The Table at the End

Episode 4

The Purpose of a Trap; or, Suffering

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

“Good day, Ms. Sparkle.”

“Let's see, Rarity and Rainbow Dash will never want to sit next to each other, so if I move Rainbow over to the other side of the table, that'll put her with Applejack, but then Fluttershy would be next to Pinkie Pie, and that won't work...”

“How goes the party planning?”

“I think I'm going to go insane! There's just so much to do. How does Pinkie do this so much?”

“I don't think she puts as much planning into it as you do.”

“That's true. I think she just throws it together and it magically works. Guess that's the power of one's special talent, huh?”

“I bet.”

“Now that I think of it, what exactly is your cutie mark? What does it mean?”

“Why don't you take a guess?”

“It looks like... a circle? I don't know.”

“Don't worry, it's not that important. What about the cake?”

“You had to remind me.”

“It's the task I assigned to you. Tell me what you've been thinking.”

“It's still the centerpiece. I've already ordered it from an upscale cake decorator in Canterlot, and—”

“Not from Pinkie?”

“No, this is too important to let her do it. I could just imagine her accidentally baking Gummi into it or something. So anyway, it's going to be this five-tier cake, each one for one thousand years she's had her cutie mark.”

“It's exactly her five-thousandth anniversary?”

“Well... no, not really. It's the five-thousand two hundred twenty-eighth, or something like that. But I couldn't order .228 of a tier. So, the cake has been decorated with all of these details and stories about her life and rule.”

“Wow. Very complex.”

“Thanks. It's gotta be perfect for the Princess.”

“Are you going to make it to Rarity's soirée tonight?”

“I'll try to. I'm still pretty busy, but if I can find some time, I'll go.”

“I think you should try to go.”

“If you say so. Well, I'm gonna head off. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

RAINBOW DASH

“Good evening, Ms. Dash.”

“Hey. I did what you asked.”

“The trap?”

“Yeah, it's nothing too complicated. Just a quick loop-around. Anypony puts their hoof in it, it'll pick them up and hold them in the air.”

“How does doing that make you feel?”

“I'm trying not to think about it.”

“Please, give me the details. I want to know.”

“Well, not too good, really. Kinda guilty. Was it the right thing to do?”

“I don't know. It's not my place to say.”

“So, when do I fall in love? I told you about the trap, so will he come and sweep me off my hooves now or what?”

“The Book says you won't actually fall in love until somepony sets off the trap. Otherwise you could just build it somewhere nopony would step in it.”

“And that would be bad, how?”

“What is the purpose of a trap if no one will be trapped by it?”

“Good point. Well, I gotta jet. Rarity's having her soarie or whatever it's called.”

“Soirée.”

“That's what I said, swear-hay. Hey, you wanna come too?”

“No. You go have a good time.”

“Thanks. You enjoy yourself too... whatever it is you do.”

“I will. Take care.”

PINKIE PIE

“Hey, Bob!”

“I was beginning to think you weren't gonna make it today.”

“Oh, I'd never miss a chance to see you, mysterious friend!”

“Pinkie, I'm not your friend.”

“No, I'm not your friend. There's a difference.”

“I see.”

“Aren't you cold? It's pretty chilly tonight.”

“Nah, I don't mind. Say, don't you have a party to go to?”

“Yeah, Rarity's 'soirée'. I really want to go, since there'll be cake and ice cream and punch and party games and 'pleasant conversation,' as the invitation said.”

“What's stopping you?”

“You are, silly! Why do you think I'm here?”

“You'd miss a party for me?”

“Sure! You're my friend, even if you don't feel the same.”

“Is this just an attempt to get more information out of me?”

“No, I promise.”

“Why? You don't even know me.”

“I know. But I can tell that you're suffering.”

“Suffering? What are you—”

“That's why I wanted to be here for you. How long can I stay?”

“I usually don't get any more visitors this late, so I stay until the restaurant closes. Although, tonight they're open all night. So, I suppose you can stay until then.”

“Hooray! C'mere, you big lug!”

“Oof!”

“Wow, you aren't a very huggy person.”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, that's okay. You sit there, I'll lay here next to you, and we can talk. So, tell me; what did you think of Ponyville when you first came here?”

*4 hours later*

“So, you're saying you drove away an entire swarm of omnivorous bugs using only a motley collection of instruments?”

“Yup! That was pretty amazing. Ooh, ask the waiter guy to refill my drink. I'm gonna take a quick nap, then I'll tell you about how I fought a dragon with cakes!”

“I'd love to hear that.”

“Excuse me, sir, can I get you something?”

“Yes, my friend here wants a refill. What did you get, Pinkie?”

“Zzzzzzz...”

“Hmm... she's asleep. Actually, could you please get her a taxi home?”

