Diary of the Yet Unknown

Chapter Six
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Clothes and Smoke

I stayed at the Apple's farm for about a few days. During that time I settled into something of a routine that almost felt normal. Which, ignoring the fact that I was living with ponies, was quite refreshing.

Applejack and her siblings always rose early but they seldom were up early enough to jump me. I was never that good at sleeping in. The food was all vegetarian and apple themed. I honestly didn't mind all that much. In fact I was grateful to go back to eating three meals a day plus the snacks in between.

Didn't change the fact that I missed meat though.

We figured out pretty quickly that I wasn't going to be much use on the farm. I was never all that physically strong. Fast, sure. But never strong. Compliments of living in city suburbs I guess.

They didn't let me onto the farm after the accident. Not putting that one to paper. Too embarrassing.

Fortunately there was a wreckage of a barn on property that needed cleaning up. A job that would be difficult for even someone of my deposition to mess up. So that's what I worked on to stave off boredom. When I wasn't procrastinating that is. The work to not work ratio was about 1:3.

Other than that I spent my time in the house chilling with either Granny Smith and Applebloom, with each being either too old or young to be trusted with working the farm.

Granny Smith was alright. I've always had a way with older folk and she had some pretty funny stuff to say. I tuned the 'Back in my day' speeches out though. I've heard too many of those.

Applebloom on the other hand I wasn't all that sure how to deal with. I had many opportunities to drop the knowledge, but I wasn't sure that, given the nature of the knowledge I considered dropping, Applejack would appreciate me telling her such things.

Besides, hentai is fucking weird.

Applebloom was a typical little girl. Loud and lonely, but typical. I heard her complaining that no one in town liked her. I thought she just needed some friends.

I also learned that she wasn't actually supposed to have gone into town on the day I arrived due to the fact that there was a monster called Jim there. She had slipped out before we went in for lunch and gone grocery shopping.

Why they deemed her responsible enough for that kind of grocery duty and not working the farm was beyond me.

It was on my second day at the farm that Applejack tried to coax me into going back to town.

“Oh hell no.” I stated. “I am not going back there while a creepy scary tentacle monster lies in wait.”

“I understand the risk” Applejack said. “But if you want to stay around here wouldn't it be better for you to get the town ponies to accept you?” I assumed that 'here' was more general than where I was currently sitting.

“I am staying right here.” We were in the ruins of the barn that still hadn't been fully picked up. I was lying on a wooden chair that I had made with wooden debris during my procrastination hours. I don't know why, it was real uncomfortable. “I don't see how the town ponies have any say on me staying right where I am.”

“You know that's not what I mean.”

“And you know that Jim is waiting for me.” I didn't know why, but the monster had been quite intent on me for some reason. I don't think it was because of my dashing looks.

Looks, mind you, that did not exist.

“If he can't leave Ponyville like I think he can, then why would I risk going back there?” I argued.

“Sherry.” She busted out my name. “You're a freeloader at my house. You're not doing farm work, you don't do chores and you haven't been picking up the barn like I asked you to. It's the least you could do to help me with shopping.”

“Hey, barns are heavy. I wasn't made for physical labour so can you really be that surprised by my lack of speed with the job?”

“Nice try. I've seen you work. You work slower than a snail.” Busted. “Your attempts at carpentry aren't helping the job along either.” Applejack said, looking at my makeshift seat.

“I'll admit that you keep the place clean.” Applejack continued. “But that just isn't enough.”

“Well, it's nice to see that my only virtue doesn't go unappreciated.” I sighed. “When do we go?”

“As soon as you get up.”

I raised my hands in surrender and attempted to stand up. An attempt that was thwarted by the shoddy chair collapsing before I took all my weight off it.

There was much laughter from Applejack following my display of clumsiness, and I didn't manage to incapacitate myself so off into town we went.

I was fortunate enough to not be immediately assaulted by an Eldritch abomination upon entering the town, thankfully. But I was hesitant to relax.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I walked through town.

Ponies stopped and stared, some didn't stop but still kept an eye on me. Can't blame them I suppose.

