Iam Noone: The Dope Fiend Prometheus

Iam awoke on a dark and misty plane that seemed to stretch forever in all directions.  Silent wails of remorse assaulted his mind as silence assaulted his ears.

“Great, the ethereal plane.  Guess I’m dead again,” Iam let out a sigh of frustration, “Not one of my better runs at it, gotta say.  HEY FRED?!?!  Little help bro?”

“You’re friend the Text is not coming to save you this time,”  Iam jumped and spun around to find himself being addressed by an angry-looking white rabbit carrying a ridiculously large scythe, “He’s moved on to more entertaining subjects.  You were… a disappointment.  At Best.”

“Yeah, that’s what your mom said,” Iam laughed at his joke, then looked thoughtful, “Mine too, actually.  So, are you the rabbit of death?  Thought you’d be blacker.”

“You can address me as the Angel Bunny of Death,” the rabbit said in the most dignified and somber tone imaginable.  Somehow Iam managed to contain his amusement to a stifled snicker, but even this brought the fel reaper’s ire in his general direction, “You are very calm for a being about to face the judgement of the gods he mocked with his dying thoughts.  I wonder, why not scream your blasphemies with your dying breath for the world to hear?”

“The whore who screams the loudest, means it the least,” Iam said after a moment of thought.

“And in your silent scream you meant every word,” Death nodded his bunny head, “I see.  Well, no matter, we have business to attend at the divine courts.”

“Okay,” Iam shrugged and fell behind the reaper, “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever faced divine judgement.  Usually the powers that be just reincarnate me in different prime material plane while nobody's looking.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all,” Angel Death Bunny replied dryly, “We’ve had a real problem with that lately.”

“Yeah, my therapist, Lyra was in charge of getting us all integrated into being horses,” Iam frowned, “At least she used to.  She up and left town the day of my last session.  Not that I can blame her....”

Iam grew silent, thinking of his former friend.  The truth was, he thoroughly blamed himself for Lyra’s departure.  He tried his best to hide his patient-crush, but he knew she could tell, and he knew it made her at least a little uncomfortable.  And he had lied to her at every turn.  About the drugs.  About his plans.  About how he had come to her world.

The reaper seemed aware of his thoughts, “Your friend Lyra was going into hiding from a dangerous monster that had escaped from Tartarus and pursued her lover.  Like most things in the world, it had nothing to do with you.”

“Oh,” Iam replied quietly.

“Had you not been so quick to indulge your own self pity, you could have joined your fellow refugees in helping to defend her from that same creature.  It was your own selfishness that led you to this end, Iam Noone.”

“There’s no need to be a dick about it,” Iam grumbled, “Still, I’m glad to hear she’s alright.  She’s gonna be getting gay married soon, ya know?”

“We are here,” the Angel Bunny of Death stopped abruptly, “The Plane of Concordant Opposition, Neutral meeting place of the Gods!”

Iam stood before a massive tower extending upwards beyond mortal sight into the depth of infinity.  With a slash of the Death Bunnies scythe, reality was cleaved cleanly and they were elsewhere.