flew open. Instead of a paw and talons I had hands. They reminded me of spindly spiders.
I quickly surveyed the rest of my body and came to a simple conclusion: I was hideously symmetrical. I scrunched up my face in disgust. This simply would not do and needed to be remedied. A snap of my fingers later and… nothing.
My skin remained a soft grey and the patch of fur next to my legs remained black and white. There was no change to any of me. I frowned and closed my eyes. The normally black, purple, and blue pool of swirling chaos was tainted by white and cream order magic. I gave it a gentle prod and the order magic leapt forward and denied me access to the chaos. My brow furrowed. Spells like this took more magic and skill than even Princess Twilight could manage. Celestia, aside from myself, was the only one with knowledge of such a spell, but due to the spell altering a being's essence it was considered dark magic and she would never use it.
I methodically moved around the pool, poking and prodding anywhere I thought there may be a weak point in the spell. Each time the order magic hindered me, until finally I found a small hole. Chaos dribbled through it. It would never be enough to change body shape, let alone open a portal. Only very simple spells could be used with such a small amount. I tried several in quick succession and the only one that worked was teleportation. The largest thing I could manage was a bouquet of roses. Buildings and chariots were impossible with the limited supply of magic.
“How odd,” I remarked, tossing the flowers aside. My eyes opened once again and I summoned the strength to stand. A staircase was off to my right and I made my way towards it. Other than a single window, it was the only way out. Soft footfalls sounded above my head and a pitter-patter followed close behind. The noise stopped as I climbed the stairs, holding on to the railing for support. My head still hurt like I was a pegasus who had met their first glass door and I was feeling a little dizzy. At the top of the stairs a door blocked my path. Cautiously, I opened it.
Bright light streamed into my eyes and I was temporarily blinded. I blinked furiously and quickly cleared the spots from my eyes and saw a kitchen. The counters had various vegetables on them, and a cutting board and knife lay near the sink. Bowls of cut fruit littered the table. I glanced around to see if I was alone.
A soft voice floated into the kitchen. I slowly crept towards it. One short, sun filled hallway later I could hear the words clearly.
“Oh, Angel, are you sure you won’t take just one, teansy, bite?” a sweet, quiet voice pleaded. Glass shattered on the floor and I jumped in surprise.
“Angel! That is not very nice! I worked hard to make you that special treat!” the feminine voice scolded. “Ow! Stop biting me! OWW!”
“I’ll save you!” I shouted as my instincts kicked in and I charged into the room. The noise caught both the girl and the white rabbit by surprise as they turned. The rabbit bolted under the nearest piece of furniture, which happened to be an armchair, squealing.
A quick “EEP!” and a flurry of light pink hair ducked behind a couch as I arrived next to a coffee table. Pain suddenly registered in my brain.
“YEEEEEOOOWWW!” I yelled and quickly sat on the wooden coffee table. I picked my feet up off of the floor. A broken bowl of lettuce, nuts, and other veggies lay strewn where my feet had been moments before. Some of it had a strange, red tint to it.
‘Blood? ’
“SWEET CELESTIA I’M BLEEDING!” I yelled, completely panicked. “Help! Oh manure, I’m DYING! Draconequus don’t bleed! Oh, what a world, what a world!” I laid back on the table and waited for my impending doom, my eyes shut.
The moments ticked by, only the sound of my heavy breathing cut the silence.
“Um, excuse me, sir?” a soft voice broke the silence. “Are you, um, OK?”
“NO! I am dying, how could I be OK?” I said, my voice thick with sorrow. A minute passed in silence.
“Um, are… are you dead yet?” asked the worried girl.
“Apparently not,” I said, confused. I opened my eyes to see two teal eyes gazing at me through hair from behind the couch. She quickly ducked back down when we made eye contact.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said, my voice flat. I sat back up and examined the bottoms of my feet. They still hurt, but not nearly as bad as when I had been standing. There was a shard of bowl in the heel of one foot and a few shards in the sole of the other. Both were bleeding, but the flow seemed to be waning.
“Oh, where is Fluttershy when I need her? I need attention! I need care!”
I heard the girl move to the far end on the couch and she peaked out. I looked up and we locked gazes. My mouth dropped as it finally clicked.
"Flut-Fluttershy?" I stammered. Those eyes were unmistakable and I felt my heart skip a beat.
"Do I, um, know you?" she said quietly. She glanced down at the rest of me and a bright blush graced her face as she quickly looked away.
"Yeskindofsortof," I jabbered, a little lost for words. "I vaguely remember Twilight saying something about friends in another dimension that were eerily similar to her pony friends. I don’t usually pay attention when she is talking, though."
She looked back at me at the mention of Twilight but then became very interested in the ceiling. "You know Princess Twilight? Then you are from Equestria?" she asked, still looking up.
I followed her gaze upwards but there was nothing interesting, just a ceiling fan. "Yes, I am. What in world are you looking at?"
"The, um, ceiling?"
"Why? It looks dreadfully ordinary."
She looked extremely embarrassed. "Well, you see... It's just that you are, um," she glanced at me again and quickly looked away. "Naked," she whispered, her cheeks as red as ever.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“You are… naked.”
“Fluttershy, we have had this conversation before. I cannot hear you when you do that. Please, speak louder.”
“NAKED! You are naked!” she yelled. She quickly covered her mouth, embarrassed at her outburst.
I stared for a moment. “So?" I asked, perplexed. Clothes were formal attire and just because I didn't have fur didn't mean I needed clothes. “You aren’t wearing anything either!” I pointed to her triumphantly.
Her head ducked behind the couch as she stood up. Her hair covered one eye and streamed down in waves over her shoulders. It covered most of her torso, but the contrast of the pink hair and pale yellow skin made the green shirt she was wearing pop. A white, flowing skirt with a brown woven belt and large, circular buckle completed her look, but I couldn’t tell how long the skirt was.
“Well, uh, never mind,” I said. I snapped my fingers and an assortment of clothes covered my body: a blue hoofball cap on my head, red leather pants, a purple and orange polka-dot tank top with an unbuttoned, yellow flowered shirt, and the finishing touch, one sparkly glove.
“Better?” I asked.
Fluttershy was visibly pale. “How did you do that?” she asked, staring.
“Magic, my dear Hoofson,” I said. “For I am Lord Discord, Ruler and Sole Proprietor of all things chaotic, at your service,” I finished with a half bow.
Fluttershy gave a weak smile. “Oh, I see. Well, um, I suppose since you are a friend of Twilight’s…” she trailed off. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” she added as she left the room.
I watched her go without a word. “Well, this has been an interesting vacation so far,” I thought to myself. With nothing better to do, I looked around the rest of the room. It was a pretty simple setup, the couch, chair and coffee table being the only real furniture. A giant hamster tube maze zigzagged around the room. Several hamsters ran on wheels and the rest were busy sleeping. Thoroughly bored, I frowned and examined my feet again. The bleeding had stopped but they still hurt.
“Okay, this shouldn’t take long,” Fluttershy said as she entered the room. She was wearing a brown pair of sandals to protect her feet from the broken bowl. A broom and dustpan were tucked under one arm and a first aid kit in the other. She quickly set the kit down and started to sweep up the mess. I watched her work and sat in the comfortable silence. The soft scent of buttermilk came from her as she swept in front of me.
“There, all done,” she said as she finished sweeping the mess into the dustpan. “Now, let’s see those feet.” She grabbed the first aid kit and knelt down in front of me, her legs tucked neatly under her.
“Oh yes, thank you very much,” I replied, not sure what else to say. She gently took one foot and pulled out a pair of tweezers.
She examined the laceration closely and leaned in with the medical device and whispered, “Now, this will only hurt a moment.”
Before I could say anything the shard was out, my foot was disinfected, and she was putting a band-aid on it.
“How did you do that? It doesn’t even hurt anymore!” I exclaimed. I quickly pulled my foot away and thrust the other one at her. “Do this one now!” I squealed.
She gave a light chuckle as she repeated the process. “So, how did you get in my house?” she asked curiously.
“Well, I’m not entirely sure to be honest. I picked up this strange looking disc and was sucked into it. Next thing I know I am in your basement with a splitting headache.” She finished putting the bandages on my foot.
“That’s very strange. I am not really sure what we should do. When Twilight visits us she comes through the portal at the school,” she pondered.
“PERFECT!” I shouted and flung my arms in the air. Fluttershy fell backwards, her knees in the air as her legs came out from under her. Her skirt flew up onto her stomach. She was wearing pale pink satin panties with baby blue lace trim. I felt a disturbance in my pants as she scrambled to right herself. I snapped my arms back down and quickly looked away, pretending I hadn’t seen anything.
