Equestrian Sniper

09:36:39 A.M. in Ramadi, Iraq

U.S. Army 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta

‘Shadow Two-One

It was windy and raining today. Someone must have taken bites out of Charms candies, which it's bad to do. But hey! What do they have to do with this part of the story? Anyways, my unit and I swept the streets. The job only took the work of four men who are much better suited to other stories. From what I've heard, Marines had been ambushed in a building with nobody in it and were to pull back and send us to eliminate the insurgents. They were intended to find and kill bad folks. I carry my tan painted M4A1 fitted with M203 grenade launchers. My officer in command carries a M4 fitted with a M203 with a vertical foregrip is mounted underneath the launcher, AN/PEQ-2 IR Designator and ACOG sight fitted with a Docter mini-reflex sight and the radio. Our weapons dealer has an M16A4 with an ACOG sight, AN/PEQ-15 IR designator, and an M203 grenade launcher. Our medic has a M4A1 fitted with an ACOG scope, AN/PEQ-2 IR designators, RIS foregrips, and tan paintjob. And this has been our military gear collection. Thank you for watching! We'll see you later.

As they walk down the streets, they see houses full of randomly assorted civilians. Civilians are another word for people who live in places. Their commanding officer said, at first real quietly then real loudly, "On my mark. Three…Two…One…BREACH!" The one who wrote this story before I got to this part told him to calm down, but that he'd do what that guy said.

He then proceeded to kick down the door. He and the weapon specialist - what else is he to apparently do here - took down all three of the insurgents after going room to room, sometimes posing as door to door salesmen (probable answer from door: "Hi! I'm Eddie Thomas of Eddco! And, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to show you the greatest military appliance ever made ... the Snipe-O-Matic! All the Military's enemies, such as apparently you, chopped to perfection without shedding a single tear! When chopping the enemies with this machine, the only tears we will shed will be tears of joy!" Then there were three tangos. They were having so much fun you could do them! We went upstairs to the room and unfortunately ruined the fun by tearing two of them down. Then there came the call, "Area Clear!"

"Commander, this is Shadow 2-1 Actual. Our building has been cleared and our clearance sale for this building has been a success!"

"Negative 2-1. We picked up a lot of the insurgents that have gone in and out of this building."

"Are we being supported? Did you like what I said about this building?"

"Negative 2-1. Also, this is a shooting, not a clearance sale, or a going out of business sale or anything of the type! Stop being so fucking silly!"

"Then what the fuck do we fucking have?!?!"

"We have a non-sensical story in need of less sense. So, in order to get here, here comes a Ranger QRF to get you guys. ETA 30 mikes! Sit tight."

"Roger. Shadow 2-1 Actual out."

Within a few minutes, several microphones show up on the ground.

"Guys, when I said 30 Mikes, I did not mean 30 microphones! Pick those up from the ground please!"