I tried to be chatty and charming but I've never been all that good under the public eye. I get flustered as many others do when put on the spot. But I was walking so I tried to walk it off. Essentially, all I did was keep next to Applejack and respond to questions directed at me in any kind of manner that didn't include me being a dick. It was hard. I turn into an asshole when put under pressure.

After the ponies got over their initial shock, they followed me following Applejack doing shopping for whatever was on that list. While they were doing that they asked so many generic questions that I'm just not even going to try and write them down.

I already wrote the answers to those questions in earlier entry anyway.

Since we were in town I asked Applejack if we could drop by the library and pick some things up. Namely the thing I'm writing in right now.

The door to the treebrary had been fixed in a really budget fashion. They had used wooden boards to sort of fix the entrance and stuck the door in the middle. The fact that the tree was still made of tree made the wooden boards really stick out though.

As I passed through the door I took a second to marvel at the fact that the ponies had managed to make the doorway the perfect size and shape for the door, but had hammered the wooden boards in all wonkey. And they hadn't even bothered with the door upstairs.

Ponyland lacks sense.

I got my things, my new diary, little else worth mentioning, and made to leave town. But Applejack had an idea.

“Say, those clothes of yours look like they could use a wash.” She commented as I put my diary in her bag along with four dummy books.

Or three. “I could use another set of clothes too. This was only supposed to last me a day.” I explained.

“A day?”

“Yep. And I've been wearing this set for a week. It's why I stink.” Thank god I stopped noticing it after the day three.

“Now that you mention it, you do stink.” Applejack wrinkled her nose. Or muzzle. Or snout. I don't know pony okay.

“What do you propose we do about it? I don't see any way to get more clothes and I'm not going around naked.”

“Well, we could just go to Rarity's. She's good with clothes.” A good idea if ever I heard one.

“Which way?” I asked. She pointed. We went that way.

I found myself standing outside 'The Carousel Boutique', a building shaped like a merry go round only taller. It didn't have a sign on it but AJ told me it was called as such. I had second thoughts about going inside.

Applejack pushed me inside before I could vocalize these thoughts.

Inside was a very pink or purple dressing room, with a stand for someone to stand on while their tailor did their work and a full length vanity mirror behind that. The reason I used the word 'or' with the colours is because it was somewhere between the two. Don't judge me, I'm bad with colours and you're the one reading my diary.

There was a white coloured pony that I assumed was Rarity working on a dress, she was so focused that she didn't realise that she had visitors. I wondered what the hell the bell at the door was for.

“Ahem.” Applejack 'ahem'ed, getting the pony's attention. “Rarity I was wondering if you could help out with something.”

Rarity glanced over and returned to her dress. “Yes, what is it?” I realised that this was the one I had creepily watched in the library.

“Sherry here needs some clothes.”

“Who's Sherry?”

“That'd be me.” I stepped in. Not literally of course. The concept of conversation is a difficult thing to walk through.

Rarity finally looked at me and realised that I was not a pony. “Oh.” That was her first impression of me. “What are you?” She asked after a few seconds.

“Sherry.” I replied.

“He's a human.” Applejack interrupted, giving me a look. “His clothes stink so I thought you might be able to help him into some new ones.” It took Rarity a few more seconds to see my clothes. At which point she gasped.

“I say.” She say-d, looking me up and down. “Those clothes are absolutely atrocious.” I looked down at my blue shirt and jeans, then back at her. I can't say I agreed with her. “They smell atrocious too.I can't let this insult to fashion stand. You stay there, I'll be right back.” Then she rushed off, slamming the door behind her.

I looked at Applejack. “Does she normally do that?” I wasn't all that insulted. My parents had said worse.

“I wouldn't know.” She told me. “But she's certainly passionate.”

“Like you are with your apples?”

“Yeah. Kinda like that.”

There was a silence.

“Hey, you know how she told me to stay here?” I asked Applejack.

“What about it?” I took one step to the left. She grinned and took a step to the left too. “She won't even realise.” I chuckled at that. That was so petty. But what the hell do I care? Life is meant for the small pleasures.