“Sorry,” I said bashfully, not making eye contact.
Her face was red as she quietly spoke. “Oh, no-no problem. I’ll just, um, go get you some shoes so we can g-go. I think I have a pair that may fit you,” she said, flustered.
“Oh, no need my dear.” I snapped my fingers and a flip-flop appeared on one foot and a snow boot on the other. “Lead the way,” I said and stood.
The wind and the hum of the scooter made it impossible to have a conversation, not to mention the helmet my head was crammed into. I kept my eyes closed in terror as the ground zoomed by only inches below me and hung onto Fluttershy’s legs with all my might. They laid over my shoulders, her thighs next to my ears. My knees were under my chin and I tried to remain as small as possible so I wouldn’t fall off of the little platform I was sitting on. Fluttershy had apologized profusely before we left about how she didn’t have a car, only a moped. The demonic device was only built for one person, so we had to make do with me sitting between her legs so she could operate it.
We slowed and I felt the scooter dip left and right. I clenched on harder and felt like we were going to tip over. Thankfully, we came to a stop and I felt the vibrations of the machine cease. Fluttershy tapped my helmet.
“Mr. Discord, we are here. You can let go now,” she said sweetly, her voice muffled through the helmet.
My eyes shot open like rockets and I slinked onto the pavement. I threw off my helmet and kissed the ground. “Oh, sweet Celestia, I’m not dead!” Several people in the parking lot looked at me with curious faces.
“My driving isn’t that bad,” Fluttershy mumbled, dejected. She climbed off and stowed her helmet in the case on the back. She surveyed the area before pointing. “They are over there, let’s go.” She started walking away. I took the hint, picked myself up, and followed.
She led me into a field with long, brown grass. I could see a purple haired girl and a blond haired girl wandering around, looking at the ground. As we approached, I caught up with Fluttershy.
“I thought you were taking me to the portal so I could leave,” I said, annoyed.
She seemed unsure of how to answer. “Well, I, um, just thought we should meet up with the girls first before you left. I mean, this is all really unexpected and we don’t get visitors from Equestria very often,” she explained. “Applejack! Rarity!” she called out, waving an arm in the air. The two girls looked up and waved back.
“HEY! Who’s this guy?! Is he your new boyfriend?!” came a voice right behind us.
Fluttershy screamed and ducked behind me as I spun around, only to come face to face with who I could only assume was Pinkie Pie.
“Ooo, he’s cute!” she said. She leaned forward to get a closer look and her eyes practically popped out of her head. Her hand went to my hair and she batted at my bangs. “Ooo, you have hair like Sunset’s! Except hers is all red and yellow, and yours is black and white! Like a skunk! Do you stink?”
“I don’t thin-” I started to say before she buried her face in my chest and inhaled. Her face reappeared an inch in front of mine before I could react.
“Nope! You smell nice! Like peppermint, or cinnamon, or chocolate! I can’t really put my fing-”
I was left staring at empty air as she was pulled aside by Rarity. “Pinkie! What have I told you about personal space?!” she scolded.
“Um, to give people some?” Pinkie replied sheepishly.
Rarity let go of Pinkie’s arm, turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. “I am so sorry, my dear. She doesn’t mean any hhhhaaaAARRMM!” she finished with a squeal as she took notice of my attire. “What on Earth are you wearing? Polka-dots and a Hawaiian shirt? Uhhhh!”
She promptly fainted and Pinkie Pie caught her. Fluttershy darted out from behind me and helped lower Rarity to the ground.
"Where did you even come from Pinkie? You startled me," Fluttershy said as she rested Rarity's head on her lap.
"Oh! I was hiding in the grass! We are playing hide and seek!" Pinkie responded enthusiastically.
"No we aren't, we’re looking for my favorite soccer ball," said Rainbow Dash as she appeared on my left. “My amazing skills caused it to fly waaay out here somewhere,” she finished with a cocky grin.
Applejack and another girl I didn’t recognize walked up and stood next to Rainbow Dash. Applejack snorted. “Drop kickin’ the ball from the bed of mah truck doesn’t count, Dash,” Applejack scolded.
“Yeah, whatever,” Rainbow said as she waved her off. “So, who’s the walking clothes rack?” she gestured to me.
