Equestrian Sniper

I was seventeen years old when I enlisted in the Army. I was an Airborne 3rd Ranger Battalion. It was so damn hard for me to learn basic training. Do you want to know why? Well, it's because I apparently am as clueless about basic training as the people who are apparently having this story shoved down their throats. However, it was so hard that I managed to pass it anyway! I then became a shoot sharper - er, sharp shooter. I thank God for this gift he gave me and for some time to play outside and for the birds in the trees and for His love that's deep and wide and for the air that I breath and for my friends and family and that's why I say thanks every day. Now I may be a little bit sac-religious here, but at least I know that's what I thank God for! Then I was elected to the Delta Force, or the Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta, or SPOD-D. I'm about to give it a Between The Lions-type twist. Between the Lions is one of PBS Kids' most popular programs during my time as a sniper. Here we go! Sp............od-D! Sp.........od-D! Sp......od-D! Sp...od-D! Sp. Odd-D. Spod-D! Spod-D! Isn't that a fun acronym to pronounce? The Department of Defense formerly called it a Combat Applications Group (CAG). Let's add an extra E to the acronym. There! CAGE. Another nice pronounceable acronym, ain't it? I've done many missions in Afghanistan and Pakistan that I am now very sad I've done. Especially situations that have mixed innocent's civilians and my fellow brothers in arms involved with rather lamentable bleeding. I have seen many who are dead right before my eyes. While I was in Ramadi, my platoon and I were engaged by insurgents who apparently allowed us to get picked off one by one. Then I got killed. Wait a second. Did I get killed? Because, last time I checked, if one were killed, one would not go into a long monologue by now, right? Since then, apparently somebody kicked me off to a magical, colourful land of anthropomorphic ponies and other kinds of living things. People call it many things. For this and all other such stories, we will refer to it as Equestria. Because that's what it is. Anyway, how are you doing? My name is Sergeant First Class Edward Thomas of the United States Army 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta. You can call me Mister Ed if you'd like. And if you want to, you can sing that song about a horse being a horse being a horse of course. That has ties to Mister Ed. Anyway, this is my story. Oh, and by the way, here's my picture, in case you were curious about what I look like: