A Clockwork Foal

My plan is not going to work.

I mean, I can live alone, but I need a house. I can’t use the clubhouse because it lacks a kitchen, bathroom and all the other things a real house has.

However, I do have a new plan.

It’s simple. I trade my platinum for money, than I find a pony that has a nice house and bribe the equine into letting me live with them. I only need to find somepony who would be willing to do such a thing, so he/she can be bribed.

I wonder if teacher are as “well paid” here as they are back home…

“Here we are!”

                                           ______________________________________

“This place doesn’t look safe at all.” Lorenzo said, staring at the mine’s entrance.

“Don’t be such chicken dude. It’s just a little out of use.” Scootaloo said, hooping off the scooter.

“I think he’s right, maybe we shouldn’t go inside.” Sweetie Belle said, worry in her voice.

“Why is this here anyway? I never knew there was a mine in Ponyville…”

“When the first folk came here all those years ago, they didn’t know what they were gonna find. They tried a little of everything before my grandma found the zap-apples.” Applebloom said. “And I think we shouldn’t do this either…”

“Why? It was your idea!” Scootaloo said, slightly annoyed.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know this place was so bad. I mean, look at it!” The earth-filly pointed at the entrance. The wood frame was rotten, there were vines hanging from the ceiling, and several cracks along the walls. “We hit the wall once and the whole place comes down crashin’ at us.”

“She is right. The structural integrity of this place isn’t safe by anyone’s standards.” The colt said.

“Don’t you mean “anypony” ?” Scootaloo asked.

“I am pretty sure Diamond Dogs would also advise against going inside, seeing as they must have lots of experience with tunnels.” He replied.

“It isn’t THAT bad! Look!” She picked a rock from the ground and threw it at the mine’s exterior support beam.

That immediately collapsed and sent a cloud of dust up in the air.

There was a moment of silence as the dust settled.

“I told you.” The colt said. “Thank goodness none of us were inside.”

“Well, that’s great! What are we going to do now?” Scootaloo asked, frustrated. “It was today’s only cool plan.”

“Actually, I have been thinking. I can’t live in your clubhouse.” He said.

“Didn’t you say that you wanted to? Live alone and all?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I want. But think: How am I going to go to the bathroom?? Or make food?” Lorenzo said.

“Yeah, hadn’t thought of that…” Applebloom said. “What’cha gonna do?”

“I have a plan, fairly simple one actually. Are you willing to cooperate?”

“I’m in, it’s not like we have anything to do anyway.” Scootaloo said.

“Okay. I need a few things. Let me make you a list.” He removed his notebook and pen from the saddleback and started to write.

“How can you use magic?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“What do you mean?” Lorenzo asked.

“I mean, how do you do it? I‘ve been trying for ages and all I get is some very quick levitation. How do you do it?” The white unicorn asked.

“It, just kind of comes naturally to me. Guess everypony gets it at a different time. Maybe I will teach you later.” He said, returning to the notebook. “Okay girls, here is the new plan; I am going to use the incredible and unlimited power of bribe to get somepony to live with. I am thinking maybe I can kill two birds with one stone here, so tell m-“

“Why would you kill a bird??? That’s mean!” Sweetie Belle said.

“He is just metaphorically speakin’” Applebloom interjected.

“Who’s the dictionary now?” Sweetie Belle shot back.

“A-HEM!” The colt cleaned his throat, although it sounded more like he had just swallowed a whole hamster. “As I was saying, who takes care of the school here?”

“Well, Ponyville isn’t no big town, so miss Cheerilee does everything. Why?” Applebloom answered.

“Do you think you can get her here as fast as posible?”

“I think so. I will try.”

“Good. Sweetie Belle, I need you to go to the library and fetch me these books.” He gave the filly the page from the notebook. “Try to bring them as fast as you can, I really need to know some things.”

“What about me?” Scootaloo asked. Lorenzo stared at her for a few moments.

“I need you for a special task: Find me someplace that sells either wine or hard cider. Don’t buy it, just tell me where.”

“What? Why???” She asked.

“I really need a drink.” He stated flatly.

“But we’re not supposed to drink!” Sweetie Belle said. “You aren’t supposed to drink either.”

“Why would ya even want that stuff? It’s just sour juice!”

“Look darling, I know that.  It’s just a habit I have, okay? A nice glass of booze a day keeps stress at bay. And let me tell you: It may not look like it, but I am really stressed right now. I trust you won’t tell anypony. Right?”