I gave a bow and tipped my hat at the group. “I am Discord, Lord of Chaos, resident Draconequus of Equestria. And I am guessing you all are Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie,” I said as I pointed to each of them. “You-” I pointed to unknown girl, “you must be the one Twilight mentioned. Oh what was it?” I snapped my fingers a moment later as it came to me. “Scary Shatter!” I pointed at her again.
Sunset Shimmer blinked at me. “Close. I’m Sunset Shimmer. Nice to meet you,” she said as she extended a hand. I met her hand with an open palm and rubbed it back and forth. “Close enough,” she said and laughed. “So, you are from Equestria? How did you meet Fluttershy?”
“He was in my basement,” Fluttershy answered for me. Everyone looked confused and glanced between Fluttershy and me.
Suddenly, Rainbow grabbed me by the collar and started shaking me. “Why the heck were you in her basement? Are you some kind of creepy stalker?” My head rocked back and forth like a bobble-head. Applejack and Sunset grabbed Rainbow and pulled her off of me. Rainbow struggled to break free, but the combined strength of the two girls was too much for her. “Let me go! Let me GO!” she yelled.
“Rainbow! Calm down! Don’t jump to conclusions before ya have all the facts!” Applejack said. Rainbow stopped struggling and was released from her confinement. She glared at me as she straightened her shirt.
I huffed and straightened out my shirt. “Really, Rainbow, there is no need for such accusations. I don’t know how I got there. I transported here by an object in my world. Next thing I know I am in her basement. Then we had this silly misunderstanding about clothes and how I needed to be wearing them, it was really sort of funny.” Everyone looked dumbfounded, except for Pinkie Pie.
Rarity groaned and her eyes fluttered open. “What-what did I miss?” she asked.
“This is Discord he’s from Equestria and he came here through a disc and ended up in Fluttershy’s basement naked!” Pinkie rattled off.
Rarity blushed and she sat up. “Good heavens! Where on Earth did you get your ensemble?”
“Basic matter transfer,” I replied simply and shrugged.
Only Sunset seemed to comprehend what I had said and her jaw dropped. Everyone looked at her as she spoke. “You can do… magic?” she finished with a whisper, glancing around to make sure no one overheard her.
“But of course!” I nodded, snapped, and a pair of sunglasses appeared on my face. There was a collective gasp from Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, and Rainbow.
“Don’t do that here!” Sunset hissed. She was visibly upset. “OK, we need to go somewhere private. Rainbow, your ball will have to wait until later. Everyone go to our place,” she gestured at Pinkie Pie. “How did you guys get here?” she asked Fluttershy.
Fluttershy opened her mouth to answer but I answered before she could. “We took that dreadful scooter thing.”
Pinkie raised her hand and waved it around. “Discord should ride with us! We have more than enough room. Carpool in the SunPie-mobile!”
I felt very relieved that I wouldn’t have to face the contraption of horror again. “Great! Let’s go then!” I wrapped my arms around Sunset and Pinkie and headed back the way we came. Fluttershy and Rarity were helped up by Applejack as we made our trek to the car. The girls all followed us, Rainbow Dash going on about how she would need to go buy a new ball now.
Chapter 3: I was unconscious.
I sat in the back seat with Pinkie while Sunset drove. As soon as we had gotten on the highway, Pinkie placed orders on what she wanted to see me change into. I had always liked pony Pinkie because, out of everypony, she was the one who seemed to appreciate my chaos the most. Human Pinkie was no different and appreciated chaos just as much, but with my limited amount of magic I opted for only one change in outfit, for the sake of fitting in with those around me. True to my nature though, I couldn’t just go with your run of the mill clothing line. My new outfit was a light blue collared shirt, a vest with brown on one breast and mustard yellow on the other, a blue glove on my left and a black glove on my right, and even my pants were chaotic with one leg being black and one leg gray.
Pinkie laughed at my choice of style and said I looked dapper. We started to compare notes on chaotic outfits. I was surprised that, because humans wore clothing all the time, Pinkie had a closet full of random clothing that helped her create a variety of fun looks for her parties. We laughed at how she showed up to the Spring Fling in a chicken costume. It was nice to be able to laugh with someone for a change. Life after Tirek had become rather lonely and boring. Sunset glanced at the backseat through the rear-view mirror several times, but remained silent. The highway was empty so we made good time.
