An Odyssey

Why did Octavia Philarmonica suggest that Frederic Horseshopin accompany her to her place?

It was late; he couldn’t go home; he couldn’t walk to the country alone at this hour.

What, then, was the main idea behind her suggestion?

To have the company of a young musician to accompany her on the piano in the morning.

Was there a piano?

Yes; a piano; two cellos; a guitar; a mandolin.

Was it in tune?

Unfortunately, to her great dismay, as much as she wished for the opposite, it was not.

Why was it not in tune?

Years had passed since the last tuning of the instrument, and, since nopony played it in their household, it stood there in the corner of the room, untuned.

Why did Octavia Philarmonica not tune the piano or have it tuned?

She couldn’t do it herself; nopony played the piano in her household.

What path did Octavia Philarmonica and Frederic Horseshopin follow?

They walked down Limerick Street, turned left onto Freedom Avenue, passed through the Victory Park, and stepped onto the cold asphalt of Strawberry Street, approaching Octavia Philarmonica’s house.

Describe Octavia Philarmonica’s house.

Once upon a time, and a very good time, there was a candyhouse in the middle of the forest. Its glassy windows were made of sweetest sugar, and its roof was made of crunchy, crunchy biscuits, and the walls were a mildest chocolate.

Biscuits?

Yes. Crunchy crunchy.

What did crunchy Octavia Philarmonica and crunchy Frederic Horseshopin crunchily discuss?

Music; history; literature; the essence of equinity; train wrecks; falling stars; destruction of ancient empires; archaeology; their distant predecessors; their potential heirs.

What potential heirs would Frederic Horseshopin have?

A son, as soon as he found a mare to settle down with. Two lovely daughters.

What potential heirs would Octavia Philarmonica have?

None. Given her sexual disposition, she would never carry a foal, nor did the law allow her and her marefriend adoption of foals.

What law?

“No adoption may take place with two persons of the same sex.”

It was strict and unfair.

Was there any way to rectify it?

No, there was no possible way to rectify it without rectifying the mind of the ponies of Equestria.

How could such rectification of minds take place?

Via social revolution; via constant propaganda; via mind control.

Was each of these means possible at the time in that place?

No; no; no.

What did Octavia Philarmonica impossibly do at the time in that place?

She fished out a key out of her saddlebags and opened the door, inviting Frederic Horseshopin inside.

How did Frederic Horseshopin react to the impossible invitation?

Impossibly, he accepted, with grace, with humility.

Why did Frederic Horseshopin stumble at the steps of the candyhouse?

Because his body was full of liquids, alcoholic in nature, which dulled his coordination, rendering it poor and unsteady.

What did Octavia Philarmonica do upon entering her humble abode?

Gracefully, she struck a match and lit up the candles.

What reason did Frederic Horseshopin give for his sudden yelp and staggering backwards?

That he was afraid of fire of any kind; that the sudden match near his face scared him and made him yelp and stagger backwards.

Was he ashamed?

Indubitably.

Did he show his ashamedness?

In no manner.

For what reason didn’t Octavia Philarmonica offer Frederic Horseshopin anything to eat?

She kept a strong diet, and there was absolutely nothing to offer him.

For what reason didn’t Octavia Philarmonica offer Frederic Horseshopin anything to drink?

It was clear that the young musician was immensely inebriated, and she had no desire to contribute to the deterioration of his health.

Non-alcoholic?

The young musician had refused tea in the coffee shop, so she concluded that he wasn’t thirsty.

Not even water?

Look, she was exhausted, give her a break.

Describe her exhaustion in gibberish.

Tukka tuuka garaphania tiredo hapashranting of the wayward figgering ut leaning decomposition of willger and powerger.

Describe her exhaustion in plain English.

The mare in question was falling off her hooves, tired to the extreme.

Describe her exhaustion in Russian.

Она устала, она хотела спать, она с ног валилась от усталости.

Describe her exhaustion in German.

Sie war hundemuede.

What song haunted Octavia Philarmonica’s mind as she sat opposite Frederic Horseshopin at the table in her kitchen, in her house, on Strawberry Street, Canterlot, Equestria, the Universe?

Didn’t you never see my baby get home?

Oh, we ain’t never seen you baby get home.

Did Octavia Philarmonica see her baby get home?

No, she ain’t never seen her baby get home.

Where was her baby now?

In bed, snoozing, in their bedroom, on the second floor, in their house, on Strawberry Street, in Canterlot, Equestria, the Universe.

Did she love her baby?

Next question, please.

Did she think her baby loved her?

She knew that she wasn’t sure.

Did her baby think that she knew that she wasn’t sure that she loved her?

She knew that she knew that she wasn’t sure that she loved her.

In what way did Octavia Philarmonica offer her house to Frederic Horseshopin for a night?

Ordinarily, with reasoning, in plain words, in a vivid tone.

What action followed Frederic Horseshopin’s polite, ordinary, reasonable, plain, vivid refusal?

The young musician stood up, thanked Octavia Philarmonica for her help and her hospitality, and turned to leave.