“Very well, monsieur.”

“Thank you. I hope she enjoyed herself. I... guess I did.”

APPLEJACK

“Good morning, Applejack.”

“Boy, howdy. How'r you this fine day?”

“Very good, thank you. You're not missing a spa treatment, are you?”

“Naw, I'm goin' later.”

“How have those been working out? You seem more upbeat.”

“Yeah, it's done wond'rs for me. Although, I always get like this 'round Applebuckin' time.”

“Oh, okay. How about Rarity? Have you two been getting along?”

“Actually, we're pretty good. Usually, we don't see eye t'eye, but with this spa thang, Ah reckon we're getting' along like two catfish in a pond!”

“Didn't she invite you to a party last night?”

“Yeah, her 'swoar-e,' if'n that's what it's called. It was a lot o' fun. Pinkie didn't make it, though. Odd.”

“Yeah, odd.”

“Course, I was a little late. Got caught in a hoof snare some idjet left in the road. Took me a good 15 minutes ta loosen myself, and I know my way 'round a rope.”

“So, the party. What was it like?”

“Oh, it was real odd. Everyone was at their best behavior. Fluttershah was bein' social, Twah didn't even bring a book. Even Rarity and Rainbow Dash were gettin' along!”

“Is that odd?”

“O' course! Those two can't get through a sentence without insultin' each other's profession. Yet those two were the coziest of us five! Must'a been all those sham-peens she wuz drinkin'.”

“So, how about the farm? Are the trees doing all right?”

“As'a matter'a fact, they are! Been so relaxed, I think Ah noticed something. I think that when I walk on the dirt, they get a mite worse.”

“So by going to the spa, you're staying off the soil.”

“Yeah! How'd you know that was what they needed?”

“I didn't. I just gave you the task.”

“Oh, okay. Well, either way, thanks a bunch!”

“How many days do you have left?”

“Probably 'bout 15 or so, by my reckoning. 'Think I might keep goin' to the spa, though. Ah bought a two-month pass, so I'm gonna take full 'dvantage of it!”

“Well, alright then. See you around.”

“G'bye.”

RARITY

“I. Hate. Hangovers.”

“Hello, Rarity. How was the party?”

“Oh, it was splendid! Ow.”

“Here, have some tea.”

“Why, thank you. So much better than that blasted alcohol, anyway. I wish I'd never tasted it!”

“What about your new designs?”

“Oh, yes. I'd quite forgotten. At least one good thing came out of it. Or, two, really.”

“Can you share—”

“Details, yes, I know. Please don't talk so loud; it gives me a headache.”

“I wasn't—”

“So, everyone came to my soirée right on time except Pinkie Pie and Applejack, who was late.”

“What about Pinkie Pie?”

“Oh, I know you and she were here, having a good time. Didn't want to 'butt in,' as they say.”

“That's fine.”

“So as I was saying, we were getting the party started. I led with a nice angel cake I'd baked just for the occasion. Twilight and Fluttershy were talking about the Princess' celebration next week, so I took it upon myself to entertain Rainbow Dash. We were sipping champagne, having a good time, when suddenly I had a revelation.”

“What's that?”

“I had been treating my customers like mannequins rather than actual ponies. I was looking at Rainbow Dash, at her gorgeous mane, her fine blue coat, I realized she was practically wearing a dress herself!”

“Hmm. Go on.”

“So, just as I was thinking of that, a thought occurred to me. 'A rainbow of people.' And that was that! My inspiration was... Rainbow Dash! I've got so many ideas. A style that reflects the pony within and without! The beauty of the rainbow reflected from the heart!”

“So that's it, then?”

“Not quite. I did say two good things, did I not? As the soirée was winding down, I was trying to find a way to ask Rainbow Dash to meet with me and brainstorm ideas. When, lo and behold, she asked me! It's as if she read my mind!”

“Ah... oh...”

“Something wrong?”

“Hmm? No, I was just thinking about something else.”

“All right then. I think Rainbow Dash and I will make a great team. A partnership, if you will. What do you think?”

“I agree. Best of luck to you two.”

“Why, thank you, darling. I always offer to send you a portion of the profits. Will you refuse again?”

“Like I always do. I won't take your money. I didn't do anything.”

“Well, then, you have my gratitude, like always.”

“Not at all. Stop by again if you need anything.”

“Very well. You have a good day.”

“You too.”

FLUTTERSHY

“Ah. Hello.”

“H-hello again.”

“Can I help you with something?”

“...Yes. Do you know anything about sniper rifles?”

“Not a lot, actually. Why do you ask?”

“Are these all the parts for one?”

“Looks like it. You'll have to put it together, though.”

“I know that. Wait! Why am I showing you this in public?!”