When Rarity came back there were various items hanging in the air behind her, suspended in a blue aura. Rarity's horn was covered in the same aura. I knew that Rarity was a unicorn but I didn't realise that meant she could do magic. I had thought the horn was just for show. I had time to think hell related things before I was lifted with them and carried to Rarity's work stand. I barely even registered that she had no idea I hadn't stayed right there.

The fashion pony's items spun around me. A tape measure measured various parts of my body. Other things did other things that I didn't see. More than a few of the things poked me.

I didn't much appreciate that. “What the hell is going on?” I asked.

“Why, I'm helping you with those tacky clothes.” Rarity explained as she went through more of her things. I didn't realise that she had just called my clothes tacky.

“I meant why are all these things floating.” I grabbed the tape measure. It didn't leave the blue aura but I was able to keep it in one spot enough to look at it. It was a normal tape measure if you ignored the floating and blue aura thing.

Rarity looked at me blankly. “Because I'm floating them.” She explained like she couldn't believe I didn't know.

“How?”

“Magic.” I suppose I shouldn't really be surprised that magic was a thing here. Especially after the way that Jim had turned to smoke.

“Fair 'nuff.” I said, releasing the tape measure. It went back to measuring. I looked at Rarity and saw her pulling all kinds of fabric. This was something I didn't find weird, as fabric is something that clothes are made of and we'd just dealt with the magic. What I didn't appreciate was that all were some shade of either pink or purple. Neither of which were included in my catalog of proffered colours.

“Rarity.” I said. “No pink.” All the items stopped flying around.

“Why not?” Rarity asked. “Pink is a great colour.”

“While I do not disagree, I will not wear pink.”

“But it's fashionable.” Which doesn't mean much, or anything at all, to me.

“Even so, I will not wear pink.” We had a little staring contest.

Eventually she sighed. “Very well, no pink. I wouldn't want to offend a new customer after all.” The pink fabrics went back to their hiding spots. The purple ones kept coming.

“No purple either.” I told her. All the fabrics dropped to the floor.

“What colour would you want then?” Rarity asked me with quite some hostility.

“Whoa, calm down.” I said while doing the good ol' calm down gesture which was lost on her. She hadn't really had all that much experience with human gestures I was guessing. “Blue will do. The darker the better.”

“But it's almost the middle of summer.” Rarity exclaimed. “Why would anypony want to wear dark colours? And pink is in this season.”

“Well I don't really like to interrupt.” Applejack interrupted. Only in hindsight do I chuckle at the irony of such situations. “But I have work I need to get back to, so can I leave Sherry with you and he can get back to me after you're done?”

I was about to request that she kindly not, but Rarity beat me to it.

“Absolutely Applejack.” Rarity told her and started ushering her out. “Once we're finished he will come back to you properly clothed and with a respect for fashion.”

“No Applejack.” I called out. “Don't leave me!”

“I'll see you later Sherry.” Applejack waved to me before she was pushed out the door. Now it was just me and a slightly forceful fashion unicorn. I didn't like where that put me in the order of things. I didn't complain though. I probably should have.

Hours later, I don't know how many and my watch had been stuck on six past six since I got here, I stumbled out of Rarity's dungeon. She doesn't actually have a dungeon but I'm calling it that because I got tortured in there. I resolved to complain as much as I could the next time I was stuck with her.

Rarity had somehow convinced me to let her see what clothes of lighter colour shades looked like on me. Next thing I knew she had fashioned god knows how many dresses to try on me. It was horrifying. They were all different colours and she had managed to snap photos of me in several pink, purple and I don't know what to call the rest, but my pride shrank with every new piece whipped out. I had caught on to her taking the pictures and tried to get her to 'stop that or I'll beat your ass.' and destroy the ones she'd already taken.

I don't think she did, but I had three bags of new clothes to lug around and was wearing a new set myself. The old set was being taken care of by Rarity. I may not trust her with my body, but I figured clothes were safe. There was actually a funny exchange when she actually looked at the cartoon on my shirt.