The building we pulled up to was made out of plain gray brick and was only three stories high. A man with a brown paper bag in his hand that was shaped like a bottle was curled up on the stoop, clearly asleep. Several of the windows on the first floor had cracks in them and all of the blinds were shut tight. Sunset parked the car and pulled out a steering wheel lock. She grunted as she secured it in place and then motioned for us all to get out.
“The locks on my car don’t work, so make sure you didn’t leave anything in here,” she said to me as I closed my door. I nodded my head and we all made our way into the building.
“Shimmy and I live on the third floor! Race you up the stairs!” Pinkie cheered as she bolted ahead. She was long gone before I had even made it onto the first step.
I looked at Sunset quizzically. “Shimmy?” I asked with a smirk.
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, Pinkie likes to call me that. But she is the only one allowed to,” she added in a stern tone, pointing at me with a finger. I cocked an eyebrow and followed her silently up the stairs. I couldn’t help but hypothesize that there was more to their relationship than I originally thought.
We reached the top landing where Pinkie was waiting for us, a steel door shut tightly behind her. She spun in circles and tried to catch the end of her hair as it danced in front of her. “I didn’t bring my keys Shimmy!”
“PP, I have told you a million times that you always need to bring them with you! What if I’m not home?” Sunset’s voice dropped into a whisper. “You can’t sit outside by yourself, it isn’t safe!” she hissed.
Pinkie shrugged as she continued to spin. Sunset rolled her eyes and unlocked the door. The lock must have been huge because it echoed down the stairway. I walked in after them and felt my jaw drop. This level of the building was not what I had imagined. The stairwell had stunk of old smoke and cat pee and had discarded trash strewn about, but past the steel door it was immaculate. The carpet was a deep red and there was white crown molding along the hall. There were only three doors in the hallway, one on each side and one at the far end.
“Make sure you re-lock the door, Discord,” Sunset called as she moved to the door on the right. I quickly did as I was told and followed her and Pinkie into the apartment. The place was huge. It felt like I was stepping into Time Turner’s house, like it was bigger on the inside. The front door led into a small entryway with a bench and closet. The girls kicked off their shoes, or in the case of Pinkie, launched out of them. I threw mine off and followed them into the living room.
“I am going to run and change really fast before everyone else gets here. Make yourself at home, Discord,” Sunset said as she walked down an adjacent hallway.
Pinkie got a shit-eating grin on her face and she held up her hands in front of her, fingers wiggling as if they were itching to touch something. “Oh, let me help you with that, Shimmy,” she said under her breath. She stalked out of the room after her prey, as if she completely forgot I was standing there.
“Well, then, I’ll just get comfortable,” I said to myself. I looked around. Everything was in perfect order. Bleh.
I cracked my knuckles and went to work. The walls were the first to be changed. I fixed every painting and picture by tilting them slightly crooked. Larger furniture was next. I moved the sofa and loveseat to be more cumbersome to navigate around. The rug that was under the coffee table was moved to drape over it. I placed a vase of flowers on top of it, stems up, of course.
As I moved around the room I kept hearing a squeaky floorboard where the couch had been. The sound was off though. Not your normal run of the mill squeaky floorboard, but a I-am-actually-a-secret-compartment type of squeaky floorboard. I am an expert when it comes to making floorboards that squeak, so this was child’s play to identify.
Naturally, I had to investigate. I got down on my hands and knees and examined the board. The grain was running perpendicular to the rest of the floor. I ran my fingers along the edge until I found a little grove. The board popped up with no problems. A single book was crammed into the space. I took it out and pocketed it in my vest for later reading and placed the board exactly as I found it and continued with my rearranging. About twenty minutes passed when there was a knock at the door. I figured it was the rest of the group, so I answered it.
“Good afternoon,” I said with an old man voice as the door swung open to reveal the rest of the gang. “Welcome to the Sunpie Residence. May I take your coats?” I said, doing my best impression of a butler.
The girls stood there with looks of confusion on their faces. Applejack was the first to recover and quickly smacked her hand into her face. “Hey, Discord,” she drawled. “It’s the middle of summer and we ain’t wearing any coats.”
I made a half bow and moved aside to admit them. “No matter. May I offer you a little glass of water? Or a fresh pressed hanky in case you sneeze?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as they came in. “No, we’re good."