“Don't worry. Nopony will notice. I've talked about murder and treason in restaurants like this and the waiters don't bat an eye.”

“Oh, good. I'd hate to get caught so easily. Then where would my little Angel be?”

“So, you are going through with it?”

“Oh, yes. Angel's condition worsened the other day. I got this last night before the soirée.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was so relieved I made it back that I just completely opened up.”

“Tell me why you went to the armory again. I thought you had a gun.”

“Yes, but it was just a pistol. I realized that if I didn't want to be seen, I'd need something with more range.”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on. I thought, last time we met, that you barely knew what a gun was.”

“That's true. Turns out there's a book in the Archives with all the specs of all the guns in the Armory. I took that, too. Oh, and I needed sniper rounds instead.”

“Wow. You've gotten so much more confident.”

“I have to be. This isn't for the faint of heart, now is it?”

“No, it isn't. But if you're strong, you'll see this to the end.”

“I have to. I don't think I have a choice anymore.”

“You always have a choice.”

“...Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

RAINBOW DASH

“What the hay kind of trick are you pulling on me?”

“I'm sorry?”

“This whole operation is a sham!”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, of all the choices you had. Soarin' would have been awesome. Big Macintosh would have been fine. You could have chosen Applejack's cousin, or even the Flim-Flam guys. Or was it Flam-Flim?”

“What's the trouble, Rainbow Dash? I can barely understand you.”

“Something's gone wrong! You... you set me up! Or... maybe the trap hasn't been sprung.”

“You know it has.”

“Yeah, I know. Applejack got caught in it. But I didn't meet the stallion of my dreams!”

“You didn't ask for a stallion. You asked to fall in love. Big difference.”

“What? You mean... this is real... No. No... no, no, no... no, it can't be.”

“Just tell me what's going on.”

“Rarity! That's right, you made me fall in love with Rarity. I hope you're happy.”

“Listen here, Rainbow Dash. I didn't do anything. You set the trap. You were the one who interceded for love and refused to let nature take its course. You did this, not me.”

“!...”

“So. Details.”

“...I was at the party, chatting with Rarity. All of a sudden, everything just seemed... different. Her mane, her coat, her beautiful blue eyes. I started feeling all weird.”

“You fell in love?”

“I've never been in love before, but I just... knew. I didn't want to believe it, since I usually like colts—”

“I thought you just said you'd never been in love before.”

“Well, I'd always just assumed, okay?! It's not like I'd ever thought I'd be a freak... So, right at the end of the party, I invited her to go on a date with me, and she accepted.”

“That's good, isn't it?”

“I think she just wanted me for some stupid dresses she's working on.”

“Oh. Well, listen. Love takes time. You can't expect her to—”

“Wait. That's it! Love doesn't take time! You made it instantaneously. Or... I made it instantaneously, sorry. But that means, I can undo it too! Hey, can I get another task from you?”

“...Where is this going?”

“I want something, and you can help me get it.”

“Yes, I can. What do you want?”

“I want to be straight!”

“Oh.”

“Can you do it?”

“Yes. But before I tell you how to get it...”

“Yes?”

“You're not a freak, Rainbow Dash. The heart feels what the heart feels. You understand that, right?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just want to make sure. So, you're still going through with it?”

“Hay yeah!”

“Alright, here's what you must do... ah, it's simple. While Twilight Sparkle is using her magic, you must dispel it.”

“Dispel? As in... stop it?”

“Yes.”

“All right. I'll do it. No matter the cost.”

“I thought so.”

SPIKE

“Hello, Spike. Have you gotten taller?”

“Yeah, it's 'cuz of all those emeralds. My body thinks I'm building a hoard.”

“And that makes you grow?”

“Yeah, dragon physiology. It's weird like that.”

“So, how has the statue been coming?”

“Don't see much of a point, now.”

“How so?”

“She's in love with Rainbow Dash now.”

“Oh. That's too bad.”

“It's not fair! I've been working so hard, too! I mean, look at how much those emeralds have affected me.”

“That's true.”

“And she goes to a party with Rainbow Dash and all of a sudden she's going on dates with her and everything. I've had a crush on her since I came here! It's just not fair!”

“Maybe they've had a crush on each other longer, and you just didn't know.”

“Yeah, well, I think it's about time I changed it.”

“You know, if you complete your statuette, Rarity will fall in love with you.”

“That's not enough anymore. Now that I know about her thing with Rainbow Dash, she might still feel that while she was with me. I won't let her!”

“Are you all right, Spike?”

“Of course! But I've decided I want to do another task with you.”

“You're only allowed to do one at a time. Will you give up your other one for what you're about to ask?”

“I will. This is too important.”

“What do you want, then?”

“I want Rainbow Dash to disappear!”

“I can do that.”