“What is this design on your chest?” Rarity asked, poking me in said area.

“Two things first.” I held up two fingers. She raised an eyebrow. “Stop poking me and don't call it my chest, it's a shirt.”

“You could have just asked.” Rarity said as she lowered her hoof.

I did. Five minutes ago.

“But what is this design on your chest?”

I sighed. “It's a cartoon. Specifically, of a rabbit.”

“What's a cartoon?”

Seriously, it's just questions, questions, questions with these ponies. I thought for a bit before trying to explain.

I failed so horribly I'm not going to write it down here for the benefit of my future self. God, that was embarrasing. How did it even turn to anime?

Rarity nodded. “I see.” I don't know how she understood my explanation but I wasn't about to try and correct myself.

My shirt, for those who haven't seen it, was light blue with a cartoon of a bunny rabbit posing to cast a shadow that looked like a palm ready to receive a high five. I really liked that shirt. I hoped I would get it back.

Anyway, I was on my way back to Applejack's farm. No way I was spending the night in Ponyville. Not with Jim potentially lurking around every corner.

It was starting to get dark when I was walking back, so the streets were starting to clear up. Ponies stared of course, but considering I'd only been introduced to them days before with Jim in tow they had excuse enough that I didn't judge them. Much.

I got tired of the stares eventually, so I cut through an alley. Ponyville really has a lot of those. I almost cursed my luck, but I've long since learned to stop trying to tempt fate.

It's not like Jim met me in an alley. He was much too big. Nay. What I was met with was a swirling mass of smoke.

It didn't do much. It just swirled there. Not much larger than one of the bags I was carrying. When I decided to just leave it be and turned around it made it's move. I only know this because it swooshed past me and started chocking me. Then I blacked out.

I'm not sure how to describe where I found myself. It was like a dreamscape that hadn't had anyone dream anything up yet, only pure white. I was standing on something, but it was indistinguishable from the blankness around me. Certainly wasn't Ponyville, it gave me a bit of vertigo too.

When I got as close to bearings as I was going to get, I saw movement off to my right. I turned to find the swirling smoke that had just assaulted me swirling impassively.

“You just assaulted a man.” I told it. It continued swirling. “That's just slightly, if not more than a bit, rude.” It was actually way more rude than that. I just like dancing around issues.

A few moments passed.

“You could at least explain yourself.” I tried. Nothing. “Whelp, now I'm stuck in yet another new dimension with the smokey thing that brought me here and it's a worse conversationalist than a mute.” They're great conversationalists actually. They always ask just the right questions.

More nothing.

“If you don't answer me I'm going to act like your teenage daughter when you start trying to talk to me. Never had a daughter? That's fine, I'll explain how things'll happen. You try to make up with me and I tear apart your self esteem. I'll ignore you lots too. How do you feel about that?”

Guess what? More nothing.

I hmmphed, but didn't say anymore. I considered talking away from the issue, but then I noticed that the smoke was getting bigger.

Not just bigger. Denser too. At first I could see through the smoke, but now I couldn't see through any of it.

It wasn't messing around either. It was already larger than I was and still going. Then it stopped and started wearing itself away. I'm not sure where the wisps it discarded went, but I was focused on what it was revealing, because whatever was in that cloud was big.

So when I saw it was Jim I just facepalmed. I should have seen it coming.

Jim was smaller than he had been when he chased me through town. Maybe he had run off a few kgs. He also had gone through a makeover of the physical kind. His face was now much more ordered, a change that plastic surgeons back home would have spent days trying to do. He actually kind of looked like a human now.

The whole walking on four legs thing ruined any illusion of that though. That and he still had the tentacles everywhere. Plus miasma. Never forget miasma.

I didn't say anything. I just got ready to run, not that it would do me any good in this place. Surprisingly, I needn't have done that. Jim wanted to talk.

“Rklhafulhaskljfr.” He said. I don't know what he said or how to pronounce it, so I just simulated slapping a keyboard a bunch of times.

I frowned. “Sorry?”

He was silent for a while. His face looked like it was thinking real hard. Then he looked directly at me.