“Right.”

“So, Scotaloo, could you take me back to the clubhouse, please?” Lorenzo said.

“Sure thing.” The pegasus said as she flapped her wings, moving the scooter forward and back to the clubhouse.

                                                        ____________________________________

Okay, they are gone now. Let’s get some thinking music on my cell phone…

In case you are wondering, here is what I am going to do:

The metal cube has a very high chance of being made of platinum (there are not many metals that weight this much and look like silver), so I am going to use it as bribe. How? Simple, I tell Cheerilee that I am willing to pay her a good sum of money a month (like a rent) if she is willing to take me under her care and tell everypony I am just a “cousin’s son that is living with me for a while”. If that doesn’t work, I am going to use a sad puppy face that will sadden her into submission (remember, I am a foal now. How can you say no to a face like this?).

The books that Sweetie Belle is getting I am going to use to get more knowledge of Equestria. I asked her for: basic physics, history of music (I really can’t live without music, I just hope they have ponified classical composers here), basic chemistry and magic for beginners.

As for the booze, that is actually what a do in an almost every week. Normally I drink hard cider (which is ridiculously cheap in Brazil for some reason), but occasionally I also drink wine.  It’s funny because most supermarkets would never let me touch or buy beer, but cider and sometimes wine is fine (lots of sense there guys. “Don’t let him touch the 4,7% alcohol beer! Here, have this 5,5% cider or 13,5% wine! Much less dangerous!”).

My new body is also displaying lots of interesting sings. My walking is coming naturally and the magic works almost sub-consciously. That is cool. I wonder how actually spells are casted… My coat fells very smooth too. Most people forget that ponies have a very short fur instead of colored skin. Like some kind of silk. I could rub myself all day long…

…

That didn’t come out right…

There is also the problem of how I got here in first place. Why? How? Did a singularity really cause it? Because if yes, that could actually be dangerous. You don’t want something that can destroy the laws of physics popping out of nowhere. Will it happen again?

But if it was not a singularity, then what was it? And how come I have this cube?

So many questions, so little answers.

Well, now I only have to wait.

                                                     ________________________________________

Scootaloo slowed down just enough so her voice would be heard through the buzzing of her wings.

“So, what do you girls think? Should we actually help him?”

“Ah say we do. He looks honest, even though he’s weird.”

“Weird? He is down-right Pinkie Pie level’s of weirdness. Maybe not quite as loopy but c’mon, he isn’t normal. What foal would want to drink sour juice?”

“I trust him. He is just a little too uptight.”

“Sweetie is right Scoots, he jus’ a little polite.”

“It’s not that girls, it’s just that…” She gave a sigh. ”Well, he doesn’t look like he just lost his parents. Shouldn’t he be at least upset?”

“Yer right, he does seem a little too happy about everything.” Applebloom said rubbing her chin.

“Maybe he’s like Rarity?” Sweetie belle offered.

“What you mean?” Scootaloo asked.

“Remember back in Hearts and Hooves day when the boutique got destroyed?” The other two crusaders nodded.

“Remember how when she got home she kinda of started doing stuff like she always do for hours before she finally got mad at us? Maybe Lorenzo is like that; He’s just too shocked to actually react.”

“That, actually makes an awful lotta sense.”

“Yeah. Took me a few days to get the fact that my mom had died too. At first I didn’t even realize how bad it was…” The pegasus said, her voice becoming sadder as she went.

“C’mon now Scoots, that was ages ago. No point on being sad again.”

“Guess you’re right Applebloom.” Her voice returned to its regular happy tone. “So, where to first?”

“The library. He wants some books.”

                                                             _____________________________________

An hour later…

Fly me to the moon

Let me play among the stars…

“Lorenzo!”

Let me see what spring looks like on…

At Jupiter and mars…

“LORENZO!!!”

“WHA-!” he was suddenly snapped out of his musical daydream. Removing and hiding his earphones, Lorenzo looked through the window. “Sorry Sweetie Belle, I kind of dozed off.” The unicorn filly and Scootaloo are there, a few books in the cart behind the scooter. “I see you have my delivery.”

“Yup! Applebloom is going to take a little while to get here, so you have some time left.”

“Good. Could you bring the books up here please?”

“Why? Pick them up yourself!” The pegasus awserd back.

“Okay, okay…” Lorenzo said, walking down the ramp of the tree house. “Did you find what I asked you?”