Why didn’t Octavia Philarmonica offer him a bandage?

Because his face was not cut, but merely bruised; and she did not have the ointment to soothe bruises.

How long did it take Frederic Horseshopin to stagger outside and leave, turning the corner of Strawberry Street and the Fifth?

Five minutes and forty-eight seconds.

What did Octavia Philarmonica do during these five minutes and forty-eight seconds, and after?

She opened the door, she shook a hoof, she said goodbye, she stood and watched, she breathed in the scents of the night air, she closed the door, she turned off the light, she went upstairs.

Was her journey upstairs successful?

Yes, even though she stubbed her hoof against the corner of the door as she ascended.

What did she blame herself for?

For turning off the light.

What nature did that action contain?

An automatic, sheerly economic nature.

Economic?

Yes, and economical.

In what way?

A bit saved is a bit earned.

Did she wake her marefriend up when she lay onto the bed next to her?

Yes, she did.

How could her dialogue with her marefriend best be described?

As one-sided: she replied to Vinyl’s inquiry about her day but did not ask how Vinyl’s day was.

Why didn’t she ask Vinyl how her day was?

Because she suspected that Vinyl had committed adultery.

Was she correct?

Define “correct.”

Was she correct that Vinyl Scratch, 29, birthplace Manehattan, born into a family of wealth and taste, shared the unmarital bed with another mare/stallion and committed sexual intercourse on May 25th of that year, Celestial era?

No.

Did she have any grounds for suspecting Vinyl?

Define “suspecting.”

Did she have any grounds to believe that Vinyl Scratch, 29, birthplace Manehattan, born into a family of wealth and taste, shared the unmarital bed with another mare/stallion and committed sexual intercourse on May 25th of that year, Celestial era?

Yes.

What grounds?

She knew that Vinyl Scratch had already shared the unmarital bed, as well as the unmarital table, and other beds, and other tables and other pieces of furniture with several other mares and stallions ever since they had started dating.

Had she ever confronted her?

Twice. Once, four years ago, when Vinyl Scratch had committed adultery with Neon Lights, and once, two years ago, when Vinyl Scratch had committed adultery with Lyra Heartstrings.

How did she feel when she finally closed her eyes and lay back in the warm, unmarital bed?

Like a salad-buyer; like a road-walker; like a music-listener; like a pony-observer; like an advertisement-helper; like a book-buyer; like a gin-drinker; like an orator; like an equine rights activist; like a noble; like a performer; like an artist; like a follower; like a saviour; like a leader; like an offeror; like a voice of reason; like a host; like a loner; like a hero.

What was the list of the feelings and emotions that generally followed her in her life?

Sadness, misery, upheaval, anger, fury, lust, thirst, must, trust, mirth, birth, hope, hopelessness, tranquillity, arrogance, boplicity, candidness, demureness, ennui, frankness, glee, hatred, impression, jealousy, killjoy, love, mortality, nearness, obstructiveness, predisposition, quarrelsomeness, risk, satisfaction, totality, ubiquitousness, valour and validity, worry and worldliness, expression and expulsion, viciousness and voraciousness, zeal and a sense of general incomprehension.

Why wasn’t happiness on the list?

Because she didn’t feel happy at the moment.

When didn’t she feel happy?

She never felt happy.

When did she feel sadness, misery, upheaval, anger, fury, lust, thirst, must, trust, mirth, birth, hope, hopelessness, tranquillity, arrogance, boplicity, candidness, demureness, ennui, frankness, glee, hatred, impression, jealousy, killjoy, love, mortality, nearness, obstructiveness, predisposition, quarrelsomeness, risk, satisfaction, totality, ubiquitousness, valour and validity, worry and worldliness, expression and expulsion, viciousness and voraciousness, zeal and a sense of general incomprehension?

On May 25th, of that year, Celestial era.

What was she doing on May 25th, of that year, Celestial era, at that precise moment?

She was falling asleep.

Why was she falling asleep at that precise moment?

She was weary. She had travelled. She was exhausted.

But where was she, the salad-buyer, the road-walker, the music-listener, the pony-observer, the advertisement-helper, the book-buyer, the gin-drinker, the orator, the equine rights activist, the noble, the performer, the artist, the follower, the saviour, the leader, the offeror, the voice of reason, the host, the loner, the hero, feeling sadness, misery, upheaval, anger, fury, lust, thirst, must, trust, mirth, birth, hope, hopelessness, tranquillity, arrogance, boplicity, candidness, demureness, ennui, frankness, glee, hatred, impression, jealousy, killjoy, love, mortality, nearness, obstructiveness, predisposition, quarrelsomeness, risk, satisfaction, totality, ubiquitousness, valour and validity, worry and worldliness, expression and expulsion, viciousness and voraciousness, zeal and a sense of general incomprehension, lying next to Vinyl Scratch, who had shared the unmarital bed, as well as the unmarital table, and other beds, and other tables and other pieces of furniture with several other mares and stallions ever since they had started dating, on May 25th, of that year, Celestial era, at that precise moment?

Right here:

•