“Hueilqe nmjea.”

Now that might not look like much written down. But it sounded to my ears like he was saying 'Help me.'

I took the time required to process what I heard.

“Help.” I said eventually. “You want help.”

Jim didn't say anything, he just looked down as if he was ashamed.

“Why in the seven hells did you chase me through town?”

“Mawoemobgaesss gueots.” Jim was not good at talking. I managed to translate, I think, what he meant.

“So you're some kind of mind parasite?” I asked. “Because I think you just said my memories are good.”

Jim nodded.

I rubbed my temples. “Are you taking memories from me now?” Another nod. “Stop.”

Jim's eyes narrowed and he let out a bellowing that, quite frankly, hurt my ears. I couldn't have understood it if I tried.

When he stopped I couldn't hear things for a while. So I tried to say some things to get Jim to calm down, but nothing worked. I never was a good mediator.

At length I just told him. “Mate, I just want some answers. I woke up in ponyland with no memory of how or why and I want answers. I've gotten no closer to my answers because my lack of memory and I don't know who to ask for help. You eat memories which, while I don't understand the reasoning, I will not hold it against you, provided you aren't using whatever powers you have on me. Powers which might have already screwed over my chances of getting the information I want. So stop. Or I will find a way to hurt you.”

Now would be a good time to mention that as our conversation was occuring, Jim was still undergoing transformation. I only noticed this at precisely the moment I finished my speech, or the moment that Jim stood up on two feet.

He was tall, at least twice my height. His face remained sorta unchanged and everything else was different. What was previously the behind of a horse or something had almost completely become that of a human's. Apply this for everywhere except the tentacles.

Then I realised that I was facing a very large version of myself. A version of myself that was also pissed off.

“Well.” I said out loud. Shit.

Next thing I knew I woke up in the dirt of a Ponyville alley. No one had gone through the alley in the time I was out. I didn't know how long I was out, but it was long enough for the sky to go completely dark.

Looking up at the sky I noticed for the first time that the moon had a very large picture of a pony in it. It probably wasn't a picture, but I suck at remembering the nouns of these things, so picture it is.

I resolved to ask a pony about that later.

In the meantime I picked up my bags and continued on my way back to Applejack's.

As I made my way through town I realised that the town streets were empty. There must have been no witch hunt on tonight.

A quick glance at the orange haze reaching over some buildings proved otherwise. I decided to stay away from that part of town that night.

The night wasn't complete until I passed Jim though. Or rather, the smoke that Jim was flying around as. When I saw him, or it, I suppose, with him being gaseous matter at the moment, I just hid and waited. The tactic worked, Jim floated off and I went on my merry way.

I got back to the farm with no further incident.

I noticed that someone had cleaned up the ruins of the barn, effectively putting me out of a job, and put down the foundation for a new barn. I shrugged at that and went inside the main building.

“Yo.” I said as I entered the dining room to find all the Apples looking quite worried about something. “Anyone know where I can put these?”

“Sherry!” Applejack yelled as she flew at me. Note that she is not a pegasus. I found myself absolutely wrecked by my first pony hug, all smothered in a vice grip and grateful for the soft sacks still hanging behind me where I carried them.

I understand that hugs are good things. I wasn't all that averse to them back home and it was always good to have a way to make my closer friends squirm at will. They are a great way of expressing emotion. So the hug I was currently confined in said that Applejack actually cared for me and that touched me in a way that I hadn't been touched before. But mostly I couldn't breath.

That wasn't sexual by the way. That was me feeling emotion.

“Applejack.” I got out through gritted teeth. “Can't... Breath...”

“What?” She asked, still holding me close.

“Can't... Breath.”

She finally got the message.

“Oh Celestia, I'm so sorry. It's just that you didn't turn up when it got dark, so we assumed Rarity was just keeping you. Then it kept getting later and later.”

“Shh, Applejack.” I held a finger to her lip. “I'm here now. I'm fine.” Then my stomach growled. “On second thought my current health is borderline dead. Whatchu got to eat?”