“Goodness!” exclaimed Rarity as she looked around the room. “What has happened here?” she motioned.
Pinkie and Sunset came into the room as I closed the door. Both had damp hair and flushed faces. Sunset looked confused as to why her living room was turned upside down. Pinkie, however, just rolled with it.
“I love it!” she shouted. From… somewhere… she pulled out a brown paper bag and started stuffing balls, whoopee cushions, and other assorted party favors in every nook and cranny of the room. “I have been telling Sunset for AGES that I needed more hiding spots for my things!”
“Pinkie, don’t just…” Sunset started to say, but changed her mind. “Oh, whatever.” Sunset cleared off all of the furniture and threw everything into a pile in the corner. Rarity elegantly draped herself onto the armchair, Rainbow sat on the floor with her legs under the coffee table and her back against the middle of the couch, Pinkie plopped into the loveseat while Sunset sat on the arm next to her, and Applejack and Fluttershy each sat on the far ends of the couch. Everyone looked very comfortable.
Since there wasn’t really room for me anywhere, I laid down on top of the coffee table. Rainbow and I were eye level and she gave me an annoyed look.
“Paint me like one of your french girls,” I said, striking a pose for her.
“Guh, gross. Don’t do that,” she said as she made fake barfing motions. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Fluttershy blush a little and stifle a giggle. I sat up and crossed my legs, leaning on my knees for support. We all sat in silence for a few moments before Sunset cut to the chase.
“So, you are the Lord of Chaos from Equestria.”
“Eyup.”
“And you are a friend of Twilight’s.”
“Eyup.”
“Why are you here?”
“Vacation.”
Everyone looked at each other before looking back to me. “Vacation?” asked AJ.
“Well, not exactly on purpose…”
“And that’s when Fluttershy and I came to see all of you.”
“Neat!” said Pinkie. “So you just want to get home?”
I pondered for a moment. Staying for a bit could be fun, but I really needed to get back and make sure Fluttershy and the others were OK. I hadn’t really stopped thinking about what Tirek had said, and I would have been lying if I said I wasn’t worried. “Yeah, I really should be getting back to Equestria. Especially since my powers seem to be on the fritz.”
Sunset had hardly said a word while I told my story. Her mouth was set in a hard frown, the kind that you could cut diamonds with. “I think…” she started to say. We all looked at her as she gathered her thoughts. “I think we need to get you back to Equestria as quickly as possible. Let’s get to the school.” I could tell she was hiding something, but I didn’t press it. The girls didn’t seem to notice, so I just made my way to the door as Pinkie chatted about how neat it would be to be a chimera.
We clown-car’ed it to the school. Having all of us crammed into one vehicle made the ride much more amusing. Sunset drove with Rarity and Rainbow Dash in the front seat. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all sat in the back. Since the car only seated six, I laid across the girls in the back seat, my head in Fluttershy’s lap and my feet on AJ’s.
Fluttershy tried not to look flustered. She seemed hesitant when Pinkie suggested the arrangement, but Pinkie had pulled me in the car before either of us could protest. I had no issues with invading personal space, but I knew Pinkie was the only one that shared my feelings. So, I opted to do what I do best; act nonchalant like it didn’t matter and that I didn’t have a care in the world.
In reality, my stomach was doing flips for a reason I couldn’t fathom at the time.
After about twenty minutes of listening to Pinkie talk about being a little girl and a scary clown living under her bed, we pulled up to the school. AJ roughly shoved my feet off of her as she got out of the car. I sat up so Fluttershy could get out, which left me hunched down on top of Pinkie. She hugged me, pinning my arms to my sides and taking my breath away.
“I’m going to miss you so much, Dissy!” she squeed.
“I’m going to miss you too,” I said breathlessly as my face turned my favorite shade of purple.
“PINKIE! Space!” scolded Rarity as she pulled me out of Pinkie’s embrace and out of the car. I took a few deep breaths to oxygenate my lungs and get my barrings. The sun was setting and the sky was a boring muddle of maroon, pink, and blue. A little jungle green sprinkled in there would have made it pop. I let out a sigh as I daydreamed about what Celestia would do to me if I messed with her sunsets.
“Um, Discord? Are you coming?” Fluttershy pulled me from my thoughts as she touched my arm.