“Berry has a stand that sells the stuff. She sets it up in the town square every weekend. But I don’t think she is just going to sell it to you, no matter how loopy she is…”

“Don’t worry Scoots, I can take care of that. Now, let me see…” The colt picked each one of the books in his hooves. “Music through the ages, Why do I have a horn: A foals first guide to magic, A guide to Chemistry and The world of physics. Nice job Sweetie.”He opened the music book and scanned the index. “Well well well, would you look at that? Ludwig van Beecawen! And Griffingang Amadeus Mozart!”  He sat down and started reading.

A few seconds of silence passed.

“Sooo, since we have a few minutes… Can you teach me magic?” Sweetie Belle said with a large grin.

“I wish. But I honestly have no idea how I do it. It just kind of happens with little to no control of my mind. Feel free to read the magic book though.” He hadn’t even removed his eyes from the book. “Damn. Did you know that Tchaikovsky hated the nutcracker suite? Only thing most people remember about him… Crazy unicorn…”

Another awkward second.

“What are we supposed to do?” Scootaloo asked.

“I don’t know. Read a book. Just until Applebloom arrives…”

“Aw c’mon! That’s gonna take forever!” As if to mock the pegasus, two voices started to come from the path behind her.

“Didn’t you say-“

“A little while. Literally.” The unicorn finished.

The fuchsia mare and cream colored filly appeared in the end of the road, talking to each other and smiling.

“-an’ then Pinkie said “And that’s how Equestria was made!” “

“Oh, that crazy mare…” Cheerilee looked to the colt foal now in front of her. “Oh, hello there! I’m Cheerilee. I teach at Ponyville’s school. Applebloom told that you are new in town and wanted to know your new teacher.”

“Yes, that is true. And you actually came. Sooner than I thought too. Good work Applebloom.”

“Yer welcome.”

The mare’s face changed to a confused expression.

“I’m sorry?”

“Girls, If you don’t mind, I would like to talk to miss Cheerilee alone. I will see you Monday at school, if everything goes according to plan.”

“Sure, what about the books?” Scootaloo asked, pointing at the three books still in the scooter’s cart.

“Leave them at the ramp; I will take them with me later.”

“Okay, see ya later! C’mon girls!”

“Bye Lorenzo!”

“Bye Sweetie.” He said as the scooter speed off. He then turned to Cheerilee. “Hello miss Cheerilee, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Yeah…” She said, a little uneasy by the fact that the colt had somehow said the last sentence with a strangely correct grammar and weird accent, as if she had just been greeted by the host of a high society party. “So, your name is Lorenzo, right? Where are your parents? I haven’t got any transference papers from your school yet… And why are you wearing a jacket and saddlebags?”

“I am feeling a little cold today. As for my parents and transference papers, that is why I called you here. You see Miss Cheerilee, I ran away.”

“…what?”

“I ran away. You see, my parents are dead. I have no living family anywhere that I know, and that means I will have to go to an orphanage. But the thing is: I can take care of myself, I just need a place to stay.”

“… and you’re telling me this because..?”

“Because, miss Cheerilee, ponies notice when foals walk around with no parents and not attending to school.  I want to live with you. And I can make it worth your while…”

It’s a prank, I’m sure of it. She thought. The Crusaders are probably trying to get pranksters cutie marks. Maybe if I play along they will drop the act sooner. But I have to say, this is pretty well done…

“Oh yeah? And how exactly are you going to make it “worth my while”?” She said with a smug grin.

The colt reached into the saddlebags and floated a silver colored metallic cube out, waving it in front of Cheerilee’s face.

“With this. It’s made of platinum, you know. Expensive. Tell me, miss Cheerilee, how much do you make as a teacher?”

Ookay…

“Uhm, 600 bits a month…”

“What if I told you I can pay you 400 extra bits a month if you let me stay with you?”

“Is this a joke?”

“No, it is not. I really need someplace to stay, and I don’t want to go to an orphanage. I can take care of myself; you won’t even notice I am there.”

“Ha ha. Okay girls, I fell for it!” She said to the bushes. “C’mon, you can drop the act.”

“It’s not an act.” Lorenzo said, annoyed. “I am serious!”

“You can’t be!”

“But I am! “

“Oh c’mon! You really want me to believe you ran away from social services? And you don’t even look sad! How am I supposed to believe that your parents died?”

“I-I don’t like to show emotions!” The colt’s face twisted in worry.

I got him.