I saw concern flash across AJ's face. Then she connected the dots and started to give me the options. I could guess what the main ingredients were. She got interrupted by a terrified little girl pony though.

“Sherry are you really going to die?” Applebloom got up in my face. She was talking really fast too. “Oh Celestia, you're really going to die aren't you. What can we do? Tell me there's something we can do.” I don't know how she was up in my face, she was barely taller than my shin. A quick look down told me that she was standing on my chest. How though, I'll never know. Balance at that angle shouldn't have been possible.

Either way I decided not to question it, and looked up to see AJ about to pry her little sister off me. But I had an idea, so I held up a hand to get her to stop. Then I looked Applebloom in the eye.

“There is only one way to save me from my condition.” I told her.

“What is it?” Applebloom got even closer. “Tell me so I can help you!”

I picked her off of me. “I need three shoes, twenty one strands of hair and forty two leaves exactly. Then I will be able to mix the potion to save my life.”

“I'll get that.” Applebloom nodded vigorously.

With a slow nod I dropped her and she was gone so fast I almost thought she teleported. But that isn't possible.

“Don't forget the blood of a virgin.” I called after her.

I turned to the rest of the Apples who were letting the laughter out. Even Big Mac was letting out a chuckle.

“That was a good one.” Applejack chuckled. Granny Smith agreed in her own fashion. Namely continuing her laughter. I just shrugged and explained the gesture when I got questioned about it. Then I got food.

Half an hour later Applebloom came back into the house with what I'd asked for. This included the shoes, the hairs, the leaves and a vial filled with red liquid. I tucked that one away before too many questions could be asked.

I quickly pawned off the questions of why I wasn't immediately making the potion to AJ and went back to the food I was still eating. Don't judge me, I'm a slow eater.

The rest of the night was pretty simple. I ate, I showered and I slept. The next day was more interesting though.

I woke to see a pink figure looking at me.

“Pinkie?” I questioned as I slowly woke up.

“Yep!” Pinkie responded. Only a little bit too loudly. “And I'm here to throw you a party.” What? “Surprise!” Out of nowhere all kinds party stuff appeared and threw streamers everywhere. “Welcome to Ponyville!”

I waited for a bit. Nothing but Pinkie posing in front of me, looking at me expectantly.

I went back to sleep.

“No Sherry! Don't die. You have so much to live for.” Pinkie rushed over and started manhandling me. I suppose that still applies. Seeing as I was the one being handled.

Eventually she got me facing upward and had my arms locked down. I groaned.

“It's too early.”

“But it's late.”

“No it isn't. It's early because I'm a morning person and I'm still trying to sleep. So buzz off and let me be.”

“Silly Sherry.” Pinkie giggled. “It's midday.” My eyes shot open and I looked through the window. It was indeed rather bright outside.

“Fuck.” I don't usually swear out loud. Waking up does strange things to you man. “Pinkie get off me.”

“Only if you get up.”

“Deal. Now gerroff me.” She got off me and I did my typical wake up routine before getting to the meaty stuff. “So how was the pri- *Tummy rumble* god I need food.” Pinkie produced a taco. I didn't think tacos were healthy things to have for breakfast but I wasn't complaining. A bite told me the taco was vegetarian. I don't know what I expected. “Thanks. So how was the princess?”

“Oh, she was really nice. She let me go on for days about you and Jim.” I don't know how she found out about that name. “At the end she woke up and told Twilight to come to Ponyville to study you and Jim.”

I didn't respond because I was eating my taco. We were making our way to the dining room. Eating while walking is inadvisable, by the by. It leaves you with a killer stomach ache and then you have to sleep the rest of the day. But I didn't really care right then.

I finished eating the taco. “So who's this Twilight come to study?” I asked Pinkie.

“Oh she's-” Pinkie started as we entered the dining room. Then suddenly the room had a door to the front of the house and Applejack was inviting a purple unicorn into the house.

Pinkie did this incredibly long gasp and vanished in a puff of smoke.

I blinked, then walked over to the new pony.

T'was as such that I met the purple menace.