“Hmm? Oh, yes, coming!” Everyone had already assembled around a statue.
“Wow! The school hasn’t changed at all since we graduated! You guys remember when Shimmy redecorated the front of the school and then we had that amazing dance and then Twilight and Shimmy and I all went into the broom closet and murph murph murph,” she said through Sunset’s hand, which was covering Pinkie’s mouth.
“YEAH! That was some dance, Pinkie!” Sunset said a little too loudly, her face turning the color of her hair.
“Heh, that was the first time we really got to learn about Equestria. Can’t believe we are all still so close after so long,” commented AJ.
“Eight years sure goes by fast when you have good friends by your side,” said Fluttershy with a smile.
Sunset let go of Pinkie’s mouth and started fiddling with an open briefcase at her feet as Rarity attached suction cups with wires coming out of them to the smooth surface of the side of the statue. “What’s that?” I asked.
“This will make the portal open from our side. Twilight and I designed it when she was here last time. It runs on a crystal that she enchanted in Equestria. By applying it to the fracture points along the dimensional rift on this end, we can stimulate a spatial flexure to form starting on this end, rather than it starting on the other end.”
“You are such an egghead,” said Dash.
Sunset waved her off. “Yeah, well, this egghead needs to concentrate.” I couldn’t help but laugh at her. Sunset smiled to herself. I knew that Sunset had been Celestia’s student in the past, and I could see why. It was a shame that Sunset had left. Tia had wallowed in misery in her favorite spot in the grounds, lamenting on how she had lost a future Princess. She had been unaware at the time that I could hear everything she was saying, since her secret spot was near where I was placed in the garden. I actually had learned a lot about her because of that…
“Discord, come in Discord!” Pinkie waved her hand in front of my face. My eyes refocused as I started paying attention to the world again. “Hey there!” cheered Pinkie.
“Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What?”
“I’m ready to open the portal. But it’s only going to stay open for a few seconds, so you need go through it as fast as possible,” explained Sunset.
I started to run in place to get warmed up. “Alright, I’m ready!” Sunset hit the button and I took off toward the wall at full speed. “So long, coffin stuffers!” I yelled as I ran.
“Wait, no!” screamed Fluttershy.
I turned my head to see her arm reaching for me, a look of worry on her face. WHAM! I slammed into the unforgiving concrete. The wind was knocked out of me and I fell to the ground writhing in pain. Fluttershy darted over to me.
“You got what you deserved, calling a lady a coffin stuffer,” scolded Rarity.
“I don’t understand. Why isn’t this working?” said Sunset as she smacked the machine.
“No, I think I’ll have the waffles... bacon… and a side of mustard,” I babbled, unable to comprehend what was happening around me. I felt like I had been flattened by a steamroller. Fluttershy placed my head in her lap in an attempt to make me more comfortable.
“Well, now what?” asked AJ. “The portal isn’t opening.”
“I’m… I’m not sure,” said Sunset. “I need some time to run some tests. It’s getting late anyway and it will be too dark to try and figure this out here.” Sunset ran her hands through her hair and pulled it back tightly, pulling her eyes into slits for a moment before she let go. “Pinkie, let’s get everyone home so I can get to my lab.”
“Oki doki loki! But what about Dissy?"
"He can come stay with me. I have a lot of extra room since I adopted out so many kitties and puppies," said Fluttershy.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” barked Dash. “That guy snuck into your house and could have done who knows what to you before you even knew he was there! And you want us to leave you alone with him? Are you high?” she deadpanned.
Fluttershy looked at Dash seriously. “I don’t expect you to understand, just to trust my judgement. I know he means no harm.” She looked down at me and gave a weak smile. “We’ll be fine. Right, Discord?”
“The frogs are in the… ice cream…”
“Guh.” Rainbow rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air. “I give up,” she said as she turned away. “I’m not carrying him though and he can sit on the floor.” She made her way to the car in a huff.
“Fluttershy, are you sure about this?” asked AJ.
Fluttershy nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. We’ll have fun. I know it.”
AJ sighed. “Okay then, I trust ya. Let’s get him to the car.” AJ picked me up and threw me over her shoulder like a sack of oats. My hands, being limp, smacked her butt as she walked. I think that’s why she dropped me into the car rather unceremoniously.
“Oh, those pillows are so soft. Thanks for bringing them to my room,” I babbled as I passed out completely.