“Really? So, either you tell me the truth, or I will tell your parents what you are doing.”

“I already told you, my parents are dead!”

“Then I will call social services.”

Lorenzo’s face went pale.

Touché.

“Fuck.”

“Hey! Watch your mouth little colt!”

“I am not a colt! I am not even a pony.”

“Not buying it. Tell me the truth.”

“But it is the truth! I don’t even know why I am here! Yesterday I was a human, today I am a pony!”

“A human? What’s a human? Do you expect me to believe that?”

“I need you to listen to me and not interrupt, okay?” The colt sounded nervous, but confident at the same time. “My name is Lorenzo Pagani. I was a human until yesterday. I come from a place called Brazil in the planet Earth.”

“So, you’re an alien now?” The sarcasm was dripping from the mare’s voice. ‘Much more believable…”

“Look, I can prove, do not go anywhere!” He quickly went up the ramp and inside the clubhouse.

Why is he doing that? Does he actually believe I am going to buy that? But he is new to Ponyville, I haven’t even got a party invitation from Pinkie yet…

He came back carrying a big black rectangle in his telekinetic grasp.

“Here, let me show you.”

He used his hoof to open the rectangle in half. Cheerilee could see a keyboard and a what appeared to be a small black square in one half, and a big black glass pane in the other. He then pressed a small button in the keyboard and the rectangle sprung to live. The glass part started to glow and show letters.

“What’s that?”

“It is my computer.”

“A computer? No way. You are not fooling me. Computers are huge. Twilight has one and it occupies her whole basement!”

“Not where I come from.” The colt typed something in the keyboard, and then the word ‘welcome’ appeared. There was a picture of a lake, several small pictures with names under them such as ‘Mozila Firefox’ and ‘The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim’ in the screen and a strange black bar on the bottom with a small blue orb and a few other small pictures. “Want to hear some music?”

“Uh, sure?” What the hay is that thing?

Lorenzo placed the tip of his right hoof in the black square below the keyboard, moving it and click a few buttons. Suddenly, music started to play, causing Cheerilee to jump back in surprise.

“Ho-How are you doing that!??!?”

“I told you, it is a computer. Where I come from, they can play music, show videos, run games and are basically omnipresent. Believe me now?”

“I-I don’t know…”

He stopped the music and clicked in a few more buttons. The screen now showed what appeared to be a chimpanzee with no fur, dressed in a business suit and walking down a corridor, like in a movie.

“That’s a human. What now?” The image stopped and disappeared, leaving only the background lake. “Believe me?”

“I-I, okay. But how?”

“I have no idea. That’s why I want to stay with you; I don’t want to go to an orphanage. Hell, I am not even this young; I was fifteen before this “transformation”!”

Cheerilee thought for a while. While it was hard to believe that this colt was an alien, he did have some powerful evidence. She also couldn’t deny that the prospect of extra money was tempting.

“Is your offer still standing?”

“What offer? The 400 bits?”

“Yes.”

“They are yours, every month, if you help me.”

“Then yes, you can live with me.”

“Thank you! That’s one less thing to worry about!” He pressed a few buttons on the computer, causing it to apparently shut down, and sat it down. “Now, we are going to need a believable back-story. What about this: I am your cousin’s son, and I am living with you for a while.”

“That sounds believable. We are going to have to watch out for Pinkie though.”

“Pinkie?”

“Yes, she is the town’s official party pony. She is probably going to throw you a party as soon as you get your hooves in Ponyville to welcome you.”

He groaned.

“I don’t like parties where I don’t know anyone.”

“Just smile and try to be positive.”

“Yeah, I will try. So, where do you live?”

“Follow me.”

“Okay. Could you carry some of these books?”

“Sure, just put them on my back and let’s get going.”

                                                                __________________________________

3 kilometers outside Stalliongrad.

Iron Axe was walking down the road, carrying chopped wood for his family when he saw something by the side of the path. I looked red, although he couldn’t be sure.

“Что это?”

He approached it, and almost fell backwards.

It was a hoof.

Half buried on the white snow, there was a red hoof.

“ДЕРЬМО!!!” Promptly, he started to dig, expecting to see the face of a dead pony.

What he found however, made him sick.

Instead of a pony, this… “Thing” seemed to be a furless chimp, half fused/transformed into a pony. An abomination, mocking mother’s nature laws and logic. A few pieces of fabric covering its body, as if he was wearing something.

He ran back to his home to call the royal guard.